my favorite search engine hits

July 6, 2007

  That little box on the left on the dashboard is just full of insight into the things people look at on the web.  Anyone who reads here knows whats here, and  for the most part it is  run of the mill stuff.   The search engines manage to categorize things in such a way that it really doesn’t matter what you write about, you’ll get found by someone that doesn’t want to find you. Here’s my top ten “how the hell did you get here” search terms, in no particular order

1.  mother’s lust stories – this is wrong on so many levels that until I get my prescriptions refilled I can’t even contemplate it

2.  roman candle jousting – ok, I did talk about it, but someone aactually sat down and typed that in their browser?

3.  how mush waght can i lose – I know what they meant was “much weight,” but how the hell did the search engine know?  It’s a little creepy to me that they interpret mispelled words.

4. cigar birgins legend  – again i did say it, but  i spelled virgins correctly.

5.  i just want to die – random chance? or is criminy’s little house of pathos not recognized for its incredible wit and timeliness?  “hey mac, we got another death wish”  “send em to criminy’s…that oughtta do it”  another thing that concerns me is was this on page one, or am I #367,821 on the list and this tortured soul came here anyway?

6. hairstyles – its not funny.  It’s just strange.  I’ve never mentioned hair in my life.  i have only two styles…too long, and cut off.

7. dog sex rabbit – Roscoe is now famous, but which sick bastard searches for that?

8.  crapping pants voices – wonder if this was an alli fan, or just someone that knew verbal defecation was available somewhere on line, and hit the jackpot

9.  jesus christian religion – ahem…talk about disappointment.

10.  girls night out – what better to do than swing by criminy’s? the only one that makes any sense at all to me.

   I think i’m getting a lot of hits from perverts.   which seems a little bit odd because roscoe is the only one ever has sex here.

Indiana news…god we suck sometimes

July 6, 2007

just a few, because its way to dempressing.

A driver was killed today while fleeing from a wrecker that was chasing him in an effort to repossess his car.  Now, sure the schmo should pay his bills, and he shouldn’t consider a possession so dear that he would lose his life over it.  Isn’t it wrong on some level though for a corporation to send out mercenaries to chase people on oour roads in an effort to regain “stuff?”   The report did not say charges would be filed against the wrecker driver.  Apparently repo men now have police authority.

   a man is going to trial for the beating death of his two year old daughter.  Thats it.  Lots of blah blah blah, but how do you beat to death a two year? what in the world goes on in your head to kill something that helpless for crying?  If you have a comment that begins with i can see how….please don’t post it.

   a 30 year old woman was sentenced to 2 years confinement for having sex with two teen boys.  It’s apparently not sexual predation when the yourth is a boy and the predator is a woman.

a chow attacked a 7 year old girl.  She apparently lost part of her arm and suffered head injuries.  The owner agreed to let the dog be euthanized.  What a sport.  They should euthanize his ass.  If you can’t control your pets you shouldn’t have them, and if they harm someone you should pay the price.

property taxes went up an average of 24%.  This after a promise that the stadium and consolidation of city services would not cause an increase.   Oh yeah, elect Ron Paul so these asswits have more power.

thats the local news.  I’d source it out but i got it off the radio.  you can check out wthr-13.  They may have more on these wonderfully uplifting human interest stories

well, bring on the dancing bears

July 6, 2007

   I’m wandering around trying to find worthless garbage masquerading as information.  I just found this quack.  He’s trying to tell women what their husbands celebrity crushes mean.  He goes way out on a limb (sarcasm) for these babies.  I think he also whacks his baloney pony to some of these gals, highbrow Dr. type or no.

hey, gee whiz wally, people think the income gap is to wide.  No way, beav.  Eddie was just funnin yuh.  No really wally, even people making over $80,000 a year say so 2 to 1.  Wow, beav.  This is news?  I guess the interesting part is 2/3rds say the government should fix it, and 2/3rds say the government should stay out of it.  Waits 7 minutes for my readers to do the math.  I think this poll was conducted by Ron Pauls bloggers.;_ylt=ApS0yugPwptVfcWFE.b0jmgL1vAI

A recent study shows women use only slightly more words than men.  another battle of the sexes stereotype bites the dust, but does it really matter?  What is called an “urban legend” has women using 3 times as many words as men.  I think the new study is inaccurate, and I have almost incontrevertible evidence.  They used me in the study.  Had this not occurred the study would have found numbers in the normal range.    What I want is a study that shows who listens more.  That bad boy would provoke some controversy.  One final note on this.  I’ll believe it when misterpiece does the study and not until.

I can always count on foxnews to blow it out of proportion.  So its Al Gore’s kids second arrest for drugs.  So he was driving 100 mph on the freeway.  Crap happens.  First, like big Al says, its a private matter.  I think in keeping with the spirit of this we should drop the conversation about drug use and politics.  i for one think a ton of peyote buds would do a world of good on capital hill.  Secondly, give me a name of someone that doesn’t drive 100 miles an hour on a southern california freeway.  I’ve never seen a pterodactyl, and I’ve never seen one of those either.,2933,288134,00.html

CNN, in keeping with its policy of carrying only the most important stories manages to make a pretty good case for why J.K.Rowlings may kill off harry potter.  I can see it happening.  It’s either that or continue his slow decline into metrosexuality, and what kind of a witch gets a mani/pedi and dresses fastidiously?  Actually, I’m for a gay witch trilogy to follow the currently scheduled 487 Harry Potter movies.

ok, now for some hard news.

Dick Cheney strained his lower lumbar vertebrae while trying to remove Nancy Pelosi’s front clasp bra from behind.  Dick claimed the weight was just to much for him.  In a related story, tile had to be replaced in Nancy Pelosi’s office this morning after “something heavy” fell to the floor and shattered the tile.  Her secretary was heard whispering to a janitor “I swear to god…they must be 46 longs.”

   Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh perished today in a tragic kayak accident in Northern Alaska.  The two were sponsoring a Conservative gay pride Kayak race, with money raised going to the Association to Raise Awareness Movement(ASSRAM) a conservative organization working to bring Christian Coalition members out of the closet.  The bodies were not recovered.  In a related stories (criminy news almost always has related stories) A local Inuit tribe is having a whale blubber raffle.  It’s not clear where the blubber comes from as whale hunting is out of season.

David Duke and Wolf Blitzer kissed and made up after the fiasco on CNN.  David Duke said he didn’t hate jews, and had several recipes that required them.  Wolf said he would bend over and lick David Duke between the cheeks if his bosses said so.  Basically, niether changed the position they held prior to their confrontation.

   In a shocking turn of events Ann Coulter switched her party allegiance today, and is now calling herself Queen Libby.  Apparently she has fallen stark raving bonkers for Rosie O’donnell, and can’t stop gushing as only Ann can about their impending nuptials, and their plans to have a love child.  When asked about this news, Rosie O’donnell replied “blah blah blah yakkity yakkity yakkity blah blah blah and blah.”  (not a paraphrase.)

checks the wire….yeah, there’s some other stuff, but we’ll save it for another day.  The nice thing about my news is it works anytime.

oh…the bears…some spank monkey decided that grizzly bears are to dangerous for the idiot tourists that are invading their space so they’ve started painting them fluorescent  colors…its along the russian river in alaska…look it up yourself