Ain’t We Got Fun?

October 7, 2008

My, my, my.  Isn’t this just a pickle? I like being right, but there is a limit.I’m here to tell you, I’ve never had this much fun, and I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fucking.  Politics, finance, world order itself hang in the balance, and it gets no better than that.

In just the last month as I reckon it the federal government has injected or is on the verge of injecting over TWO Trillion (that’s trillion with a T) bucks into the financial market.  What comes after trillion? it’s million,billion, trillion….but what comes next?  Whatever it is, we’ve sunk a quarter of one of them into this mess.  In fact, I’m not even counting the fannie and freddie buyout, so probably more like 3 trillion.

Yet, amazingly, no one is to blame.   I keep stopping as I write this.  Laughter overcomes me.  A complete and utter dearth of leadership has created the situation, and suddenly we find that the two candidates aren’t really capable of leading either.  Given an incredibly devastating economic crisis just 2 months prior to the election, and McCain panics whilst Obama cowers.  The cowering isn’t exactly a surprise.  It conforms to both the voting record, and the lack of forthrightness on the part of Barack.  The panic was a little surprising.  I take it that’s what a bonafide hero does when faced with a situation beyond his understanding.  Lacking the tools to capture the essence of the crisis it is better to do be doing something useless than nothing at all.  I remember the mindset clearly from my time in the military.  I believe they teach it at The Basic Officers Course.

So what we have is a candidate willing to trounce longtime friendships as if they mean nothing, and a candidate incapable of dealing with those issues not related to beans, bullets, and bandages.  Let’s look back:

We could’ve had Hillary.  Mitt.  Guiliani.  A host of others.  All uniquely unqualifed, but gifted with the egocentricity needed to believe one capable of performing that job.   Bill probably would be nice to have around right now.  Would be nice if he hadn’t used up his term limits before he achieved wisdom.  Oh well.  What we have are these two knuckleheads.  Both of whom, coincidently, have less executive experience, and less personal appeal than the vice presidential candidate.  The hockey mom.  Not the inveterate liar and longtime defender of current social policy that has us where we are today.  Of course, I’m partial to a well turned calve.  Beats worn out political bullshit everytime.

Anyway.  I just came by to chuckle.  Spending what you don’t have got us here.  Blame whoever you want, but that’s what did it.  Your friends, neighbors, coworkers…maybe you, maybe a little me.  that’s who got us here.  Bad spending, atrocious voting.  Accepting that in a free and democratic society the government should be bailing out private enterprise.  We suck folks, and we just keep sucking.  Come the first Tuesday in November we’re going to suck again.  We chose these two to lead us to the promised land?  We’re we drinking?  Hopped up on speedballs and Latte’?  Whatever the case.  This is frigging hilarious.

awkward conciliatory and encouraging afterward:

If your job is sound, and you aren’t in hock up to your genitalia; if you spend little and conserve copiously you should come through this mess ok.  If not, well, tough shit.  You were warned.

Mail Call

September 18, 2007

  The reason I get an e-mail box is because it is required to sign up on websites.  It is rarely used.  The reason it is rarely used is because I don’t use it…except rarely.  I’ll open it once in a blue moon unless someone says “hey,  I sent you an e-mail.”  I open it seldomly for the simple reason that I am in  an advanced stage of “youth erosion,” and refuse to do anything that requires energy and isn’t mandatory to sustain life.

   So today I got a text message that said “I sent you an e-mail. ”  It was from a company doing business with a company I’m doing some consulting for.  Thusly, about 4 hours after I arrived home from work I rushed to my E-mail.  It was a missive explaining the piping that will be used on the project, and was very important to my finishing my work on the project.  I shall deal with it next Tuesday.

   Below it was a note from one of my esteemed readers.  It read;

Are you dead?  Was it painful? *hopeful look*

   Now normally I don’t answer e-mails unless I like the person…a lot.

This one however deserved a reply.

“yes.”  “and yes.”  “Now please quit emailing me.”

More Sex in the News

September 8, 2007

  I’m going to lead off with this story because it is hilarious, sinister, and provocative.  Plus, it involves a short skirt and a sleek blonde.

and now we’ll remove some of the duds for this wonderfully ironic story about Vanessa Hudgens, who plays Gabriella in Disney’s “high School Musical”

Poor Pang.  For our adultery, death sentence, and multiple mitresses story we go to China.  These wives seem to have become upset over the death sentences handed their husbands, so they denounced their …concubine keeper?  Funny stuff.

in the tawdry affair section….so you’re the defendant…how would you feel if the prosecutor was creating the beast with two backs with the judge?  This here is just plain wrong, but apparently they are getting their comeuppance.;_ylt=AnVziJyXDTdrlR8lxbDord4Z.3QA

In the “I thought I was catholic story we have this scumbag teacher in Ireland cruising kiddie porn…pretty nice international job of punching his sex registry ticket

DAMNIT…Britney is going to wear panties…like I care, but some of you might so here’s the scoop on Britney…lingerie model…it’s from pop tarts

if you haven’t figured it out, my link thingie is messin up.

no gay story or animal sex story so I fug this out of the ancient archives…killing to birds with one bone so to speak.

the book report

September 7, 2007

The assignment:  Give a two minute presentation on The Giver by Louis Lowry.

The instructions:  Explain why you liked the book, and reasons others your age would like the book.

The questions my daughter asked:  What if I didn’t like the book?  What if the book has no redeeming social value?

The directive:  Well then just make something up.   (Allegedly with a threatening tone).

The decision (as it was put to me):   I’m going to say what I really thought of the book.

My response:   Take something good to read in in school suspension. (smiling, and with just a hint of defeatism).

the book report:  a scathing 2:00 rebuke of a book that ended “but others might like it.”

The question:  Was there anything about the book that you liked?  (Allegedly with a hint of malice.)

The response:  It was short.

   good kid

author’s note:  all errors in this communication related to punctuation, grammar and sentence structure are mine.  The content is as close to exact as I can make it, having had the story related to me by my daughter.

How could they fuck this up?

September 6, 2007

   They had complete surprise.  Nobody had any idea what was going on.  Yet once again the Commander-in-Chief, and the U.S. armed forces failed to take advantage, and failed at yet another mission that would’ve gauranteed the security of America’s heartland for decades to come.

   On several occassions over   the last 8 years I’ve had several disagrements with the current administration, but believed they were doing their best with the somewhat limited intellectual resources at their disposal.  I’ve made allowances for the fact that they botched up the war in Iraq because I understood it was about personal enrichment, and it’s hard to concentrate on killing people while your stuffing your pockets full of cash.

   This however is unforgiveable.  I will no longer make excuses for these cretins.  They obviously have no idea how to protect the American people, and should be impeached or skinned alive

How in the hell do you fly 6 nuclear weapons over South Dakota, Iowa, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Louisiana and not drop one in every single state along the way?

note: I’m not really a member of the republican party nor do i advocate any damage being done to the scurrilous bastards currently working out of 1600 pennsylvania avenue.

Sunday is for random thoughts

September 5, 2007

1.  anyone who thinks we’re not heading into an inflationary cycle hasn’t been grocery shopping lately.

2.  I only have one minor issue with Islamic Fundamentalists….they want me dead.

3.  Which is exactly the same problem I have with my Ex’s.

4.  The best way to ensure yourself a place in the kingdom of heaven is to kill your cat, and get a rabbit.

5.  Booze and drugs are just like people.  It takes years to build up a tolerance..

6.  the law and society are wrong.  Some people need their asses kicked.

7.  Don Quixote tilted at windmills…I talk to Pauliacs.

8.  a two day weekend isn’t long enough.  There is barely time to get drunk and recover from the hangover.

9.  On its two year anniversary, let me just say that Katrina is what happens to people who decide to live below sea level on the coast.  It is not the governments fault, nor my responsibility to rebuild this monument to the stupidity of some people.

10.   I would think Larry the Cable Guy were funnier if I hadn’t known so damn many of them in my life.

11.   fags and abortion, abortion and fags.  The morning news shows were back to normal. 

12.  At least twice a day I have the desire to choke someone until they turn blue, and those little bubbles start popping on their lips.  you know what I mean.  You don’t?  Then you are way to fucking tolerant.

13.  Approaching 3 moths blogging, and what I’ve learned is that the breakdown of totally incomprehensible fuckwits is about the same as in the population.  I think the difference is I don’t have to look at them while they try to sound out the words. None of them read me…more than once.

14.  I didn’t kill any millwrights today.  I wanted to, but I hate prison food.

15.  I can’t decide whether Bill Brady is dumber than Jack Reacher, but I’m working on it.

16.  I wonder if Mohammed ever fucked a sheep.

The Weekend in Review

September 4, 2007

  So did everybody have a good holiday weekend?  Well, I know not everybody, but if most of you did, good on yuh.

How about those Michigan Wolverines?  I was so tickled I couldn’t quit smiling all weekend.  Being a dyed in the wool Badgers fan, seeing the always overrated Wolverines get dumped on their head by Appalachian State was better than a good heroin binge.  The badgers beat Washington state (boohoo PNW), and Notre Dame got monkey stomped by Georgia Tech.  All in all it was a perfect day in college football.

    I went to a Mexican wedding with the chango’s from work, and other than the Cerveza (sol) tasting like warm horse piss it was a really good time.  I taught a whole passel of senorita’s how to eat the worm out of a Mezcal bottle without drinking the whole damn thing, and the food was spectacular.  I was asked to show my “green-go card” several times, and managed to extricate myself from the fiesta before I got inebriated enough to start calling everybody Pancho Villa.

   George Bush may not be the best president we ever had, but he did something really intelligent last night.  Merely by sneaking out of town to go to Anwar, he showed the world that the American Press is to be trusted about as much as Al Jazeera.  So much for investigative journalism.  They were only a half a planet wrong as to where the president was.  Nice job ABC, CNN, FOX, et al.  too funny.

   The menagerie is driving me nuts.  This morning Mollie woke me up before the sun.  This is a no no on non-work days, and had it not been for the pitiful whine she was sounding I would have ignored her and went back to sleep.  When I turned the light on the reason for her whining became all to clear.   General Tso was latched onto her tail, and showed no intention of letting go.  I squeezed the little ratbag’s head till she released her, and went back to sleep.  I start hearing this crunching sound.  I had watched a movie last night prior to going to bed, and had inadvertantly left the case open.  Bad Idea.  Roscoe the asshole…i mean wonder bunny was in their taste testing the DVD cases.  I reached over and closed the door on his head, and then shut it proper when he withdrew.  It’s not like I don’t spend 20 bucks a week to feed the little bastard.  I go back to sleep.  Whilst sleeping I must have gotten warm, because I stuck my foot out from under the blanket, whereupon General Tso, still angry over his ignominious removal from Mollies assfeathers, leaped to the attack.  Kittens have razor sharp claws, and my foot looks like it would if Ron Popeil spent an hour testing his knives on it.

    The kids on the other hand have been easy to get along with.  No fighting, not even a good argument.  Apparently the supplemants (thorazine) I’ve been adding to their food is helping.

Oh yeah, I went on a date with a woman a little less than half my age.  I wouldn’t have, but she was buying, and I learned at a very young age to never pass up free food.  It went ok, and while I doubt I’d put me through it again this wasn’t her fault.  She was polite, charming, intelligent, and named after cheese.  It was all I could do not to beat that into the ground.

Bush In Anbar; Ron Paul in visible

September 3, 2007

   So I’m doing laundry and cleaning house, (no I’m not female), with the news a constant barrage of inanity in the background.  When what does my wandering ear hear, but that Big George is in Anbar.  That just plain blows.  He’s doing the fun in the sun thing on labor day while I’m slaving for the man.  Granted the man I’m slaving for is me, but it still seems unfair that he gets to go globetrotting with that way hot shicksa Condoleeza while I’m stuck home like cinderfuckingrella.

   Anyway, his trip isn’t important…what happens this week in Iraq should be interesting.  You think he threatened to ground his bastard stepchild Nouri?

YAYE.  The Russians are getting ready to bring online a new intercontinental ballistic missile.  Those of you in your forties remember detente’ and the  term “mutually assured destruction.”  You also remember how much safer the world seemed then.  So lets nuke the middle east and get back to a little nuclear holocaust prevention.

   The American worker is the most productive in the world.  No kidding.  That’s what the report says.  You want a link?  Tough….go find it if you doubt me.  In a related story, we have the worst trade negotiators, the most overpaid management, and the dumbest politicians on the planet.  Those are heady stats when you consider that Fidel and kim jong il aren’t dead yet.

  I watched a plethora of sunday morning news shows yesterday, and while it was mostly about fags and abortion, the one common thread that I tripped to was that all of the Republican candidates are following John McCains lead on Iraq.  They are co-opting his stance.  All of them.  This is interesting since Ron Paul is a Republican candidate and doesn’t follow McCain’s lead at all.  I guess face the nation, This week, and all the other talking head shows have forgotten he’s running.  Hard to blame them.  So has everyone else.  He came in third in his home state, and rumor has it he was 4th at his own birthday party.

happy labor day….get really drunk and hurl on your friends.

The Ron Paul Legion Featured in USA TODAY

September 1, 2007

    Well, they get points for creativity.   I’d be willing to bet none of  Hillary’s fans were laying around in a drunken stupor one day and thought, “hey, lets write dudes name on the roof.”  It’s actually a wonderful idea if you wish to reach disgruntled airlines passengers who have their noses pressed to the window to try to block the smell of the filthy plane.

   The contest rocks, too.  Check it out, if you guys give me a whole lot of your money, and you work your butts off to organize an event, then lord Ron shall deem you worthy of his personal visit.   Don’t throw 10’s and 20’s.  you need $11,500 to qualify.  It’s still pretty cool.  Raffle the candidate.  Kind of hillbillly, but still fun.

   I’m not sure what to make of the rest of this article.  I mean, I get that his supporters are rabid about the guy, but isn’t it true that crack makes a small percentage of the population rabid, and yet it affects society as a whole very little?  A few rabid Pauliacs does not a good campaign make, and the article again mentions those words we’ve been hearing for months “2% in national polls.”  You can’t ignore that forever.  You also can’t win an election with a total of 30,000 meetup members, and an unknown number of people wandering the internet trying to brainwash the rest of the herd.

    this quote says it all:

“They forge their own intellectual world to find the obscure, unusual sources of information that lead them to obscure, unusual candidates like Ron Paul,” said Brian Doherty, a columnist for the libertarian magazine Reason

   You can say all the nice things you want, but tossing that quote in the middle is another mainstream media compulsion.  Remind people over and over how unusual(wierd) and obscure(trivial) the little fella is.

   I am also kind of fond of the duct tape and spray paint theory.   While I anxiously await the boxcar “tagging” competitions artwork, the duct tape a homo for Dr. Ron marathon is bound to be the fundraising event of the year.

   Anyway, another useless article inspiring another useless blog piece about another useless candidate in the 2008 race.  Can’t wait for Fred to get in…the only thing better than a bunch of worthless turds is a bunch of worthless turds…+ 1.

the sex in the news thing….again

September 1, 2007

Sorry, can’t help it.  Not my fault sex is so newsworthy.  It’s all you voyeurs that can’t seem to quit peeping into the private  ives of others.  Actually, some of these are kind of public, and at least one or two will just plain make you shake your head.

     Here’s a wierd blowjob/insertion story for you. When this guy said there was a new sheriff in town, he meant it.  there are a couple of more experienced officers as well.  I’m dying to know what the word object refers to here?  A buick?  a cob of corn? a hamster?  what are we talking here, and will it change the severity of the crime?

the number of adult virgins having plummetted to the single digits world wide, this is how deep you need to go to find a hot virgin story.

    In the “fat chicks need love. too, section” we have a bit of a freak.  Not only does savitri take off with some stud thats new in town and a little bit wild, but apparently this dame left her lesbian lover to do it, breaking her po’ tubby heart.  Oh quit whining about the fattie bullshit, and check this out.

    This is either our gay sex segment or our” he wanted to do what in the crapper?” segment.  Let me explain it to you one more time larry.  Barney is a democrat so he can pack all the ass he wants and not lose his job.  you are a Republican, and “picking up a piece of paper,” (clever euphemism for “I want you to pound my shitter till I scream for my momma right here in this restroom, cowpoke”), means you have to resign.  You can go chase boys in Boise, but you can’t do it here.  Yeah,  Larry’s pals… a great group of gays….guy’s, I meant guys.

  In our “no sex for you” section we have abstinence run amok.  Or maybe “run a monk.”  If you don’t have sex for years you end up arguing about something stupid written on the internet.  To say nothing of night seepage, blue balls, and a disposition like a hophead jonesin for a fix.

Oh man, what a dick.  Someone really needs to kick this guys ass.  Again.  I think it should probably be a weekly event.