Dear Ron Paul

  I thought you might like a list of things you can do with $2.4 million dollars.

1.  You can buy a shoe factory in Addis Ababa, and use slave labor to make $150.00 tennis shoes for American kids who don’t need them.

2. you can put a geothermal system in your home, buy every member of your family a hybrid car, and still have enough left over to get a cup of coffee at starbucks.

3.   you can get your rabbit fixed 72,000 times.  Sorry, I let personal vindictiveness get involved on that one.

4.  you can donate it to your 1 million potential blog fans, thereby tripling their annual income.

5.  you can give it to an offshore oil development company, and quit voting for my tax dollars to be used for these purposes.

6.  you could fund an abortion clinic.  It is a right, and you are Mr. Constitution, whether you vote that way or not.

7.  you could buy 1.2 million naked Rupert Murdoch posters from a guy I happen to know has a surplus of same.

8.  you could feed 100,000 starving children for a year.

9.  You can buy 80.000 dogs hate Bush t-shirts

10.  You could afford to buy 4 adds thanking all your contributors for their support and run it 10 times across the country.

What you can not do with it is be competitve in the race for the white house.  Sorry.  That takes real money.

the day in pictures ( a roscoe the wonder bunny adventure)

actually, if a picture paints a thousand words, lets call this half a picture.  The morning was a strange one.  roughly 32 minutes after my eyes open, the scene before me registered somewhere in the catatonic recesses of my brain.  My dog was sitting on the coffee table, and slowly spinning in a circle, whilst looking over the edge with a smile of trepidation.  Yes, I said trepidation, and I know it usually doesn’t come with an accompanying smile.  Mollie only has one expression, and its “smile.”

I’m virtually certain what awakened me was the sound of her toenails, which need clipping, tapping out a rhythmic beat on the hardwood of the octagonal table.  Shortly after the visuals registered, I also heard the light thumping sound that a rabbits ass makes as it lands on a carpeted floor, repeating itself over and over in an almost dirgelike cadence.  I immediately checked to ensure none of my appendages were reachable, and then contemplated the situation.  I don’t own a gun, and strangling a sexually deviant bunny didn’t seem like a good way to start the day. Since bunnycide was out I was in a bit of a pickle.  I had just about decided to sacrifice my ankle so that mollie could escape when it occurred to me that if I stepped on the table, grabbed mollie, then leapt to the chair; I could quite possibly make the leap into the kitchen.

    The kitchen is our Mecca when Roscoe goes catting as it were.  He is not overly affectionate with the idea of walking on tile, and this predeliction to avoid slick surfaces has more than once saved the mooch and I from trauma’s far to terrible to ponder.  I checked to ensure all the blinds were drawn.  I sleep commando extremus, and scaring the neighbor lady wasn’t on the days agenda either.  I had to get to work, and the worlds most intolerable pets were already making me late.  Without taking time to consider the visual I performed the afrementioned semi-acrobatic maneuver.

   It didn’t work.  Well, it did, no one was injured, and whether the dog was traumatized by what must have seemed to be an attack by an  insane naked guy I have yet to learn.  Unfortunately Roscoe’s raging hormones overcame the deterrance value of the tile, and I and Mollie were forced to lock ourselves in the bathrooom while Roscoe grunted out in the hall.  I’m not sure why we locked the door.  Roscoe can’t reach.  Maybe to many horror movies.

    If I slept with shoes on this would have gone differently.  i have no problem with rabbit penis being humped against my shoe, but at 5:30 in the a.m. I don’t want it scootching on my bare foot.  Anyway, I leapt into the shower, and then did the hair, teeth, and shave thing.  Poor mollie looked like a drowned rat when I finally decided we either got out of the steambath or I was going to have to call in sick to work.

   My dilemma continued.  I was still dressed quite scantily in a friggin towel, and no others.   My brain, still functioning at its nocturnal rate of 1 thought every 8 hours tripped to an idea.  I edged the door open  and tossed the towel on f@#kface….er….Roscoe.  Sorry.  His nonsense is starting to get under my skin.  Shoving the door open I swaddled his grunting and kicking furry little ass in the towel, and hustled him out into his own personal purgatory.

finally locked away, i managed to feed mollie get dressed and make it to work on time.  The rest of the day was hot long and hard…sorta like Roscoe I reckon.  Anticlimatic as hell though.  When I arrived home Roscoe was sleeping, and Mollie was sitting on the coffee table. I think she likes it.  One more bad habit to live with.

the anti-Ron Paul conspiracy

   Well, it finally happened.  You managed to get me irritated enough to go look around and see what I could make of the whole “ignore ron” myth.  It is.  A myth I mean, smart one.  I’ll grant that he isn’t front page news on every news site, but neither are the candidates ranked 3 or 4 above him either.

   I’ll try to type slowly so you can keep up.  Major news organizations are almost all publically held companies that have a responsibility to their share holders.  The way they live up to this responsibility is to report the things people wish to hear about.  Are you with me so far? good.  Sit still, you’re very distracting.  So if say, Paris Hilton’s phone number is given to some unsuspecting college student, and Ron Paul comes up with a cure for the common cold, you will just have to understand that Paris’s old phone number is more newsworthy, and therefore more important.

    What I recommend to you then is this.  Will you all please take your hands off the safeties of your Uzi’s?  Thank you.  What you can do since you are Ron Paul followers, and as such very adept at manipulating your trigger happy fingers across a keyboard, is go to one of the major News sites.  On the home page there will be a rectangular box (iIknow this because I went and checked so that I could ABC this for you) where you can type in what you wish to search for.  When you have finished typing in Charlton Heston, Ruby Ridge, and Waco, enter Ron Paul’s name in the little box.  Thats R-o-n P-a-u-l. No you don’t have to capitalize, I was just being anal.

   Once you have placed his name in the little box click on the little square box to the right of the rectangular box.  A list will magically appear in front of you.  No, its not like Harry Houdini, it’s more like Bullwinkle Moose.  The paragraphs that you see before you will either talk about Ron Paul or about Ron johnson and Paul Martin.  I only had this problem on MSNBC.  the rest were all Ron Paul.  just click on the underlined words and again you will magically see a story appear.  Yes, its still a story even though it doesn’t begin “once upon a time.”  My favorite was Ron Paul one of only two congressman to vote against money to try civil rights cases.  Stop your cheering.

 Do we have any questions.  Good.  Then quit your damn whining and go read.  Yes, its okay to move your lips and sound out large words.

   Incidentally, CNN says he only raised about 1.5 million projected for the quarter.  They’ve dropped him down the toilet folks.

my impending demise

    I wasn’t bored, merely inquisitive.  what a huge mistake that was.  I now know things I have no desire to know.  I just went to  deathclock.com. what a rousing mistake that was.  I now know i have only 690,000,000 seconds to live.  If you want to know what year that is so you can plan some festivities you can just break out the abacus and figure it out on your own.

   time to make a list of things I can accomplish in 690,000,000 seconds I guess.

I don’t know what to call it, but it ends abruptly

    I like the stupid internet.  It makes things easier, and when you don’t have an overabundance of time easier is better.  If you don’t believe me move to an area that has 4 seasons, and see how much harder winter is than the rest.  Even mundane tasks like starting the car can become insurmountable obstacles.  It’s also, as entertainment values go, at least as good a deal as a hooker down on washington and oriental.  Not the high dollar ones maybe, but the meth-fest types the truck drivers like.

   There are of course several things I don’t do.  I can no longer include pics because i did a pic.  i think its the last, unless i can catch roscoe in full roar having his way with a rump roast or something.  That might get posted.  I don’t youtube.  Not for any specific reason, other than it gives me great pleasure to avoid socially iconic fads.  The youtube of today will be something else tomorrow because technowonks need it better.  I’m waiting for the ultimate site.  I don’t know what it’ll be called, but omnipotenttube is just dumb so i hope they avoid it.

    I do seek to broaden my horizons.  I remember seeing Romeo and Juliet when I was young, and thinking geez, with a little sex they could make a movie out of this.  Wrong take on Shakespeare maybe, so I took a look.  Anything he ever wrote can be read online for zero dinero.  What a treat that is.  I read I think three things “a midsummer nights dream, Hamlet, and Othello.  I also read about a dozen sonnets.  I learned that I was wrong.  Sex could in no way fix the works of this master playwright, poet, and author.  Drawing and quartering at a very young age would have saved me a couple of hours worth of wherefores and harks and such.  I despise his work.  Not with any passion.  With the same disdain that I would apply toward catshit I stepped in.  I know, y’all love him.  thats whats great about the net.  You can find it if you like it, and if you don’t know  whether you do or not you can check it out for zip, bubkus, nada.

   I also like to check out all of the new techno gadgets I will never want, need or own.  they’re cool to look at, and you can keep yourself up nights with your head covered up when you think of all the horrible shit these people could be doing with the abilities they have at their disposal.

   and look at all the people.  I meet people here i would never meet in my daily life.  I work at a place yanked out of cannery row, and the people on my block are a mixture of one flew over the cuckoo’s nest, and get shorty; with a distinct Deliverance flavor thrown in.  It has long been my opinion that its better to be hated by people you don’t know and this is a greeat place for that too.  I occassionally read about me, laugh like hell, and return to my regularly scheduled programming.

Which isn’t ALWAYS porn.  108,000,000 sites for it listed on google, and while many of those are probably like my search engine results, you would still be long dead before you could ever click on all of them.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m a big fan of the female form.  But you can also type in erotica, and get 28,000,000 options.  They would be tossing dirt on my dessicated husk long before I ever got to 10,000,000.  in other words…its here…whatever you like…in massive quantities.

did i mention the people? holy cow.  I shant (stolen from shakespeare, the worthless fuck) even mention the ones I think should be drowned in the shallow end of the gene pool from whence( yeah, got him again) they came.  They all know who they are, and you don’t want to know them anyway.  Besides, you might like some of them and then you might be offended enough to cyberwhip my ass (another distinct benefit right there).  There are quite a few good ones.  Funny ones, creative ones, wierd ones, serious ones…anything you like its here.

    this is boring the shit out of me, but I’m gonna post it anyway.  Gonna stop right here in the middle.  Know why? Its the net.  So I can, and you can’t stop me.  You also can’t get me to youtube, myspace or buy an apple.  Autonomy rocks.