Green Green and More Green…news

August 26, 2007

     How can you not like this?  A lawn on the roof.  Whose for strip croquet at 3 a.m.?  Not only does it look good, its a great place to keep your recuperating sheep.  Yes,  I was at Yahoo green and no i am not a tree hugger, thanks for asking.

  Global warming, world hunger, politics, and the muslim scourge aren’t news.  Donald Driver of the Green Bay Packers hurting his foot is news.  Thats called “prioritizing” Packers fan style.

  In keeping with my green theme, here’s a link to Green Party of the United States headquarters.  I have to say it read kind of like a Ron Paul blog home page.

It’s the giving of the green that makes a campaign run. Ron Paul has been pretty popular on google, but not so with google contributors.  He raised $3350 in a capaign stop at Google Headquarters, 1/10th what Hillary received, and  1/20th what was dished to Barack Obama. 

 This is what I call the essence of chutzpah.  Haggard’s grasping for green from his following is sort of funny when you consider that he’s recieved nearly 400k in pay and remittances from the new life church, and has book royalties, and a house on the market valued at 715k.

  How about a little green around the gills for AT&T?  Hacking the Iphone is all the rage, and they got nailed three times in am atter of hours.  Can’t wait to see how this shakes out legally


The good news for Ron Paul

August 25, 2007

  I decided to do a little research this week, and I have to tell you it cost me dearly.  While I’m not yet willing to gouge my eyes out with rusty spoons, I can think of nothing more mind numbingly boring than checking out Ron Paul meet up group numbers, etc. etc.

   You see, for me it doesn’t matter how wonderful a person you are, nor how right your ideas may be.  What’s important is can you become president, because if you can’t you are an irrelevent side issue to the campaign.  What I’m finding is a lot of very old in blog years news about Ron Paul and his supporters.  I know, you figure its August, and nothing really happens in August.  Fine.  If you’re Hillary Clinton, or Fred Thompson, or some other well known politico.  If you are still struggling with name recognition(and you are, pauliacs), August is your month.  Nobody else is doing anything.  Even the Iraqi parliament is on vacation, so its a grand chance for you to make a move.  Guess what?  You wasted it.  Your poll numbers haven’t changed a bit.  The best number in August is the Fox News Poll which put your total within the margin of error.  That’s right.  It’s quite possible that your 3% is the best national poll number you’ve ever received, and it’s still miniscule.  Hard to imagine a birthday bar-b-q is going to change that.  I think Ron Paul takes his campaign as seriously as the mainstream media.

I did however find good news.    I’ll lisyt the candidates and their vote totals, and then I’ll tell you what it is.

Ron Paul:  48,300,000

John Edwards:  41,800,000

Hillary Clinton: 9,160,000

Fred Thompson: 6,310,000

Rudy Giuliani:  2,880,000

Barack Obama: 2,770,000

   Thats the number of results you get when you type their names, capitalized, in your google search engine.  This means that Ron Paul and John Edwards are way out in front when it comes to….well…having their names typed in a google search engine box.

Better than nothing.  But they still come in behind porn,  viagra, recipes, George Bush, HIV, and cartoons.  It would be nice if your a Ron Paul fan to see something significant in the numbers, and I don’t mean we now have eighty eleven meetup groups with a total of 46, 000 members.  His campaign is growing excruciatingly slowly when you consider you only have 5 months till the nominees are picked, and then it will be all over but the cries of “we was robbed.” 

more search engine terms.

August 24, 2007

  Haven’t done these in awhile.  Not for any reason, but I figure you deserve to know how people get here.  You read this schlock, now its time to find out which paths brought you to Criminies house of inane.

1.  what is a spooge monkey  –  Believe me when i tell you had I seen this one before I started the whole post would’ve been about it.

2.  Max Adams  –  proving that Max is more famous than I.  I get a Max Adams hit every day or so.  I think they’re looking for her ghost story, which I just linked you with part 2 of.  Yes, I could have linked you to part 1, but I’m not in the mood to make anything easy for anyone right now.

3.  He can convince anyone of anything  –  which links you directly to me…how cool is that?

4.  how to masturbate without touching  –  I’m virtually certain that though I am the worlds foremost authority on touchless masturbation  I have never written about it here. 

5.  abstinence diagram  –  I didn’t even know there was such a thing…a diagram for how not to do it…handy that.

6.  pendulous jugs   –   Bet they were upset when they got here instead of   I should do more nancy pelosi’s one quality feature posts i reckon.

7.   thongs of interest  –  I do one story about octogenarians wearing thongs and I’ll never live it down.

8.  how to pee  –  this goes in “I’d never think someone would need a search engine for this.”

9.  is obama part of skull and bones  –  He went to college? get outta town.

10.  hookers sucking dick  –  Swear to god, all you have to do is mention hookersi n one post and dick cheney in another, and voila…you get this stuff.

11.  because I said so lingerie  –  obviously looking for my retail site…you never looked so good as you would wearing your with footies criminy jicket teddy.

12.  rabbit lust  –  i get a lot of these…i know not why, but Roscoe is pushing for royalties.

13.  nuclear device advice  –  someone is obviously trying to get the feds to notice me…fuckers.

i left out most of the lust stuff…this isn’t a porn blog, and i left out most of the political ones, just cuz.

how you got here

August 1, 2007


the way you get here tends to amuse me no end.  I’ve written one of these before, and I’ll try like hell not to repeat myself.  The day was heinously long, and greviously malignant, so if I do…tough shit.

many of you have suddenly been renamed wordpress dashboard.  Lets just deal with the search engine hits

1.  rabbit penis picture –  yup.  not kidding.  Roscoe’s member has been googled.  I’m trying to visualize the human behind the keyboard.  No,  really thats the last thing I want to see.

2.  chancre mouth –  these things are uncanny.  I hate to be doing the equivalent of a country boy in the city staring at the tall buildings, but I usaed those words in the same sentence once at least two weeks ago.

3. horses that are lame but don’t know y! – gotta be someone trying to figure out whats up with the Ron Paul campaign

4. retards made to wear a diaper again – I’m not certain, but this may have to do with the folks at White Noise Insanity

5. ron paul waste vote nader – sorry…this just tickles me..wonder who the poli-sci major is that typed that

6. india + dancing + bear + urban + legend  – yep…thats verbatim…it almost makes me want to go tpye it in myself, but if it comes up with only me I’ll freak out and throw the computer away

7. michael moore rush limbaugh whale blubber – who says i don’t have a varied audience

8. alli weight depends diapers stock buy – now this is one of those fools that read me and didn’t instantly add me to their favorites.  They then spent weeks trying to find me again, finally mamaging to come up with the proper sequence of words.

9. mother lust stories –  I know this is a repeat, but i gotta tell yuh, I get hit with it almost daily….sick fux

10. where can I watch the full version of the –  so they sent him here?  What in jehovah the reprobates name could he watch here in its entirity?  The death of literacy?

11.  boy badly pee pee-  let this be a lesson to you….never write anything with the word pee in it.

12  eat my ass biscuits criminy jicket – fine…whoever you are…you obviously wanted mention so here you are, being incredibly not famous on my blog.