my favorite search engine hits

  That little box on the left on the dashboard is just full of insight into the things people look at on the web.  Anyone who reads here knows whats here, and  for the most part it is  run of the mill stuff.   The search engines manage to categorize things in such a way that it really doesn’t matter what you write about, you’ll get found by someone that doesn’t want to find you. Here’s my top ten “how the hell did you get here” search terms, in no particular order

1.  mother’s lust stories – this is wrong on so many levels that until I get my prescriptions refilled I can’t even contemplate it

2.  roman candle jousting – ok, I did talk about it, but someone aactually sat down and typed that in their browser?

3.  how mush waght can i lose – I know what they meant was “much weight,” but how the hell did the search engine know?  It’s a little creepy to me that they interpret mispelled words.

4. cigar birgins legend  – again i did say it, but  i spelled virgins correctly.

5.  i just want to die – random chance? or is criminy’s little house of pathos not recognized for its incredible wit and timeliness?  “hey mac, we got another death wish”  “send em to criminy’s…that oughtta do it”  another thing that concerns me is was this on page one, or am I #367,821 on the list and this tortured soul came here anyway?

6. hairstyles – its not funny.  It’s just strange.  I’ve never mentioned hair in my life.  i have only two styles…too long, and cut off.

7. dog sex rabbit – Roscoe is now famous, but which sick bastard searches for that?

8.  crapping pants voices – wonder if this was an alli fan, or just someone that knew verbal defecation was available somewhere on line, and hit the jackpot

9.  jesus christian religion – ahem…talk about disappointment.

10.  girls night out – what better to do than swing by criminy’s? the only one that makes any sense at all to me.

   I think i’m getting a lot of hits from perverts.   which seems a little bit odd because roscoe is the only one ever has sex here.

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12 Responses to my favorite search engine hits

  1. That’s so strange, Crim. I found you when I did a web search for Flaming Penguin Javelin Tossing. Of course, I was disappointed when I discovered that your blog covered neither flaming penguins nor javelin tossing. However, you did have mention of Ron Paul, which prompted me to give you a closer look. (Sorry that I poked you in the eye with my binoculars. I guess my look was a little too close.) Then when I read some of your other stuff, I said to myself, “Hey, this guy is good. His punctuation sucks and he’s unapologetic about it, but it’s good, anyway.” At that point, my submission secondary personality (the one who wants Hilary to win the Presidency) said, “Don’t trust him. I sense conservativeness within him.” but my third alternate persona (the one who has a poster of a naked Rupert Murdoch in his closet) said, “Doesn’t matter how his thinking leans, does it? He made you laugh and that’s all that counts.”

  2. you didn’t find my post “tossing flaming javelns at penguins? I would gladly pay tomorrows wages to see the rupert murdoch poster. I have never experienced bulimia, but i have slammed a quart of tequila, and i’m feeling a little nostalgic for an all week retch fest

  3. Hey, don’t knock the Murd until you’ve seen him in all his glory. (By the way, his take on the news isn’t the only thing that’s slanted…) – Richard

  4. yeah, i had heard martha stewart bitch slapped him and broke his nose.

  5. mdvp says:

    Everyone else has all the fun… hate mail, death threats, interesting spam (so far most of what I get is some herbal supplement crap) and now perverted searches. God, the people who read my blog are too normal. Except the one guy I just got.

    I’ll ignore the previous Rupert Murdoch comments for now.

  6. i’ve been getting a lot of loan offers for cars, from folks with muslim names…other than that my spam is usually pretty ordinary…the occassional hatemail from someone i’ve blocked, some basic smut, the occassional offer to buy teeneaged fillipino brides for cheap…just common garbage.

  7. mdvp says:

    Well, I get it from everywhere, but the Herbal Supplemment people are the only ones who like me enough to keep coming back. A lot of porn too, but I think that several of them are competing (nothing good… mostly involving horses.) My most interesting serach engine terms recently are “fourth of july flags fireworks anything” which could have just been a very indecisive person who wanted to read stuff about the 4th of July and “Pyongyang Pussyfooting” which I haven’t quite figured out yet.

  8. i jsut got three viagra, cialis, viagra…i hope this isn’t some sort of wierd sick divine intervention.

  9. mdvp says:

    Well, at least its real, right? I have a ‘cheap generic cialis” one. And I hope the lunesta guy didn’t take the time to type that all up for nothing. Nothing to do with Iran or North Korea, but still, it’s impressive. And I got two people who have the “best link for you”, I wonder which is the best… And then there’s the people with the fake websites who don’t seem to be advertising anything at all but post ‘kuioywvt’… what a waste of spam.

  10. i like the ones that start…”sorry about this, but…if you were sorry you wouldn’t be doing it shitheel.

  11. mdvp says:

    Really? All of mine are unapologetic. Most recent just came out and ordered me to “Visit the following website or their respective links for health products:”

  12. nervy bastards, aren’t they. the only ones that apolgize are female names…i wonder if someone should do a study

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