well, bring on the dancing bears

July 6, 2007

   I’m wandering around trying to find worthless garbage masquerading as information.  I just found this quack.  He’s trying to tell women what their husbands celebrity crushes mean.  He goes way out on a limb (sarcasm) for these babies.  I think he also whacks his baloney pony to some of these gals, highbrow Dr. type or no.

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/49812/what-his-celeb-crush-says-about-him

hey, gee whiz wally, people think the income gap is to wide.  No way, beav.  Eddie was just funnin yuh.  No really wally, even people making over $80,000 a year say so 2 to 1.  Wow, beav.  This is news?  I guess the interesting part is 2/3rds say the government should fix it, and 2/3rds say the government should stay out of it.  Waits 7 minutes for my readers to do the math.  I think this poll was conducted by Ron Pauls bloggers.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070706/ap_on_re_us/income_gap_poll_2;_ylt=ApS0yugPwptVfcWFE.b0jmgL1vAI

A recent study shows women use only slightly more words than men.  another battle of the sexes stereotype bites the dust, but does it really matter?  What is called an “urban legend” has women using 3 times as many words as men.  I think the new study is inaccurate, and I have almost incontrevertible evidence.  They used me in the study.  Had this not occurred the study would have found numbers in the normal range.    What I want is a study that shows who listens more.  That bad boy would provoke some controversy.  One final note on this.  I’ll believe it when misterpiece does the study and not until.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19618373/

I can always count on foxnews to blow it out of proportion.  So its Al Gore’s kids second arrest for drugs.  So he was driving 100 mph on the freeway.  Crap happens.  First, like big Al says, its a private matter.  I think in keeping with the spirit of this we should drop the conversation about drug use and politics.  i for one think a ton of peyote buds would do a world of good on capital hill.  Secondly, give me a name of someone that doesn’t drive 100 miles an hour on a southern california freeway.  I’ve never seen a pterodactyl, and I’ve never seen one of those either.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,288134,00.html

CNN, in keeping with its policy of carrying only the most important stories manages to make a pretty good case for why J.K.Rowlings may kill off harry potter.  I can see it happening.  It’s either that or continue his slow decline into metrosexuality, and what kind of a witch gets a mani/pedi and dresses fastidiously?  Actually, I’m for a gay witch trilogy to follow the currently scheduled 487 Harry Potter movies.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/07/05/harrypotter.mythology.ap/index.html

ok, now for some hard news.

Dick Cheney strained his lower lumbar vertebrae while trying to remove Nancy Pelosi’s front clasp bra from behind.  Dick claimed the weight was just to much for him.  In a related story, tile had to be replaced in Nancy Pelosi’s office this morning after “something heavy” fell to the floor and shattered the tile.  Her secretary was heard whispering to a janitor “I swear to god…they must be 46 longs.”

   Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh perished today in a tragic kayak accident in Northern Alaska.  The two were sponsoring a Conservative gay pride Kayak race, with money raised going to the Association to Raise Awareness Movement(ASSRAM) a conservative organization working to bring Christian Coalition members out of the closet.  The bodies were not recovered.  In a related stories (criminy news almost always has related stories) A local Inuit tribe is having a whale blubber raffle.  It’s not clear where the blubber comes from as whale hunting is out of season.

David Duke and Wolf Blitzer kissed and made up after the fiasco on CNN.  David Duke said he didn’t hate jews, and had several recipes that required them.  Wolf said he would bend over and lick David Duke between the cheeks if his bosses said so.  Basically, niether changed the position they held prior to their confrontation.

   In a shocking turn of events Ann Coulter switched her party allegiance today, and is now calling herself Queen Libby.  Apparently she has fallen stark raving bonkers for Rosie O’donnell, and can’t stop gushing as only Ann can about their impending nuptials, and their plans to have a love child.  When asked about this news, Rosie O’donnell replied “blah blah blah yakkity yakkity yakkity blah blah blah and blah.”  (not a paraphrase.)

checks the wire….yeah, there’s some other stuff, but we’ll save it for another day.  The nice thing about my news is it works anytime.

oh…the bears…some spank monkey decided that grizzly bears are to dangerous for the idiot tourists that are invading their space so they’ve started painting them fluorescent  colors…its along the russian river in alaska…look it up yourself