my son comes home and says “dad, I caused a car accident,” with a big smile on his face. Regardless of the circumstances, that’s not a nice combination. I asked anyway. “I was walking down the sidewalk, and this woman drives by, and she’s got this rubberneck thing going on staring at me. Then wham, she plows right into a pickup from behind.” “was anyone hurt?” “nope. I went over and checked.” I’m pleased he went to check, but damn his ego is going to be hard to fit in the house.
son #2 comes home. He says “Dad, I need to talk to you.” My mind screams “uh oh.” My mouth says “go ahead.” Well, I really like my best friends sister, and you know more about this kind of thing than Zach, so what should I do.”
“well, first you should be a better judge of what others know,” says I. I know almost nothing about women, and the only moderately successful relationship I’ve ever had ended in death. “well Zach just said “bros before ho’s.” (can you do that with quotation marks? who cares? So I said “no man who has succeeded in a relationship has lived by that addage since we were writing on caves with dung.” “well, what should I do?” “whatever you decide. Let me know how it works out.”
Daughter comes home. “dad, can I have $20 to go to the movies with Kelsey? Her mom says she’ll go with us.”
Sometimes daughters are the easy ones.