I just washed my utopia and I can’t do a thing with it

     I’ve had some nasty things done to me in the ol blog world.   From having my blog hijacked, to being called everything in the book by my Ron Paul fanatics.   I even had one tell me I had just written the dumbest thing he had ever read on a blog.  I was offended until i found out he was a 30 year old libertarian and had only been reading for 2 weeks. Today though is a day that shall live (at least for me) in infamy.

Last weekend I found a blog full of truly reprehensible heathens, and overwhelmed by an incomprehensible sensation of pity, I spoke to them.  Practically treated them like equals, even though it became abundantly clear at the onset that this blog was obviously staffed by an eclectic mix of short bus rejects.

   Though they were apparently afflicted by more neurosis than the staff of the White House, I stll felt that it was my civic duty to attempt to improve their lot in life.  Which I did, by allowing them to bask in the glow of my brilliance while they continued to toil away slavishly at their what can only be described as “intellectually malfeasant” blog.

   Today I received my comeuppance.  In the best tradition of no good deed shall go unpunished these blog slugs somehow paid someone to create pictures with words on them for their little corner of blog hell.  These pictures are of cats.  These pictures are linked to posts, one of which is cleverly titled 6 a.m. Hateful, and written by me.  Yeah.  They linked my blog to a cat.  Not even a good cat coated in cornbread and served with potatoes and gravy.  A furry ornery little fourlegged version of satan is what they linked my pristinely virtuous literary masterpiece to.

  We’re these not obviously the human versions of a gene pool picostimus I would be on them like Doug Heffernan on a chicken…like the pope on an alter boy…like linsey lohan on a crack pipe.  Instead I shall rise above because picking on the mentally handicapped is not acceptable behaviour.  Also because they are far superior to me technologically, and this kind of thing would almost certainly keep happening if i were to declare a blog war. 

Payback is a bitch they tell me, and ms. Bagel has one coming.  The rest of them of course shall be tossed in under the guilt by association clause. 

Bunch of icanhazcheeseburger wannabe’s.

very funny


16 Responses to I just washed my utopia and I can’t do a thing with it

  1. Uh…
    We didn’t link one entry to a cat pic, we* did your
    whole feed.

    *by “we” I mean some guy I don’t know made some software I don’t understand.

    PS: Learn to noun, or buy a speelcheque.

    Now, kiss me, you commie.

  2. gee, bagel…that’s just cruel. *L*

    and I’ll learn to noun when I’m damn good and ready

    Kiss me you COMMIE?

    man, who ruffled your assfeathers.

    I almost choked when I clicked that link

    good to see you

  3. JanieBelle says:

    holy crap.

    That’s all I can say. okmaybenot, that’s just wrong.

    Incredibly funny, but wrong. Wrong like the Harry Potter / Draco Malfoy / Divinyls video I posted a week or two ago.


    holy crap.

  4. It updates automatically, so no matter what you do to me, it’s there…FOREVER!


    I hear the photos get more random with each entry. I’m not sure how that works out mathematically. Something about /0.

  5. yeah janie, this is what happens when you pick up strays.

    bagel…go ahead and gloat. I’m technologically inferior but I have treachery on my side.

  6. You have treachery? I am a woman. You know nothing of treachery!

    Just for that, I have added Lol Paul 2008

  7. well wasn’t that sweet of you…the bottom picture with the feather is to perfect for the caption.

    thanks for the huge laugh. You are wrong on so many levels a whole team of shrinks could spend the rest of the millenia on you.

    that’s kind of cool when you think about it

  8. jessecuster says:

    Criminy – I’ve already no-shit caused one pshrink to retire. It may have been coincidence … but I’m thinkin’ there was a direct cause-effect relationship between our sessions and her pulling down the shingle for good.

  9. hi jessie. I’ll be sure to consider that during the extenuation and mitigation phase of my determination whether to terminate you for cause.

    for cause you hang out with bagel.


  10. jessecuster says:

    Terminate for cause, huh?

    These squares are 1″ by 1.” Those 5 holes were punched at a range of one hundred yards. 😀

  11. I shot 243 out of 250 with the m-16 on a known distance range that went out to 500 meters…

    now if we can just figure out how to have a gunfight at wordpress

  12. jessecuster says:

    The rifle I used for that target is 63 years old, shows visible evidence of combat damage, and was mass produced by communist slave labor to kill fascists. Your rifle was skillfully crafted by trained professionals.

    What do you think I could do with an M-16A2?

    (although, that said, I would much prefer an M-14 …)

    A gunfight on WordPress would be difficult … but perhaps a Postal match? Announce a contest, put up an ‘official’ target to be printed on 8.5×11 paper. Print it out, shoot it, and mail it in. Post the results online, winner gets … shit, I dunno, a $5.00 cert at Cabela’s or Amazon or somethin’ ?

  13. Anita Marie says:

    Welcome to the Blogger Tribe Criminy!

    When you get cursed ( I don’t mean with bad language…but truly cursed ) I’ll teach you the secret handshake…oh what the hell I’ll tell you anyway because you’re a pal.

    Next time you get dinged

    Hold your hand out towards your computer monitor.

    Turn your palm up.

    Make a fist.

    Extend your middle finger.

    Welcome to the Pack.


  14. Jesse…you have a point…but I would like to point out that mine was made of plastic by American factory workers. That diminishes it some.
    The postal match will work, but I’ll have to find a rifle to borrow at work. I haven’t even owned a gun in 20 years, but I think just maybe I’ll still go ahead and whoop your ass….why? I need the $5.00.

    Anita: Gracie’. I wasn’t actually upset. Except while I was cleaning the coke off my screen.

  15. “Except while I was cleaning the coke off my screen.”

    You should use a horizontal surface for your coke.
    I’ve lost many a good monitor to razor blade scuffing.

  16. hi bagel…i don’t use coke anymore.

    i don’t use it any less either.

    consistency is important

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: