Hey Barack….Can You Spare Some Change?

March 9, 2008

    So how about that change candidate?   I’m wondering what, other than skin color, the change isalleged to be.   So far, other than his incessant whining now that the press is treating him like everyone else he seems like every other semi-crooked politician to me.   Let’s, just off the top of our heads, look at the record.

   So far he has never won an election for federal office that didn’t include getting reporters to dig through the divorce proceedings of his opponents trying to find some dirt that will stick.  This includes the primary, and one election for federal office.   Slinging dirt doesn’t really allow one to call himself the candidate of change.

   He purchsed a home in which he realized “several hundred dollars worth of savings” in conjunction with a lot purchased by your typical everyday chicago style graft and corruption specialist.  Here again the table was set long ago by those before him and he is merely eating the vittles.

    I suppose when a couple of your top staffers come out and tell people you lied about NAFTA, and getting out of Iraq, and another admits you are not ready to be commander in chief in an interview that could be called change.  Honesty is rare in campaigns, and thiese were the first honest things to come out of his campaign.  Unfortunately, he said the NAFTA conversation didn’t happen when it actually did.  His Iraq stance is also disingenuous on its surface because common sense says if a nuclear device goes off in fallujah we will be there long past 18 months.  So again, his lying and obfuscations make this more of the same…no change here.

     His record…that anemic thing he persistently points to could have been called change had he not followed in the footsteps of JFK and Jimmy Carter.    Neither had a record of international involvement.  One botched the bay of pigs, and the other failed so miserably when the Shah was ousted in Iran that 30 years later we still can’t get that particular burr out of our rump.  Again….no change here.

  So where is the change?  great speaker? so was Reagan.  Innovator? nothing new in any of his policy statements.  Voting record?

Eureka…change…we have found you.  I don’t think we have ever had anyone as liberal as Barack Hussein (yeah…its his middle name but he isn’t a muslim and damn the muslim’s should be pissed that the man won’t even own his moniker because it sounds like an islamic name) Obama run this deep into a campaign.

   You should enjoy this time Barack.  Hillary can only hit you so hard without offending the socialists in her party.  Imagine what happens  when that paragon of togetherness John McCain starts attacking your record of political isolationism.  Do you really think you control the middle?  you can’t control the middle from the far left or the far right, but you might have a shot if you’ve always been there.  John McCain has.  Of course, if he wins we will need to redecorate the oval office.  I recommend putting the button on the top shelf.  He won’t be able to reach it there.

  

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Because She Said So, Why?

February 2, 2008

   I’ve long explored on the fantasy level a menage a trois with Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.  Not because I find them to be particularly exciting sexually, rather because damn the conversation would be fun afterwords.  I’m a fan of both though I generally don’t agree totally with either.  In fact, on several issues we are diametrically opposed.

On this though, there can be no doubt.  The woman is spot on.  When she proclaims John McCain to stupid to know he’s been caught lying I get just a little weepy.  It’s nice when someone agrees with you.  Even if you don’t always agree with them.  this is really quite fun….have a look


the california republican debate

January 31, 2008

    Was absolutely unimportant.  Why?  Several reason, not the least of which is that John McCain can’t beat any of the remaining democratic candidates.  For that matter he couldn’t beat Al Franken.  He can’t even beat Al Franken in an honesty challenge.

     I don’t care for McCain.  I have a number of reasons for this.  I suppose #1 is that he represents the worst in what America is. Don’t believe me?  Let me cite a little public record for you.  If you think I’m making any of this up go see for yourself.

    He feels the most important thing he has ever done involved bombing the shit out of some people that at no time in their history ever threatened America.  Not just any people.   Third world people with no ability to defend themselves.  These people had to count on aid from China and the Soviet Union to have any hope against the far superior military technology of the United States.

   I’m not a particular fan of Hanoi Jane, nor having been a member  of the U.S armed forces do I find them reprehensible on any level.  I do however find myself disgusted by someone who failed miserably at his job claiming to be a hero.  Why do I say he failed?    Far less than 1% of sorties flown over North Vietnam ended in the pilot being shot down.  Therefore 99% + of all pilots were better at their jobs than this mullet, and you don’t see them running around begging people to recognize their heroism.  They came home, and with little fanfare went about resuming their lives.

    He’s a liar.  Consistently and on the public record the man lies and obfuscates in the hopes of being seen as better than his fellow man.   He doesn’t just lie, he twists the truth in such a way as to sway public opinion for his own benefit which I find particularly despicable in a public servant.  I think everyone else should lie a lot and with relish.  Want an example?

I’ll paraphrrase here because I’m way to lazy to look up the words of a man who lies consistently and for self aggrandizement.  If we leave Iraq without victory it will make our military look like failures.  Not so Jack…er….John.  It will make our politicians look like failures, and your own little war already proved to the world our politicians really don’t have the stomach for it.

    He’s a perpetual loser.  He has run for president more times than Jesse Jackson, and has never gotten a sniff.  He believes this isn’t because he’s a garrulous petulant little pain in the ass.  He believed so strongly that it was money alone that blocked him that he joined with Russ Feingold to create a finance reform plan that, while unconstitutional, was what he saw as his only hope to compete with people who were given money because people liked them.

He’s an elitist prick.  He smirks at Mitt Romeny for being a successful businessman( and other successful business people by proxy).  Yet at the same time he disdains anyone who isn’t a warmongering sycophant.  If you are not part of the John McCain fanclub you are unworthy to have an opinion, and again tonight he showed his disdain for any viewpoints but his own.  I hate that in a person.  Unless it’s me of course.  that was for you micky, you scumsucking retard.

   I guess probably what I hate most about him is his fossilized ass doesn’t have the grace to retire into obscurity.  He just keeps banging his little war tomtom.  Tonight, when asked why voters should consider him the best man to lead in regards to the economy, he immediately began reciting his war resume.  He claims a level of character he thinks none of us should dare aspire to, while flat out lying about Mitt Romney.  He well may be the most scurrilous politician of our time.

   Now, you wanna here what I like about John McCain?  I like how he is about to get his ass trounced by a girl in the general election.  He has taken advantage of the Republican parties historical “it is now your turn” style of choosing a candidate.  He won’t be able to benefit from that when his lack of ideas that coincide with what the voters want become exposed in the race for president.  Anyone who could start a debate in 2008 with “yes i think the american people are better off than they were 8 years ago” should be beaten with a bat until sanity returns.

   Nothing personal John.  You’re just a petulant little asshole who has been around so long nobody will call you on it.

Mitt:  you just look wrong, dude.  What common guy with a budweiser in his hand and his shrew of a wife cooking dinner barefoot in the kitchen could ever vote for someone with that perpetually pedantic look on their face.? I think you’d blow the rest away on the economy, except Ron Paul.  It’s not your turn Mitt…that’s why republicans keep showing you thier backsides.

Ron Paul:  I’m not sure why he wasn’t there tonight.  He’s the only conservative in the race, and should’ve been at the debate.  Oh, you say he was there?  CNN and Andderson Cooper will disagree with you.

Mike:  God you suck.  Go back to preaching.  The seperation of church and state is supposed to protect us from religious zealotry.  It hasn’t for the last 8 years, but it truly is time for a change.

What it comes down to on the Republican side is do we wish to have a president willing to squander away all this nation has achieved into the moneypit in Iraq or do we want someone who can lead us away from American Imperialism.  As Ron Paul isn’t even recognized, and McCain is being deified, I reckon we have our answer.  For the first time since I started voting I’ll be voting democrat. 


The politics of nausea

January 23, 2008

     It’s hard not to get that room spinning stomach churning feeling if you’re paying attention to politics these days.  Particularly if you’re a conservative.   Which I am.  I’m still going to vote for Hillary if she wins the Democratic primaries.  Which makes me a little green around the gills. 

   Why would I do such a thing?  Because to be quite frank I have a one eyed dog that gives me far more confidence than any of the conservative candidates.  Faux heroism, intellect, and morals do not sway me, and none of the Republican candidates have a realistic plan to place America back on a track worthy of the people that reside here.

    Lets start with McCain.  The only thing he has going for him is he was a war hero.  He consistently goes against the will of the people in his policy ideals, and like it or not that makes him a very bad employee.  The heroism thing is even a huge stretch to a thinking person.  Lets face it; the man volunteered to drop bombs on civilians in a soveriegn nation.  He was shot down during this criminal endeavor, and granted was treated horrendously during his captivity.  News flash….drop a bomb on my kids and see if you’re asking me to pass the canapes when I catch your sorry ass.  Like it or not, the true heroes of Vietnam were the conscripts that went and fought a war for no other reason than their government told them to.  Or even my personal favorite, Muhammad Ali, who faced prison rather than to go against his beliefs.  McCain was no hero.  He merely persevered through trying times that his own actions set in motion.

    Mighty Mike Huckabee.  I know this will offend some of you, but I believe his god is a case of mythology run amok.  I believe in him the same way I believe in Prometheus and Thor.    I do not want to be led by a man who bases his decisions on a god that has no more connection to reality than do Hercules and Hermes. 

   Giuliani and Romney….I put these two together because they are both the same sort of individual.  They have proven to say whatever they need to in order to get what they are after.  Puissant pandering does not a president make, and while they have both had limited experience making things function at the state and local level, neither has any proven ability to lead a nation in a world that is somewhat more complicated than running the olympics or taking credit for the hard work of others after what has been dubbed a national (an incredibly localized I might add) tragedy.

   Then there is of course Ron Paul.  I I’d like to vote for him.  I’d also like to ravage the swedish bikini team in a large vat of vanilla bean ice cream slathered in chocolate syrup.  Fantasy is cool, but hardly intelligent when it comes to casting your vote.   The man has never built a coalition in his entire congressional career.  Not a track record for change.

   So I’m left with Hillary.  Barack has the least experience of any candidate.  Voting for Barack is sort of like hiring a dishwasher to change your head gasket.  I can’t see it.  About the only thing he seems to have going for him is his tint.   Hillary on the other hand was intimately involved with an administration that balanced the budget,  increased the net worth of each American family, and managed to enact legislation that produced the strongest economy America has experienced in decades.  Her husband has been labelled a racist by Obama because Obama needs Bill to be a racist.  All the facts show that he isn’t, and that his administration fought for minorities and made their lives better.  This even though he was saddled with a congress dominated by the Republican party through most of his administration.

    So there you have it.  I’m voting for the girl with the big butt.   It’s not an easy thing to do, but based on history she is the only one that has any knowledge of how to build a coalition that is capable of changing the course this country is on.


The YouRtubes debates, revisited

July 28, 2007

    So the new hue and cry is the Republican candidates are scared to debate on YouTube.  I for one do not blame them.  I think from a strategic standpoint those candidates currently refusing to attend the debate do so with a level of acute awareness often missing in the politicians of today.

   Before the debate has even started Mitt Romney is being accused of saying that he thinks it’s undifnified to be questioned by the general public.  The fact that he said nothing close to this is irrelevant because YouTubes have a huge problem with reading comprehension, and think that cesspool the other night was a fine example of democracy at work.  What he said was he thought (I paraphrase) the office of president should be held to a higher level than to have to be asked questions by a snowman.  I concur.  Ratings are important to CNN, and since it is their editors that chose the questions we have to assume that ratings came into play when choosing the snowman question.  I’m quite sure one of the other 3000 questions could have addressed global warming just as well.  Some level of decorum should be maintained, and lets face it, the global warming snowman was as much about ratings as the psychopath with the assault rifle.

   Additionally, the benchmarks in Iraq debate will be in full roar in September, and this is almost certainly the reason those not electing to attend have chosen that course of action.  Contrary to what this mullet has to say:

Added state Republican spokeswoman Erin VanSickle: “It’s an important debate in an important battleground state that just moved its primary to Jan. 29th. In other words, we have every confidence that they will attend. They can’t afford not to.” (same link as above). 

While I’m sure Florida will be important, it always is, I don’t think being swamped with questions about their Iraq positions will be good for any of the candidates.  McCain has chosen to attend, as has Ron Paul.  McCain needs a metaphoric homerun to win, and Ron Paul is on the right side of the war issue.  Hard to blame either of them.  The rest are not desperate enough to go to Florida and be sandbagged by CNN.

   It’s not about you tube, although the wretchedly insipid crowd hanging out in the political arena there are absolutely sure there voice is the only one that matters.  What matters is that several little CNN gnomes will be picking and choosing the questions, and quite likely stuffing the clip box as they do so.  It’s not hard to imagine some little editor having a buddy send in a sleeper clip that they can smear a Republican candidate with.  How about in the interest of fairness we have a FOXNEWS/YouTube.com debate? 

    I’m not raising a conspiracy theory here.  CNN has long been known for its softballing interviews with democratic leaders while hammering away at conservatives.  It’s easy to se it happen when you think both liberals and conservatives are worng, but I may be the only person left that believes that. The debate for the democrats barely touched on Iraq because quite simply thats not news at a democratic debate.  They all profess desire to be out of the war, and everyone knows they aren’t doing anything about it.  The republicans on the other hand primarily support some form of presence in Iraq, and I would surmise that based on the timing of the debate, CNN has every intention of using the benckmarks as a club to wield at the candidates.

    Smart move Romney, Giuliani, Thompson, et al.  No point putting your head in a noose today in hopes of being reincarnated in time for the elections.


the week sans pictures

July 22, 2007

   Well, my daughter came home from Brown county.  They went horseback riding, and she greeted me with “dad you just have to get me that horse.”  When I responded that their was no way in hell I was getting a horse she said “well Kelsey’s cat had kittens….can I have one of those?”  Girls think they are so smart, but following on the heels of the $100 gorilla trick I wasn’t falling for it.  NO CATS.  Unless they are on a plate smothered in hollandaise sauce is a hard and fast rule in my house.

   I have decided on a Toyota Carolla as my car of the future, and the future is now.  My reasoning is its relatively inexpensive, has four doors, and  should last at least twenty years. By which time I have every intention of being part of the bar at O’malleys.

   Mollie and I dined on tostitos and cheese sauce with jalapenos and Rotel.  In a few short hours we should be lying in virtual agony staring miserably at each other.  I will teach her to quit eating my food even if it kills me.  What kind of friggin dog eats dried, rolled, pressed, salted corn for christsake?

i found some funny stuff.  In fact this one had me rollin.  I’ve been to the blog before, and it tends to be quite amusing.  This one was absolutely delightful though.

and then there is this one.  I like her wit, sarcasm, and wry biting editorializing on all things human.  Some very funny real life kinda stuff here.

   I see pakistan is making the news regularly now.  Wolf “asswind” Blitzer was trying to goad their foreign minister into saying something bad about the relationship with the U.S. Government.  He failed, mainly because the foreign minister blamed our media for the relationship problem.  It was pretty funny.  Wolf Blitzer couldn’t get a 6 year old to say “I want ice cream.”  He then tried to hammer on the Iraqi Deputy prime minister about their parliament going on break.  The DPM patiently explained to the nimrod that their parliament is kind of like our congress and does whatever idiotic thing pops into their collective ADD hampered brains.  I saw it live, but you can probably find the clips by typing “Hippo assfeathers and other idiotic things” into your browser window.  If that doesn’t work try “shitferbrains” or “CNN’s talking sphincter muscle.” 

I’m sure these will work because someone got to Criminy’s house of inanity by typing in “the journey of a tampon.”  Other great or near great search engine hits this week are “penguin javelin” (i think they were looking for D. Peace), gump &co khomeini (no idea), i have to pee so so badly ( i know why, i just don’t understand WHY?), and this just in “diet tampons.” Try one…wash it down with a diet soda for the apex in culinary disgust.

  I wrote a post on how Ron Paul could become President.  It included likely things like him taking barack Obama as a running mate.  The pauliacs seemed to think it all made sense, which pleased me because I thought I had at least two bats loose from the belfry whilst I wrote it.  To prove my theory was utterly preposterous, Ron came in with another rousing 2% poll number today.  I swear, that campaign is on fire.  He’s no John McCain, but maybe if they toss some petrochemicals on it they can be.  BTW, they crowed about how much better than McCain (who IS virtually dead) Dr. Paul was doing….McCain got 20 %.  Which means you won’t hear about this poll anywhere but here, because they only report well fabricated good news.

   I wonder if i can get the Toyota in a nice periwinkle?  Laugh trogs, I have a purple beretta.  Anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Contrary to what you are reading all over the blog, President dipshits latest executive orders don’t mean any more than the others.  You can protest the war, they’ll torture whoever they damn well feel like, and people in topeka will continue to dream about living someplace nice like Guam.  These were not earth shattering changes in policy.  They were legalistic manifesto’s with maybe some historical significance.  Hard to blame him.  How would you like to be him in a history book 20 years from now.

In sports the National Felony League continues its meteoric rise to the top of the sports infamy list with that humane society poster child Mikey Vick.  He’s like the 40th football player arrested this year.  My only problem with the hue and cry on this is that people seem surprised.  People are being payed millions to play a game, are spoiled rotten, worshipped by agents, fans, and sport monkeys on ESPN, and then we wonder why they act like a bunch of rotten kids.

  In the NBA, an official has been caught betting on games he refereed.  Like a true American instead of taking his lumps he is talking about naming names.  Like the whole world doesn’t know organized professional athletics aren’t crooked as hell?  This doesn’t even belong on the news.  I want the names from the hooker book…Larry Flynt says he may release all 30 at once, and we’ll be stunned.  Yeah, I’m gonna be stunned because some pathetically disgusting politician is getting his crotch rocket juiced by a hooker.  That’ll happen. 

   Last but not least, for the last time Dick Cheney is not satan.  Satan is a girl scout compared to this guy.  I kind of like   him.  He’s like the chancre sore you appreciate when your great aunt edna the mouth kisser visits.