1. Doesn’t the latest terrorist failure in the British Isles make you wonder why it is that the mightiest nation on earth can’t whoop the Islamic version of the Keystone Cops?
2. I always loved story problems in math. This one shoud be on the SAT If you leave los Angeles driving east at 65 MPH and another car leaves new york driving west at 65 MPH, how many licks will it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
3. Barack Obama raised over $32 million dollars this quarter. Proving you don’t need experience to run for president. You just need a lot of stupid people with too much money to support you.
4. Republicans won’t reveal their figures until this week. Proving I suppose that The apple is faster than the abacus.
5. these don’t seem random enough
6. David Sedaris is the funniest homo to ever write a book. Is homo still allowed or do I have to say heterosexually challenged individual?
7. It’s unfortunate for Ron Paul that his supporters will not be allowed to vote hundreds of times in the primary. Thats made him all the rage on web-based polls. When the voting is real this guy won’t last through 5 states.
8. In an effort to start feeding the hungry in impoverished areas of the world I intend to start promoting the cat as a viable food source on I can Haz cheeseburger.
9. Hearing about Alli “treatment effects” senior management at Domino’s has begun a recruitment effort for the takers of this pill. I believe its a cost cutting measure. (don’t give me that look…I just got that off the wire…think it’ll change the taste of the pizza?)
10. china” has begun a crackdown on political leaders that have mistresses. Good plan. The intent is to raise morality. I bet it raises the divorce rate, and violence.
11. I wish they made an amnesia pill. I’d take it even if it made you crap your pants.
12. Roscoe can only see sideways. Bet that would make driving a real bear.
13. If your looking for work, The government in India is looking to hire a “condom Man.” I’m not sure if you have to be bald or not.
14. it takes 20 hours to build a camry. 10 hours of that is painting. It takes 164 hours to build a hummer for the military. no painting included.
15. if an ultra liberal and an ultra conservative had sex, what would the kid be? It couldn’t happen. Ultra liberals are all gay, and ultraconservatives don’t have sex. Them not procreating is a good thing for the rest of us. Kill off the “i’m to stupid to listen to reason gene,” maybe.
16. I found a website that claims to contain (I didn’t check) women in my area that wish to have sex. I’m not even going to get into the miracle of a midwestern woman that wants to have sex. I’d just like to point out that this used to be what alcohol and badlines were used for.
17. I just contemplated what my week at work is going to entail. It’s the only thought that ever makes me look lovingly at the strychnine bottle.
18. Based on what she licks my dogs favorite flavors are her butt and my chin.
19. Ever notice that men who have daughters look older than men of comparable age that don’t?
20. The world is an incredilby dangerous place. That said, you are still more likely to die falling down than from all violent means combined. I’m not sure how they score it if you fall down on a car bomb as you’re having your throat cut by a mugger.
21. Have a good week.