Well, the numbers are in, and it was an underwhelming event for a lot of people. I’m going to make everyone happy, and everyone mad with this one.
winner: Mitt Romney. He took over 31% of the vote in an 11 horse race. Obviously the front runner.
Loser: Mitt Romney…right…Giuliani and McCain had withdrawn, and Fred Thompson isn’t in yet. He took 31% against a field thinner than last Years Preakness.
Winner: Ron Paul took 9.1% of the vote. This wasn’t a New Hampshire picnic poll. This was the IOWA STRAW POLL. This is a campaign that is probably running somewhere between stoked And euphoric right now. His wife is going to be ok, so Dr. Ron ad a real good day. Congrats Pauliacs.
Loser: Ron Paul. Holy cripes, what are you thinking. He finished behind “I’m one nut shy of being a fruitcake Tom Tancredo,” two jokers bucking for televangelist status, and Mormon Mitt, “friend to big business, politics as usual, but I look great in this suit” Mitt. This isn’t half as impressive as a three legged cow that can jump rope.This was about as damning a shot across the bow of the Ron Paul no organizational skills whatever campaign juggernaut. To many buffoons talking about stealing bus rides, and diebold voting machines, and not staying on message.
Winner: Mike Huckabee pulled over 18 percent with a serious conservative christian platform. He can obviously inspire the base, and he beat Brownback. This was a two horse race for Mike, and he beat the horse he had to beat. He’ll be around for awhile.
Loser: Mike Huckabee. He can convince the base, but the far right base is smaller than squirrel testicles. This guy couldn’t beat larry Flynt in a race for the white House.
Winner: Sam Brownback His wife loves him, jesus loves him, and he probably has a dog that loves him.
Loser: Sam brownback. This is horror story stuff. Turn out the lights when you follow the rest of ’em out the door.
Winner: Tom Tancredo 4th…you’re kidding right. Great job getting out the vote Tom.
Loser: Tom Tancredo took 13.1% of the vote. There are a lot of whacko’s in Iowa. The guy belongs in a straitjacket and should seriously consider some electroshock therapy. 13.1? thats just incredible. Are there really that many deaf, mute blind people in Iowa? Who knew.
The Field: By guys…go home, have sex, get fat and contemplate how it feels to be beaten in the most mediocre field of candidates the Republican Party has ever fielded.
Republican party: Wow, did you get a poor turnout. you wanted 38,000, claim 30,000, and had about 14,000 vote. Niiiiiiiiice. Would you like to concede now or should we have the Democratic candidates tie their frontal lobes behind their backs for the rest of this trouncing?