the debate (the criminy perspective)

July 24, 2007

  Well, that was fun.  It wasn’t a debate.  It was a forum, but thats a semantic thing.  I have a few observations.  Some of them might even come off as intelligent.  We’ll see.

The I look presidential, I sound presidential, and I will be the next president award goes to (someone just shoot me now) Hillary Clinton.  She did look presidential…except for the female and we’ve never had a female president thing  I was pretty impressed by her.  I still don’t like her, but you have to admit the pantyline made her seem more human.  I would bet against anyone that underestimates her. 

Universal healthcare may be the hammer that destroys the democratic party.  How about limiting it to health care for the indigent, children, elderly and handicapped?

The I don’t really know how this works award goes to Barack Obama for saying he would directly meet with Chavez,Castro, Kim Jong Il, Assad, and Ahmadinejad.  Hillary and Edwards we’re quick to jump on the diplomatic faux pas.  It worries me a little that I knew all their names…my memory should be shot by now.

Who I could vote for award goes to – Joe Biden.  He makes sense.  He’s been around the block, he isn’t some rich fat cat looking to pad his fortune, and he’s been serving this country through a ton of personal strife.  I like the idea of partitioning Iraq, since there is no other idea that has any chance of working.  If it wasn’t for his voting record in congress he’d be the man.  I loved “If thats your baby, you need help” and the followup “I hope he doesn’t come looking for me.”  I also like his position on troops to Darfur

The “surprise criminy” award goes to Bill Richardson for not reciting his diplomatic resume no matter what the question was about.

The I not only look crazy I am crazy award goes to Dennis Kucinich for suggesting that people alive today deserve reperations for something that ended 142 years ago.

The I’m in control (anyone remember Alexander Haig) award goes to Anderson Cooper.  This is no Wolf Blitzer.  He handled things as moderator impeccably.  This guy really never looks bad no matter what he is doing, and I can think of a gazillion journalists(sycophants) that need to watch him and try to emulate him.  If you don’t believe me go over to you tube and get a copy of Sean Hannity’s interview with Huffington.  He is the only idiot on the planet that could make her look intellectual.

The whineass award goes to Mike Gravel…even though i really like this guy.  The reason you are not asked a lot of questions is because you are a marginal candidate.  I liked his firm stance on the died in vain controversy.  I know it’s hard to take, but if you die fighting for a cause, and have no affect on future events…then you probably from that perspective died in vain.

I’m not giving chris dodd an award.  I’m just going to say that I was wrong to judge this guy by his behaviour in senate hearings.  He’s lucid, earnest, and has a reasonable vision for the future if you remove all the stupid I have to say this to please my base rhetoric.  Nice job Chris.

minor notes:

I think it’s cute how they all rail against special interests and corporations.  I particularly liked the corporate carbon penalty idea.  What I think a lot of people don’t realize is that the more we regulate our industries, and force them to pay the costs…the less able they are to compete in the global market that these same public officials created.  I know it sounds good, but we are flat getting our asses kicked in global trade, and it’s because the countries that are eating our lunch are not being regulated the way we are.

Bill Richardsons 40K minimum wage for teachers.  That sounds nice don’t it…ok…i have a confession…I’ve been working at my current job since January.  I will make substantially more than 40K this year.  Here comes the good part.  I’m a painter.  I don’t know about you, but I think a society that pays its teachers less than it pays its painters deserves whatever fate hell can dream up for it.

I want to find fault with healthcare for illegal aliens but i can’t.everyone should receive medical attention if they need it, and under current law, believe it or not…you do.  Hospitals can not refuse to treat you.  They can transfer you to another facility, but you have to be treated.  Insured or not.  In theory.

   The gay marriage issue I’m going to do a flip flop on.  It’s not governments business.  I think what Obama said was right.  If churches wish to honor gay marriage thats fine.  It is a civil matter.  I do think that they should have all the same rights and privileges as married couples, but think they should have all the same costs.  Once entered into a civil union they should have to get a divorce to break it, and pay all the appropriate alimonies child support etc that the court deems appropriate .  Thats what I call getting kissed before you get f%$ked.

I thought it was nice of all these wonderful religious people to think it’s okay for people not to be religious, and to think they should still have a voice in our society.  It was very inclusive of them. *smack*

All in all it was entertaining.  Some of it was funny, some of it was sad, some of it was just plain stupid.  A typical presidential candidate forum.


religion…the fox in the hen house

July 16, 2007

    I’m a little concerned.  Is it Romney, or is it just me?  Has religion suddenly leapt to the fore of the presidrntial race?  I guess anything is possible in a society as mixed up as ours, but can it be reasonable to elect someone based on their religious beliefs?  Pardon me while I hop up on my pulpit.

let’s start with a laymans definition of faith.  Most religions are faith based, so this is a good starting point.

Faith:  Believing in something that can’t be proven.   Pretty simple.  Not real complicated.  Would anyone like an example?

Example 1: While there is no proof that tarot cards can really tell your future, many people believe in them. 

Let’s do another

example 2: while there is no proof that their are humanoid life forms on other planets, many people believe in them.

Let’s call in the hounds and head it on home to bowlegs now.

example 3: Though there isn’t a shred of evidence that there is a supreme being, many people believe in one.

   Number one is no sillier than number two is no sillier than number three.  In fact, if you believe in any of them they aren’t silly at all. They also do not lend you a special insight into the running of a nation, any extra knowledge on how to deal with the leaders of other nations, nor do they improve your ability to make a tasty bologna, mustard, and chitlins sandwich.

Its not important.  In fact, were it up to me religion would almost always be a negative. Religious doctrine, all of them, are riddled with violence, intolerance,  and draconian strictures.  The strictures are so binding that a truly devout man would make a horrible leader.  would you like an example?  No? Tough

Example:  Jimmy Carter

Example: Adolph Hitler

Example: Golda Meir

Example: The Ayatollah Khomeini

I could go on like that until tomorrow, but we’d be no closer to the end of this post, and I’m striving for it.

  Mitt Romney is a mormon.  What did you think?  90% of the people that hear the word mormon think “polygamy.”  Those who have read up on it so they can slam him know much more.  What they don’t realize is that the same brush they use to spread the tar that holds the feathers on old Mitt, can be used on any of the others as well.

What makes a christian a good choice as a president?  If you said nothing you are correct. What happens if a true christian gets in the white house? A Ron Paul, or a Mike Huckabee? Hell, Mike is a preacher. Will they fight to end abortion?  Will they try to make adultery a felony?  Will coveting be a crime? Man I hope not because I confess I have been known to covet my ass off from time to time.  Will a catholic president out of bitterness go after the lutherans?  You laugh my friend, but it’s been done.  This nation was settled by people who were fleeing religious persecution.  If I’m not mistaken it was those two factions.

   What about Barack?  He is a christian, but his name is pure muslim. What if he’s elected, and then converts to islam?  does Shariaa law become something he wants enforced?  Shall we lop off hands for theft?  How about stoning for adultery. Maybe a little bif bam boom for not wearing your abaya when you walk out in public ladies?

What about hillary? Would opus dei try to whack her?  They seem to be all about a patriarchal society?  Or would she rewrite scripture ala Dale Brown, and raise up Mary Magdalene? 

  Back To Mitt.  Would he really make me have two wives?  I work damn hard not to have any, but I know i’m supposed to be fruitful and multiply under virtually every religion on earth.

   None of that is likely to happen.  We have what we call seperation of church and state.  It’s more of a euphemism for “incredibly rich churches don’t have to pay there fair share,” but we do have it. The point I make in my overly wordy way, is that religions are not inviting if you don’t belong to them.  They are not inclusive, are not tolerant of other ideals.  They are probably the number one cause of wars since time began.

Oh yeah.  they are based on faith.  Let’s elect the man in the moon.  There is no basis for him existing, but i have faith that he does.

Being religious is not a bad thing.  It tends to make one an instant hypocrite, but other than that it’s not so bad.  Religion is no barometer on how good a person is though, and shouldn’t be a primary concern when casting your vote.  I’d vote for the guy that worships Roscoe the wonder bunny if i think he’s the best man for the job.


2.5 months

July 4, 2007

   One of the contractors at work is a quiet young man.  He’s probably 25 or so, I didn’t ask.  I’ve never seen him speak to anyone.  today I was working across this channel between two of the baghouses, about 70 feet up.  He stopped to let me finish what I was doing, so he could get by.  I finished and stepped off to the side, but he didn’t continue on.  I said howdy, because I’m so nice, and he just started spilling his guts.

    His daughter is 2 and a half months old.  Her eyeballs are bright yellow, she has had an intestinal transplant or removal, i’m not sure which.  It all fell out in a rush.  She’s on  dialysis, and her liver has basically failed.  He’s not a doctor, so the descriptions weren’t real clear.  Then he shook me to my boots.  He asked me to pray for her.

I don’t really do that.

I didn’t tell him that.

Tonight sophie marie shall have another interceder, because even if I don’t do that, she needs it

I know so many people complaining of such minor things.  This guy stoically deals with this incredible trauma.  I can’t imagine why hetalked to me.  i didn’t see him talk to anyone else.  Maybe he did.

I’ve never had faith.  I’ve seen to much shit like this to believe in a god of mercy and love.

can’t hurt to try though  I’ve been wrong before


rethefted

June 15, 2007

yuck.  I apologize to those of you she named.  I can do no more than that.  I’ll not honor the rest of it with any comment, but i did steal my stuff back

what these people aren’t.

Ron Paul…he isn’t a libertarian.  i could go into all the reasons why, but then you wouldn’t go to http://vote-smart.org and make up your own mind.

Ann Coulter…stupid.  She has found a niche that made her rich, and all she had to do was be nasty.  I can be nasty.  Of course I don’t have that horse-faced inbred look.

Mike Moore…a journalist.  but his new documentary sicko has enough truth in it to make it worth the view, just like all his documentaries.  Now its true I wouldn’t put him out if he was burning, but he still manages to catch my attention.

Sean Hannity…a pragmatist.  Given a chance to appeal to the decent sensibilities of intelligent people, Sean would pass and continue to preach to the choir with his nitwit vitriolic warmongering.  Face it Sean, if it wasn’t for my boy Alan (god what a geek) Colmes you’d be just another pasty faced Irish conservative talking on the radio.

George Bush…a bad guy.  You can hate him all you want.  You can think he’s stupid.  But do you really down in your heart after watching the guy think that he has ill intent?  I can see where he might be a little to easily led by the people he trusts, but I think ol George is as decent a man as has ever been president.  Remember Jimmy Carter? he was a decent guy.  shitty president.  Just like George.

Paris Hilton…she just isn’t.  Her 30 to 50 million future inheritance is real.  The cameras that chase her around are real.  The idiots that make her the star of their daily quest for titillation are real.  Turn off the camera’s though and Paris disappears…completely.

Hillary Clinton…a liberal.  Hillary Clinton is a politician par excellance.  She would bang every ungulate from here to poughkeepsie if the bestiality vote would get her made president.  Remember Bill? Stone cold liberal till he got elected.  Then he became moderate Bill pushing through the Republican agenda like no conservative president ever has.  Hillary is cut from the same cloth.  Its why they hate each other.

Al Sharpton…a man of god.   A man of god would work to bring people together under the lord.  Al Sharpton is s your typical for us by us black preacher.  Tawanda Brawley leaps to mind.  For those of you to young to remember her, she is why Al Sharpton stayed out of the Duke lacrosse team rape case.

Martha Stewart: dumb or weak.  This woman is as popular as she ever was with the middle class.  This after an insider trading scandal that made her look like a have greedily succumbing to the temptation to take advantage of her position in life.  Normally this would have her burned in effigy, instead, she’s who all the little Rachel Ray’s wanna be when they grow up.

Wolf Blitzer….a Wolf.  This boy is as sheep as it gets…. CNN has a ring in his nose and a finger up his a..   you know what I’m talking about.  This guy couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the “c” and the “t” without some exec at CNN coaching him first

that’s what they aren’t… I couldn’t begin to guess what they are.

 

Talents

    About the only difference between today and every other weekday is that for some unknown reason I did a 180 on the way to the bathroom upon rising.  This confused the hell out of mollie the mooch.  Not really knowing what to do the poor pooch did what she does when she’s confused and sat down.  Roscoe, perpetually bringing up the rear in our little love caravan failed to notice my abrupt change of direction, and failed to yield.  This created the hilarious for me, disconcerting for mollie, and intolerable for roscoe result of Mollie sitting on Roscoe’s head.  I can’t really tell you in words, but seeing a cockerpoodle with a rabbit thrashing around in its butt is a vision that every day should start with.

    On to talents.  Do you have one? Wanna share?  I do.  Have one.  I’m sharing because I didn’t feel like playing poker, and its to hot to do anything that is not incredibly sedentary.   My talent is I’m a prick.  I can annoy a person in 15 seconds or less, piss em off in under a minute, and have them in a spittle flying apopleptic rage in well under 10.

     This doesn’t pay well as talents go.  I mean, its not getting loot like a Vincent Van Gogh original, but he was dead before the cashola started to flow.  Its not drawing pay like a fortune 500 executive either, but it has good bennies.   People are always incredibly fun to watch.  They will do the damnedest things if they think no one is looking.    Mad though, upset, annoyed; then they are at their finest.

    There is really no joy in life like watching a normally calm, sane human being completely losing their cool over a few words.  I don’t do anything else.  It’s not really all that iunteractive a sport.  Just speak and watch the games begin.  The reason I’m good at it is really quite simple.  It’s easy. 

   People lack self control.  They are so used to having things go the way that they want; when faced with anything out of the ordinary they become first defensive, then offensive, and then downright assinine.  i love it.  Its better than sex with a monkey.

    There are several gambits to the game.  Its not chess mind you, but maybe conversationally instigative checkers.  My favorite is to be over nice.  I’m not sure why this one works so well, but if their is one thing folks can’t stand its someone being nice to them.  I mean real nice.  I mean ass kissing, brown nosing, sycophantically nice.  This probably only works for me because it makes people wonder whats coming.  I’m so rarely nice to anyone outside of my household that it gives people the creeps when I am.

    Another one is to agree with everything someone says, and repeat it like its wisdom from the almighty.  This one performs well at work.  Unless you work with a closet insecurity freak that acts like an egomaniac.  They love this. 

    One I used just yesterday is maybe the easiest to get the opportunity to use.  Find some pompous windbag that’s obviously overly fond of him/herself, and just make observations about their character.  Nothing extreme mind.  Just point out how insecure they seem.  That sort of thing.  I had The vindictive bastard.wordpress.com so mad i know it took a bottle of windex to clean his screen.  Tormenting the obnoxious is fun.  Tormenting the semi-literate obnoxious is what makes life worth living.

   My book how to torment others is available for the low low price of $14.95 at all your better bookstores. 

Sunday is for random thoughts

1.  I’m pretty sure the reason alcoholism is a rampant sickness in our society is because it makes human interaction almost tolerable.

2.   Albania likes us.   That being the case it makes it real easy to wonder what the hell is wrong with the rest of Europe.  My vote is jealousy.  Na na na na boo boo.  You don’t like us because you want to be us.  You want to shower more than once a week.  You want to brush your teeth.   You want to have leaders that aren’t deviants, retards, and criminals.  Well, so do we on that last one.

3.  Congress has the effrontery to tell me that I need a 700 odd mile fence on my  over 1500 mile southern border.   Ok, so build a fence to keep your dog in.   Leave several gaps in it.  does it work?  How can you not chuckle?

4.  Gun control is the one issue I think I can have an impact on so pay attention.  Get a good sight picture.  Breathe in….release the breath and squeeze (don’t pull) the trigger.  I have now done my part on one of the great issues facing our society.  Use it in good health.

5.   My dog is fat, fluffy, and lazy.  She makes me get up at odd hours to take her out to relieve herself.  She barks incessantly when i’m not home which makes the neighbors complain.   She follows me literally everywhere.  you can’t divorce your dog, but I did get rid of a wife that behaved almost exactly the same way.

6.   To all you sullen Ron Paul fans that come, read, and leave pissed off because I think he looks like Henry Gibson, or has the people skills of Elmer Fudd.  Get over it.  I’m just being a jilted fan.  His stance on imperialism is right on, but he is not as so many of you like to say….a libertarian.  Go to vote-smart. org, and read up on your diminutive dynamo.  The man is at least 7 turnips shy of a truckload.

7.  Breakfast is by far the most important meal of the day.  Today I had a cuba libre’ and some cheese popcorn.  I feel like a million bucks.  Well, like 32 bucks and some change, but thats progress.

8.   Nascar has a rain delay for the second week in a row.  Ted does not like nascar.  Ted does not like anything.  Ted is a spoiled rotten omnipotent brat, and should be excoriated in all the newspapers of the land.  Its good to be irreverant on Sunday.  Its a day of rest, and their is nothing more restful than twisting the tail of the created by man creator.

9.  Love is a four letter word that is defined   “someone else doing things exactly the way you want them to.”

I can live without it.

10.    If the French have finally realized that socialism is an invalid theory, and they have judging by the conservative landslide in their parliamentary elections, does that mean we can now put that baby to bed in Europe?  Or is the dumbest, laziest, dirtiest nation in Europe just trying to keep up with the brits?  Hard to say.  If they all start riding around naked on their bicycles we’ll have our answer.

11.   Ferrets attack more people than grizzly bears.   I know this is true because I saw it on a mountain dew commercial.

12.  My dentist wants 4 digits to work on my teeth.  Thats not so bad.  I just won’t buy gas this week.

13.    Its over.  For the 39th time in 3 days its over.  I haven’t figured out what it is yet, but I’m not defecating what looks like thick lemonade anymore, so i think its a good thing.

14.  You have just wasted 10 minutes of your day if you read all of this.   Thats assuming that if you’re reading this you have to sound out the long words, and read while moving your lips.  You should maybe do something else now.

15.   Remember….you can’t change anything.  You have no power.  Control is only an illusion, and your life is slowly spiralling into the fiery pits of hell.  Chaos will rule supreme in your existence, and life will never be as good for you as it was yesterday.  That being said, you still as a species are amusing as hell.  Please continue.

according to spellcheck I didn’t mispell anything.  Find a deep hole and pray.  Armageddon is upon us.

suck your thumb

     I try to be moderate in my viewpoints.  I also try to curtail my opinion when I disagree with something someone else does or says.  I almost never comment on other writers, because….well….a lot of them are idiots, and you don’t make any friends calling people idiot.

     Michelle Malkin….you are an idiot.  You may be cute, but you’re still an idiot.   I read one of this wenches articles today, and I came away with this utterly amazed feeling.  Not at the depth of her persuasive ability.  Not at her obvious astuteness.  i was amazed that the Washington Times actually paid this overeducated elitist to write this swill.

     Seems Michelle is a little worried that all the allah lovers are teaching their kids to kill whitey, and were teaching ours to be wussies.  Its quite true.  Thats almost exactly whats happening.  In middle America.  In the public schools of our suburbs, maybe.  The muslims do teach their children about Jihad from the time they pull em off the camels teat.  They’ve been doing it for generations.  War in the middle east is like saturday cartoons here.  They keep getting worse, and they never end.

     I guess where my problem comes in is in wondering what we should do.  Help me out Michelle.  Shall we have M-16 training in kindergarten?  Should all our politicians rattle the sabre?  Can you see Ron Paul threatening anyone? “Be vewwwy vewwy quiet….wewe hunting muswims…..hehehehehehehehe.”  

      I don’t think I want my children trained to hate anyone.  I’ll grant our schools suck.  I’d go so far as to say the government wastes almost every tax dollar they sink into the public schools.  I live in the inner city though.  All I can say is I’d pit my streetwise scumbags against the ayatollahs assholes any old day.  The kids in my neighborhood don’t lack for balls, and the kids in Michelle’s neighborhood aren’t going to fight our wars anyway. 

    So do me a favor you wafer thin sorority sister nitwit.  Move your column to the society page, or talk some sense.  

http://washingtontimes.com/commentary/mmalkin.htm   michelle’s blithering idiocy in print.

 ok, I don’t try….so what.
 

Faith, Love, and the Art of Politics

    Like Baskin Robbins, politics has a flavor of the day.  In the republican party, or rather for a fringe element of them its Ron Paul.  For the Democrats, it changes like I change socks.    For all concerned, the flavor is faith, and how sweet it is to broadcast your beliefs on all the cable network news shows.  I was watching tonight; (and I confess to ignoring most of it), the three top candidates from the democrats discussing their faith on CNN’s faith forum.

    Here I should point out that I have a lackadaisical attitude toward faith.  I have faith, but I limit it to those things that are almost certain to happen whether I believe they will or not.  Like the sun coming up, my children asking for $150.00 shoes, or me hurling if I chase my tequila with a vicodin.   Its not a spiritual thing with me.  I do pray though.  I like to think of it as chatting with Ted.  It usually goes something like this.

Me: Uh, lord?

God:  I told you to call me Ted.

Me:  Yeah, but it feels a little wierd.

God:  I’m god, your wierdness isn’t my problem.

Me: true.

God: so what’s up?

Me: The usual.  I’m confused about you really.

God:  Do tell?

Me:   Well, what is it you do?

God:  I’m omnipotent.

Me:  Do tell?

God:  I can do anything.

Me:  Really?  Like cure aids?  end famine? stop wars?

God:  I could do all those on a slow Tuesday.

Me: really?!?!  Then why don’t you?

God:  I gave man free will.  If you folks want it fixed…. fix it.

Me:  (thinks)  ok, so what do you do?

God:  I’m omnipotent.

Me:  But what does that entail?

God:  I created the universe in 6 days.  Then took a day off.

Me: Then what?

God:  (thinks)  I had immaculate conception with Mary, then 33 years later I gave my only begotten son that man would be saved.

Me: from what?  Saved from what?

God:  Nobody ever asked that before…I’ll ruminate on it.

Me:  Then what?

God:  Then nothing.  I’m waiting.

Me:  For what?

God:  For man to love his fellow man, for the rich to care for the poor, for the church to care for the unsaved, for all mankind to love one another.

Me:   You got hopes.

God:  Nope.  I have a hammock, a never ending six pack, and you to pick on.

Me: sounds like a good gig.

God: Works for me.

Me: no kiddin.  So just one more question?

God: shoot?

Me:  What do you think of the candidates for the 2008 election?

God:  I think I need a beer.

Me: Oh, me too.  Thanks a bunch Ted.  Can you hold my coat?