1. Finally they listen It’s about time the terrorists went after the Scots. Everyone knows its those kilt wearing bastards that are making life unbearable for Islamist’s everywhere. (If you don’t know yet two asswits drove a flaming car into the Glasgow Airport)
2. I would gladly take my uber foot and stick it up the uber ass of the next uber nitwit that decides its uber cool to use the word uber in their blog.
3. I am not garrulous, acerbic, irascible, curmudgeonly, ornery, malicious, nor nefarious. I’m just a garden variety asshole trying to make my way in a world full of people that use to many big words.
4. Anything you use to excess will kill you. Just not as rapidly as you might like.
5. Dancing is a tactic used by men that can’t talk their way into a girls pants.
6. The best way to start an argument with your spouse/mate/significant other is to respond to something they say with the words “I don’t want to argue.”
7. If water had an alcohol content somewhere in the mid teens it would be far more palatable.
8. “yes dear” and “whatever you say dear” are the only two phrases a man needs to know to have a happy relationship. Teach him “no dear” and watch the shit hit the fan.
note: “you’re right, I’m wrong, I love you” would have been included in this post, but I’ve yet to meet the man that can say it without smirking.
10. Society would be a much kinder and gentler thing if punching someone in the mouth wasn’t against the law.