Ron Paul Turns in a big number in polls, and other News I like

  I think it’s probably wrong to keep your dead ex’s body next to your bed.  The dead don’t deserve that type of disrespect.  I am ok with the use of tzxidermy to keep your loved ones around after they pass.  I think just a head mount would be in pooor taste, but a full body mount doesn’t seem unsound.

Raise your hand if this is news to you.  If you have one hand up raise the other one and hit yourself in the head.

All right ladies, don’t get mad.  Oh go ahead.  You don’t need the money.  this comes as a surprise to me.  I always found angry female bosses about as good to have as angry mail bosses, just with breasts.  I think i would pay them more. 

Crazy History Geeks try to blow up the Queen Mary II.  Ok, no they didn’t, but can you imagine how the guy who made this bust must of been rushing?  Possible terror attack, (which apparently every story is now automatically tagged with), and it turns out to be 3  members of the Turtle Historical Club?

I’m glad really.  I wish to see if a major metropolitan area’s voting bloc will complain about being constantly under surveillance.  This should be interesting based on how concerned they are about someone listening to their phone calls

Ron Paul comes out swinging like bonds is the latest newsweek poll.  I mean bonds on his current i can’t hit shit streak of course.  Ron Paul’s whopping 2% of those polled hsould have the faithful clamoring for his ascension into heaven.  Man the euphoria should be bouncing around headquarters like they’re on an XTC binge.

Bush’s poll numbers now on a historical par with Truman, Carter, and Nixon.  Let’s take a moment to consider this.  Truman dropped an atomic bomb, and ruled with an iron fist through the post war economic disaster, Nixon violated the law on several levels and had to resign, and Carter was the honest Brack Obama, although brighter, of the 70’s.

a cat story for my readers from icanhazcheeseburger…not what you had in mind was it? Kitty got his ass kicked.  That should piss off the peta patrol.

I went here to find out what pop tarts had to do with Hiedi Klums bosom.  You”ll see why I feel like a dumbass when you click on the link.  If you don’t, then you’re an even bigger dumbass than I.

See this is where you see the difference between strategy and tactics.  Remember this as the week Barack Obama lost the nomination.  Unless of course he gets a note from his doctor saying he was on psychotropic drugs and had lost all touch with reality.  What an asswit.

 and thats good news friday.  i didn’t even have to use the bridge, the dog mauling, or the kid cooking in its car seat stories.  What a lovely thing is technology.  We now really do know way more than we really wish to.

Hillary “da rack” Clinton rode her cleavage to a huge lead on the democrat side of the poll…See the Ron Paul link above.  I only added this because I wanted to call hillary “da rack” which rhymes with barack, and is a hell of a start for one of those kill whitey rap ditties.

Not News….Proof

  This one proves that the FBI is not on a witch hunt for terrorists.  Anyone will do.  It doesn’t seem to matter when in history, the FBI has proven to be as unscrupulous as any federal agency ever.

this one proves that no good deed goes unpunished.  The president who helped pull south africa out of apartheid is now being victimized by rumor mongers and former apartheid officials trying to keep the noose from around their own neck.  Apparently a nobel peace prize isn’t worth much anymore.

 Remember the movie where if you watch it the phone rings and you then die within 7 days?  Well, this cat gives you roughly 4 hours.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought cats were satans minions, except max, of course, and this fat little furbearing feline proves it.  I want his feet tested.  Maybe he isn’t prescient…maybe he has poison paws.

This proves that science fictions and comic books are no longer the private domain of the geeky and nerdified.  heh…sure it does.

this proves that sex, funny, and liberal are popular in the blog bowl.  (like toilet bowl….beats blogosphere wouldn’t you say?)  It also proves that If Rosie O’donnell’s haiku’s get an A rating the rest of you haiku clowns should maybe throw in the towel.  It lists a bunch of celebs and what their blogs are about, and then grades them.

this proves that diet and companionship are more relevant to longevity than stress.

   This one proves that not raising taxes and having a universal health care package are the centerpiece of the liberal candidates agenda.  Pay particular attention to how detailed Chris Dodd is in his explanation about how it will be paid for.

this proves that politicians are dumb…they worry about this, when we have problems right now need fixing

this one proves that not only do governments waste oodles of dollars, idiots that write don’t always get their facts straight.  William Proxmire was a senator from Wisconsin, dummy.

While I certainly don’t get it, this proves that holy week is more important than drinking green beer.  Catholics make no sense at all.

not really newsworthy

   Lets start with tonights debate.  The spin machine is pumping out what a new and different thing the You Tube debate will be.  Ok, tell me how?  Because “you” are asking the questions.  Lets look at that.  Over 2000 clips have been submitted according to CNN.  Obviously, they don’t have time in two hours to ask 2000 questions.  How do we pare it down?  Well, lets have CNN’s editors do it.  Out of 2000 maybe 30 will be used.  It’s not much of a stretch to imagine that the 30 will be those that CNN wants asked.  The only input you have is whether you wear a silly hat, or hold your stupid fleabitten cat while you ask it.  This is the first debate sanctioned by The Democratic National Committee this election cycle.  What to expect?  I think John Edwards and Barack Obama have to be more aggressive.  Edwards because if he doesn’t he is dead, and Barack just to show that he is capable of it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nf/20070723/tc_nf/54047

   I wonder which $2000 suit wearing reject allowed the Republican debate to be held in September?  Seems to me something real serious is going down in terms of Iraq that month, and it is likely to turn the Republican debate into a free for all.  Which is good for the viewers, and for Ron Paul, but it sandbags the hell out of the hawks on stage.  If I we’re Giuliani, McCain, and Romney I’d be mad as hell.  Why?  Well, do you think much is going to change in the next month and a half in Iraq?  Yeah, me either.  The Republican governors say its no big deal that their isn’t a front runner.  They may be right.  Conservatives are notoriously tight with their campaign funding until it shakes out, meaning they’ll be lots of money for the stretch run, and the geneal election.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070723/ap_on_el_pr/republican_governors_2;_ylt=Ag.2ypj8XxumGruFLpERpQgL1vAI

   Have you paid your “support dead farmers” tax?  In a 7 year period over $1.1 billion in subsidies was paid to dead farmers.  The U.S. Department of Agriculture pays out over 40% of claims without any review process at all.  In most cases they rely on the farm corporations to inform them of a death.  They say staff shortages and competing priorities are to blame.  Another government agency tossing your money out the window, and generally to people one hell of a lot richer than you.   Don’t believe me? Read the article.  They’re spending money you could be putting away for your childs tuition to subsidize giant farm companies worth millions.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19912382/

I was reading this and started doing the math.  .09 cents is 3%.  That means you now pay roughly $3.00 for a cup of coffee?  Oh man, you deserve to be bent over and rammed by Starbucks.  That’s pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19918485/

Obama, Osama, and Chelsea’s Momma?  Well isn’t that clever.  I can understand Mitt’s argument.  He isn’t responsible for his followers, and during photo ops you can’t really stop and check every sign.  Further, this is kinda funny.  Still, if you’re Mitt Romney, you might not want to give anyone any more reason to wonder about you.  I know the Mitt fans are going to hate that comment, but he’s on decidedly thin ice anyway, and I see no reason to hand the guy with the gun some bullets.  The Mormon vote can’t get him elected, so he might want to make sure and not alienate “others” with stupid photo op tricks.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/

Lil Wayne and Ja Rule got arrested Sunday night on weapons charges.  Lil Wayne also got zapped with drug charges.  I really have to know.  What is with hip hop stars these days? Do they think they’re in the NFL?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/23/rappers.arrested/index.html

You may not like him, But nobody packs a punch in publishing like Harry Potter.  The latest book “harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sold 8.3 million hardcover copies in the U.S. in the first 24 hours.  That shatters the old record of 6.9 copies of…yep, The Half Blood Prince.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,290346,00.html

The worst flooding in 60 years in Great Britain.  I’m not surprised.  Al Gore has not done enough to stop Global Wetting, and now you see the consequences.  Had he not spent so much time inventing the internet this tragedy could easily have been prevented.

http://www.mail.com/newsarticle.aspx?catId=3&articleId=1147296

whoops…i bet this guy supports gay marriage now. This is pretty funny stuff. His wife got licked, and he got stuck.

http://www.mail.com/NewsArticle.aspx?catId=2&articleId=1147225&newssiteid=1

time to schmooze the news (the blog effect)

  Well, it has finally come to pass that the largest special interest group in the country has a chance to take a stand against the federal government.  The Fiasco in Florida has again reared its ugly head in the news, and the polydactyl purrers at Hemingway House are again being threatened by that ever popular government Leviathan, the USDA.  Don’t these guys have beef to inspect? Why the hell are they messing with Snowball’s Descendants.  It’s time for the AARP…no, not that special interest group, dummie, the ICHC (i can haz cheeseburger) members to step up to the plate and let the government know where they stand.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070718/od_nm/usa_hemingway_cats_dc_1;_ylt=AqeAoF10R8BllG6xhSIYQUoL1vAI

 I’ve talked about this whole deal before.  Why is it okay to steal someone else’s work and post it on the net?  Worse, why do mainstream media outlets feel its okay?  I haven’t peeked, because I already know I’m right, but it is reprehensible that what this lady has worked so long on has been stolen by a couple of jerk off bloggers and posted on the web. These two clowns are why the phrase Spare the rod and spoil the child used to hold sway  on parenting methods.  The reviewers should have been fired, not published.  By the way, Harry Potter does not get swallowed by a giant white whale while smuggling hashish out of turkey.

http://www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=fa85329c-22d2-401d-8625-b526f2ead532&entry=index&sid=rss_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories

who hasn’t felt like doing that.  I like to think of this story as the criminy effect.  If you’ve never thought of doing this I’ll send you a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant.  I will need affidavits from at least 231 close friends or reletives that can verify your claim.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070717/od_nm/germany_computer1_dc_1;_ylt=AqpXqizjXLFVXEViUUghUPAL1vAI

so lets tax smokers only to pay for childrens health care.  Hey, great Idea, and then we’ll tax fags to pay for M-16s, and women to pay for hooker testing in Vegas, and blacks to pay for slavery reperations.  What a government we have…what annoys me about this one is many of you are saying “let’s do it, I don’t smoke”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19827784/

  File this one under the internet should not be regulated.  Of course sexual predators give that comment 100% support, but maybe parents won’t after reading this story.  Child exploitation is big business on the web, and actually going after the kids is getting even bigger.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/19/sexual.photos.ap/index.html

  I bet Fox News hated reporting this one, but the left has to be feeling pretty froggie.   It claims that Hillary and Barack beat every republican candidate.  Sorry pauliacs, if Ron can’t beat Hillary he should go back to texas.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,289970,00.html

and thats the news from me.    Pakistan is doing what I said it would.  So is Iraq, so is pretty much everything else.  The news continues to be morbid on the domestic violence front.  I leave it alone because I like to joke, and there just isn’t anything funny about it.  We teach children to keep their hands to themselves, but apparently its a lesson to soon forgotten by adults.

lets do the news

  first the really important story…It’s a human interest story from the Grape Gazette.

Roscoe, fluffy and mollie seem to be hitting it off.  In fact I’m almost certain there may be a little inter-species lesbian thing going on if you know what I mean.  Roscoe is happy because someone speaks his language, mollie is happy because she has someone to snuggle with, and If I’m not mistaken the two of them being happy means FLUFFY IS A FREAK.

Maybe the rat bastards won’t kill me and grill me after all.

   the new intelligence estimate is out.  I’m willing to bet half of the readers here could’ve done as well.  Why do they always play politics with our security?  you would think on this at least they would all speak with one voice.  they can’t though.  You can’t be the most important if you agree with someone else.   Here’s the link…you shouldn’t bother…nothing new here

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_terror_threat_39;_ylt=AjjTS5Ima.DS.aCafPZKAGsL1vAI

  Pakistan is trying to take the lead in the death by suicide bombing category from Iraq.  Man what a mess they are, and our assistant secretary of state is calling for more military action from Pervez .  Man, we do have some seriously militaristic type s running our country.  Unfortunately, the ruling party in the congress (the democrats) have no balls, so it will continue.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_re_as/pakistan_74;_ylt=AjbIywqw550DxJcms7ct2jyWwvIE

I don’t know about you, but I love poker.  I’m a huge 7 card stud fan, but the game of choice has become texas hold ’em.  Probably because any idiot can figure it out.  It’s preschool poker, but its big time money.  The world series of poker main event final table is playing, and the winner is going home over $8M richer.  Only Lee Watkinsoon is recognizeable, and the players come from all over the globe.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19777938/

Harry Potter book available in its entirity online.  ok, this is really cool.   First….read the blue box on the left with the guys picture on it.  Then read the story.  Then go, well what the hell does that ….

http://redtape.msnbc.com/2007/07/pirates-say-the.html

In keeping with the Bush Administrations policy of attacking anyone anytime, parachutists jumped on the fremont prison in colorado.  I think its about time we attacked colorado.  whats interesting is these guys, when asked for identification gave the guards a paper that said they were defense department employees…that may not seem like much to you civilians, buut any former military man or woman reading this is going HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,289551,00.html

A pro wrestling story just for MDVP..its the chris benoit thing, and it lays out a pretty good run on how it all went down…Yes, he had steroids in his system

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/17/wrestler.murder/index.html

  I told you text messaging was from hell.  This story is one you gotta see…then tell your kids to watch it.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/07/17/snow.texting.and.driving.cnn

Obama girl vs. giuliani girl…this is pretty dumb, but I’ve never linked to booty on my blog so here yuh go

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/07/16/moos.obama.rudy.affl

maybe the first step toward proving me right, Iran and the U.s will hold direct talks about Iraq in Baghdad.  The pauliacs will hate this, and Ron Paul must be shuffking his scare mongering feet a little too.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/17/us.iran.iraq.ap/index.html

ok, that does it for the news…lots of murders, a dude burned his wife to death, Michael Vick indicted for dog fighting (what an asswit he is), those nurses accused of spreading HIV in children in libya are getting their death sentences commuted to life in prison, etc. etc.  It just oges on.  I think next time I do the news I’ll only do the good stuff.  Which means this post would’ve been one paragraph long

Not really news, but fun anyway

here are some stories that probably affect you not in the least.  That’s what’s known as good news, even if it’s not so good news for those it happened to.

http://www.mail.com/newsarticle.aspx?catId=1&articleId=1131088

i like this one for its irony.  Some would say that Mexico is America’s sinkhole.

http://www.mail.com/newsarticle.aspx?catId=3&articleId=1131217

aww those frisky Canadians.  Canada’s imperialistic intentions raise there ugly head in this delightful article about the arctic, and a rock.  The Danes and whatever you call greenland people do not think it’s funny, and the U.S. isn’t all for it either.  A private message to the canadian President.  Don’t get pimp slapped.  We’re almost odne in our other two wars, and I’ve long advocated an attack on you.  My reasoning?  You’re closest.

http://www.mail.com/NewsArticle.aspx?catId=2&articleId=1131128&newssiteid=1

astronaut chat looks familiar.  I don’t know about you, but when I wish to talk to someone I just walk up and pepper spray them.  Carrying a hammer is also useful, and nothing quite like a ginsu for a conversation starter.

http://www.mail.com/NewsArticle.aspx?catId=2&articleId=1130720&newssiteid=1

you don’t have a snowballs chance in Buenos Aires.  What a day this must of been for the kids. anyone under 94 hasn’t seen this there.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070709/od_nm/pamplona_women1_dc_1;_ylt=AuVfgWUzDajUY0a2nMjiiYUL1vAI

equal rights in Pamplona.  In america, Running with the cows is known as “buffet style dining”

http://www.mail.com/NewsArticle.aspx?catId=3&articleId=1131177&newssiteid=1

how nice…prosecutors can be so understanding.  22 years in prison, DNA clears him, and the prosecutor in a generous move decides not to retry the guy.  I hope he ends up owning New Jersey

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/09/hemingway.cats.ap/index.html

I can haz 6 toes?  The folks at icanhazcheeseburger may have been scooped here… Ernest Hemingways house gets to keep its cats…USDA defeated.  This may well be the only cat story I ever reference.  (CNN hard at it again)

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,288724,00.html

cure smoking , and drinking, and gambling…the addiction pill.  varenicline has proven effective against smoking, and now maybe drinking.  I wonder if it cures being addicted to bad relationships…that sucker would really sell..its from pfizer, I saw no mention of crapping your pants.   (foxnews)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19650857/site/newsweek/

this isn’t news.  this has been going on for a long time, from mcdonalds glasses with lead in the paint to color crayons, the chinese have never been real concerned about consumer safety.  This isn’t fun news, this is I told you so.  (msnbc)

the anti-Ron Paul conspiracy

   Well, it finally happened.  You managed to get me irritated enough to go look around and see what I could make of the whole “ignore ron” myth.  It is.  A myth I mean, smart one.  I’ll grant that he isn’t front page news on every news site, but neither are the candidates ranked 3 or 4 above him either.

   I’ll try to type slowly so you can keep up.  Major news organizations are almost all publically held companies that have a responsibility to their share holders.  The way they live up to this responsibility is to report the things people wish to hear about.  Are you with me so far? good.  Sit still, you’re very distracting.  So if say, Paris Hilton’s phone number is given to some unsuspecting college student, and Ron Paul comes up with a cure for the common cold, you will just have to understand that Paris’s old phone number is more newsworthy, and therefore more important.

    What I recommend to you then is this.  Will you all please take your hands off the safeties of your Uzi’s?  Thank you.  What you can do since you are Ron Paul followers, and as such very adept at manipulating your trigger happy fingers across a keyboard, is go to one of the major News sites.  On the home page there will be a rectangular box (iIknow this because I went and checked so that I could ABC this for you) where you can type in what you wish to search for.  When you have finished typing in Charlton Heston, Ruby Ridge, and Waco, enter Ron Paul’s name in the little box.  Thats R-o-n P-a-u-l. No you don’t have to capitalize, I was just being anal.

   Once you have placed his name in the little box click on the little square box to the right of the rectangular box.  A list will magically appear in front of you.  No, its not like Harry Houdini, it’s more like Bullwinkle Moose.  The paragraphs that you see before you will either talk about Ron Paul or about Ron johnson and Paul Martin.  I only had this problem on MSNBC.  the rest were all Ron Paul.  just click on the underlined words and again you will magically see a story appear.  Yes, its still a story even though it doesn’t begin “once upon a time.”  My favorite was Ron Paul one of only two congressman to vote against money to try civil rights cases.  Stop your cheering.

 Do we have any questions.  Good.  Then quit your damn whining and go read.  Yes, its okay to move your lips and sound out large words.

   Incidentally, CNN says he only raised about 1.5 million projected for the quarter.  They’ve dropped him down the toilet folks.

just news stuff….my way

so In New Hampshire, you can register to vote as an independent, but only Republicans and Democrats are allowed to run in the state primary.  44% of New Hampshire’s voters are registered independent, making them one of the most independent in the country.  Now if a third party can’t get a fair shake in New Hampshire…?

One more heave for the immigration bill.  They vote again tomorrow on exactly the same bill that was shot down a couple of weeks ago.  We the people have actually exerted enough force to scare the hell out of our representatives up for re-election.  I think this one will go in the win column for the people.  If not…may anarchy rule supreme, and may we all riot in the streets.

Ah yes more gun control.  The issue is releasing gun purchaser data.  Now interestingly enough this would be an invasion of our privacy not unlike the ones in the Patriot act.  Not many liberals are screaming about this one though.  They are the most wishy-washy bunch of turd eaters I’ve ever seen…all they want is to have it both ways.  Looks like it will be shot down….to many rural democrats elected last time that are concerned for their seats.  The democratic party isn’t all that liberal friendly anymore.

Ann Coulter and John Edwards old lady had a cat fight on MSNBC last night.  Ann coulter wishes John Edwards would be killed by terrorists (it was said in a different form, which really didn’t imply she wanted the guy killed at all, but thats the media, and bloggers like me for you…never get it quite right.  I wish Ann Coulter would make her living giving handjobs, and wish Mrs. Edwards would just come out and say if it wasn’t for Ann Coulter her jackass richboy husband couldn’t raise enough money for a cup of coffee.  Every time Ann Speaks they put it in a newsletter and on the web, and beg for funds.

Ron Paul is going to hold a soiree in the same Building as the debate he wasn’t invited to in Iowa.  On the same day.  He is a fiesty little dickens, and like his people say, he’s against raising taxes, and against abortion so its unreasonable for him not to have been invited.

the ultraliberals in charge of the Senate (in this case Patrick “I should’ve been dead 10 years ago” Leahy have subpoena’d more crap from the white house and Dick.  Seems they want to know how much infighting there was in the executive branch over the search warrant free wire tapping rules.  I say….who cares.  My phone isn’t tapped because I’m not a friggin whacko.  I think the liberals just hate the pathetic administration and will try to make a case out of any moronic issue they can.

Rosie O’donnell will be back on Nip/Tuck…good plan…a little real life nip tuck is recommended…also about 18 stitches across her mouth.

just some Ideas

1  Now that she’s free, Paris Hilton should announce on Larry King Live that she will follow in the footsteps of Mother Teresa, but with a twist.  Her mission shall be to give driving lessons to itinerant millionaires.

2.  Rosie O’donnel should sign with MSNBC.   She should host a talk show on conservative christian values that could compete with the 700 club on daytime TV.  I’ll be at work.

3.   Now that a massive forest fire is threatening the ritzy Lake Tahoe area, I think they should start talking about how forest fires are natural and healthy for the environment more.  Let this one burn for awhile.  The area has an infestation of multimillion dollar homes that need to be removed anyway.

4.  As much as I hate to agree with the militiamen…Ron Paul IS being ignored by the media.  He would get more press if he’d just listen to me and get a boobjob.

5.  Anyone notice how there have been an awful lot of riots in Europe over the last few years?  If thats what being more civilized is all about I’ll pass.  They should act more like us.

6.  In telling the tale of Roscoe’s love affair with my foot I received several anecdotes from others that lead me to believe that not only are rabbits liberals, but they are Bill Clinton liberals.

7.  Tom Cruise wants to make a movie about Adolf Hitler.  Now, considering he is a scientologist, I think he should attend the premiere.  Maybe in Jerusalem? or Tel Aviv?

8.  I think someone should slip Alli into the next congressional luncheons main course.  It may turn the Potomac orange, but I think it would be worth it when you consider all the useless crap it would purge.

author’s note:  This is a work of at best dubious humor.  I do not now, nor have I ever advocated committing felonies against the leadership of the united states.

I’ve recommended they be exiled, but that’s as far as I go.  I’m not a Ron Paul follower for gosh sakes.

9.  While I hate to pile on, Dick Cheney should get off the high horse he is on, and obey the presidential directive.  Instead he is accusing the democrats of playing politics, and they are.  Just once Dickhead, er, I mean Dickless, no thats not it either.  Uh just plain dick…just once, be the bigger buttmunch, and cave.

10.  I need Ted Kennedy to tell me what the right thing to do is?  Get outta town.  We Talking Ted, I got drunk and drove my car into the water at Chappaquiddick killing a young woman, and have never had to pay any price for this crime Ted Kennedy?  Why the hell do those Idiots in massachusetts vote for this murderer?  He is the proof beyond any other except that rascist former KKK clown Robert Byrd that our system is fatally flawed.  Both democrats.  A racist and a drunken murderer…and they call conservatives bad people.  thats nervy.