A Love(lust) Story

   I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something tense going on last night.   Like something was about to happen, and how I handled it would be a watershed moment in a new relationship. Even mollie could tell something was strange, based on the nervous way she was wandering about the house.  I could not get her to calm down, and everytime someone came to the door she would bark.  Mollie almost never barks when I’m home, so it was giving me a little case of the nerves.

    I decided to lie down on the couch, and watch some TV.  I was taking my shoes off and the phone rang.  I answered, even though I didn’t recognize the number.  Usually, thats a no no. I generally have no desire to speak to people I don’t know, and never give my number out to strangers.  The call wasn’t important, but Roscoe took that opportunity to come over and give my ankle its evening hug.  Except this time the little pervert sank his teeth into my shinbone, and began humping my ankle like a 5 pound furry jackhammer.

    Needless to say I was stunned with the ferocity of his attack.  I’d heard the expression “fuck like bunnies,” but always assumed that had to do with their exceptional rate of procreation.  This wasn’t a ferocious form of hug either.  He was obviously humping, and a former girlfriend explained to me once that animals in the wild often bite the neck of the creature they are mating with.   Yeah, she was a bit of a freak. The teeny tiny hard rabbit penis was also a clue.

   Anyway, I peeled the furry little ankle raper off my leg, and flipped em onto the couch.  Roscoe started pacing, and occassionally stopped to place his front paws up on the couch and stare at my feet with that “yeah, I got me some of that” look.  disconcerting it was, but not scary or anything.  I’d never had my ankle violated before, but he is after all a fucking bunny, and can easily be transformed into glove linings and a bowl of stew.

     I reached up and turned off the lamp, the little lagomorph Lothario struck again.  This time he leapt onto the couch, and began ravaging my shin.  I snatched him off and placed him back on the floor.  Rabbits are not cats.  You can’t bounce them off the wall just because they deserve it.  Rabbits are fragile.  I don’t care how hopped up on honey nut cheerios and testosterone they are.  We repeated ths sequence three times before I’d had enough of his amorous advances.

    I rose from my perch on the couch, and did that which I have never done to him before.  I locked him in his cage.  Normally it is there for him to go crap in, and to eat and drink in.  I felt 4 sexual assaults we’re enough to warrant some form of incarceration (pretty much just like our judicial system in that regard).  I returned to the ocuch and spent the next hour listening to him stomp around his cage, and growl like some miniature bobcat or something.  Apparently horniness makes rabbits act rabid.

    I’m not sure what got into him.  Whether it was a full moon (again, former girlfriends have been affected much like Mr. Roscoe was acting by the phases of the moon), he was just randy, or if the yogurt treats I gave him work like an aphrodisiac.  What I do know is if that little shit whistles at me when I walk in the door his ass is staying in solitary confinement until hell freezes over.

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52 Responses to A Love(lust) Story

  1. amuirin says:

    Delightful.

    Thanks for the laugh.

  2. you wouldn’t say that if you came in on the “sex” tag

  3. Anita Marie says:

    You were SO right…I did like this thanks for the link. I can’t wait to share it over and over again…

    amm

  4. max says:

    “Roscoe started pacing, and occassionally stopped to place his front paws up on the couch and stare at my feet with that ‘yeah, I got me some of that’ look. ”

    Ah you were holding out there are more Roscoe stories.

  5. well gee max, i thought you knew…you just click the little older post tabs, dig through a voluminous pile of utter garbage, and you find the bunny story. *L*

  6. max says:

    This sounds familiar. Did we used to date?

  7. no, but i think i kicked that hippies ass once…or the other way around…my misspent youth is sort of a blur

    btw, thats just wrong. *L*

  8. max says:

    Oh well it is not the first time a guy has told me to click his old post and it will probably not be the last.

  9. wow…double entendre on my blog. i’m definitely running with a better class of people than the ron paul fans of a sudden

  10. max says:

    I can whistle Dixie too.

    [Okay not really but it sounds good and no one can prove I can’t so I am going with it.]

  11. my next blog shall be an expose on people who lie about being able to whistle dixie.

    after my burgeoning host of blog readers have read it at least 3 people will know.

  12. max says:

    Yes but I lie lots so even when I say I am lying, you have to ask yourself, which part was the lie part?

    I am crafty like that.

  13. so even this pic could be a lie? you could be a surprisingly clever, grotesquely overweight Albanian truck driver from DesMoines?

    gotta love the net, eh?

  14. max says:

    Wow I guess I could be. If so, I am going to have to have a little talk about all these fraudulent charges from the gyno guy. Wow is he in trouble.

  15. yeah, medicare fraud is becoming a real problem

    think about it.

    let it hit you.

    then you can hit me

  16. max says:

    Is that old people insurance?

  17. oh come on…that was good for me. i have a little trouble with subtle

  18. max says:

    You are like that guy in third grade who kept shooting me with rubber bands because he thought I was pretty, right?

  19. I don’t know. Did he torture small fur bearing creatures?

    we had inkwells when I went to school, and I’m pretty sure rubber wasn’t invented yet. I’ll ask jesus. He was in my homeroom

  20. max says:

    “we had inkwells when I went to school”

    Mother Superior says you go to Hell for whoppers like that. She says Hell capitalized just like that too you can hear the upper case H when she says it.

  21. mother superior was a harlot in guatemala during her missionary days

  22. max says:

    Wow. I bet you got smacked with a ruler a lot as a kid. I bet you still get smacked with a ruler a lot.

  23. I haven’t been smacked in years. people are like dogs…its not what you say its how you say it.

    sorry, that thought made me chuckle

  24. I think they may want to smack me a lot though.

  25. i’ve been doing a little reading. It turns out you’re a Writer, not a writer. I want you to know this gets you no special treatment hear. *L*

  26. max says:

    Yeah but I am cute and have feminine whiles and I bet that will.

    :::whistling:::

  27. ok, that got a huge laugh…good stuff. uh, I’m a brain guy..i like to count the wrinkles

  28. max says:

    My mother warned me about guys like you.

  29. wisdom is what makes moms great…the lack thereof is what makes children disobey.

    not that i’m saying, well, i’m just saying

  30. max says:

    Well she was talking about Republicans.

  31. you just called me that because vesuvias hasn’t erupted lately and you want a thrill. I’m not so easily baited..particularly by those more than a century younger than I

  32. max says:

    Oh just keep calling me a kid. Listen, Mister, I spank back.

  33. gee, you became testier over that than the medicare line….20 more posts orso and i’ll know how to get your goat

  34. max says:

    Wow. You are mapping me. That is kind of frisky.

  35. no…i just remember everything ever said to me…and i like to be ready to shuffle left when the sky falls

  36. max says:

    That is a dangerous ability.

  37. It’s a little wierd to because other than that I have CRS disease

  38. max says:

    Does that mean you have a computerized routing system or that you can’t remember sh…?

  39. that second one. It’s not really true I guess. My memory is good. I’ve just developed firewalls to keep most of it tucked way back in the psyche where it belongs. It’s funny, you write something, and it dredges up all these things you thought were gone.

  40. max says:

    I had a shockingly good memory before the police gassed the local Seattle population during the WTO riots. After that, there were odd blank spots. But it mostly works okay.

  41. yeah, civil disobedience has to be its own reward, because the cops are gonna make yuh pay

  42. max says:

    I was not being civil or disobedient, I just had to walk dogs, which is problematic when every building and street surface is layered in a thick film of pepper spray and Darth Vader commandos are storm trooping up and down streets at irregular intervals gassing people and demanding identification. It is a wonder the dogs or I had any brain cells left after that and the pepper spray lasted for weeks, everything smelled of it.

  43. wow, sounds like 1935 berlin. i remeber it going on..my question at the time was why Seattle? to get the reaction?

  44. max says:

    Probably very much like Berlin. Apparently the Seattle powers that be, anticipating crowd control issues, initiated German crowd control training in its police ranks. The result was not pretty.

    Say, I have to drag off and do some work. It has been fun playing.

  45. may you exude creativity…nice talking to you…you make me laugh

  46. uberfrau says:

    I am reminded of this guy at a party, who once tried to hump my foot. I am not sure what happened to him-but maybe he has reincarnated into your rabit.

  47. hi uber…did you kick him so hard it killed him?

  48. uberfrau says:

    something like that. I’ve found it hard to stop kicking people. I’ve been informed-that after a certain age-you’re supposed to toss your drink at them-so not as awesomely satisfying as the swift kick.

  49. check this, if someone is humping your leg I think tossing a liquid containing alcohol on them is only going to encourage them. I recommend sticking to the foot to the nads plan

  50. Sieffe says:

    Whiles? Feminine Whiles? Havent tasted them for a . . well, while!
    Don’t we mean wiles? Just a little?
    Down here in Noooo Zealand we have an awful lot of time on our hands . ..
    so we use it to correct spelling mistakes! Enjoy!

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