Has this happened to you?

   Nothing like  a friday at work.  It wasn’t excruciatingly hot, but it was moist.  Humid.  Go through 5 uniforms in an 8 hour day, wretchedly, odiferously, muggy.  It was also not to bad. I pulled off the perfect balance of renumeration/output, and managed to stir the proverbial pot.  There are few accomplishments quite as satisfying as ruining a day or three, and never letting on that you know what you’re doing.

    I’ll try and get you up to speed as briefly as possible.  We have an organizational structure that through the basic malady of promoting good workers as compared to good thinkers, and those good workers thinking they are good analyzers and planners, is incredilby top heavy. Each manager seems to have three asst. managers; each of them in charge of their own little corner of the aforementioned managers fiefdom.  I for instance have 4 managers that my burgeoning section reports through.  By burgeonig I mean me,  Until tomorrow.  when it will be me and my hireling. Bet I can talk them into making me the manager of my unit of 2.

    Anyway, all these managers of course believe that they will inevitably fill the only seat any of them feel is truly worthy of  their managerial talents; plant manager.  In order to become that, several of them would need divine intervention, and the others would all have to be perfect in their position.  That exalted chair is coming open soon, so the level of infighting, and territorial behaviour has become rampant.

   This is where yours truly steps in, cape flying in the breeze.  Keep In mind now, if work were a totem pole, I would be the fat little indian squatting at the bottom with a scowl on my face.  It’s a good place to be.  I have this project to start on monday.  i put the order in for whats needed to complete the first phase about 2 weeks ago.   Being aware that my manager was going to be on vacation I was exceedingly careful to ensure everything about this order was correct.  I then without them understanding that it was what I was doing managed to escort it through each phase of the order process.  first through one asst, then onto another assistant, and then even maaged to hang out while whatever the head guys title is.  i don’t even know  I have a shipping receiving manager, a purchasing manager, a scheduling supervisor, and a manager.  Then this guy.  Above manager.  Anyway, the above manager is a cranky sort, but i manage to engage his “excellence in brevity award winning” ass in conversation long enough for me to verify that the order made it out of our department exactly as I had written it.  He said something like “you may  leave the chambers of my exalted being at this time” as he hit the send key, and I wandered out knowing that once again the criminy factor had ensured a successful mission.

   It had, too.  up to the point it left my control.  I could possibly have rushed over to the next bosses office, but it was down a flight of stairs and into a second building, and I was winded.  You try to run between two buildings faster than a quarter of a MB of data can blip between 2 computers.  Granted they are not exactly experts with these funny little desktop tormenters, but I had managed it twice, and I really couldn’t come up with a reason to go by the third from the top bwana in the companies office, and wasn’t in the mood to rub someones feet while he was fed grapes by a concubine.

   He would ostensibly do his job to perfection, which was to read it, and click a couple of buttons and send it to purchasing.  Where of course it would be received by the relic that does that job; a fanatic for action novels, and capable of doing exemplary work while reading one.  Just ask him.

    My order arrived today.  It was close to right.  only wrong at a ratio of 4 to 1.  I took the P.O. to the above manager.  He grumbled, complained, bitched, and moaned, all under his breath and indistiguishable.  I stood quietly.  It’s best to stand quietly while great minds with pissy demeanors are ruminating.  I learned that back when I was one.

His input to the crisis was “go tell the purchasing manager to find out who $W^%$%& this up, and tell him to (redacted).”

Sure, no sweat.  I meandered over to there.  It was approaching lunch time, and my union meander was vsinglorious.  Arriving at this stellar leaders office, I was informed that it was Friday, and there was no way he could fix this in time to start the project.  I translated that to.  It’s friday, and I will flat be screwed up the anal orifice by a yak bfofre I will do one damn thing today.  He concluded that it was the shipping and receiving chiefs problem  He didn’t consult the usual 12 manuals to determine this. He knew he wasn’t doing shit today instinctually.  Thats good decision making right there.

   So I now toted my pathetic looking, droopy P.O. over to the shipping department.  It was heavy.  I slowed down.  it was still sweaty, but I was pushing lunch back farther and farther, which would make for a short afternoon.  It would also make the hoop that they had to jump through that much smaller to get my items here by monday.  My nefarious plot thickens. (twirls moustache)

    On the way there I ran into the goomba that I just didn’t have the stamina to run down and babysit on the day I placed my order.  I told him what was up, and he said if I couldn’t get it fixed bring it to him.  Chest was puffing out, and his head was trying to burst, but it set the stage, so I didn’t make any snide comments like…”yeah, getting it to you was a big help last time you reject from the idjit bin.”  I arrived at the shipping office.  here I was told, “you know, this isn’t really my purview.  Not my bailiwick.  Not my area of expertise.  you know its friday?  You’ll never get this by monday.”  For a record of what goes next read two paragraphs up.

   about here our heroes patience dries up.  I wander over to the one above the above managers office, and say.  “Ok, get this stuff.”  Now he and the one above the manager are in a turf war.  what I have just done is committed advancement suicide.  fortunately i want to advance like I want a wife.  Not so much.  I like what I’m doing, and don’t spend a lot, so I’m good.  which is a horrible situation for any company.  To Have an employee thats satisfied.  You just can’t get any leverage on me.  I can step out of line whenever I want, and about all you can do to me is fire me… Oh wait, union…not likely.

    the above the above manager smiles like the cat that ate the bird, and dismissed me imperiously from his presence.  He expressed the usual “I’ll get right on this” banality, and I scooched off to lunch.  At a decidedly laconic pace.  This is where the slow stroll came into play.  The above manager is off his ritalyn and can’t sit still.  I knew if I took my time we’d cross paths.  We did.  He asked me if it was taken care of.  I gave him that how the fuck would I know look, and he said “tell me.”  God i hate quotation marks.  Anyway I explained how I took care of the problem complete with proper ommissions of the dumbshit friday comments.  when I got to “so i gave it to the above the above manager”.  Watching the expression change from intensity to ice cold hatred was better than a no- rerun episode of The Family Guy.  You took it to who?  (insert ten minutes of vociferously rendered, incredibly unprofessional public ass chewing here that ends with the words “well, why didn’t you bring it to me?”    In an incredibly quiet and unperturbed manner the man who had just been reamed so dastardly and memorably While tuning him out and visualizing the hand stroking up and down motion in his mind replied “I did bring it to you. First. You said….”  I paused imperceptibally to give him time to interject “I KNOW WHAT I SAID.” Whereupon he stormed off to the one above the managers office.  The walls are thick, so I couldn’t here, but he stormed out exactly four minutes later with spittle flying and my P.O. clutched tightly in his about to have a coronary hands.

    I didn’t see the aftermath.  I did get my stuff five minutes before close.  The above manager wrote up  the shipping manager, the purchasing manager, and three heavy 3 heavy equipment  mechanics that did not bow and scrape quickly enough while he was pissed off.  I found the time to run into him again a couple of hours later (I can always find time when I’m on the clock) .  I apologized  in that same meek voice, and was informed that It had nothing to do with me.  I was trying to accomplish my “mission.”  Oh, I accomplished my mission.  I got entertained all afternoon, and I’m thinking probably made a couple of new fans. 

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8 Responses to Has this happened to you?

  1. Stranger says:

    Heh. Well played.

    Your fan base sounds like it’s growing.

  2. the hardest thing to control was the desire to spend the afternoon smiling. the jig would’ve been up

  3. Stranger says:

    Way to practice that self-restraint. I’m sure you smiled all the way home, though.

  4. by then the thrill had worn off. When I walk out the gate, other than a once every very seldom blog about it, I forget work.

  5. Stranger says:

    Moments like that one are to be savored.

  6. yeah, thats why i wrote it down…it will be a good memory when I’m in the unemployment line

  7. Stranger says:

    I wouldn’t worry about that. You have all your bases covered.

  8. its happened before…sometimes you just can’t be sly about it…the situation demands confrontation…and i always take it to far…lol

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