sunday is for random thoughts 8.5

1. The only thing you can’t find on youtube is a republican debate

2. whether you’re a professor or a gardener, I think letting your kid get cooked in a car is a bad thing, and probably should be punished

3.  I’ve never met a stripper I didn’t like, but I don’t loan them money

4.  Leonard Nimoy is going to play spock again.  I think thats cool.  An old really strange guy not working as a walmart greeter.

5.   a coelacanth won’t do anything but swim in a brook, he can’t write his name or read a book… would you like to swing on a star would’ve been a much different song had it been written 360 million years ago

hell its a Bing song, and i’m bored…here you go…gratuitously stolen from some other website…What that is called boys and girls is confessing to a crime.

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule

A mule is an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny but his brain is weak
he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
and by the way if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish

A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook
he can’t write his name or read a book
to fool the people is his only thought
and though he’s slippery he still gets caught
but if then that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish
(music)
a new kind of jumped up slippery fish

And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo
everyday you see quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you,
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star

5.  You bone strokers better read that.  I could be incarcerated for it.

6.  Dogs are way better than cats.  Why?  It’s simple really.  Because I said so.

7.  I feed my pets.  My children have to fend for themselves.  Thats what opposable thumbs will get you.

8.  speaking of opposable thumbs…can I trade mine for a prehensile tail? It looks funner

9.  Roscoe has overcome his aversion to tile floors.  It is funnier than hell to see a rabbit walking like a cat, but not so funny to feel his furry little ass scootching across my feet as I’m shaving in the morning.

10.  We are going to have a democratic president.  This president will be a woman.   I’m ok with it.  Let a woman screw things up for awhile.  They lie better, and I’m far to jaded to fall for just any old bullshit.

11.   glass is a solid.  I just said that because one group of people I’m almost certain I’ve never pissed off is the “glass is a liquid” crowd.  This is what 44 years of pissing people off will get you. 

12.  Male praying mantids don’t masturbate.  You see what it gets them?  For those of you who don’t know the female praying mantis tends to chow on the male after sex.  The human version of this is called “alimony.”

13.  I am in pool number 20 of jurors for marion superior court.  I think the best way for me to get out of it is to have them punch up criminyjicket on their computers.  I’m not trying to evade my civic duty, although I have no idea why they call it that…a civic is a honda right?  What I’m trying to do is make sure some poor schmo doesn’t get the chair for jaywalking.  i can be persuasive when I want to be.

14.  I don’t care what else you do this millenia, but at some point you should go check out Anita’s sunday prayers.  She is probably the only thing keeping god from tormenting me 24/7.

15.  I am now going to bed…no…you may not come along…I am tired, and explaining the birds and the bees to you is beyond my ability at this time…enjoy your week…or not…as you see fit…being pissy about everything causes hair to grow on your toenails, and nobody wants to hang out with a hobbit

the debate (the criminy perspective)

  Well, that was fun.  It wasn’t a debate.  It was a forum, but thats a semantic thing.  I have a few observations.  Some of them might even come off as intelligent.  We’ll see.

The I look presidential, I sound presidential, and I will be the next president award goes to (someone just shoot me now) Hillary Clinton.  She did look presidential…except for the female and we’ve never had a female president thing  I was pretty impressed by her.  I still don’t like her, but you have to admit the pantyline made her seem more human.  I would bet against anyone that underestimates her. 

Universal healthcare may be the hammer that destroys the democratic party.  How about limiting it to health care for the indigent, children, elderly and handicapped?

The I don’t really know how this works award goes to Barack Obama for saying he would directly meet with Chavez,Castro, Kim Jong Il, Assad, and Ahmadinejad.  Hillary and Edwards we’re quick to jump on the diplomatic faux pas.  It worries me a little that I knew all their names…my memory should be shot by now.

Who I could vote for award goes to – Joe Biden.  He makes sense.  He’s been around the block, he isn’t some rich fat cat looking to pad his fortune, and he’s been serving this country through a ton of personal strife.  I like the idea of partitioning Iraq, since there is no other idea that has any chance of working.  If it wasn’t for his voting record in congress he’d be the man.  I loved “If thats your baby, you need help” and the followup “I hope he doesn’t come looking for me.”  I also like his position on troops to Darfur

The “surprise criminy” award goes to Bill Richardson for not reciting his diplomatic resume no matter what the question was about.

The I not only look crazy I am crazy award goes to Dennis Kucinich for suggesting that people alive today deserve reperations for something that ended 142 years ago.

The I’m in control (anyone remember Alexander Haig) award goes to Anderson Cooper.  This is no Wolf Blitzer.  He handled things as moderator impeccably.  This guy really never looks bad no matter what he is doing, and I can think of a gazillion journalists(sycophants) that need to watch him and try to emulate him.  If you don’t believe me go over to you tube and get a copy of Sean Hannity’s interview with Huffington.  He is the only idiot on the planet that could make her look intellectual.

The whineass award goes to Mike Gravel…even though i really like this guy.  The reason you are not asked a lot of questions is because you are a marginal candidate.  I liked his firm stance on the died in vain controversy.  I know it’s hard to take, but if you die fighting for a cause, and have no affect on future events…then you probably from that perspective died in vain.

I’m not giving chris dodd an award.  I’m just going to say that I was wrong to judge this guy by his behaviour in senate hearings.  He’s lucid, earnest, and has a reasonable vision for the future if you remove all the stupid I have to say this to please my base rhetoric.  Nice job Chris.

minor notes:

I think it’s cute how they all rail against special interests and corporations.  I particularly liked the corporate carbon penalty idea.  What I think a lot of people don’t realize is that the more we regulate our industries, and force them to pay the costs…the less able they are to compete in the global market that these same public officials created.  I know it sounds good, but we are flat getting our asses kicked in global trade, and it’s because the countries that are eating our lunch are not being regulated the way we are.

Bill Richardsons 40K minimum wage for teachers.  That sounds nice don’t it…ok…i have a confession…I’ve been working at my current job since January.  I will make substantially more than 40K this year.  Here comes the good part.  I’m a painter.  I don’t know about you, but I think a society that pays its teachers less than it pays its painters deserves whatever fate hell can dream up for it.

I want to find fault with healthcare for illegal aliens but i can’t.everyone should receive medical attention if they need it, and under current law, believe it or not…you do.  Hospitals can not refuse to treat you.  They can transfer you to another facility, but you have to be treated.  Insured or not.  In theory.

   The gay marriage issue I’m going to do a flip flop on.  It’s not governments business.  I think what Obama said was right.  If churches wish to honor gay marriage thats fine.  It is a civil matter.  I do think that they should have all the same rights and privileges as married couples, but think they should have all the same costs.  Once entered into a civil union they should have to get a divorce to break it, and pay all the appropriate alimonies child support etc that the court deems appropriate .  Thats what I call getting kissed before you get f%$ked.

I thought it was nice of all these wonderful religious people to think it’s okay for people not to be religious, and to think they should still have a voice in our society.  It was very inclusive of them. *smack*

All in all it was entertaining.  Some of it was funny, some of it was sad, some of it was just plain stupid.  A typical presidential candidate forum.

not really newsworthy

   Lets start with tonights debate.  The spin machine is pumping out what a new and different thing the You Tube debate will be.  Ok, tell me how?  Because “you” are asking the questions.  Lets look at that.  Over 2000 clips have been submitted according to CNN.  Obviously, they don’t have time in two hours to ask 2000 questions.  How do we pare it down?  Well, lets have CNN’s editors do it.  Out of 2000 maybe 30 will be used.  It’s not much of a stretch to imagine that the 30 will be those that CNN wants asked.  The only input you have is whether you wear a silly hat, or hold your stupid fleabitten cat while you ask it.  This is the first debate sanctioned by The Democratic National Committee this election cycle.  What to expect?  I think John Edwards and Barack Obama have to be more aggressive.  Edwards because if he doesn’t he is dead, and Barack just to show that he is capable of it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nf/20070723/tc_nf/54047

   I wonder which $2000 suit wearing reject allowed the Republican debate to be held in September?  Seems to me something real serious is going down in terms of Iraq that month, and it is likely to turn the Republican debate into a free for all.  Which is good for the viewers, and for Ron Paul, but it sandbags the hell out of the hawks on stage.  If I we’re Giuliani, McCain, and Romney I’d be mad as hell.  Why?  Well, do you think much is going to change in the next month and a half in Iraq?  Yeah, me either.  The Republican governors say its no big deal that their isn’t a front runner.  They may be right.  Conservatives are notoriously tight with their campaign funding until it shakes out, meaning they’ll be lots of money for the stretch run, and the geneal election.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070723/ap_on_el_pr/republican_governors_2;_ylt=Ag.2ypj8XxumGruFLpERpQgL1vAI

   Have you paid your “support dead farmers” tax?  In a 7 year period over $1.1 billion in subsidies was paid to dead farmers.  The U.S. Department of Agriculture pays out over 40% of claims without any review process at all.  In most cases they rely on the farm corporations to inform them of a death.  They say staff shortages and competing priorities are to blame.  Another government agency tossing your money out the window, and generally to people one hell of a lot richer than you.   Don’t believe me? Read the article.  They’re spending money you could be putting away for your childs tuition to subsidize giant farm companies worth millions.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19912382/

I was reading this and started doing the math.  .09 cents is 3%.  That means you now pay roughly $3.00 for a cup of coffee?  Oh man, you deserve to be bent over and rammed by Starbucks.  That’s pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19918485/

Obama, Osama, and Chelsea’s Momma?  Well isn’t that clever.  I can understand Mitt’s argument.  He isn’t responsible for his followers, and during photo ops you can’t really stop and check every sign.  Further, this is kinda funny.  Still, if you’re Mitt Romney, you might not want to give anyone any more reason to wonder about you.  I know the Mitt fans are going to hate that comment, but he’s on decidedly thin ice anyway, and I see no reason to hand the guy with the gun some bullets.  The Mormon vote can’t get him elected, so he might want to make sure and not alienate “others” with stupid photo op tricks.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/

Lil Wayne and Ja Rule got arrested Sunday night on weapons charges.  Lil Wayne also got zapped with drug charges.  I really have to know.  What is with hip hop stars these days? Do they think they’re in the NFL?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/23/rappers.arrested/index.html

You may not like him, But nobody packs a punch in publishing like Harry Potter.  The latest book “harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sold 8.3 million hardcover copies in the U.S. in the first 24 hours.  That shatters the old record of 6.9 copies of…yep, The Half Blood Prince.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,290346,00.html

The worst flooding in 60 years in Great Britain.  I’m not surprised.  Al Gore has not done enough to stop Global Wetting, and now you see the consequences.  Had he not spent so much time inventing the internet this tragedy could easily have been prevented.

http://www.mail.com/newsarticle.aspx?catId=3&articleId=1147296

whoops…i bet this guy supports gay marriage now. This is pretty funny stuff. His wife got licked, and he got stuck.

http://www.mail.com/NewsArticle.aspx?catId=2&articleId=1147225&newssiteid=1