no work for you

  Today was supposed to be a workday, but I blew it off.  Well, not really.  I got in my car, and you know how your car will do that rrr rrr rr thing when it’s cranking over, but has no real intention of starting?  Mine didn’t do that.  When I turned the key mine did nothing.  I was confused by this, because if there is one thing I’m good at it’s keeping a piece of crap car running.

   I’m not your typical male when it comes to cars.  I don’t much care for them.  To me they are like any tool.  they serve a purpose, and they aren’t worth investing yourself in them.  You use a hammer to drive a nail, a woman to have an argument, and a car to get from point A to point B.  I don’t tend to spend a lot of money on them, and I don’t mind that they usually require more maintenance than a Harley Davidson.  It gives me something to do with all the time on my hands. 3 kids, a rabbit, a dog, a job, this stupid blog, and more damn safety classes than I even knew existed fail to use up all 20 waking hours of the day, and the car is utilized for that left over time.

   I popped the hood, and lo and behold, something was amiss. To wit, my battery was missing.  Apparently someone needed a battetry in the middle of the night, and being thoughtful decided it would be impolite to wake me and ask for it. I don’t lock my car.  Theory being if I do they will just break the window if they want something.  So far that insidious “they” have stolen the floor mats, the stereo, and now the battery.  That still doesn’t equal the cost of one window, so my theory is winnning the +/- expenditure battle.  Pain in the ass though.

    I confess this didn’t cause me to miss work.  I have a battery in the basement, and they take about 5 minutes to install.  I would have been late though, and whether 5 minutes or 2 hours late, you lose a half a point.  I decided I might as well use the whole two hours, and went back inside to crash for an hour.

   That’s one of my talents.  I can sleep standing up, laying down, sitting on a cactus, you name it, i can sleep there.  Almost instantly too.  When I woke from my nap it occurred to me, since I’m losing a half a point, why not make a day of it, and lose a whole point.  What a fantastic idea my innner sloth said, and so I called in.

My boss is a wonderfully funny human, who took some delight in my tale of the absent battery.  He then said something along the lines of “you are so full of shit.  you just don’t want to work today.”  My reply was along the lines of “damn, you’re good, but the battery thing was true.”  So we made a deal that I would work tomorrow, and i would lose no points.

works for me. I like working on sunday because it gives me a good excuse for not attending church.  Like I need something better than I don’t wish to.


12 Responses to no work for you

  1. mdvp says:

    “No work for you”… like the soup nazi in Seinfeld.

  2. woohoo…10 demerits for MD. It’s right there in the blog rules. No metioning Jerry seinfeld on my blog.

    Demerits have no affect here. I just like dishing them out.

  3. Anita Marie says:

    You know, I’ll bet that story about the dog eating some kid’s homework was true- once.

    ” Someone stole my battery”
    good one. That one will live on.

    However I agree, there’s more to worry about in life then car stuff that gets ripped off.

  4. no anita, this was true. When I make stuff up it’s so far fetched that not even a total moron would believe. Which, historically has proven that many of the people I deal with are beyond total moron.

  5. Anita Marie says:

    Actually I did believe you- once someone picked up my brothers car and moved it out to the street- weird stuff happens.

    I’m just saying that you may have started a trend here.

    And it shall live on.


  6. that would be cool, now if i could just get everyone to realize the pauliacs are whack jobs my work in the blogosphere will be compleat. *s*

  7. mdvp says:

    “woohoo…10 demerits for MD. It’s right there in the blog rules. No metioning Jerry seinfeld on my blog”

    Ha, that reminds me of the one Seinfeld where George pretended to be a writer to get to a basketball game but didn’t realize that the writer he was impersonating was a neo-Nazi…

    And where was that? I stopped reading your ‘about’ after the thing with the wallabe testacles and I don’t have the time to go reading your archives.

  8. I’ve never posted them. I find that people violate the rules more when they are unaware that they exist. Never doubt my craftiness.

  9. mdvp says:

    Now I’m afraid to write anything lest I violate the rules.

  10. suuuuuuuuuure you are. I hate it when conservative happens so seldom

  11. mdvp says:

    Very true. Like the one Seinfeld…

  12. you are the new demerit leader. Max will be pissed

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