lets do the news

July 17, 2007

  first the really important story…It’s a human interest story from the Grape Gazette.

Roscoe, fluffy and mollie seem to be hitting it off.  In fact I’m almost certain there may be a little inter-species lesbian thing going on if you know what I mean.  Roscoe is happy because someone speaks his language, mollie is happy because she has someone to snuggle with, and If I’m not mistaken the two of them being happy means FLUFFY IS A FREAK.

Maybe the rat bastards won’t kill me and grill me after all.

   the new intelligence estimate is out.  I’m willing to bet half of the readers here could’ve done as well.  Why do they always play politics with our security?  you would think on this at least they would all speak with one voice.  they can’t though.  You can’t be the most important if you agree with someone else.   Here’s the link…you shouldn’t bother…nothing new here


  Pakistan is trying to take the lead in the death by suicide bombing category from Iraq.  Man what a mess they are, and our assistant secretary of state is calling for more military action from Pervez .  Man, we do have some seriously militaristic type s running our country.  Unfortunately, the ruling party in the congress (the democrats) have no balls, so it will continue.


I don’t know about you, but I love poker.  I’m a huge 7 card stud fan, but the game of choice has become texas hold ’em.  Probably because any idiot can figure it out.  It’s preschool poker, but its big time money.  The world series of poker main event final table is playing, and the winner is going home over $8M richer.  Only Lee Watkinsoon is recognizeable, and the players come from all over the globe.


Harry Potter book available in its entirity online.  ok, this is really cool.   First….read the blue box on the left with the guys picture on it.  Then read the story.  Then go, well what the hell does that ….


In keeping with the Bush Administrations policy of attacking anyone anytime, parachutists jumped on the fremont prison in colorado.  I think its about time we attacked colorado.  whats interesting is these guys, when asked for identification gave the guards a paper that said they were defense department employees…that may not seem like much to you civilians, buut any former military man or woman reading this is going HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM


A pro wrestling story just for MDVP..its the chris benoit thing, and it lays out a pretty good run on how it all went down…Yes, he had steroids in his system


  I told you text messaging was from hell.  This story is one you gotta see…then tell your kids to watch it.


Obama girl vs. giuliani girl…this is pretty dumb, but I’ve never linked to booty on my blog so here yuh go


maybe the first step toward proving me right, Iran and the U.s will hold direct talks about Iraq in Baghdad.  The pauliacs will hate this, and Ron Paul must be shuffking his scare mongering feet a little too.


ok, that does it for the news…lots of murders, a dude burned his wife to death, Michael Vick indicted for dog fighting (what an asswit he is), those nurses accused of spreading HIV in children in libya are getting their death sentences commuted to life in prison, etc. etc.  It just oges on.  I think next time I do the news I’ll only do the good stuff.  Which means this post would’ve been one paragraph long

Alli, Ron Paul, and the blog week

June 24, 2007

  Well it was kind of an interesting week here in criminyland.   I learned a bit, laughed a bit, and deleted a hell of a lot of comments.  I want you to know if you are one of those I deleted, it was either you were not creative enough in your profanity, not strident enough in your zealotry, or my dyslexic fingers hit the wrong little circle.  Asta, Brian, my disloyal fingers kept your snarky remarks from appearing on the August pages of this blog.  My apologies.

   I feel I should clarify one more time since it apparently hasn’t manged to insinuate itself through the layers of fat surrounding the frontal lobes of my Alli readers.  Nothing that makes you shit yourself in public is worth doiing this to yourself.  Try to liken it to what Angelina Jolie and Meg Ryan have done to their lips.  It won’t make you better.  It’ll just make more people point to your ass and whisper.  While I agree being overweight is a mojor health issue facing our nation, I can’t help but feel the feeding frenzy I’ve seen over this drug is 90% cosmetic.  I get it.  Your self esteem sucks because you are over weight right? Wrong.  You care so much about what society thinks that you feel bad about yourself. Get over it.  Nothing wrong with a few  rubenesque curves.   The anorexic look so touted by hollywood and the new york runways is not all that attractive.  I suppose homosexual pedophiles find it appealing, but we have congress and prison for people like that.  Good luck on your weight loss, and quit thinking there is a safe easy way to do it.

   I’ve posted some well thought out comments by Ron Paul fans.  I’ve also thrown out several pabst induced diatribes of no social merit.  I found this site to be well written, though I disagreed with him quite strenuously


He proves all ron paul fans are not imbeciles.  another site worth a look is  http://ladyliberty.wordpress.com/

another Ron Paul fan is Ms. Liberty, and if you like the little video clips she’s good for it.

   On the funny front, you really need to take a look at this fella.  http://misterpeace.wordpress.com/  He takes a look at a lot of things from daily life and puts a smile on the face of em.

    For all my liberal friends, and for you conservatives that can laugh at yourself I found a blog that is quite informative.  The only problem you’ll have is if you’re thin skinned.  They put blood in the water early and often in the comments sections.  Asta starts with verbal evisceration  and works backwards from there….fun place  http://whitenoiseinsanity.wordpress.com/

   Out of the blog I managed to get in a late night poker game the other night.  My ride arrived at 10:30 pm saying I don’t knw what that funny thumping sound is.  Amazingly, and you’ll want to know this for future reference, when the air goes out of one of your tires it doesn’t improve the smoothness of the ride.  by the time I fixed it and we drove to the poker game it was almost 1a.m. and the other pasteboard combatants were well and truly drunks.  Here’s another tip.  If you play for money…play against drunks.  Its not even gambling.  I won a little over 100 bucks in about an hour and a half.  Nothing like stealing money from your acquaintances to make you feel good about yourself.

  The horseback ride lasted several hours longer than I preffered.  We had 23 people.  20 of which had never even put a saddle on a horse before.  Add to that it was raining, and my horse despising ass was one unhappy fella.  The horse I was given was named insaba oton which is some indian dialect and means i will smash your head with my hooves and grind your bones to mush as i stomp on your worthless human corpse.  Ir wasn’t even really a horse.  I’m almost certain it was a detusked elephant.  I don’t know if you know this or not, but when a horse won’t take the bit, they have this little pliers doohickey…i think its called a snaffle.  Anyway, you squeeze there upper lip with it and twist, thereby making the horse open its mouth.  Didn’t work with mine.  Whatever synapse was supposed to occur misfired and it made the equine godzilla stand up. I being of good character and having a pure heart was unafraid, and refused to let go.  This friggin throwback wooly mammoth lifted me 4 feet off the ground.  With his lip.  I spent the remainder of the day bouncing around in abject terror on the  back of dumbo, and plotting revenge on gordon. 

    That was the good part of the weekend.  The bad part is coming up.  I have to take my daughter to the mall….clothes shopping. ” i would rather die a thousand deaths.”  Robert E. Lee’s words fit nicely I think.

p.s.  I didnt see the words “uber” or “plethora” on any blogs I went to.  Proving bloggers can be taught.

What the hell?

June 22, 2007

  My blog has taken an unexpected turn.  Its all politics, and healthcare, and unions and such.  Its supposed to be my own little utopian paradise where I can write about drinking, debauchery, and daily life as I see it.  So I’m not huge on the drinking, but I love a good debauchery session.  To paraphrase an unknown narcissist, “nothing displays sexual prowess like a pile of spent dwarves in the corner.”  Unless there’s a sheep on top like the cherry on an ice cream sundae.

    This weekend should get me back to that.  Not here maybe, but I’ve somehow been talked into going on a horseback tour of Brown county with a bunch of the drunken reprobates from work.  I think it was pity made me agree to it.  My personal feeling on horses is they are 2500 pound killing machines equipped with hooves as hard as iron and as big as my head.  Plus my somewhat bony ass is not designed for bouncing around on a saddle that was designed by Torquemada.

     Fortunately I shall have a 5th of my favorite painkiller.  There is nothing quite like the nectar of the blue agave for curing minor pains such as an ass that has been pounded by an equine sledgehammer all day.  Chase it with a jigger of vicodin, and there is a better than even chance of a realtime conversation with god.

   To start the festivities properly we are going to have a texas hold em poker game.  I work with people that have more money than sense so there is a pretty good chance that I can walk away with enough cash cushion to keep me from needing double hip replacement surgery after my stint as a cowpoke.  I have the added bonus of being unlucky in love, (thank god) which means I’m lucky with cards.  I’m humming git along little dogies as I speak.  It will probably change to oh bury me not by the end of the expedition.  Doesn’t matter.  I don’t like the damn horse I’m gonna cook it.