Alli: my journey to thin

   Well, since I’m quite incapable of crossing a street without my peers pressuring me into it I came to try this little miracle pill later than most.  Meaning I wasn’t fighting off shamu and Dumbo the first night it was released.  I have to say though that it has made an incredible difference in my life, and I would love to share it with you.

Day 1.  I haven’t started taking it yet.  Instead I’m exercising like I’m training for the boston marathon.  I’ve already lost three pounds, but I’m not sure vomiting at the top of the hill I ran up counts.

Day2.  More exercise….more hurling.  I’ve changed my diet, cutting out the fatty foods, or rather limiting them to what is allowed in the recommended diet.   One cheese curl is harder than you think.  i’ve now lost five pounds

Day3.  I took the pill today.  I’ve gone through 4 sets of bottoms.  It was wise to buy a black T-shirt.  It goes with everything.  I have continued running and dancing and eating veggies. continuing to lose weight.

Day 4.  I’m now out of laundry.  I can’t get to the store because I have no pants, and the sight of my naked ass would definitely be considered lewd and indecent behaviour.  I also can’t run except to the bathroom.  No weight loss to report.

Day5.  The clothes issue has been resolved thanks to  my female boss who is going to fire me if I don’t get my pants shitting ass back to work.  The pantishields don’t bother me, but  the tampon lodged in my colon is going to be an issue.

Day6.  The tampon trick doesn’t work.  When it finally failed I shot it through the seam of a pair of blue jeans, the cubicle partition, and the plate glass window in her royal highnesses office.  She was not amused.  I have been terminated, and the cost of cleaning the oily rectal residue from the office will be remitted from my final check.  In an attempt to mitigate my despair I ate 7 double cheeseburgers and a quart of chocolate Haagen Daz.  Needless to say the technicolor explosion was a ghastly chore to clean up.  I can however now claim that all my undergarments are tie-dyed.  I gained back the weight I had lost, and now that I’m jobless I can’t afford anymore Alli.  Fortunately, I also can not afford food so I will get thin, just like the pharmaceutical folks claim


3 Responses to Alli: my journey to thin

  1. So it’s like Xenocal? Makes the fat you eat come back out unemulsified? A friend of mine was on those years ago. We took them before going to the Chinese buffet. It was an uncomfortable trip home.

  2. yep…i have a bunch of posts…hit the alli tag when you’re bored…it has a fairly funny “treatment effects” page

  3. lisa says:

    I took alli one time n I was on the subway when all of the sudden my black pant turn from black to soak through. my panty were ruined and the warm treatment effect was slowing dripping down my leg. i had to get off the train for fear of completely emptying my bowel in my pant.

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