Dear Ron Paul

  I thought you might like a list of things you can do with $2.4 million dollars.

1.  You can buy a shoe factory in Addis Ababa, and use slave labor to make $150.00 tennis shoes for American kids who don’t need them.

2. you can put a geothermal system in your home, buy every member of your family a hybrid car, and still have enough left over to get a cup of coffee at starbucks.

3.   you can get your rabbit fixed 72,000 times.  Sorry, I let personal vindictiveness get involved on that one.

4.  you can donate it to your 1 million potential blog fans, thereby tripling their annual income.

5.  you can give it to an offshore oil development company, and quit voting for my tax dollars to be used for these purposes.

6.  you could fund an abortion clinic.  It is a right, and you are Mr. Constitution, whether you vote that way or not.

7.  you could buy 1.2 million naked Rupert Murdoch posters from a guy I happen to know has a surplus of same.

8.  you could feed 100,000 starving children for a year.

9.  You can buy 80.000 dogs hate Bush t-shirts

10.  You could afford to buy 4 adds thanking all your contributors for their support and run it 10 times across the country.

What you can not do with it is be competitve in the race for the white house.  Sorry.  That takes real money.

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28 Responses to Dear Ron Paul

  1. Okay, now you’ve pushed me too far. You don’t think that Ron Paul stands a chance with only two point four million dollars? That shows how little you know. All he needs to do is go on the internet, muster his troops, and send us — I mean, them — to go door-to-door, targeting older people, preferably ones who existed back in the 60s. Convince them that Ron Paul is actually Pat Paulsen and tell them that he’s running for President again. This time, they’ll be ready to vote him in and Ron will win by a landslide.

  2. you missed it by “that much” he looks like henry gibson so I’m trying to round up pothead militiamen that used to watch the Laugh-In. Thats his base right there thar.

  3. Oh, wow. A Don Adams reference, too. I’m pretty sure that Max Adams is related to him.

  4. I’m old…i try to limit my references to things i think others might have heard of. what good is a damn fine memory if everyone is so young they have no clue what you’re talking about?

  5. Hey, did you really hang out with Orville and Wilbur back when they came up with that crazy idea about flying?

  6. naw, that was a descendant. I taught Jesus. i used to live in galilee, but had to move. Their was this thing with a carpenters wife, and I got him drunk and told him it was a miracle. I figured I’d better get out of town before he realized immaculate conception was a little far fetched

  7. Buckwheat says:

    Criminy J:

    Paul is going to win. The enthusiasm and exposure he’s getting from growing legions of self-organizing, self-coordinating, tech savvy, highly motivated supporters is worth more than Rudy’s $15 mil.

  8. i disagree buckwheat. His shadow army can’t vote but once each, and they apparently can’t afford to donate.

    thanks for coming by

  9. Crim, do me a favor, if you wind up in the eternal flames before me, remind Satan that part of the deal with selling my soul was that I was going to be Supreme Ruler of the Universe. Obviously, that’s not going to happen once Ron Paul wins.

  10. first off, when i go to hell, satan shall ask me what to do next. i shall tell him to prepare a room full of homosexual dwarves with amazing appendages to administer to dear richard when he arrives.

  11. You know, man, for a bunch of grapes, you’ve got a mean streak.

  12. sniffles…thats the nicest thing anyones ever said to me. sniffles

  13. tsoldrin says:

    Dear dude who likes to use the ‘Ron Paul’ meme to gather readers to your blog. Please note that if you actually were funny, intelligent or even relevant and made some effort to create real content, then you wouldn’t have to stoop to tricking random people into coming here with tags but would have a core base of regular readers.

  14. max says:

    “9. You can buy 80.000 dogs hate Bush t-shirts”

    Lucky for me I had just swallowed the Coca Cola in my mouth before I hit number 9.

    You crack me up.

  15. tsoldrin: you said blah blah blah, and i heard “geez, I don’t like what he said about wilbur the loser i like. Not everything you read about ron paul will be wrong. Sometimes you’ll read me.

  16. mdvp says:

    “remind Satan that part of the deal with selling my soul was that I was going to be Supreme Ruler of the Universe. Obviously, that’s not going to happen once Ron Paul wins.”

    Ron Paul has a better Satanist lawyer than you. You’ll need a lot more human sacrifices before you get to Supreme Ruler of the Universe.

    And criminy… very good this time. I was almost enraged by 6 and 7.

  17. damn….I love a good screen spew Max. Better luck next time. *s*

  18. mdvp says:

    Boo hoo, there are some unpossesed people who don’t fawn over Ron Paul… oops, I mean DR. Ron Paul, boo hoo.

  19. thanks mdvp…being eminently unreadable I have to try harder. *s*

  20. tsoldrin wasn’t tricked here, mdvp. he is an occassional masochist that has been here several times in the past.

  21. mdvp says:

    I’m sure that he’s very funny, intelligent, relevant, and not at all paranoid.

  22. he’s got a nice site over at blogspot as long as you like typical hackery. i like outside the lines myself.

  23. Buckwheat says:

    No problem, criminy. I enjoyed my visit here and can see that it’s a blog dedicated to rational analysis. I will be back!

  24. yes buck, when its not dedicated to scatalogical nonsense. thank you

  25. 4. you can donate it to your 1 million potential blog fans, thereby tripling their annual income.

    Well, maybe us bloggers aren’t making the moolah, but there are successful libertarians.

    For example, Peter Thiel, cofounder of PayPal, worth about fifty million, and John Mackey, founder of Whole Foods Market, CEO of a company with $5.7 billion annual sales (though technically his salary is only $1 a year, so you’d be right on the money there).

    Anyhow, unlike neocons, who often seem to get their jobs through connections of mummy and duddy (see Bush, George W.), there are a lot of libertarians who have made their fortunes in the real world through hard work and intelligence.

    In the above cases, their productive efforts didn’t involve slave labor in Addis Ababa, or hiring illegal immigrants from Mexico to work without legal protection (see Bush, George W.).

  26. hello joe. other than, 5,6, and 9, they were pretty much tongue in cheek. The point was, his campaign donations aren’t going to get it done in the ge of $100 million dollar campaigns, andthe subplot was voting in online polls several hundred times a day will not win an election.

    thanks for stopping in

  27. mdvp says:

    6 was not tounge in cheek? That’s an argument for another time, I guess.

  28. nope. it was factual based on current law. never having had an abortion, and never expecting to sort of keeps me on the sidelines for this issue. His libertarian myth is merely exposed by his stance on this issue, and i like to throw it on The Ronite’s time to time

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