The Weekend in Review

September 4, 2007

  So did everybody have a good holiday weekend?  Well, I know not everybody, but if most of you did, good on yuh.

How about those Michigan Wolverines?  I was so tickled I couldn’t quit smiling all weekend.  Being a dyed in the wool Badgers fan, seeing the always overrated Wolverines get dumped on their head by Appalachian State was better than a good heroin binge.  The badgers beat Washington state (boohoo PNW), and Notre Dame got monkey stomped by Georgia Tech.  All in all it was a perfect day in college football.

    I went to a Mexican wedding with the chango’s from work, and other than the Cerveza (sol) tasting like warm horse piss it was a really good time.  I taught a whole passel of senorita’s how to eat the worm out of a Mezcal bottle without drinking the whole damn thing, and the food was spectacular.  I was asked to show my “green-go card” several times, and managed to extricate myself from the fiesta before I got inebriated enough to start calling everybody Pancho Villa.

   George Bush may not be the best president we ever had, but he did something really intelligent last night.  Merely by sneaking out of town to go to Anwar, he showed the world that the American Press is to be trusted about as much as Al Jazeera.  So much for investigative journalism.  They were only a half a planet wrong as to where the president was.  Nice job ABC, CNN, FOX, et al.  too funny.

   The menagerie is driving me nuts.  This morning Mollie woke me up before the sun.  This is a no no on non-work days, and had it not been for the pitiful whine she was sounding I would have ignored her and went back to sleep.  When I turned the light on the reason for her whining became all to clear.   General Tso was latched onto her tail, and showed no intention of letting go.  I squeezed the little ratbag’s head till she released her, and went back to sleep.  I start hearing this crunching sound.  I had watched a movie last night prior to going to bed, and had inadvertantly left the case open.  Bad Idea.  Roscoe the asshole…i mean wonder bunny was in their taste testing the DVD cases.  I reached over and closed the door on his head, and then shut it proper when he withdrew.  It’s not like I don’t spend 20 bucks a week to feed the little bastard.  I go back to sleep.  Whilst sleeping I must have gotten warm, because I stuck my foot out from under the blanket, whereupon General Tso, still angry over his ignominious removal from Mollies assfeathers, leaped to the attack.  Kittens have razor sharp claws, and my foot looks like it would if Ron Popeil spent an hour testing his knives on it.

    The kids on the other hand have been easy to get along with.  No fighting, not even a good argument.  Apparently the supplemants (thorazine) I’ve been adding to their food is helping.

Oh yeah, I went on a date with a woman a little less than half my age.  I wouldn’t have, but she was buying, and I learned at a very young age to never pass up free food.  It went ok, and while I doubt I’d put me through it again this wasn’t her fault.  She was polite, charming, intelligent, and named after cheese.  It was all I could do not to beat that into the ground.

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campaign 2008 begins today

September 4, 2007

   Who knew.  You mean all this politicking was the pre-race race?  Nice to know we’re finally going to get down to business.  So how did your favorite candidate spend the first day of the race?

    Hillary did what any smart politician would do.  She broke out the big gun.  She took Bill to Iowa with her, and if anyone out there doesn’t think Bill Clinton could beat every assclown currently in the race, your dull normal credentials must be outstanding.

   John Edwards received the endorsement of two labor unions…the united mine workers and the united steel workers.  I’m a member of the United Steel Workers, and will end my political contribution to the union tomorrow. I will do everything I can to ensure that as few USW employees vote for this braindead piece of human waste as possible.

Ron Paul capped his big 3rd place finish in his home state with an announcement that his fans ruled the meeting, that he raised $100,000, and that as always Ron Paul was the only popular person there.  Sometimes making the stroking gesture with your hand is enough, but at times like this you just need to say…what the hell ever.  You have to love the spin control that this no hoper campaign has going on.  It is rumored that at this time he is laying in a fetal position with his own fecal matter smeared all over his dessicated ancient carcass, sucking his thumb and moaning.

Duncan Hunter  won in Texas.  According to the Ron Paul crybabies he cheated by campaigning there, and actually beating his holiness Pope Ron Pius the I.  Naturally Duncan will use this as an excuse to remain in a race he clearly has no hope of finishing better than 23rd in.

    Barack Obama spent the day attacking Hillary for being experienced.  I suppose if your experience level is still in the Lego’s phase, thats what you do.  I’m not trying to make it racial or anything, but isn’t there a black democrat with a brain that he doesn’t take out and play with available?

I’m not sure what the rest of them did, but one can hope they hung out with their families and acted like normal people for the last time in what could be 9 years.