Two monkeys, a rabbit, and an idiot preserve

February 8, 2008

    If you’ve been here before you may have already heard the expression “like 2 monkeys fucking a football.”  What it means is there’s a whole lot of activity, and not much accomplishment.  Well, it has defintely been that kind of week.  This may turn into scatalogical drivel in a minute, so you can stop here if you’d like.  You’ve probably learned something already, and the value of that should never be underestimated.

    I missed all but Monday at work.  My daughter’s been running a fever, and gasping, and wheezing, and on our third trip…yep, third, the little shitheel looks up from his stethoscope and proclaims “I think she has pneumonia.”  Now I’m not a physician, but I’m thinking from day one it’s bronchitis or pneumonia, and told him so on the first visit.  This of course has caused a bit of an epiphany.

    I don’t use doctors much.  I find their cost generally outweighs their value, especially since pharmaceuticals are generally readily available on the sidewalk out front.    Having learned over the course of the last couple of months that the system is incredibly rife with profiteering and outright fraud I question the intelligence of getting the government anymore involved.  The hand specialist that has been treating me is raking in (this is an estimate based on actual time spent working on my hand) 18k an hour.  I don’t mind this so much, but had i not had insurance I would’ve stitched the frankenstein finger and let the other bones set on their own.  I doubt I’d be any worse off, though the scarirng may have scared small children; an undervalued gift that.

   Then the pharmacy was the original clusterfuck from hell.  My bad.  I went to walmart.  Generally I find walmart to be sufficient to the need for supplying things like paper, flour, and shampoo.  My experience has been that while semiliterate cretins would serve the rest of us best by being expunged from the gene pool, a decent alternative is putting them to work, and walmart serves this function admirably.  You do not, however, want them filling your prescriptions for you.  I spent an hour trying to assist them in getting it right as they ran hither and yon to no little effect.  I finally just took my prescriptions back, complimented them on their exemplary display of ineptitude, and contemplated as I exited the premises how much I would rather eat shit from the dispenser than go through that again.  I then went to the Walgreens, and for 1.05 more was out the door in 12 minutes.  Another thoroughly satisfied customer.

    The pace de resistance to my week was when I arrived home to find general tso wrapped in the embrace of an entirely to dead Roscoe.  I knew that sooner or later his lechery would be the death of him, but always assumed he would die of a heart attack while pulling his 3 pound furry jackhammer routine on my ankle.  I was a bit put out by it all.  Does this mean that that fucking cat is a better lay than me, or was it a simple case of his number was up?  Whatever the case, I suppose I should be thankful that he gave me something to contemplate other than how deeply I despise the human race at this particular juncture.  I left out politics here, as it would get me back to full roar on the whole despise thing, but I’ll break it out after I chase a couple of rum and cokes with a couple vicodin….kind of a Heath Ledger cocktail.


The Ron Paul library, and the war on drugs

September 5, 2007

   People keep saying go to the Ron Paul library and see what he says.  You’ll be inspired, you’ll change your tune, you’ll have a bluebird on your shoulder…its the truth…its actual…everything is satisfactual.   Uhhhhh…wrong.   I went, and perusing just one issue I find more of the nonsense that I’ve come to expect from this radical right wing, my-cronies-are all-that-matter zealot.

   The above link takes you straight to an article about the governments war on drugs, but if you hit the little X up in the right hand corner of your screen it will take you to the homepage.  What really sickens me about this article is that I’ve dealt with chronic pain.  i had a doctor shovelling pills at me till they were coming out my ears.  When he broke out the 40mg Oxycontin I decided I’d had enough.  I switched doctors.  While he had no miracle cures, he used non-drug methods for dealing with the pain that eventually restored me to a somewhat healthy existence.

    In any group of people you will have those that are inclined to break the rules.  No hippocratic oath is going to change that, and the DEA should be going after these doctors that work like vending machines to put painkillers in mass quantities on the street.  His anecdotal evidence of wrongdoing on the part of the governent is the same old  “look here, don’t look behind the green curtain” trick that politicians are always playing.  There are criminally negligent pill dispensers disguised as doctors all over the country, and the health care system is so rife with fraud and corruption that, wow, we’re getting clobbered by health care costs.  Your almost free market health care system at work.

   I’m sorry Ron.  Your continued efforts to make everything fit in your little idea of government is tending to sicken me, and your rabid defense of all doctors is disturbing as hell.  You can’t see the problem, and since it’s your professional peers that must mean there isn’t one.   You may be as honest as the day is long, but at least in this article your integrity isn’t the issue.  Your ignorance is.


Ron Paul strong In Straw polls (10 listed)

August 20, 2007

  We have here a list of his finishing position in the straw polls.  He’s done extremely well and this article questions why the mainstream media isn’t picking up on the story.  Besides the fact that Ron Paul is doing well in the polls, and the mainstream media avoids talking avbout that.

   Well, I have a theory.  It’s not a real complicated one so you won’t have to put on your thinking caps and sit up straight.  what the hell, you don’t even have to put down your beer.   It’s because they are virtually meaningless.  What do we have? 

   We have seven straw polls named for states, and only Iowa had more than 500 voters.  Most were in the 200 range.  Thats a very small, generally localized sampling.

  We have two taxpayer organization polls.  These are surely going to be places Ron Paul does well, because these are organizations that back extreme changes in the tax code.  Thats like home field advantage.

  Bottom line is these polls are so small, a minute grassroots organization (a local meetup group, drug legalization organization, firearms group, militia) can easily swing the vote.  They mean nothing, because nobody was involved.  Every other shred of data shows him doing no better than 5% on a national level, and the mainstream media is reporting news, not writing feel good stories for Ron Paul backers.  Thats what the damn blogbowl is for.

   To summate…quit crowing about the minuscule.  Other than Iowa these meant nothing, and he placed 5th their, with two major contenders abstaining.  I’m not saying his message isn’t fundamentally sound on the big issues, but his small issues positions are keeping his voting base to small.

authors note: according to my reading, and i’m from Indiana, he tied for first here amongst a couple of hundred voters with around 25% of the vote.


I was going to write something

August 3, 2007

    but decided against it.  Instead, Mollie and I enjoyed a baconnator and fries and a quiet evening of talking shit in the driveway with the neighbor and his extensive circle of ne’er-do-wells.  The precocious little nitwit at Wendy’s couldn’t quite comprehend that a #4 was in fact a baconnator, and I was therefore forced to call the god of all cholesterol bombs by its full name.   I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure, but a baconnator is available at all your local Wendy’s fast food locations, and includes 2 slices of cheese, two 1/4 pound beef patties, and 6 strips of bacon slathered all over with mayo, and lodged between two slabs of bread that they cleverly call a bun.  Just one of these monuments to dietary suicide can easily double your cholesterol count.  Mine hovers in the low 4 digits so I’m not particularly worried about it, and damn was it good.   I washed it down with a quart of dead animal fat, and am feeling much better now thank you.

   Rebuild hell is almost over.  Tomorrow we will place the molds back in the slagcaster chain.  I have learned much to my chagrin that my young protege is my perfect cliche young American, meaning he borders on worthless when you ask him to do anything that involves physical labor.  On the bright side, while he doesn’t get a lot done he is amusing as hell to watch, which helps speed the day along.  Yesterday about 9 a.m. I explained the proper use of a hammer to him, and god bless his soul he ignored me until I gave him the class again about 2 p. m. after he was thoroughly worn out, and everyone in the shop had wandered by and asked me why exactly I hadn’t taught him not to swing a hammer like that.  The beauty of our mentoring program is that no one else interferes in it, instead they go to the mentor for all things dealing with the mentee? mental?  The new stupid person? yeah, that works.  Because of this, rather than repeating myself or having someone interfere, I was allowed to spend roughly 5 hours watching him ignore my well intended and somewhat sage advice.

    I’m not as evil as that may have sounded.  I did the hard part so he wouldn’t have too, and when advice is ignored its best to just watch and see how that works out.  In our case it resulted in him having the arm strength of a 5 year old girl half through the day.  When I regave my “how to work a tool with no moving parts” class at 2 p.m., he was  more receptive to my advice, and managed to make it until 4 pm.  At that time he had achieved that near nirvana state of total worthlessness, and was allowed to leave.  I did both of our jobs the last 4 hours of the day. 

   His father was one of the driveway reprobates this evening and I had the opportunity to ask him how the damn kid got to 20 without learning to use a hammer.  His dad is a tough old bastard, and was delighted by the tale I told.  His only response was if I had managed to teach him anything I was a better teacher than he.  The kids alright, and I’m afraid tomorrow might kill him.

     I generally don’t attend the driveway fests, but when I do go they are always informative.  Tonights discussion covered everything from how big a flathead catfish has to be for you to get both your hands into its mouth (45 pounds), which pain killers are the most effective (hydrocodone was the drug of choice, with a smattering of support for oxycontin), and the best way to fool a DOT drug test(that should build your confidence as that semi goes smoking past you during tomorrows rush hour), what to do if you’re carjacked (our august panel of heathens have decided that lodging your handgun under the chin and pulling the trigger is more effective than just letting them have your car), the Harlan County war (they hail from hazzard county Kentucky), and local matters of politics that included a rope, a pickup, and a lot of beer.

   The guy who advocated putting a bullet through the head of a carjacker did 6 years for doing a density test on a thugs skull with a .40 calibre, and the lady that does drug testing for the DOT was very informative.  Lynching the mayor was discussed, but I think it was all hot air.  We’ll see.  If he gets hung I know who did it.  If you ever catch a catfish big enough to stick both your hands in its mouth I recommend not eating it, and the harlan county war wasn’t much like the movie.  They downplayed the hell out of the violence if the old feller I talked to is to be believed.  I didn’t argue with him.  He run about 6’5″ and weighed about 350.  He was damn near big enough to make me lay off the Kentucky jokes for the evening, but I did tell my buddy who is going to his family reunion in Hazzard next week to try and score him a wife.

you folks have a good night.

   


Trust and The Ron Paul idea of Government

July 31, 2007

  That my friends is what it comes down to for me.  Do I trust enough to accept his idea of small federal government?  I know that in his world the states will bear the responsibilities that the federal government is relieved of, but that means trusting even more, and frankly less qualified people.

   Trust is a funny animal.  I have trusted people, and on virtually every occassion found them lacking.  Now, unless you are a dead blood relative you all fall into the same category.  I can trust you until I veer from what you desire for yourself.  In a world with out selfishness trust would be a given, but at least in the society I live in now people have aspirations.  We can be best buddies, and sooner or later what you want for you will be different than what I want for me.  Thats when the proverbial doodoo hits the fan.   As long as what you and I want don’t contradict each other we’re still ok, but if they do, one of is in for some greivious disappointment in our friend. 

    I tend to come out on the short end of the stick most of the time in the trust department.  Not because I am wildly trustworthy.  I can give you a whole stack of sworn affidavits that say otherwise.  It’s more because I have a very limited list of desires.  I’m not going to fight my buddy for the affections of a woman, because, and correct me if I’m wrong, there are about a gazillion of them out there, and plus or minus 30 IQ points and 100 lbs they’re all pretty much the same.  I’m not being sexist, the same can be said for men.  I’m not special, and one monkey don’t stop no show.  I’m also not going to walk over your carcass for a better position in the chain of command because quite simply I’m just not that damned ambitious.  I have been walked over though, and the scum sucking rump lickers that have done it can thank god and government that I was not allowed to respond as I thought appropriate.

   I have with cognizant intent limited my life to those things that are important to me.  Basically, don’t harm my children, or molest my pets and we’ll be just dandy.  This of course is in a society that is quite restrictive.  Not Nazi restrictive, not socialist restrictive, but a free society that through its beliefs and laws is quite controlled.  We have the church to control the 80% of people who claimed some religious affiliation as of 2001.   This number is rapidly declining, and those godless bastards out west are the main reason.  Religion has been used as a form of mass control since  naked folks slathered their buttocks with holly berries and danced in the moonlight.  It sets the moral boundaries that encourages a herd mentality that is amazingly well suited to the human species.  We need control, because without it we are absurdly violent and narcissistic.  It’s all about “me,” and it has always been about “me.”

  For that 20% and growing group of society that is secular  we have laws.  Laws of course are established by congress, approved by the executive branch, and interpreted by the courts.  If Dr. Paul has his way, these three entities will take on a junior role in our society.  Sort of a watch dog on the 50 of each that will become all powerful in our lives.    I’m not trying to be a spoil sport, but when is the last time adding people to a decision making process in society helped?

Look at your state, your city…are these the people you want determining the important decisions in your life?  Do you want to move every time a majority of your stupid assed neighbors come up with some crackpot scheme to make life better?

   Add to this the mans desire to end all controls on drugs, to make guns easy to obtain, to weaken the already understaffed military that we have, and you find me not only ambivalent about his chances, but questioning where I would fit in this free for all society of his.

  I have to assume that when my easy to get a gun ass blows some crackhead all over the sidewalk that there will still be laws to ensure that you folks pay for my incarceration.  You see, my lack of trust for his idea of government is not based on fear of it.  It’s based on fear of me.  I want you cow ponies controlled so I don’t have to control you myself.  i am a very friendly fellow, but stick your nose in my world and I can assure you that jacking off a bobcat in a telephone booth with glass in your hand will seem a wiser option.

   You see, the reality is that society is made up of a whole lot of people like me, and an extensive number of people that I only define as other.  Trust me when I tell you that a strong federal government makes us all safer, freer, and aliver than we would be under Ron Pauls vision.  His road leads to anarchy, and while I think I would do okay under that scenario, I’m not so sure about those of you with strong moral codes, and basic levels of decency.  Getting in touch with my inner beast isn’t a problem for me.  When was the last time you let the dog out?

  


Not much to be afraid of

July 2, 2007

     Growing up in rural america in the late 60’s and 70’s (no, wiseacre, not the 1860’s) was a fairly carefree existence.  We had to work and such, but there wasn’t much going on to be afraid of.  Our parents tried to put the fear in us, but lets face it; “the moonies are going to kidnap you if you stay out after dark,” isn’t exactly a terrorizing comment to a kid.  What the hell is a moonie would’ve been the only appropriate response, but responses were passed over in a rush to get out of the house.

    The country is a lot different than the city.  In the city if you wish to go for a swim you go to one of the parks and swim with several hundred other people.  Many of whom are not exactly fastidious about there bathing practices, and I don’t even want to contemplate the whole bodily functions issue.  I lived near a creek.  It was the fun in the sun summer hangout.  Whether it was swimming, fishing, digging for clams, or creative attempts at drowning, thats where the kids went when the thermometer rose.

     The swimming holes were creatively named “the crick” (it was a creek), “big falls” (they were big),  and “killer cliffs” (three kids died there while I was in high school.  The water wasn’t deep enough to handle all of the “hey y’all watch this” moments that occurred there), creativity not being nearly as important as strong backs in those parts. Where you went depended on which locale you were from, and if you had someone to provide transportation.  Yes, mooching rides is a universal teen thing.

    These places were our meeting halls, our ceremonial lodges, and arena’s.  It’s where we learned about such diverse topics as hitting a bong, which girls put out, and which boys were still virgins.   I say diverse because drugs, and sex were about as diverse as it got in the way of entertainment. 

    We used them as places to transmit information about where the party was this Saturday, what happened at the party last Saturday, and who was gonna kick whose ass in the homecoming game.  One of those should probably be “whom,” but we never discussed who and whom in those days.  What we did discuss was so and so’s butt, whether a dodge monaco with a police interceptor engine could beat a 900 kawasaki in the quarter mile (that day it couldn’t, but it saw 160mph), and whether burger kings fries were better than McDonalds.

    The ceremonies held there were generally funerals.  I’m not sure why we had to have our own, but something not in a church, and with no parents just always seemed appropriate.  Oh wait, beer and pot were the reasons.  The four year totals were the three diving deaths, one guy gored to death by a bull, 6 car accidents resulting in 11 deaths (one was a late night chicken event that nobody was chicken in…they never turned on their lights), and two suicides, both female.  Yes, teen pregnancy was an issue even then.  Grief, booze, and weed, don’t really mic so its a wonder that the death toll wasn’t higher as a result of all the impromptu funerals.  17 dead in 4 years.  That seems so unbearable looking back, but at the time maybe because of our youth it was just another fact of daily life.  In order to do anything fun you had to do something stupid, dangerous, or sexual.  Sometimes all three.   

    Most of us were devirginized, experienced our first drunken stupor, and hadfights there.  There was no such thing as that much testosterone, that many girls, and a fight free afternoon.  Sooner or later two shirtless teen gladiators would be slugging it out for the favor of which ever of the young ladies present ws the object of their affections.  These fights often ended with broken bones and blood, but never with gunfire or a knife.  It was a simpler time.

    I think probably the most important thing that happened their on those summer days so long ago were the discussions about what was “out there.”  Many of us had never left the state, but we all intended to.  We talked about far away places and how we would get out.  Most of us that left took the military route.  A few went to college, and the rest may or may not have left.  That part of my life was left behind when I hopped on the plane to go to Marine Corps recruit Depot San Diego.  When I returned from that 4 month trip the quantum leap in the maturity process that had occurred made picking up old friendships impossible, and by the time I returned again the people were lost except for the memories.  the world was rapidly changing everywhere else, but with the exception of the behaviours of the kids, there wasn’t much to be afraid of there.


alli: The new wonder diet drug

June 21, 2007

    In almost 44 years of life I have never found a safe effective diet scam.   Did I say scam?  sure I did…from the water diet fad of the 70’s to the atkins diet craze of the late 90’s and every hoodwinking rainmaking diet scheme in between, they’ve all been either directly harmful to your health, or just failed miserably to work.

   This one though is gonna be a hoot.  Alli is basically a fat blocker.  Your body doesn’t absorb fat so you get less calories.   Should work right.  Darn tootin it should.  All you fatties should rush right out and buy it.  Buy a lot of it.

   Oh, it makes you shit your pants.  Ir makes you fart oil.   Don’t let those minor little irritants stand in your way though.  Its a lot easier than say….eating a balanced diet, or going for a walk.

    I might have a pound or two I could lose.  I might not too.  I’ve never had to diet so it isn’t really fair of me to pick on those that do.  Fortunately I’m not a big believer in fair as a policy so get your fat asses out there and buy this drug.  I always find humans amusing, so humans that shit their pants while wandering the mall should be to die for.

incidentally.  Buy stock in Kimberley Clark.  There is gonna be one huge run on the depends line of products