the term is blithering idiots

July 12, 2007

  and i have spent my day inundated with them.  A veritable cornucopia of nitwits, knaves, and thieves is what I have spent my day with.

so I came here.  It should be so much better.

What did Uncle Sam do for you this week?  Well, for whatever reason he thinks he did $427.00 worth for me.  I’m trying to calculate what that is.  There wasn’t a quarter pound of decent bud in the mailbox from congress, and I know those burnouts get the good stuff.  George didn’t send me tickets to see cirque du soleil and a gift card for Ruth chris.  The roads suck, the schools suck, the health care sucks, and anything the government touches sucks so what the hell are they doing with my money?  I didn’t include the state, the medicare, the local, or any of the other gimmee your moneys, just the federal.  It’s hard not to want Ron Paul for president to be honest.  Just for the alleged tax decrease.

then I went to the bank.  What is in the mind of young women?  Do they really think flirting with someone old enough to be their dad is professional behaviour?  And why the hell do they try to count when they lack a talent for the art, and the damn number comes right up on their little cash register anyway?  Here’s a tip to CSR’s.  Be polite.  Do your job.  Shut the hell up.  I’m not interested in anything you have to say.  If I want conversation I’ll wander over to O’malley’s and buy a round.

   Bills bills  bills.  I really don’t mind this.  I do it every couple of months whether they send a reminder or not. I don’t have any truly extraneous ones, except of course  from rentasasquatch.com.  As sex toys go they aren’t bad, and they make a decent maid if you don’t want fine detail work accomplished. 

The dumb kid question of the day: Dad, can I have $200.00?  the dumb dad question of the day “for what?”   “I need some shoes”     “No”  The reason my question was dumb is because unless he found a way to stop world hunger with $200.00 he wasn’t getting it.  He has set a new standard in lazy this summer, and I’m a little worn with it.  Hookers and politicians show more ambition to work than this child that thinks he’s a man.  His excuse is a good one.  “I don’t want to work. I’m 17.  It’s my last summer off.”  I’d fall for it, but if i do he’ll end up saying “I’m 27, it’s my last summer off” someday.

    Roscoe pulled an okie doke on me.  I couldn’t find him when I got home.  My first thought was “oh no, my porn.”  Er, erotica.  Then I remembered its online, and i went phew.  Then I started looking.  I checked the places I hoped he’d be first.  He wasn’t on a plate on the table with greens, he wasn’t in the freezer, and he wasn’t in a pan on the stove.  Hopes dashed, I continued to seek the furbag for about 20 minutes.  When I left this morning I hung the towel on the hook on the bathroom door as always.  Gravity, as always dashed my wishes, and Roscoe decided under that towel was a great place for a nice quiet nap.  He has to nap during the day.  If he doesn’t he will fail to wake me up every hour on the hour just to see what’s up.  At least I hope thats why he slams his head into my resting place.  He could be testing the structural integrity.  One of these days it will collapse and i will become a love toy for a lagomorph.

The neighbor.  I despise him like I despise sweaty testicles, pauliacs, and chihuahua’s.  His ignorant bald  lazy ass has something to say everytime I drive up.  Today it was your dog was barking with a scowl on his face, and an insolent tone in his voice.  I finally decided to hell with it.  I walked around the fence and I proceeded to beat the holy living shit out of him.  Once I finally beat him onto the ground I commenced kicking him in every vital organ i could think of…ok, I didn’t, but while he yammered on about the trauma caused by my dogs five minutes of barking I did visualize that scenario.

I ended up just ignoring his dumb ass and walked into the house.  I haven’t mentioned work.  The reason for that is i might not maintain anything that resembles sanity if i write about it.

so how was your day?

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6 a.m. hateful

July 12, 2007

its chilly outside

i didn’t hit the lottery so I’m here till at least saturday

Mollie just looked hateful at the neighbor while pissing.

6a.m. mollie is more my dog than at any other time of day.

go back to sleep…your breath is atrocious, and they don’t need you today.


What is a Pauliac? (quiz)

July 12, 2007

  Pauliac: paw-lee-ack  A zealous follower of Ron Paul, manifesting itself primarily on the internet, but can also be found scattered across the Northern Mexico Territory of Texas, and in small enclave’s scattered across North America.

How To Tell If You Are A Pauliac

Each yes answer is worth one point.  Scoring is at the bottom.

1.  Have you voted more than once in the same online poll?

2.  Does your reading comprehension decrease when you read something negative about Ron Paul?

3.  Have you caught yourself saying “but the other candidates are worse” in lieu of an actual point in an argument about Ron Paul?

4.  Do you own more than 7 handguns and belong to a militia?

5.  Do you think racism is blown out of proportion, and not really relevant in todays society?

6.  Have you ever drooled more than a quart while on one of your famous tirades about the magnificence of Ron Paul?

7.  Do you think libertarian means “the complete destruction of the federal government” in favor of a totalitarian regime led my the miniscule marvel?

8.  Have most of your friends stopped talking to you, and do your neighbors drive around the block rather than have to wave to your crazy ass?

9.  Do you believe taxes should be like the earth….flat?

10.  Have you ever when locked in your bathroom reading Ron Paul Today with your pants around your ankles thought, “man he is such a hunk?”

11.  in your Ron Paul loving lexicon, is liberal defined as “gay” and is conservative defined as “fascist?”

12.  Do you think criminyjicket is the wisest blogger on the face of the earth?

if you answered yes to 12 questions you are utterly confused, and not allowed to vote because you are currently incarcerated in a penal or mental institution.

if you answered yes to 11 questions you are not only a pauliac, but are also being sought by the law in at least four states, and by unwed mothers in at least three others.

if you answered yes to between 6-10 questions you are a garden variety Pauliac.  There is no hope for you.  You will spend the next 1.5 years walking in the shadow of his vainglorious personage, utterly convinced he has a chance.  You will spend the 4 years after that saying “things would have been different if Ron Paul hadn’t been ignored by the media.

if you answered yes to between 3 and-5 questions you are a pauliac, but you’ll get over it when you realize that he is just another politician.

if you answered yes to 2 questions, and neither of them was number 12, you are a liberal.  You just haven’t figured out yet that Ron Paul Hates You.

if you answered yes to only one question and it was not number 12, you are a centrist.  Once it all sorts itself out you will vote for the democratic candidate that wins the primary.

if you answered yes to only one question and it was number 12, you are either a blood relative, incredibly bright, or are sucking up to me in hopes of suckering me out of something later.