The alternator went out on my car the other day. It’s no big deal. A couple of bolts, a couple of wires and right on top so I decided to fix it myself. The weather was a balmy 12 degrees when I rose about 2 p.m. so I headed over to Billy Bob’s Salvage yard and Latex Pecker Emporium to get the part.
Billy Bob is somewhat of a savant when it comes to American Politics, so when we’d finished the de riguer discussions on String Theory and Occum’s Razor the conversation turned to recent endorsements. BB keeps up with politics on CNN, FOXNEWS, and MSNBC. The reason he does this is becuase Billy Bob don’t like to let facts get in the way of his opinion.
I enquired as to how he thought the latest endorsements were going to affect the campaign. These are a few of his theories.
Ted Kennedy’s endorsement: This is almost sure to land Obama a larger percentage of the lardassed, drunken, white male vote, but is likely to cost him the Mary Jo Kapechne foundation endorsement. The NEA (the teachers union, not the endowment for the arts) will likely be split since Ted Kennedy killed a teacher, but continues to fester in the no child left behind debate.
Maxine Waters for Hillary Clinton: This one surprised Billy Bob. He can’t seem to understand how a woman that spent more time on her knees in the oval office during the Clinton Administration than Monica Lewinsky could possibly endorse the guys wife. I spewed a little clarity on the issue when I explained that Maxine probably swung both ways and therefore was expecting to do a little face time when Hillary is president.
Rudy for John McCain: Billy Bob thinks this will push John McCain to the republican nomination. He figures McCain has now locked up the crossdressers, the adulterers, and the italian dwarves with one fell swoop.
John Edwards for ????? : Whoever gets this endorsements gets all the people too poor to get to the polls, the narcissists, and the white lawyers. Add to this allthe special interest money from revlon and Breck, and you have a prettty solid voting block
All things considered Billy Bob thinks the endorsements are unimportant. He’s waiting for the candidate that comes out solidly in favor of sex toys, drunken revelry, and misogyny. White men still outnumber everyone else but white women in his opinion, and they can always kick the shit out of their wives and not let them vote.
Billy bob’s world might be fantasy, but it sure is fun Oh yeah, the redneck cocksucker sold me the alternator for 60 bucks…fucking pirate.