More road rage stories

August 17, 2007

    There was a great road rage incident today out by the airport.  I wasn’t in it, but had the good fortune of being right behind it.  It’s kind of a funny road.  It’s a T with a split in it, and it carries 3 lanes of traffic that split again about 1/2 a block north.  The cars come together there all the time, but I’ve yet to be stopped by an accident.  On the way to work two cars did the swerve thing, and came close enough together that they both ended stalled right in the middle of the road.  This incredibly stout woman in the passenger seat of the one car screams out the window “you should learn how to drive.”  In the other car is a runtish man of about 90 that can probably see just a  little between the top of the steering wheel and the dashboard.  The litte guy had moxie though, and he yelled back ” you should learn to shut your coc&$ucker.”

   Well I was just tickled as shit.  The mornings have been rough lately, and entertainment on the way to work is a good thing.  I’ve been scowling a lot lately, and a nice little altercation between inept motorists was just what the doctor ordered.

It gets better.   This woman gets beet red, and lumbers out of her car.  She struggles to achieve a totally erect position, but I have to tell you she was as imposing as a grizzly when she did.   So I’m thinking “this is to good to be true…I’m going to get to watch a little old man get the supreme crap kicked out of him by a semiambulatory behemoth of a woman.”  So,  I shut the car off, and I pull a Dew out of the cooler.  Then this crazy wench does the strangest thing…

   She reaches in between the two largest breasts  I’ve ever seen.  I’m almost sure they had their own gravity and were orbiting around her.  She pulls out this gargantuan crucifix and starts praying for the dude.

  If she prayed for him to start his car up and drive away while calling her a “loony B1tch” her prayers were answered.  I’m not so much for the praying, but if divine intervention placed me right there, right then, I’ll happily kiss gods ass for at least a month of sundays.

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this week, the blog review, and sunday is for random thoughts #8

July 29, 2007

  Yeah were combining all these this weeek because I’m lazy, and have to go to work at 4 a. m.  Trust me when I tell you reading me then would not be half as pleasant as this will be, and I’m not counting on this being no tip toe through the tulips trip for you anyway.

   I had a bad week.  I failed to beat the crap out of my fellow commuter, and I’ve regretted it ever since.  Somehow mercy leaped to the aid of the little poindexter driving the G35, and I for one am worse for its presence.  It makes me feel llike I’m getting old.

The massive zit rising out of my forehead like a Vesuvias eruption on the other hand doesn’t make me feel young.  I haven’t had a zit in 20 years, and I of course blame the blogosphere.  This being the pimple on the ass of all things literary, I fear its attemting to subjugate my brain.  That or my horns are finally growing in, and according to the quiz over at Empress Max’s blog that may be the case.  I drew the devil card, but it’s erroneous I’m sure.  They come no more mild mannered and pacifistic than I.

      I have also found some new spice for the blogroll, and it is a devilishly funny place to visit.  I should probably warn you that some of the stuff might make you laugh.  Some of the things are not funny stuff, but the take they have on it can leave you shaking your head.  If you go there be sure to find out what a CILF is.  I found it to be a rousing good read, and I’m sure when they are playing in their own little hell we at O’malley’s pub and eatery will be worse for their absence.  Don’t go here if you are a lemming.  It’s not your thing.

Soldier of Truth manages to talk about a lot of issues that generally make you think boring, but he does it in a way that isn’t.  Some of his stuff is downright hilarious, and he pisses off ron paul fans so he’s cool with me.

   The blog is doing alright.  I”m not changing the world, but I beat CNN and the other news orgs. to the punch quite a bit.  I’m not sure if that’s really a good thing since if they think it’s worth talking about I almost asuredly do not.  I have more people reading my semi-literate efforts at cretinism than I would’ve thought would be the case 2 months ago when I started this, but when I compare readership to total number of humans on the planet it keeps my ego in check.

I refuse to post about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage as long as Nancy Pelosi’s monumental fat orbs are dangling in the halls of Congress.

For all you Dick Cheney fans, he just got a new defibrillator installed (thats sort of a high tech oil change).  If you really don’t like him go microwave him some popcorn.

Darwinism seems wrong until you go to walmart.

my neighbor has a cat that thinks my house is his home.  I think he intends to eat Roscoe.  My next post is likely to start My neighbor HAD a cat.

I have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow.  If I say that once more I’m whining.  To put some perspective to how I feel about that, let me just point out that I would rather be ass-raped by a wandering band of hyenas.

Do you think the romans feeding christians to the lions made the lions dumber?  You are what you eat.

Bitching whining and complaining doesn’t change anything.  automatic weapons do though.

since my lobotomy doesn’t seem to be taking I’m going to end this.  You folks have good weeks, and piss someone off.  It’s good for the soul


the debate (the criminy perspective)

July 24, 2007

  Well, that was fun.  It wasn’t a debate.  It was a forum, but thats a semantic thing.  I have a few observations.  Some of them might even come off as intelligent.  We’ll see.

The I look presidential, I sound presidential, and I will be the next president award goes to (someone just shoot me now) Hillary Clinton.  She did look presidential…except for the female and we’ve never had a female president thing  I was pretty impressed by her.  I still don’t like her, but you have to admit the pantyline made her seem more human.  I would bet against anyone that underestimates her. 

Universal healthcare may be the hammer that destroys the democratic party.  How about limiting it to health care for the indigent, children, elderly and handicapped?

The I don’t really know how this works award goes to Barack Obama for saying he would directly meet with Chavez,Castro, Kim Jong Il, Assad, and Ahmadinejad.  Hillary and Edwards we’re quick to jump on the diplomatic faux pas.  It worries me a little that I knew all their names…my memory should be shot by now.

Who I could vote for award goes to – Joe Biden.  He makes sense.  He’s been around the block, he isn’t some rich fat cat looking to pad his fortune, and he’s been serving this country through a ton of personal strife.  I like the idea of partitioning Iraq, since there is no other idea that has any chance of working.  If it wasn’t for his voting record in congress he’d be the man.  I loved “If thats your baby, you need help” and the followup “I hope he doesn’t come looking for me.”  I also like his position on troops to Darfur

The “surprise criminy” award goes to Bill Richardson for not reciting his diplomatic resume no matter what the question was about.

The I not only look crazy I am crazy award goes to Dennis Kucinich for suggesting that people alive today deserve reperations for something that ended 142 years ago.

The I’m in control (anyone remember Alexander Haig) award goes to Anderson Cooper.  This is no Wolf Blitzer.  He handled things as moderator impeccably.  This guy really never looks bad no matter what he is doing, and I can think of a gazillion journalists(sycophants) that need to watch him and try to emulate him.  If you don’t believe me go over to you tube and get a copy of Sean Hannity’s interview with Huffington.  He is the only idiot on the planet that could make her look intellectual.

The whineass award goes to Mike Gravel…even though i really like this guy.  The reason you are not asked a lot of questions is because you are a marginal candidate.  I liked his firm stance on the died in vain controversy.  I know it’s hard to take, but if you die fighting for a cause, and have no affect on future events…then you probably from that perspective died in vain.

I’m not giving chris dodd an award.  I’m just going to say that I was wrong to judge this guy by his behaviour in senate hearings.  He’s lucid, earnest, and has a reasonable vision for the future if you remove all the stupid I have to say this to please my base rhetoric.  Nice job Chris.

minor notes:

I think it’s cute how they all rail against special interests and corporations.  I particularly liked the corporate carbon penalty idea.  What I think a lot of people don’t realize is that the more we regulate our industries, and force them to pay the costs…the less able they are to compete in the global market that these same public officials created.  I know it sounds good, but we are flat getting our asses kicked in global trade, and it’s because the countries that are eating our lunch are not being regulated the way we are.

Bill Richardsons 40K minimum wage for teachers.  That sounds nice don’t it…ok…i have a confession…I’ve been working at my current job since January.  I will make substantially more than 40K this year.  Here comes the good part.  I’m a painter.  I don’t know about you, but I think a society that pays its teachers less than it pays its painters deserves whatever fate hell can dream up for it.

I want to find fault with healthcare for illegal aliens but i can’t.everyone should receive medical attention if they need it, and under current law, believe it or not…you do.  Hospitals can not refuse to treat you.  They can transfer you to another facility, but you have to be treated.  Insured or not.  In theory.

   The gay marriage issue I’m going to do a flip flop on.  It’s not governments business.  I think what Obama said was right.  If churches wish to honor gay marriage thats fine.  It is a civil matter.  I do think that they should have all the same rights and privileges as married couples, but think they should have all the same costs.  Once entered into a civil union they should have to get a divorce to break it, and pay all the appropriate alimonies child support etc that the court deems appropriate .  Thats what I call getting kissed before you get f%$ked.

I thought it was nice of all these wonderful religious people to think it’s okay for people not to be religious, and to think they should still have a voice in our society.  It was very inclusive of them. *smack*

All in all it was entertaining.  Some of it was funny, some of it was sad, some of it was just plain stupid.  A typical presidential candidate forum.


religion…the fox in the hen house

July 16, 2007

    I’m a little concerned.  Is it Romney, or is it just me?  Has religion suddenly leapt to the fore of the presidrntial race?  I guess anything is possible in a society as mixed up as ours, but can it be reasonable to elect someone based on their religious beliefs?  Pardon me while I hop up on my pulpit.

let’s start with a laymans definition of faith.  Most religions are faith based, so this is a good starting point.

Faith:  Believing in something that can’t be proven.   Pretty simple.  Not real complicated.  Would anyone like an example?

Example 1: While there is no proof that tarot cards can really tell your future, many people believe in them. 

Let’s do another

example 2: while there is no proof that their are humanoid life forms on other planets, many people believe in them.

Let’s call in the hounds and head it on home to bowlegs now.

example 3: Though there isn’t a shred of evidence that there is a supreme being, many people believe in one.

   Number one is no sillier than number two is no sillier than number three.  In fact, if you believe in any of them they aren’t silly at all. They also do not lend you a special insight into the running of a nation, any extra knowledge on how to deal with the leaders of other nations, nor do they improve your ability to make a tasty bologna, mustard, and chitlins sandwich.

Its not important.  In fact, were it up to me religion would almost always be a negative. Religious doctrine, all of them, are riddled with violence, intolerance,  and draconian strictures.  The strictures are so binding that a truly devout man would make a horrible leader.  would you like an example?  No? Tough

Example:  Jimmy Carter

Example: Adolph Hitler

Example: Golda Meir

Example: The Ayatollah Khomeini

I could go on like that until tomorrow, but we’d be no closer to the end of this post, and I’m striving for it.

  Mitt Romney is a mormon.  What did you think?  90% of the people that hear the word mormon think “polygamy.”  Those who have read up on it so they can slam him know much more.  What they don’t realize is that the same brush they use to spread the tar that holds the feathers on old Mitt, can be used on any of the others as well.

What makes a christian a good choice as a president?  If you said nothing you are correct. What happens if a true christian gets in the white house? A Ron Paul, or a Mike Huckabee? Hell, Mike is a preacher. Will they fight to end abortion?  Will they try to make adultery a felony?  Will coveting be a crime? Man I hope not because I confess I have been known to covet my ass off from time to time.  Will a catholic president out of bitterness go after the lutherans?  You laugh my friend, but it’s been done.  This nation was settled by people who were fleeing religious persecution.  If I’m not mistaken it was those two factions.

   What about Barack?  He is a christian, but his name is pure muslim. What if he’s elected, and then converts to islam?  does Shariaa law become something he wants enforced?  Shall we lop off hands for theft?  How about stoning for adultery. Maybe a little bif bam boom for not wearing your abaya when you walk out in public ladies?

What about hillary? Would opus dei try to whack her?  They seem to be all about a patriarchal society?  Or would she rewrite scripture ala Dale Brown, and raise up Mary Magdalene? 

  Back To Mitt.  Would he really make me have two wives?  I work damn hard not to have any, but I know i’m supposed to be fruitful and multiply under virtually every religion on earth.

   None of that is likely to happen.  We have what we call seperation of church and state.  It’s more of a euphemism for “incredibly rich churches don’t have to pay there fair share,” but we do have it. The point I make in my overly wordy way, is that religions are not inviting if you don’t belong to them.  They are not inclusive, are not tolerant of other ideals.  They are probably the number one cause of wars since time began.

Oh yeah.  they are based on faith.  Let’s elect the man in the moon.  There is no basis for him existing, but i have faith that he does.

Being religious is not a bad thing.  It tends to make one an instant hypocrite, but other than that it’s not so bad.  Religion is no barometer on how good a person is though, and shouldn’t be a primary concern when casting your vote.  I’d vote for the guy that worships Roscoe the wonder bunny if i think he’s the best man for the job.