The politics of nausea

January 23, 2008

     It’s hard not to get that room spinning stomach churning feeling if you’re paying attention to politics these days.  Particularly if you’re a conservative.   Which I am.  I’m still going to vote for Hillary if she wins the Democratic primaries.  Which makes me a little green around the gills. 

   Why would I do such a thing?  Because to be quite frank I have a one eyed dog that gives me far more confidence than any of the conservative candidates.  Faux heroism, intellect, and morals do not sway me, and none of the Republican candidates have a realistic plan to place America back on a track worthy of the people that reside here.

    Lets start with McCain.  The only thing he has going for him is he was a war hero.  He consistently goes against the will of the people in his policy ideals, and like it or not that makes him a very bad employee.  The heroism thing is even a huge stretch to a thinking person.  Lets face it; the man volunteered to drop bombs on civilians in a soveriegn nation.  He was shot down during this criminal endeavor, and granted was treated horrendously during his captivity.  News flash….drop a bomb on my kids and see if you’re asking me to pass the canapes when I catch your sorry ass.  Like it or not, the true heroes of Vietnam were the conscripts that went and fought a war for no other reason than their government told them to.  Or even my personal favorite, Muhammad Ali, who faced prison rather than to go against his beliefs.  McCain was no hero.  He merely persevered through trying times that his own actions set in motion.

    Mighty Mike Huckabee.  I know this will offend some of you, but I believe his god is a case of mythology run amok.  I believe in him the same way I believe in Prometheus and Thor.    I do not want to be led by a man who bases his decisions on a god that has no more connection to reality than do Hercules and Hermes. 

   Giuliani and Romney….I put these two together because they are both the same sort of individual.  They have proven to say whatever they need to in order to get what they are after.  Puissant pandering does not a president make, and while they have both had limited experience making things function at the state and local level, neither has any proven ability to lead a nation in a world that is somewhat more complicated than running the olympics or taking credit for the hard work of others after what has been dubbed a national (an incredibly localized I might add) tragedy.

   Then there is of course Ron Paul.  I I’d like to vote for him.  I’d also like to ravage the swedish bikini team in a large vat of vanilla bean ice cream slathered in chocolate syrup.  Fantasy is cool, but hardly intelligent when it comes to casting your vote.   The man has never built a coalition in his entire congressional career.  Not a track record for change.

   So I’m left with Hillary.  Barack has the least experience of any candidate.  Voting for Barack is sort of like hiring a dishwasher to change your head gasket.  I can’t see it.  About the only thing he seems to have going for him is his tint.   Hillary on the other hand was intimately involved with an administration that balanced the budget,  increased the net worth of each American family, and managed to enact legislation that produced the strongest economy America has experienced in decades.  Her husband has been labelled a racist by Obama because Obama needs Bill to be a racist.  All the facts show that he isn’t, and that his administration fought for minorities and made their lives better.  This even though he was saddled with a congress dominated by the Republican party through most of his administration.

    So there you have it.  I’m voting for the girl with the big butt.   It’s not an easy thing to do, but based on history she is the only one that has any knowledge of how to build a coalition that is capable of changing the course this country is on.

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campaign 2008 begins today

September 4, 2007

   Who knew.  You mean all this politicking was the pre-race race?  Nice to know we’re finally going to get down to business.  So how did your favorite candidate spend the first day of the race?

    Hillary did what any smart politician would do.  She broke out the big gun.  She took Bill to Iowa with her, and if anyone out there doesn’t think Bill Clinton could beat every assclown currently in the race, your dull normal credentials must be outstanding.

   John Edwards received the endorsement of two labor unions…the united mine workers and the united steel workers.  I’m a member of the United Steel Workers, and will end my political contribution to the union tomorrow. I will do everything I can to ensure that as few USW employees vote for this braindead piece of human waste as possible.

Ron Paul capped his big 3rd place finish in his home state with an announcement that his fans ruled the meeting, that he raised $100,000, and that as always Ron Paul was the only popular person there.  Sometimes making the stroking gesture with your hand is enough, but at times like this you just need to say…what the hell ever.  You have to love the spin control that this no hoper campaign has going on.  It is rumored that at this time he is laying in a fetal position with his own fecal matter smeared all over his dessicated ancient carcass, sucking his thumb and moaning.

Duncan Hunter  won in Texas.  According to the Ron Paul crybabies he cheated by campaigning there, and actually beating his holiness Pope Ron Pius the I.  Naturally Duncan will use this as an excuse to remain in a race he clearly has no hope of finishing better than 23rd in.

    Barack Obama spent the day attacking Hillary for being experienced.  I suppose if your experience level is still in the Lego’s phase, thats what you do.  I’m not trying to make it racial or anything, but isn’t there a black democrat with a brain that he doesn’t take out and play with available?

I’m not sure what the rest of them did, but one can hope they hung out with their families and acted like normal people for the last time in what could be 9 years.


it’s ok…lets talk hookers, religion, politics, and abstinence

July 28, 2007

so many theories, so little time.  So many options to choose from.  Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong?  When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever.  As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds.  What led me to this conclusion?  Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.

   Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco.   You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start.  All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us.  I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise.  Jesus was gay.  Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner.  Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here.  I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for,  but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.

  Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky.  The rightwingers went berserk.  apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;

from the women:  “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)

from the men:  “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”

from Monica:  “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls.  Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”

from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”

from Ron Paul:  ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”

from Billy Graham:  “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone?  I want his opinion on this one.”

   So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book.  He claims to have thirty solid leads.  He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex.  The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out.  Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy.  I personally am all for sex.  Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them.  As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval.  If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid?  Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not.  Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated?  If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun.  Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport.  Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.

   About the whole abstinence thing.  My parents we’re protestants.  Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult.  Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up.  Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us.  If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams.  Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram.  Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us?  My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity.  Never have, never will.  Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears.  Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system.  Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?

   Ok, thats enough of this.  I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational.  i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.


what a waste

July 9, 2007

   I wasn’t blogging in the mid nineties.  In fact, I couldn’t have defined blogging in the mid 90’s.  I didn’t buy a computer until the late nineties.  I’m slow about buying things.  I call it frugal.  My kids call it squeezing juice from a dime.  They have no room to speak on the matter.  Two of them as yet make no effort to make money of their own, and the other is a shyster from hell.  He always has an angle.  He keeps it legal, but has a way of making me maintain a “bail fund” just in case.  That’s not what this is about.

    In the mid 90’s I watched as everything was about get Bill Clinton.  I watched as millions of dollars were spent on a special prosecutor to track down what amounted to information about various nefarious deeds, plots, and conspiracies that in total amounted to nothing.  Ok, there were probably crimes committed.  There were probably ethical breaches.  Oh who am I kidding.  There were a lot of things.  None of them meant a whole lot to me.  They meant a lot to conservatives.  They spent money like it belonged to them in a congressional witch hunt designed to bring down the president, and thereby cast doubt on the office.  this was unhealthy.  This was imprudent.  This was incredibly wasteful, but since I wasn’t blogging I couldn’t say that to any but those I ran into in real life.

    The biggest crime commited in that era wasn’t by Clinton.  It was by a Republican controlled congress.  It wasn’t something they could be tried for.  It wasn’t even something people noticed until long after it ceased to be important.  It was a statistic before the world paid any attention at all.  Rwanda.  Genocide.   Hutu’s killing Tutsi’s until the rivers ran with blood.  Until a generation of men was decimated.  Until a generation of women were gang raped and impregnated and slaughtered while the world looked the other way.

    The Republicans weren’t alone in this travesty of justice.  The administration ignored it as well.  It was to busy covering the ass of it’s boss.  European leaders ignored it.  They were worried about the Balkans, and found a way to get the U.S. involved.  They needed us, and Bill needed a distraction that mattered.  Everyone got what they wanted.  Except the Tutsi’s.  They got screwed.  No kissing involved.

   Now we have a president being nipped at by a congress that can find no better way to spend their time or our  money.  The parallels are to many to enumerate.  Let’s call it the same thing 12 years later.  While men in Darfur are slaughtered, women are raped and impregnated, children starve and die by the thousands; congress would like to know what happened with the firings of 8 disinteresting lawyers, and why Scooter Libby’s prison sentence was commuted.

    I’m not traumatized by this.  It bothers me though that bloggers take up the cause of unimportant political candidates and rant and rave and attack those that don’t agree with them.  It bothers me that no inspired journalist is recognizing the dangers of the parallel sequences of events.  It bothers me that no candidate has stood up strongly to call this an atrocity.  They all know what I know.  I’m just a guy in the midwest.  They have everything at their disposal.  Is it possible nobody cares that a genocide is happening, and we spend our time on trivialities?   Is this a situation Ron Paul would consider proper government behaviour?  If not, why doesn’t he speak?  How about Barack?  Or Joe Biden?  He’s been there.  He knows.  He has seen with his own eyes, yet he’ll spend his week on Scooter Libby and 8 irrelevant attorneys.  How much would you like to bet that so will the political wing of the blog world?

   


news, the troops, Ron Paul, and money

July 2, 2007

   Hey scooter…no walls for you, brother.  George came through in a pinch, and despite the political ramifications.  you have to love the gnashing of teeth from the liberal side.  Can’t wait for a trip by white noise insanity.   For a little reality check…whens the last time some washington hotshot was guilty of perjury and obstructing justice?  was it Bill Clinton?  I think it might have been.  Further, what sort of vendetta did the judge have against scooter?  When’s the last time a washington D. C. type white collar criminal get ordered to jail before the appeal?  Scooter still has a lot of punishment for the next year or so, but just to spread joy to my liberal fans, remember, the last month George will do what Bill did, and the commuting will become the pardoning.

   Ever look around at work and see all the people that are whining?  What percentage do you think have an honest ill will about the way things are done?  So Isn’t it incredibly impressive the very low number of G.I.’s who come home from Iraq, and complain about their lot in life?  What a courageous bunch these people are.  A bunch of kids who probably didn’t know what they were getting into, and a pack of middle aged reservists that probably thought they’d never do anything tougher again than a round of golf.  I was a marine, and I’m not easily impressed.  These folks get my undying respect.  For those  that want to hide behind “I’m against this war so I’m going to run.”  You knew that you didn’t get to choose when you signed the contract.  The word is coward.  At least own it.

    8 people arrested already in the London/Glasgow terrorist attacks.  Its nice to actually catch them alive.  How do you suppose MI5 got the answers out of these guys so quick?  Bad tea?  Loud music?  I’m betting it was a hell of a lot more coercive than that, and while its hard to support torture, In a case like this I think its right to do whatever you have to do to get the information that may save lives.

Wow is Barack having a great week.  Not only did he receive the most funds, but 1/3 of them came through online donations..thats likely voters folks.  I’m pretty sure everyone but Hillary and Barack are all but dead in that horse race.  Watch for at least 3 of them to fold within 10 days.  Barack is looking good right now, but they’ll hit him hard on issues he may not be equipped to deal with.  His experience is meager, but then George Bush has a lot of experience with illegal immigration being from texas, and look at the hatchet job he’s done with that.

On the conservative side, McCain and Brownback are dead.  I think Ron Paul will hang in because his support base is online and it isn’t expensive to reach them.  The problem is they can’t get him elected.  Like I said yesterday, only one vote apiece when it counts. So you’ll have Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney, and Fred Thompson duking it out on the right.  Who orgasms at the thought of a Ron Paul/Barack Obama slugfest?


I was watching CNN

June 19, 2007

    I know, I know.  This proves something is obviously wrong with me.  I was watching FOX, but got tired of them crowing about Anjelina Jolie banning them from her movie debut (the movie has something to do with freedom of the press), that I turned to watch my boy Lou Dobbs get bent out of shape about immigration reform.  Anyway…here are a few tidbits gleaned from these august news organizations.

Did you know that when people get really sick elsewhere in the world they come here because our medical technology is just plain better?  That our patient care is actually not bad?  I didn’t know.  From everything I’ve been hearing I shouldn’t go to our hospitals.  I’m liable to have my spleen ripped out and sewed to my scrotum to treat me for a hangnail.

Michael Bloomberg’s voting registration has been changed from Republican to unaffiliated?  Maybe Ron Paul for vice president?  For those of you don’t know, mr. bloomberg is a billionaire…he can finance his own campaign.

I’m not sure where its at, but Bill and Hillary Clinton have a little you tube type video spoofing the soprano’s…check her campaign website.

Ron Paul has paid his daughter over 160,000 dollars to work on his campaign over three election cycles.  He hasn’t done anything wrong; (its unlawful to hire them to work on your congressional staff, but you can hire family members to work on your campaign), but when you’re trying to be mr do everything right….isn’t this a little unseemly?

the immigration reform mess keeps getting worse.  Lou Dobbs is almost purple.  It seems corporate america is having seminars explaining how to avoid hiring American workers and hiring immigrants instead.

along those lines…good luck getting your passport renewed.  Seems that citibank and the state department can’t keep up and are running about 1.5 million behind.  Its ok…you didn’t really want to see tuscany anyway….the pizza and wine are atrocious.


rethefted

June 15, 2007

yuck.  I apologize to those of you she named.  I can do no more than that.  I’ll not honor the rest of it with any comment, but i did steal my stuff back

what these people aren’t.

Ron Paul…he isn’t a libertarian.  i could go into all the reasons why, but then you wouldn’t go to http://vote-smart.org and make up your own mind.

Ann Coulter…stupid.  She has found a niche that made her rich, and all she had to do was be nasty.  I can be nasty.  Of course I don’t have that horse-faced inbred look.

Mike Moore…a journalist.  but his new documentary sicko has enough truth in it to make it worth the view, just like all his documentaries.  Now its true I wouldn’t put him out if he was burning, but he still manages to catch my attention.

Sean Hannity…a pragmatist.  Given a chance to appeal to the decent sensibilities of intelligent people, Sean would pass and continue to preach to the choir with his nitwit vitriolic warmongering.  Face it Sean, if it wasn’t for my boy Alan (god what a geek) Colmes you’d be just another pasty faced Irish conservative talking on the radio.

George Bush…a bad guy.  You can hate him all you want.  You can think he’s stupid.  But do you really down in your heart after watching the guy think that he has ill intent?  I can see where he might be a little to easily led by the people he trusts, but I think ol George is as decent a man as has ever been president.  Remember Jimmy Carter? he was a decent guy.  shitty president.  Just like George.

Paris Hilton…she just isn’t.  Her 30 to 50 million future inheritance is real.  The cameras that chase her around are real.  The idiots that make her the star of their daily quest for titillation are real.  Turn off the camera’s though and Paris disappears…completely.

Hillary Clinton…a liberal.  Hillary Clinton is a politician par excellance.  She would bang every ungulate from here to poughkeepsie if the bestiality vote would get her made president.  Remember Bill? Stone cold liberal till he got elected.  Then he became moderate Bill pushing through the Republican agenda like no conservative president ever has.  Hillary is cut from the same cloth.  Its why they hate each other.

Al Sharpton…a man of god.   A man of god would work to bring people together under the lord.  Al Sharpton is s your typical for us by us black preacher.  Tawanda Brawley leaps to mind.  For those of you to young to remember her, she is why Al Sharpton stayed out of the Duke lacrosse team rape case.

Martha Stewart: dumb or weak.  This woman is as popular as she ever was with the middle class.  This after an insider trading scandal that made her look like a have greedily succumbing to the temptation to take advantage of her position in life.  Normally this would have her burned in effigy, instead, she’s who all the little Rachel Ray’s wanna be when they grow up.

Wolf Blitzer….a Wolf.  This boy is as sheep as it gets…. CNN has a ring in his nose and a finger up his a..   you know what I’m talking about.  This guy couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the “c” and the “t” without some exec at CNN coaching him first

that’s what they aren’t… I couldn’t begin to guess what they are.

 

Talents

    About the only difference between today and every other weekday is that for some unknown reason I did a 180 on the way to the bathroom upon rising.  This confused the hell out of mollie the mooch.  Not really knowing what to do the poor pooch did what she does when she’s confused and sat down.  Roscoe, perpetually bringing up the rear in our little love caravan failed to notice my abrupt change of direction, and failed to yield.  This created the hilarious for me, disconcerting for mollie, and intolerable for roscoe result of Mollie sitting on Roscoe’s head.  I can’t really tell you in words, but seeing a cockerpoodle with a rabbit thrashing around in its butt is a vision that every day should start with.

    On to talents.  Do you have one? Wanna share?  I do.  Have one.  I’m sharing because I didn’t feel like playing poker, and its to hot to do anything that is not incredibly sedentary.   My talent is I’m a prick.  I can annoy a person in 15 seconds or less, piss em off in under a minute, and have them in a spittle flying apopleptic rage in well under 10.

     This doesn’t pay well as talents go.  I mean, its not getting loot like a Vincent Van Gogh original, but he was dead before the cashola started to flow.  Its not drawing pay like a fortune 500 executive either, but it has good bennies.   People are always incredibly fun to watch.  They will do the damnedest things if they think no one is looking.    Mad though, upset, annoyed; then they are at their finest.

    There is really no joy in life like watching a normally calm, sane human being completely losing their cool over a few words.  I don’t do anything else.  It’s not really all that iunteractive a sport.  Just speak and watch the games begin.  The reason I’m good at it is really quite simple.  It’s easy. 

   People lack self control.  They are so used to having things go the way that they want; when faced with anything out of the ordinary they become first defensive, then offensive, and then downright assinine.  i love it.  Its better than sex with a monkey.

    There are several gambits to the game.  Its not chess mind you, but maybe conversationally instigative checkers.  My favorite is to be over nice.  I’m not sure why this one works so well, but if their is one thing folks can’t stand its someone being nice to them.  I mean real nice.  I mean ass kissing, brown nosing, sycophantically nice.  This probably only works for me because it makes people wonder whats coming.  I’m so rarely nice to anyone outside of my household that it gives people the creeps when I am.

    Another one is to agree with everything someone says, and repeat it like its wisdom from the almighty.  This one performs well at work.  Unless you work with a closet insecurity freak that acts like an egomaniac.  They love this. 

    One I used just yesterday is maybe the easiest to get the opportunity to use.  Find some pompous windbag that’s obviously overly fond of him/herself, and just make observations about their character.  Nothing extreme mind.  Just point out how insecure they seem.  That sort of thing.  I had The vindictive bastard.wordpress.com so mad i know it took a bottle of windex to clean his screen.  Tormenting the obnoxious is fun.  Tormenting the semi-literate obnoxious is what makes life worth living.

   My book how to torment others is available for the low low price of $14.95 at all your better bookstores. 

Sunday is for random thoughts

1.  I’m pretty sure the reason alcoholism is a rampant sickness in our society is because it makes human interaction almost tolerable.

2.   Albania likes us.   That being the case it makes it real easy to wonder what the hell is wrong with the rest of Europe.  My vote is jealousy.  Na na na na boo boo.  You don’t like us because you want to be us.  You want to shower more than once a week.  You want to brush your teeth.   You want to have leaders that aren’t deviants, retards, and criminals.  Well, so do we on that last one.

3.  Congress has the effrontery to tell me that I need a 700 odd mile fence on my  over 1500 mile southern border.   Ok, so build a fence to keep your dog in.   Leave several gaps in it.  does it work?  How can you not chuckle?

4.  Gun control is the one issue I think I can have an impact on so pay attention.  Get a good sight picture.  Breathe in….release the breath and squeeze (don’t pull) the trigger.  I have now done my part on one of the great issues facing our society.  Use it in good health.

5.   My dog is fat, fluffy, and lazy.  She makes me get up at odd hours to take her out to relieve herself.  She barks incessantly when i’m not home which makes the neighbors complain.   She follows me literally everywhere.  you can’t divorce your dog, but I did get rid of a wife that behaved almost exactly the same way.

6.   To all you sullen Ron Paul fans that come, read, and leave pissed off because I think he looks like Henry Gibson, or has the people skills of Elmer Fudd.  Get over it.  I’m just being a jilted fan.  His stance on imperialism is right on, but he is not as so many of you like to say….a libertarian.  Go to vote-smart. org, and read up on your diminutive dynamo.  The man is at least 7 turnips shy of a truckload.

7.  Breakfast is by far the most important meal of the day.  Today I had a cuba libre’ and some cheese popcorn.  I feel like a million bucks.  Well, like 32 bucks and some change, but thats progress.

8.   Nascar has a rain delay for the second week in a row.  Ted does not like nascar.  Ted does not like anything.  Ted is a spoiled rotten omnipotent brat, and should be excoriated in all the newspapers of the land.  Its good to be irreverant on Sunday.  Its a day of rest, and their is nothing more restful than twisting the tail of the created by man creator.

9.  Love is a four letter word that is defined   “someone else doing things exactly the way you want them to.”

I can live without it.

10.    If the French have finally realized that socialism is an invalid theory, and they have judging by the conservative landslide in their parliamentary elections, does that mean we can now put that baby to bed in Europe?  Or is the dumbest, laziest, dirtiest nation in Europe just trying to keep up with the brits?  Hard to say.  If they all start riding around naked on their bicycles we’ll have our answer.

11.   Ferrets attack more people than grizzly bears.   I know this is true because I saw it on a mountain dew commercial.

12.  My dentist wants 4 digits to work on my teeth.  Thats not so bad.  I just won’t buy gas this week.

13.    Its over.  For the 39th time in 3 days its over.  I haven’t figured out what it is yet, but I’m not defecating what looks like thick lemonade anymore, so i think its a good thing.

14.  You have just wasted 10 minutes of your day if you read all of this.   Thats assuming that if you’re reading this you have to sound out the long words, and read while moving your lips.  You should maybe do something else now.

15.   Remember….you can’t change anything.  You have no power.  Control is only an illusion, and your life is slowly spiralling into the fiery pits of hell.  Chaos will rule supreme in your existence, and life will never be as good for you as it was yesterday.  That being said, you still as a species are amusing as hell.  Please continue.

according to spellcheck I didn’t mispell anything.  Find a deep hole and pray.  Armageddon is upon us.

suck your thumb

     I try to be moderate in my viewpoints.  I also try to curtail my opinion when I disagree with something someone else does or says.  I almost never comment on other writers, because….well….a lot of them are idiots, and you don’t make any friends calling people idiot.

     Michelle Malkin….you are an idiot.  You may be cute, but you’re still an idiot.   I read one of this wenches articles today, and I came away with this utterly amazed feeling.  Not at the depth of her persuasive ability.  Not at her obvious astuteness.  i was amazed that the Washington Times actually paid this overeducated elitist to write this swill.

     Seems Michelle is a little worried that all the allah lovers are teaching their kids to kill whitey, and were teaching ours to be wussies.  Its quite true.  Thats almost exactly whats happening.  In middle America.  In the public schools of our suburbs, maybe.  The muslims do teach their children about Jihad from the time they pull em off the camels teat.  They’ve been doing it for generations.  War in the middle east is like saturday cartoons here.  They keep getting worse, and they never end.

     I guess where my problem comes in is in wondering what we should do.  Help me out Michelle.  Shall we have M-16 training in kindergarten?  Should all our politicians rattle the sabre?  Can you see Ron Paul threatening anyone? “Be vewwwy vewwy quiet….wewe hunting muswims…..hehehehehehehehe.”  

      I don’t think I want my children trained to hate anyone.  I’ll grant our schools suck.  I’d go so far as to say the government wastes almost every tax dollar they sink into the public schools.  I live in the inner city though.  All I can say is I’d pit my streetwise scumbags against the ayatollahs assholes any old day.  The kids in my neighborhood don’t lack for balls, and the kids in Michelle’s neighborhood aren’t going to fight our wars anyway. 

    So do me a favor you wafer thin sorority sister nitwit.  Move your column to the society page, or talk some sense.  

http://washingtontimes.com/commentary/mmalkin.htm   michelle’s blithering idiocy in print.

 ok, I don’t try….so what.
 

Faith, Love, and the Art of Politics

    Like Baskin Robbins, politics has a flavor of the day.  In the republican party, or rather for a fringe element of them its Ron Paul.  For the Democrats, it changes like I change socks.    For all concerned, the flavor is faith, and how sweet it is to broadcast your beliefs on all the cable network news shows.  I was watching tonight; (and I confess to ignoring most of it), the three top candidates from the democrats discussing their faith on CNN’s faith forum.

    Here I should point out that I have a lackadaisical attitude toward faith.  I have faith, but I limit it to those things that are almost certain to happen whether I believe they will or not.  Like the sun coming up, my children asking for $150.00 shoes, or me hurling if I chase my tequila with a vicodin.   Its not a spiritual thing with me.  I do pray though.  I like to think of it as chatting with Ted.  It usually goes something like this.

Me: Uh, lord?

God:  I told you to call me Ted.

Me:  Yeah, but it feels a little wierd.

God:  I’m god, your wierdness isn’t my problem.

Me: true.

God: so what’s up?

Me: The usual.  I’m confused about you really.

God:  Do tell?

Me:   Well, what is it you do?

God:  I’m omnipotent.

Me:  Do tell?

God:  I can do anything.

Me:  Really?  Like cure aids?  end famine? stop wars?

God:  I could do all those on a slow Tuesday.

Me: really?!?!  Then why don’t you?

God:  I gave man free will.  If you folks want it fixed…. fix it.

Me:  (thinks)  ok, so what do you do?

God:  I’m omnipotent.

Me:  But what does that entail?

God:  I created the universe in 6 days.  Then took a day off.

Me: Then what?

God:  (thinks)  I had immaculate conception with Mary, then 33 years later I gave my only begotten son that man would be saved.

Me: from what?  Saved from what?

God:  Nobody ever asked that before…I’ll ruminate on it.

Me:  Then what?

God:  Then nothing.  I’m waiting.

Me:  For what?

God:  For man to love his fellow man, for the rich to care for the poor, for the church to care for the unsaved, for all mankind to love one another.

Me:   You got hopes.

God:  Nope.  I have a hammock, a never ending six pack, and you to pick on.

Me: sounds like a good gig.

God: Works for me.

Me: no kiddin.  So just one more question?

God: shoot?

Me:  What do you think of the candidates for the 2008 election?

God:  I think I need a beer.

Me: Oh, me too.  Thanks a bunch Ted.  Can you hold my coat?