Ted would be proud. i used a biblicalish word. This kind of ties in with all the posts I’ve written about alli and health, ron paul and insanity….er….states rights and why he won’t happen, and my occassional semi-dull normal discourses on politcs and history. Ok, it probably won’t by the time I’m done here, but at least I pulled a good lie off in the first sentence. Thats good writing.
I’m not sure if its historically all that accurate, but I believe the funny little guys that talk to themselves and have incredibly boring symposiums have named a whole crap load of ages. The bronze age, the iron age, the latex age(sextoys we’re perfected here…good stuff) and so on. the only three I’m concerned with are the last three, which I’ve taken the liberty of naming quite creatively the transportation age, the communication age, and the information age. Now these all overlap and there is quite possibly no scientific way of stating that these are even real ages. It’s possible they all are, and someone else named them all way before me. It’s not plagiarizing because I haven’t read anything heavier than Calvin and Hobbes in about three decades. I just have to have names so I can whip out my conspiracy theory on how man in general has conspired to destroy everything, and how much fun I think its going to be.
authors note: i”m not generally a conspiracy theorist. In order to have a conspiracy you have to have a meeting of the minds between two or more individuals, and I’ve always been a little more than sceptical that you can randomly select two people that even have intellect.
So anyway, sometime back around the stone age the automobile was invented ( I don’t have a link. Watch the damn flintstones if you don’t believe me). Tiring of using manpower, and beasts of burden to mobilize our conveyances some dude came up with the internal combustion engine. ( Oh shut the hell up…i know I skipped several stages. I’m trying to keep this short and if you haven’t caught on yet I’m not exactly planning to seek peer review on this treatise).
Ok, yaddayaddayadda, and so on and so forth and we get massive pollution from all these gas guzzling monstrosities used to transport one tiny not really all that necessary piece of human excrement hither and yon. i’m back on track, lets go with it. So we got pollution, and we got rich folks who are making a gazoodle of money off destroying the atmosphere. I’m not really getting into a global warming thing here so if you turned off your favorite ultraliberal rant blog to read this take your al gore hugging ass back where you came from. Pollution, bad air…lets move on to communication.
this ones tougher because to give it any real play you have to cover such well known inventors and sodomites as al bell, sam morse etc. I’m not going to. I’m just going to point out the end result. We can criss cross the globe with our voices in nanoseconds linking anyone to anyone else quicker than a catholic nymphomaniac nun gets an orgasm from playing with her crucifix (woohoo….insulted the catholics…crosses it off my list). Now we all know each other and aren’t we a great big full of shit happy new world order. We got black berries and cellphones and pagers are already outdated, and tom tom’s (i dated suesue….not bad, but she kept telling me where to turn). shooot tomtom’s come next. I’m not moving it.
Bring on the information age. little cards that dump everything we do into massive computers in the basement of the state department. New technology that can rape every bit of info off the pictures we store online. Virtual reality becoming so real I can masturbate without touching myself. (I’d put another woohoo here, but I kind of enjoy the physical intimacy I bring to the table).
So, we now have an environment fast becoming so intolerable that we are only going to be able to spend moments a day outside without proper protection. By that I mean big reflective space man suits. A trip to the market will cause melanoma. Communication devices that can send almost any type of information we want anywhere, and information devices so complex and complete that we can take a trip to the Great wall of china without ever leaving the living room.
We’ve decided to destroy everything so we have a reason to stay home. so that we don’t have to interact. Well, not all of us. i think its all a right wing conspiracy.
We’re much easier to control if we can’t be outside, and in order to keep us in we need the means to communicate, and information to entertain. Virtual reality will replace the family vacation, and the blow up rubber love doll i have in the…..er well, it will be replaced by some 12million gigabyte hobag that would make a phillipino hooker blush.
Fucking republicans. Anything to keep us from screwing.
the link to the story about the photgraph comment. I find this perilously close to corporations overstepping their bounds, but I’m not all that fond of you tube either…thanks for the link amuirin.
I’m not sure what any of the above says. i gotta stop chasing my tequila with vicodin