1. The only thing you can’t find on youtube is a republican debate
2. whether you’re a professor or a gardener, I think letting your kid get cooked in a car is a bad thing, and probably should be punished
3. I’ve never met a stripper I didn’t like, but I don’t loan them money
4. Leonard Nimoy is going to play spock again. I think thats cool. An old really strange guy not working as a walmart greeter.
5. a coelacanth won’t do anything but swim in a brook, he can’t write his name or read a book… would you like to swing on a star would’ve been a much different song had it been written 360 million years ago
hell its a Bing song, and i’m bored…here you go…gratuitously stolen from some other website…What that is called boys and girls is confessing to a crime.
Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule
A mule is an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny but his brain is weak
he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
and by the way if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule
Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig
A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig
Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish
A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook
he can’t write his name or read a book
to fool the people is his only thought
and though he’s slippery he still gets caught
but if then that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish
(music)
a new kind of jumped up slippery fish
And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo
everyday you see quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you,
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star
5. You bone strokers better read that. I could be incarcerated for it.
6. Dogs are way better than cats. Why? It’s simple really. Because I said so.
7. I feed my pets. My children have to fend for themselves. Thats what opposable thumbs will get you.
8. speaking of opposable thumbs…can I trade mine for a prehensile tail? It looks funner
9. Roscoe has overcome his aversion to tile floors. It is funnier than hell to see a rabbit walking like a cat, but not so funny to feel his furry little ass scootching across my feet as I’m shaving in the morning.
10. We are going to have a democratic president. This president will be a woman. I’m ok with it. Let a woman screw things up for awhile. They lie better, and I’m far to jaded to fall for just any old bullshit.
11. glass is a solid. I just said that because one group of people I’m almost certain I’ve never pissed off is the “glass is a liquid” crowd. This is what 44 years of pissing people off will get you.
12. Male praying mantids don’t masturbate. You see what it gets them? For those of you who don’t know the female praying mantis tends to chow on the male after sex. The human version of this is called “alimony.”
13. I am in pool number 20 of jurors for marion superior court. I think the best way for me to get out of it is to have them punch up criminyjicket on their computers. I’m not trying to evade my civic duty, although I have no idea why they call it that…a civic is a honda right? What I’m trying to do is make sure some poor schmo doesn’t get the chair for jaywalking. i can be persuasive when I want to be.
14. I don’t care what else you do this millenia, but at some point you should go check out Anita’s sunday prayers. She is probably the only thing keeping god from tormenting me 24/7.
15. I am now going to bed…no…you may not come along…I am tired, and explaining the birds and the bees to you is beyond my ability at this time…enjoy your week…or not…as you see fit…being pissy about everything causes hair to grow on your toenails, and nobody wants to hang out with a hobbit
Posted by criminyjicket 
because I said so again, why? 
Osama Bin laden is dead
July 30, 2007I’ve been looking at pictures for days now, and the only conclusion I can come up with is he is dead. I know nobody else says so, but it’s the only rational conclusion. If he isn’t dead, then he is in captivity, and that implies a conspiracy theory so convoluted that it defies imagination.
This of course is an opinion, but not an uneducated one. Let me make some points.
1. A live Osama Bin laden is best for all concerned.
Al Qaeda, and islamic fundamentalism is stronger if the muslim world thinks he is alive. He is a folk hero to them, and enjoys incredible popularity throughout the region; including those countries who support the U.S. Plus, it is awfully hard to find a dead guy, and boy do we look dumb searching for him. Shaming America is a big deal to the radical islamic movement.
George Bush would play hell continuing his war on terror without the great satan to hunt. American’s are already tired of the bloodshed, and loss of human life. Less than 1/10th of the casualties we experienced in vietnam, and if you put it to a referendum we’d have troops flying home by the weekend. Had Osama’s corpse been presented 2 years ago the war in Iraq would be long over.
Congressional democrats want him alive, because the disaster that the war on terror has become for the Bush Administration has already given them control of both houses of congress, and barring some miracle (like a freshly thawed body of Osama Bin Laden being put in front of the news cameras) they will enlarge their majorities, and win the White House because of what one long dead terrorist started.
2. Not one single reputable source has shown conclusive proof that he is alive.
Not one. The last conclusive evidence came before the 2004 elections. He mentioned bush and kerry so it is likely he was alive at the time, but since then not one shred of logical evidence proves he is alive.
3. He went to Dubai in 2001 for dialysis.
Kidney problems don’t just disappear, and the affects on him physiologically we’re obvious in later videos. It would be difficult in the extreme to receive anywhere near proper medical care. Especially while being the worlds foremost fugitive .
Most American intelligence agents have been shifted away from Afghanistan,. and the hunt for Osama has been in name only for several years. You can say thats because Bush toook his eye off the ball, but it’s just as credible to surmise that somewhere deep in the vaults is a portfolio marked top secret that has a dead photo of Osama in it.
It’s far easier to bilk the American people out of billions of dollars if the news keeps sporting hunt for Osama slogans, and the world believes the man is alive and masterminding further mischief. It’s not so easy to respond to a couple of very simple questions:
1. If he is alive, and his followers could be emboldened by his presence, why have none of the photo’s or video’s borne any proof of the date? it would be quite easy to accomplish, but none have been shown?
2. Why, if he is sick, and needing dialysis just to stay alive; and we really want to catch him..why have we removed those assets from the regions he is thought to be in? We’ve had years to track him, and not one sighting, not one wierd medical shipment, not one shred of evidence found that he is still alive
This is all conjecture of course, and i’m no expert, but until they prove he is alive he is dead dead dead. Thats my conspiracy idea for the day.