Take 2 Minutes To See How Wrong You Are

  Yes, you the incredibly bright American people are wrong.   All of you anti-war types, and bring home the war types have no idea what you are talking about.  You think the administration is stupid for walking into this mess without a plan.  I say, “yeah right”

They had a plan, because they knew exactly what we were facing, and what the outcome would be if we took down Saddam Hussein.  They knew we’d be in it up to our ears for years, and would be virtually alone in the endeavor.  they knew every pitfall and pratfall on the road to a democratic Iraq, and Dick Cheney at least has known since 1994.

So why really, if what he says here he knew all this time, did he recommend the current course of action?  What possible reason could there be for him to advocate opening the Pandora’s box that is Iraq?  Don’t say oil or money.  He needs neither, and they don’t make sense.  Thats just easy leftie answers.

you gotta see this

  You folks know I youtube about as often as Dick Cheney has sex, and I’m not counting the tryst with Ron Paul.  Well, I took a chance on this one, and it was well worth the 2.5 minutes.  I about laughed myself ill.  It’s a bit of a musical, and if you’ve seen it before you can whine about it later

forgive me the weak tags, I want my pauliacs to get the benefit of this, and they only read stuff with his exalted name in it. Who am i kidding…my tags are always weak

this week, the blog review, and sunday is for random thoughts #8

  Yeah were combining all these this weeek because I’m lazy, and have to go to work at 4 a. m.  Trust me when I tell you reading me then would not be half as pleasant as this will be, and I’m not counting on this being no tip toe through the tulips trip for you anyway.

   I had a bad week.  I failed to beat the crap out of my fellow commuter, and I’ve regretted it ever since.  Somehow mercy leaped to the aid of the little poindexter driving the G35, and I for one am worse for its presence.  It makes me feel llike I’m getting old.

The massive zit rising out of my forehead like a Vesuvias eruption on the other hand doesn’t make me feel young.  I haven’t had a zit in 20 years, and I of course blame the blogosphere.  This being the pimple on the ass of all things literary, I fear its attemting to subjugate my brain.  That or my horns are finally growing in, and according to the quiz over at Empress Max’s blog that may be the case.  I drew the devil card, but it’s erroneous I’m sure.  They come no more mild mannered and pacifistic than I.

      I have also found some new spice for the blogroll, and it is a devilishly funny place to visit.  I should probably warn you that some of the stuff might make you laugh.  Some of the things are not funny stuff, but the take they have on it can leave you shaking your head.  If you go there be sure to find out what a CILF is.  I found it to be a rousing good read, and I’m sure when they are playing in their own little hell we at O’malley’s pub and eatery will be worse for their absence.  Don’t go here if you are a lemming.  It’s not your thing.

Soldier of Truth manages to talk about a lot of issues that generally make you think boring, but he does it in a way that isn’t.  Some of his stuff is downright hilarious, and he pisses off ron paul fans so he’s cool with me.

   The blog is doing alright.  I”m not changing the world, but I beat CNN and the other news orgs. to the punch quite a bit.  I’m not sure if that’s really a good thing since if they think it’s worth talking about I almost asuredly do not.  I have more people reading my semi-literate efforts at cretinism than I would’ve thought would be the case 2 months ago when I started this, but when I compare readership to total number of humans on the planet it keeps my ego in check.

I refuse to post about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage as long as Nancy Pelosi’s monumental fat orbs are dangling in the halls of Congress.

For all you Dick Cheney fans, he just got a new defibrillator installed (thats sort of a high tech oil change).  If you really don’t like him go microwave him some popcorn.

Darwinism seems wrong until you go to walmart.

my neighbor has a cat that thinks my house is his home.  I think he intends to eat Roscoe.  My next post is likely to start My neighbor HAD a cat.

I have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow.  If I say that once more I’m whining.  To put some perspective to how I feel about that, let me just point out that I would rather be ass-raped by a wandering band of hyenas.

Do you think the romans feeding christians to the lions made the lions dumber?  You are what you eat.

Bitching whining and complaining doesn’t change anything.  automatic weapons do though.

since my lobotomy doesn’t seem to be taking I’m going to end this.  You folks have good weeks, and piss someone off.  It’s good for the soul

the week sans pictures

   Well, my daughter came home from Brown county.  They went horseback riding, and she greeted me with “dad you just have to get me that horse.”  When I responded that their was no way in hell I was getting a horse she said “well Kelsey’s cat had kittens….can I have one of those?”  Girls think they are so smart, but following on the heels of the $100 gorilla trick I wasn’t falling for it.  NO CATS.  Unless they are on a plate smothered in hollandaise sauce is a hard and fast rule in my house.

   I have decided on a Toyota Carolla as my car of the future, and the future is now.  My reasoning is its relatively inexpensive, has four doors, and  should last at least twenty years. By which time I have every intention of being part of the bar at O’malleys.

   Mollie and I dined on tostitos and cheese sauce with jalapenos and Rotel.  In a few short hours we should be lying in virtual agony staring miserably at each other.  I will teach her to quit eating my food even if it kills me.  What kind of friggin dog eats dried, rolled, pressed, salted corn for christsake?

i found some funny stuff.  In fact this one had me rollin.  I’ve been to the blog before, and it tends to be quite amusing.  This one was absolutely delightful though.

and then there is this one.  I like her wit, sarcasm, and wry biting editorializing on all things human.  Some very funny real life kinda stuff here.

   I see pakistan is making the news regularly now.  Wolf “asswind” Blitzer was trying to goad their foreign minister into saying something bad about the relationship with the U.S. Government.  He failed, mainly because the foreign minister blamed our media for the relationship problem.  It was pretty funny.  Wolf Blitzer couldn’t get a 6 year old to say “I want ice cream.”  He then tried to hammer on the Iraqi Deputy prime minister about their parliament going on break.  The DPM patiently explained to the nimrod that their parliament is kind of like our congress and does whatever idiotic thing pops into their collective ADD hampered brains.  I saw it live, but you can probably find the clips by typing “Hippo assfeathers and other idiotic things” into your browser window.  If that doesn’t work try “shitferbrains” or “CNN’s talking sphincter muscle.” 

I’m sure these will work because someone got to Criminy’s house of inanity by typing in “the journey of a tampon.”  Other great or near great search engine hits this week are “penguin javelin” (i think they were looking for D. Peace), gump &co khomeini (no idea), i have to pee so so badly ( i know why, i just don’t understand WHY?), and this just in “diet tampons.” Try one…wash it down with a diet soda for the apex in culinary disgust.

  I wrote a post on how Ron Paul could become President.  It included likely things like him taking barack Obama as a running mate.  The pauliacs seemed to think it all made sense, which pleased me because I thought I had at least two bats loose from the belfry whilst I wrote it.  To prove my theory was utterly preposterous, Ron came in with another rousing 2% poll number today.  I swear, that campaign is on fire.  He’s no John McCain, but maybe if they toss some petrochemicals on it they can be.  BTW, they crowed about how much better than McCain (who IS virtually dead) Dr. Paul was doing….McCain got 20 %.  Which means you won’t hear about this poll anywhere but here, because they only report well fabricated good news.

   I wonder if i can get the Toyota in a nice periwinkle?  Laugh trogs, I have a purple beretta.  Anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Contrary to what you are reading all over the blog, President dipshits latest executive orders don’t mean any more than the others.  You can protest the war, they’ll torture whoever they damn well feel like, and people in topeka will continue to dream about living someplace nice like Guam.  These were not earth shattering changes in policy.  They were legalistic manifesto’s with maybe some historical significance.  Hard to blame him.  How would you like to be him in a history book 20 years from now.

In sports the National Felony League continues its meteoric rise to the top of the sports infamy list with that humane society poster child Mikey Vick.  He’s like the 40th football player arrested this year.  My only problem with the hue and cry on this is that people seem surprised.  People are being payed millions to play a game, are spoiled rotten, worshipped by agents, fans, and sport monkeys on ESPN, and then we wonder why they act like a bunch of rotten kids.

  In the NBA, an official has been caught betting on games he refereed.  Like a true American instead of taking his lumps he is talking about naming names.  Like the whole world doesn’t know organized professional athletics aren’t crooked as hell?  This doesn’t even belong on the news.  I want the names from the hooker book…Larry Flynt says he may release all 30 at once, and we’ll be stunned.  Yeah, I’m gonna be stunned because some pathetically disgusting politician is getting his crotch rocket juiced by a hooker.  That’ll happen. 

   Last but not least, for the last time Dick Cheney is not satan.  Satan is a girl scout compared to this guy.  I kind of like   him.  He’s like the chancre sore you appreciate when your great aunt edna the mouth kisser visits.

well, bring on the dancing bears

   I’m wandering around trying to find worthless garbage masquerading as information.  I just found this quack.  He’s trying to tell women what their husbands celebrity crushes mean.  He goes way out on a limb (sarcasm) for these babies.  I think he also whacks his baloney pony to some of these gals, highbrow Dr. type or no.

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/49812/what-his-celeb-crush-says-about-him

hey, gee whiz wally, people think the income gap is to wide.  No way, beav.  Eddie was just funnin yuh.  No really wally, even people making over $80,000 a year say so 2 to 1.  Wow, beav.  This is news?  I guess the interesting part is 2/3rds say the government should fix it, and 2/3rds say the government should stay out of it.  Waits 7 minutes for my readers to do the math.  I think this poll was conducted by Ron Pauls bloggers.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070706/ap_on_re_us/income_gap_poll_2;_ylt=ApS0yugPwptVfcWFE.b0jmgL1vAI

A recent study shows women use only slightly more words than men.  another battle of the sexes stereotype bites the dust, but does it really matter?  What is called an “urban legend” has women using 3 times as many words as men.  I think the new study is inaccurate, and I have almost incontrevertible evidence.  They used me in the study.  Had this not occurred the study would have found numbers in the normal range.    What I want is a study that shows who listens more.  That bad boy would provoke some controversy.  One final note on this.  I’ll believe it when misterpiece does the study and not until.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19618373/

I can always count on foxnews to blow it out of proportion.  So its Al Gore’s kids second arrest for drugs.  So he was driving 100 mph on the freeway.  Crap happens.  First, like big Al says, its a private matter.  I think in keeping with the spirit of this we should drop the conversation about drug use and politics.  i for one think a ton of peyote buds would do a world of good on capital hill.  Secondly, give me a name of someone that doesn’t drive 100 miles an hour on a southern california freeway.  I’ve never seen a pterodactyl, and I’ve never seen one of those either.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,288134,00.html

CNN, in keeping with its policy of carrying only the most important stories manages to make a pretty good case for why J.K.Rowlings may kill off harry potter.  I can see it happening.  It’s either that or continue his slow decline into metrosexuality, and what kind of a witch gets a mani/pedi and dresses fastidiously?  Actually, I’m for a gay witch trilogy to follow the currently scheduled 487 Harry Potter movies.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/07/05/harrypotter.mythology.ap/index.html

ok, now for some hard news.

Dick Cheney strained his lower lumbar vertebrae while trying to remove Nancy Pelosi’s front clasp bra from behind.  Dick claimed the weight was just to much for him.  In a related story, tile had to be replaced in Nancy Pelosi’s office this morning after “something heavy” fell to the floor and shattered the tile.  Her secretary was heard whispering to a janitor “I swear to god…they must be 46 longs.”

   Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh perished today in a tragic kayak accident in Northern Alaska.  The two were sponsoring a Conservative gay pride Kayak race, with money raised going to the Association to Raise Awareness Movement(ASSRAM) a conservative organization working to bring Christian Coalition members out of the closet.  The bodies were not recovered.  In a related stories (criminy news almost always has related stories) A local Inuit tribe is having a whale blubber raffle.  It’s not clear where the blubber comes from as whale hunting is out of season.

David Duke and Wolf Blitzer kissed and made up after the fiasco on CNN.  David Duke said he didn’t hate jews, and had several recipes that required them.  Wolf said he would bend over and lick David Duke between the cheeks if his bosses said so.  Basically, niether changed the position they held prior to their confrontation.

   In a shocking turn of events Ann Coulter switched her party allegiance today, and is now calling herself Queen Libby.  Apparently she has fallen stark raving bonkers for Rosie O’donnell, and can’t stop gushing as only Ann can about their impending nuptials, and their plans to have a love child.  When asked about this news, Rosie O’donnell replied “blah blah blah yakkity yakkity yakkity blah blah blah and blah.”  (not a paraphrase.)

checks the wire….yeah, there’s some other stuff, but we’ll save it for another day.  The nice thing about my news is it works anytime.

oh…the bears…some spank monkey decided that grizzly bears are to dangerous for the idiot tourists that are invading their space so they’ve started painting them fluorescent  colors…its along the russian river in alaska…look it up yourself

just news stuff….my way

so In New Hampshire, you can register to vote as an independent, but only Republicans and Democrats are allowed to run in the state primary.  44% of New Hampshire’s voters are registered independent, making them one of the most independent in the country.  Now if a third party can’t get a fair shake in New Hampshire…?

One more heave for the immigration bill.  They vote again tomorrow on exactly the same bill that was shot down a couple of weeks ago.  We the people have actually exerted enough force to scare the hell out of our representatives up for re-election.  I think this one will go in the win column for the people.  If not…may anarchy rule supreme, and may we all riot in the streets.

Ah yes more gun control.  The issue is releasing gun purchaser data.  Now interestingly enough this would be an invasion of our privacy not unlike the ones in the Patriot act.  Not many liberals are screaming about this one though.  They are the most wishy-washy bunch of turd eaters I’ve ever seen…all they want is to have it both ways.  Looks like it will be shot down….to many rural democrats elected last time that are concerned for their seats.  The democratic party isn’t all that liberal friendly anymore.

Ann Coulter and John Edwards old lady had a cat fight on MSNBC last night.  Ann coulter wishes John Edwards would be killed by terrorists (it was said in a different form, which really didn’t imply she wanted the guy killed at all, but thats the media, and bloggers like me for you…never get it quite right.  I wish Ann Coulter would make her living giving handjobs, and wish Mrs. Edwards would just come out and say if it wasn’t for Ann Coulter her jackass richboy husband couldn’t raise enough money for a cup of coffee.  Every time Ann Speaks they put it in a newsletter and on the web, and beg for funds.

Ron Paul is going to hold a soiree in the same Building as the debate he wasn’t invited to in Iowa.  On the same day.  He is a fiesty little dickens, and like his people say, he’s against raising taxes, and against abortion so its unreasonable for him not to have been invited.

the ultraliberals in charge of the Senate (in this case Patrick “I should’ve been dead 10 years ago” Leahy have subpoena’d more crap from the white house and Dick.  Seems they want to know how much infighting there was in the executive branch over the search warrant free wire tapping rules.  I say….who cares.  My phone isn’t tapped because I’m not a friggin whacko.  I think the liberals just hate the pathetic administration and will try to make a case out of any moronic issue they can.

Rosie O’donnell will be back on Nip/Tuck…good plan…a little real life nip tuck is recommended…also about 18 stitches across her mouth.

just some Ideas

1  Now that she’s free, Paris Hilton should announce on Larry King Live that she will follow in the footsteps of Mother Teresa, but with a twist.  Her mission shall be to give driving lessons to itinerant millionaires.

2.  Rosie O’donnel should sign with MSNBC.   She should host a talk show on conservative christian values that could compete with the 700 club on daytime TV.  I’ll be at work.

3.   Now that a massive forest fire is threatening the ritzy Lake Tahoe area, I think they should start talking about how forest fires are natural and healthy for the environment more.  Let this one burn for awhile.  The area has an infestation of multimillion dollar homes that need to be removed anyway.

4.  As much as I hate to agree with the militiamen…Ron Paul IS being ignored by the media.  He would get more press if he’d just listen to me and get a boobjob.

5.  Anyone notice how there have been an awful lot of riots in Europe over the last few years?  If thats what being more civilized is all about I’ll pass.  They should act more like us.

6.  In telling the tale of Roscoe’s love affair with my foot I received several anecdotes from others that lead me to believe that not only are rabbits liberals, but they are Bill Clinton liberals.

7.  Tom Cruise wants to make a movie about Adolf Hitler.  Now, considering he is a scientologist, I think he should attend the premiere.  Maybe in Jerusalem? or Tel Aviv?

8.  I think someone should slip Alli into the next congressional luncheons main course.  It may turn the Potomac orange, but I think it would be worth it when you consider all the useless crap it would purge.

author’s note:  This is a work of at best dubious humor.  I do not now, nor have I ever advocated committing felonies against the leadership of the united states.

I’ve recommended they be exiled, but that’s as far as I go.  I’m not a Ron Paul follower for gosh sakes.

9.  While I hate to pile on, Dick Cheney should get off the high horse he is on, and obey the presidential directive.  Instead he is accusing the democrats of playing politics, and they are.  Just once Dickhead, er, I mean Dickless, no thats not it either.  Uh just plain dick…just once, be the bigger buttmunch, and cave.

10.  I need Ted Kennedy to tell me what the right thing to do is?  Get outta town.  We Talking Ted, I got drunk and drove my car into the water at Chappaquiddick killing a young woman, and have never had to pay any price for this crime Ted Kennedy?  Why the hell do those Idiots in massachusetts vote for this murderer?  He is the proof beyond any other except that rascist former KKK clown Robert Byrd that our system is fatally flawed.  Both democrats.  A racist and a drunken murderer…and they call conservatives bad people.  thats nervy.

Headlines I’d like to see

Violent Lesbian Gang Attacks Rosie O’Donnell As She Cheers Them On

Ron Paul Eaten By Cannibalistic Militiamen in Wyoming, federal government says it has no jurisdiction

President of GlaxoSmithKline Defecates Himself to Death After Taking Alli

Paris Hilton Requests to Stay in Jail; Cites Privacy Issues

In The Interest Of Fairness, Congress Outlaws Heterosexual Marriage

In Exchange For 12 Million Illegal Immigrants Washington D. C. Ceded To Mexico

France Has Become….no, I can’t…to ez.

Hillary Elected President: Rest of World Dies Laughing

Intelligent Human Found Writing Blog: World Wide Web Shutdown in Alarm 

Dick Cheney Declared Big DooDoo Head By Congressional Leader Nancy Pelosi; in related story, bra strap breaks and kills three