1.Nothing will end a relationship quicker than talking about the relationship.
2,I talk to inanimate objects. Half of the people that just thought “what a doofus” talk to plants, gold fish, and their spouses.
3. look, fishtracks
4. I’m older, wiser, and meaner than you. Yeah, you have more stuff. you win
5. text messaging is not the root of all evil, but it is the weapon of choice of idiots and knaves
6. 70 congesspersons are women, 16 senators are women, about 50 percent of the population is made up of women. The problem isn’t gone yet.
8. everyone is dysfunctional but me…I am datfunctional
9. i want world peace, and end to starvation and a cigarette. Some of your goals should always be attainable.
10. I’m not nearly as impressed with the new 7 wonders as I was with the old ones. Do you think thats because of online voting, or because 6 of the old 7 no longer exist?
11. the internet is not making us dumber. It just gives more dumb people access. (more on this one later)
12. Jimmy Stewart, Idi Amin Dada, and Toulouse Lautrec’ three people i would not invite to dinner
13. you can’t gargle with a ping pong ball in your mouth. (just to see if i get any search engine hits on this)
14. if brains were made of cotton I know a lot of people that wouldn’t have enough cotton to make a tampon for a termite.
15. if everyone said what they thought I’d go to church on Sundays.
16. If I could bring myself to believe in creationism it would be a lot easier to understand why the world is so messed up. Was god in a union? was there a deadline? He could’ve spent several millenia just on free thought.
17. I am stuck on bandaids, because bandaids stuck on me. (random isn’t always that much fun is it?)
18. putrescence, sarcastic, and insipid….that covers congress for this week
19. facetious, abstemious, and aerious. three words that prove there are not just two words in the english language with all five vowels in their proper order
20. nothing is ever as it seems, and everything seems different to everyone. Add to that there is no hard “truth” outside of mathematics, and you can pretty well assume that whatever someone else is saying isn’t true for you.
21. not tonight, i have a headache. (see what i mean)