If you’ve been here before you may have already heard the expression “like 2 monkeys fucking a football.” What it means is there’s a whole lot of activity, and not much accomplishment. Well, it has defintely been that kind of week. This may turn into scatalogical drivel in a minute, so you can stop here if you’d like. You’ve probably learned something already, and the value of that should never be underestimated.
I missed all but Monday at work. My daughter’s been running a fever, and gasping, and wheezing, and on our third trip…yep, third, the little shitheel looks up from his stethoscope and proclaims “I think she has pneumonia.” Now I’m not a physician, but I’m thinking from day one it’s bronchitis or pneumonia, and told him so on the first visit. This of course has caused a bit of an epiphany.
I don’t use doctors much. I find their cost generally outweighs their value, especially since pharmaceuticals are generally readily available on the sidewalk out front. Having learned over the course of the last couple of months that the system is incredibly rife with profiteering and outright fraud I question the intelligence of getting the government anymore involved. The hand specialist that has been treating me is raking in (this is an estimate based on actual time spent working on my hand) 18k an hour. I don’t mind this so much, but had i not had insurance I would’ve stitched the frankenstein finger and let the other bones set on their own. I doubt I’d be any worse off, though the scarirng may have scared small children; an undervalued gift that.
Then the pharmacy was the original clusterfuck from hell. My bad. I went to walmart. Generally I find walmart to be sufficient to the need for supplying things like paper, flour, and shampoo. My experience has been that while semiliterate cretins would serve the rest of us best by being expunged from the gene pool, a decent alternative is putting them to work, and walmart serves this function admirably. You do not, however, want them filling your prescriptions for you. I spent an hour trying to assist them in getting it right as they ran hither and yon to no little effect. I finally just took my prescriptions back, complimented them on their exemplary display of ineptitude, and contemplated as I exited the premises how much I would rather eat shit from the dispenser than go through that again. I then went to the Walgreens, and for 1.05 more was out the door in 12 minutes. Another thoroughly satisfied customer.
The pace de resistance to my week was when I arrived home to find general tso wrapped in the embrace of an entirely to dead Roscoe. I knew that sooner or later his lechery would be the death of him, but always assumed he would die of a heart attack while pulling his 3 pound furry jackhammer routine on my ankle. I was a bit put out by it all. Does this mean that that fucking cat is a better lay than me, or was it a simple case of his number was up? Whatever the case, I suppose I should be thankful that he gave me something to contemplate other than how deeply I despise the human race at this particular juncture. I left out politics here, as it would get me back to full roar on the whole despise thing, but I’ll break it out after I chase a couple of rum and cokes with a couple vicodin….kind of a Heath Ledger cocktail.
Ain’t We Got Fun?October 7, 2008
My, my, my. Isn’t this just a pickle? I like being right, but there is a limit.I’m here to tell you, I’ve never had this much fun, and I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fucking. Politics, finance, world order itself hang in the balance, and it gets no better than that.
In just the last month as I reckon it the federal government has injected or is on the verge of injecting over TWO Trillion (that’s trillion with a T) bucks into the financial market. What comes after trillion? it’s million,billion, trillion….but what comes next? Whatever it is, we’ve sunk a quarter of one of them into this mess. In fact, I’m not even counting the fannie and freddie buyout, so probably more like 3 trillion.
Yet, amazingly, no one is to blame. I keep stopping as I write this. Laughter overcomes me. A complete and utter dearth of leadership has created the situation, and suddenly we find that the two candidates aren’t really capable of leading either. Given an incredibly devastating economic crisis just 2 months prior to the election, and McCain panics whilst Obama cowers. The cowering isn’t exactly a surprise. It conforms to both the voting record, and the lack of forthrightness on the part of Barack. The panic was a little surprising. I take it that’s what a bonafide hero does when faced with a situation beyond his understanding. Lacking the tools to capture the essence of the crisis it is better to do be doing something useless than nothing at all. I remember the mindset clearly from my time in the military. I believe they teach it at The Basic Officers Course.
So what we have is a candidate willing to trounce longtime friendships as if they mean nothing, and a candidate incapable of dealing with those issues not related to beans, bullets, and bandages. Let’s look back:
We could’ve had Hillary. Mitt. Guiliani. A host of others. All uniquely unqualifed, but gifted with the egocentricity needed to believe one capable of performing that job. Bill probably would be nice to have around right now. Would be nice if he hadn’t used up his term limits before he achieved wisdom. Oh well. What we have are these two knuckleheads. Both of whom, coincidently, have less executive experience, and less personal appeal than the vice presidential candidate. The hockey mom. Not the inveterate liar and longtime defender of current social policy that has us where we are today. Of course, I’m partial to a well turned calve. Beats worn out political bullshit everytime.
Anyway. I just came by to chuckle. Spending what you don’t have got us here. Blame whoever you want, but that’s what did it. Your friends, neighbors, coworkers…maybe you, maybe a little me. that’s who got us here. Bad spending, atrocious voting. Accepting that in a free and democratic society the government should be bailing out private enterprise. We suck folks, and we just keep sucking. Come the first Tuesday in November we’re going to suck again. We chose these two to lead us to the promised land? We’re we drinking? Hopped up on speedballs and Latte’? Whatever the case. This is frigging hilarious.
awkward conciliatory and encouraging afterward:
If your job is sound, and you aren’t in hock up to your genitalia; if you spend little and conserve copiously you should come through this mess ok. If not, well, tough shit. You were warned.
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Posted by criminyjicket