todays events

  These are not necessarily in any order.  Order is the ruination of mankind, and any little thing I can do in my own personal existence to advance the cause of chaos I do.  in other words I’m to lazy to put them in order.

1.  My daughter returned from her trip to the amusement park with her friends.  She brought me a gorilla.  it is 6″ high.  She said as she gave it to me.  Here’s your $100.00 gorilla.  Now I don’t owe you anything.  I call that daughter math.

2.  I have returned roscoes sheila to its rightful owner.  Mollie is upset from hell, but Roscoe seems to be taking it just fine.  Apparently he’s one of those “i got mine” fella’s.  Anyway, we’re going to get him a permanent mate this weekend since he didn’t eat this one.

3.  diet soda appears to be a stronger issue than i thought it would be.  At least to some people who obviously have dead taste buds, and a lack of full length mirrors.

4.  a buddy from work brought me a whole sack of homegrown tomatoes.  My yard does not face the right direction to plant them.  Is there anything better than a nice beefsteak tomato, thin sliced purple onion, and mayo sandwich on 12 grain bread?  Washed down with anything but a diet soda?

5.  It’s payday.  I only vote for Ron Paul on wednesday.  I like to imagine what my tax dollars are spent on.  This week I’m buying new knobs for the ladies senatorial washroom doors.  I hope them skanks wash their hands after.  The remainder of it Nancy Pelosi is going to siphon into a private slush fund and buy a half a bra with it.

6.  Khaled Abdul-Fattah Dawoud Mahmoud al-Mashhadani is really tom johnson, a truck driver from des moines.  he has no links to al qaeda but was arrested on July 4th .  It took two weeks for the Bush administration to beat him into agreeing to say he was khaled so that they can continue to link al qaeda to the war in Iraq. *my conspiracy theory for the day.

7.  I had to cut and paste that name…can you imagine having to spell that in kindergarten?  It’s no wonder these clowns grow up to be terrorists.  No, not Tom Johnson. you must be a pauliac.

8.   I filled the car with petrol.  I could’ve bought a hooker and a bag of weed.  Life blows.

9.  My boss was in a mood.  When I asked him what he would like me to accomplish today he said” go see how many more people you can piss off enough that they call me and complain about you.”  I got to 7 before he asked me nicely to cease and desist.

10.  on the way to work i saw one of those morris the cat looking cats that had been smooshed by a car…beside it was a sign that said I can beez cheeseburger.  (this was for the mullets that keep coming here from the i canhazcheeseburger schlepfest.  Never let it be said that I don’t try to please my readers.  

11.  Here are some things you should never do on a blog.  Talk politics. Talk religion. Talk diet soda. Talk cats. Talk animal sex.  Poke fun of stuff.

12.  If those are true this blog doesn’t exist, and you have been drinking way to much if you think you are reading this.

13.  My son has decided to joiin the Marines.  My first instinct having been one was to yell “I forbid it.”  “What came out of my mouth was “don’t sign anything unless I am there.”  Being a dad can suck sometimes.

14.  I finally asked you know who to marry me.

15.  Ok, that last one was hilarious.

Ron Paul;

  Howdy, bub.  How goes the race for the white house?  I have some questions, and no, I’m not one of your supporters so the same old schlock answers aren’t going to make me say “you go Ron” as I continue cleaning my bazooka.  You want to be president so that you can return us to liberty.  To the freedom our forefathers intended

1.  Your followers have me a little confused, and so do you.  Are you for states rights, or individual rights?  I ask because I don’t see the difference between having a state dictate to me what I can and can’t do versus the federal government doing that.

2.  Are you for or against gay rights?  you get a little uncomfortable it seems talking about it, but as a libertarian, don’t you think they should have the same individual liberties as everyone else?

3.  When you say “it’s not in the constitution” are you advocating a government that does only what is expressly permitted in the constitution, or for a federal government that does what is not proscribed by the constitution>  It may seem semantic, but it isn’t.

4.  when you advocate free trade, do you understand that countries like China use slave labor, and a host of other unfair business practices, and as president would you be willing to attach appropriate taxes and tariffs on the import of goods to ensure a level playing field for American industry?

5.  What would you consider justification for use of America’s military?  would it be enough for a foreign entity to attack U.S. citizens abroad, or would they actually have to attack U.S. soil?  Would you be willing to honor America’s longstanding mutual defense treaties with such nations as Taiwan?

6.  up until now, the government has known that cigarettes are a deadly product, and have chosen to tax them at incredibly high rates instead of making them illegal.  How do you feel about products known to cause death in a high percentage of their users being sold legally?  If you approve of the practice, do you consider it proper for the government to profit off the sales of such products?

7.  The gold standard or backing currency with gold has caused most experts to consider you a bit of an eccentric.  Do you feel it’s sensible for the U. S. Government to buy up trillions of dollars worth of a precious metal when our deficti is already alarmingly high?

8.  By placing the responsibility for governing so heavily on the states, it seems that the federal government would become a referee in disputes between the states and individual rights. Is that a sensible role for an advanced societies central government to be playing?  We are not living in the age of our forefathers, and in  fact it strikes me that for states to be controlling almost everything it would put the U.S. at a decided disadvantage when it comes to competing with other nations.

9.   If you could change only one thing by becoming president what would that one thing be?  Your underwear is not an option.

10.  Are you for the seperation of church and state being treated as the constitution intends, or for the watered down variety we see in use today?

Sincerely,

C. Jicket

founder of the Grape Party

6a.m. hateful

the last time i felt like this a massive hangover was involved.  That’s what i get for going to bed early.

I think i’ll be a total prick at work today.  People like consistency.

wow….do something with your hair, and wipe that hateful look off your face.

want a diet soda?  Taste like shit, but it’s wet.