so many theories, so little time. So many options to choose from. Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong? When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever. As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds. What led me to this conclusion? Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.
Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco. You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start. All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us. I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise. Jesus was gay. Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner. Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here. I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for, but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.
Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky. The rightwingers went berserk. apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;
from the women: “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)
from the men: “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”
from Monica: “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls. Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”
from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”
from Ron Paul: ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”
from Billy Graham: “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone? I want his opinion on this one.”
So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book. He claims to have thirty solid leads. He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex. The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out. Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy. I personally am all for sex. Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them. As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval. If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid? Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not. Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated? If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun. Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport. Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.
About the whole abstinence thing. My parents we’re protestants. Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult. Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up. Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us. If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams. Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram. Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us? My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity. Never have, never will. Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears. Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system. Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?
Ok, thats enough of this. I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational. i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.