Oh Those Clever Catholics

September 7, 2007

  the San Diego archdiocese settled a lawsuit concerning abuse claims for $198.1  yes, thats almost 200 million.  It brings to $2.3 billion (that’s not a typo, that’s billion with a “b”) the total payouts from the catholic church since 1950 to cover abuse cases.  Just in the U.S.

   this raises lots of questions for me.  Why haven’t more of them gone to jail?  they are pedophiles, and it’s not exactly a rare occurrence.

    Believing in god is one thing, but giving your money to an organization so tainted by pedophiles seems sinful.

How does one square a pedophile registry, and support of the Catholic church?

Are  catholics so bereft of decency that it really doesn’t matter to them?

Do Catholics understand that their donations to the church are going to pay for the coverup of crimes committed by these sexual parasites?

How does one tell their child that they have to be an altar boy? 

How does a parent answer the question “but what if father Mike makes me put his peepee in my mouth?”

How often does a parent answer the question “but what if father mike makes me put his peepee in my mouth AGAIN?”

It’s really hard not to be disgusted by parents that would raise their children in this environment. 


Ron Paul; by the numbers

August 25, 2007

   I have come to the conclusion that people really don’t wish to support a candidate without understanding what effect the candidates platform will have on them economically.  That being the case, I thought I’d share with you The fiscal impact Ron Paul’s vision will have on you.  First, I’ll give it to you scientifically.

1.   uh, I dunno.

That takes care of the scientifically derived at numbers for Ron Paul’s issues.  Now we shall move on to the rhetorical.

1.  uh, I dunno.

   You see, Ron Paul isn’t giving us any numbers.  There is nothing substantive in what he says.  He will save us money by ending the war, but then he will spend it defending our borders.  There is no economic model designed to tell us what his constitutional form of government will cost/benefit us, but rather merely the assurances of the good Dr. and his merry men.  I suppose a Robin Hood analogy is inappropriate, because from what I can tell the one thing that is certain is that the poor will be screwed severely by a Ron Paul presidency.  That hardly matters of course, because poor people vote democrat, don’t they?  Hardly, but they aren’t going to be voting for Ron Paul.  They know he hates them, as do any liberals that have paid attention over the last two decades of Ron Paul in office.

    The crossover vote isn’t going to happen.  The vast left wing media armada will put the boots to Ron the minute he appears to be a viable candidate.  The left wing blog world already has, and if you read the daily kos you know what I mean.  Basically, Ron Paul’s only supporters are those who dream of a mythological kingdom where honesty and fairplay conquers reality, and a small time doctor can live his dream of  colonial domination.

   Show me some numbers.  Anybody.  Give me something tangible that would make me think Ron Paul would make my life better.  Don’t offer me his dream of freedom, because freedom in todays society is something you have to take.  Don’t give me more rhetoric about the free market making everything right.  The free market has long been fraught with fraud and corruption, and in no way benefits the vast majority of American people.

   It’s smoke and mirrors gang, until he proves otherwise, and thats why the mainstream media doesn’t cover his campaign.  There is virtually nothing to cover.


sex in the news

August 22, 2007

  Who says sex doesn’t sell? all these stories are from today, and are related to the s-e-x- thing.

Woohoo, a virgin story…looking for work Jessie?  You test virgins for Ration Reality so you have experience.  Pretty interesting story about how the other half wants to live.

  Did you like the virgins?  How about a little nudity?  Naked women with hammers.  Sounds like a party…there is no truth to the rumor that this woman was a Ron Paul supporter still celebrating his 5th place finish.

dwarf penis anyone?  This guy goes toe to toe with a vacuum cleaner.  Freaking hilarious.   Gotta love the Scots.  I really liked “in an act that went horribly awry” 

whats a sex article without some gay sex?  This one isn’t funny.  This one is incredible  Suck a dick get life in prison?  wow…  if you check this out read the names of thel inks on the right…a “gay names” list…like a pedophile registry?

Hey, we even got strippers.  The strip club From the Sopranos is auctioning off the stripper poles from the show, along with other sundry goodies.

and i was gonna do a story about a lot of people getting fu@ked, but all I could find was this.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6957738.stm


uh oh…a sex post

August 19, 2007

I’m going to hell.  It’s a sure thing.  I’ve failed to ask forgiveness for having premarital sex, and that my friends is a sin.  Toss in an almost guaranteed ( I have no absolute proof they were married)  tryst or two on the wrong side of the adultery edict, and I’m almost surely headed for an eternal stint in the brimstone conflagration.

At least so say the Christians.  The Muslims on the other hand would have already sent me off to my ignominious perpetual damnation beneath a hail of rather hard rocks. They are not quite so enlightened as the just barely fell out of the evolutionary tree god worshipers.  They still have the eye for an eye and a rock for a stiff cock theory to overcome, and they’re far to busy trying to blow up Christians to get past it.

The Talmud is much easier on me.  thank god for those little Jewish bastards.  I’m allowed to hump any woman I want.  They could be kind of rough on the woman though.  In olden times she was even an adulteress if she had sex with anyone but her husbands brother after he perished.  Not the brother you sicko, the husband.  One more of those areas of life where you just kinda look to the heavens and be thankful you have that extra appendage.

oh my god…I’m researching this as i go…so that was an earnest oh my god of astonishment right there.  These asshole Hindu’s are going to make me come back as a creeping bug, after they make me die early.   Fornicating and adultery both fall under the lewdness clause of the holy scriptures ,so Instead of coming back as an inedible cow I get to be a termite.  They’re just jealous because they have small Indian penis.

whew, finally…a little relief.  The Taoists find my lewd and lascivious activities to be atrocious as well, but they aren’t going to punish me. They are going to lecture me onerously instead.  passage after stultifying  passage against the anomaly that is lewd behavior.

Is Buddhism really a religion? it looks like just a way for one Buddhist to keep score of how much more perfect he is than another Buddhist…who cares…no punishment for having sex.  I am now a Buddhist

So tell me, how did sex get to be so dirty?  I don’t think adultery is a bad thing.  least if you don’t get caught, or let your guilty conscience talk you into a confession.  Of course I’m not married.

there…a sex post…blow me.


the Ten punishments

August 6, 2007

  I was asked when I would do the second set of commandments, and yes there is a second set.  I decided first I would do the ten punishments.  Not for any particular reason, except that I like them, and verily I say unto you…shariaa law is no match for the old testament.  These were some bloodthirsty bastards of the first order.

Ten Punishments
(Let’s post these in the schoolroom!)
 

1. Exodus 22:20: He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed.

Utterly destroyed?  Not simply destroyed folks, utterly destroyed.  I assume this involves beating them with the utter of an unleavened cow,.  (they are very anti leavened  these old testament folks.


 

2. Leviticus 24:16: And he that blasphemeth the name of the Lord, he shall surely be put to death.

God damn it.  Again with the name in vain crap.  I’ve logged tow put me to deaths in two days apparently.  I think this one is bogus.  At least If I take his name in vain I’m aware that he exists, or at the very least lend credulity to the myth by my actions.
 

3. Exodus 31:15: Whosoever doeth any work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.

This seems reasonable to me.  You work on sunday you die.  No questions asked.  You deserve it for making the rest of look bad you asskissing spooge monkey.
 

4. Exodus 21:15: He that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.

whoops… a lot of put to death going on.  Again I fear  some parents deserve smiting.  With hard heavy objects until they are no longer twitching.
 

5. Exodus 21:17: He that curseth his father or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

yep…death again.  These old testament rat bastards weren’t real creative.  Of course they didn’t have the option of dragging behind a pickup truck until maimed, or beaten with a latex sex toy until comatose.
 

6. Exodus 22:19: Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.

Sheep boinkers beware.  When they get done with the homo fellers in the next segment they’ll be coming for your woolie banging asses.  Here’s a tip, make sure you don’t have any wool stuck under your fingernails.  Dead giveaway.
 

7. Leviticus 20:13: If a man lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.

See, here is where the christians get it wrong.  They take this to mean if a man sleeps with a man he has committed an abomination.  Not so.  what that says, is if a man sleeps with all other men (mankind) he is abominable.  In other words if Barney Frank wants to get into hell he better start butt porking a lot more people.
 

8. Leviticus 20:10: And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death.

this is just stupid.  Sorry. Adultery has done more to strengthen american relationships than any other vice, and I just can’t see God wanting to force people to be monagamous.  Monogamy is like anal sex, it isn’t natural, but you can still talk a fool into it if you ask them right.
 

9. Mark 16:16: He that believeth not, shall be damned.

woohoo…not put to death.  So let me get this right..if I bang some sheepherders old lady, or his sheep for that matter, I die, but if I refuse to believe the fairy tale at all, I just get damned?  That harldy seems like a punishment at all.
 

10. Malachi 2:1-4: And now, O ye priests, this commandment is for you. If you will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart to give glory to my name, … behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.

Now your talking.  Screw up the bastards gardens and wipe shit on their faces.  Now thats a punishment.
 

yeah boys and girls, thats some nice religion you got there.   If I was a gal I’d be whipping out the burkha and taking my chances.


Trust and The Ron Paul idea of Government

July 31, 2007

  That my friends is what it comes down to for me.  Do I trust enough to accept his idea of small federal government?  I know that in his world the states will bear the responsibilities that the federal government is relieved of, but that means trusting even more, and frankly less qualified people.

   Trust is a funny animal.  I have trusted people, and on virtually every occassion found them lacking.  Now, unless you are a dead blood relative you all fall into the same category.  I can trust you until I veer from what you desire for yourself.  In a world with out selfishness trust would be a given, but at least in the society I live in now people have aspirations.  We can be best buddies, and sooner or later what you want for you will be different than what I want for me.  Thats when the proverbial doodoo hits the fan.   As long as what you and I want don’t contradict each other we’re still ok, but if they do, one of is in for some greivious disappointment in our friend. 

    I tend to come out on the short end of the stick most of the time in the trust department.  Not because I am wildly trustworthy.  I can give you a whole stack of sworn affidavits that say otherwise.  It’s more because I have a very limited list of desires.  I’m not going to fight my buddy for the affections of a woman, because, and correct me if I’m wrong, there are about a gazillion of them out there, and plus or minus 30 IQ points and 100 lbs they’re all pretty much the same.  I’m not being sexist, the same can be said for men.  I’m not special, and one monkey don’t stop no show.  I’m also not going to walk over your carcass for a better position in the chain of command because quite simply I’m just not that damned ambitious.  I have been walked over though, and the scum sucking rump lickers that have done it can thank god and government that I was not allowed to respond as I thought appropriate.

   I have with cognizant intent limited my life to those things that are important to me.  Basically, don’t harm my children, or molest my pets and we’ll be just dandy.  This of course is in a society that is quite restrictive.  Not Nazi restrictive, not socialist restrictive, but a free society that through its beliefs and laws is quite controlled.  We have the church to control the 80% of people who claimed some religious affiliation as of 2001.   This number is rapidly declining, and those godless bastards out west are the main reason.  Religion has been used as a form of mass control since  naked folks slathered their buttocks with holly berries and danced in the moonlight.  It sets the moral boundaries that encourages a herd mentality that is amazingly well suited to the human species.  We need control, because without it we are absurdly violent and narcissistic.  It’s all about “me,” and it has always been about “me.”

  For that 20% and growing group of society that is secular  we have laws.  Laws of course are established by congress, approved by the executive branch, and interpreted by the courts.  If Dr. Paul has his way, these three entities will take on a junior role in our society.  Sort of a watch dog on the 50 of each that will become all powerful in our lives.    I’m not trying to be a spoil sport, but when is the last time adding people to a decision making process in society helped?

Look at your state, your city…are these the people you want determining the important decisions in your life?  Do you want to move every time a majority of your stupid assed neighbors come up with some crackpot scheme to make life better?

   Add to this the mans desire to end all controls on drugs, to make guns easy to obtain, to weaken the already understaffed military that we have, and you find me not only ambivalent about his chances, but questioning where I would fit in this free for all society of his.

  I have to assume that when my easy to get a gun ass blows some crackhead all over the sidewalk that there will still be laws to ensure that you folks pay for my incarceration.  You see, my lack of trust for his idea of government is not based on fear of it.  It’s based on fear of me.  I want you cow ponies controlled so I don’t have to control you myself.  i am a very friendly fellow, but stick your nose in my world and I can assure you that jacking off a bobcat in a telephone booth with glass in your hand will seem a wiser option.

   You see, the reality is that society is made up of a whole lot of people like me, and an extensive number of people that I only define as other.  Trust me when I tell you that a strong federal government makes us all safer, freer, and aliver than we would be under Ron Pauls vision.  His road leads to anarchy, and while I think I would do okay under that scenario, I’m not so sure about those of you with strong moral codes, and basic levels of decency.  Getting in touch with my inner beast isn’t a problem for me.  When was the last time you let the dog out?

  


sunday is for random thoughts 8.5

July 30, 2007

1. The only thing you can’t find on youtube is a republican debate

2. whether you’re a professor or a gardener, I think letting your kid get cooked in a car is a bad thing, and probably should be punished

3.  I’ve never met a stripper I didn’t like, but I don’t loan them money

4.  Leonard Nimoy is going to play spock again.  I think thats cool.  An old really strange guy not working as a walmart greeter.

5.   a coelacanth won’t do anything but swim in a brook, he can’t write his name or read a book… would you like to swing on a star would’ve been a much different song had it been written 360 million years ago

hell its a Bing song, and i’m bored…here you go…gratuitously stolen from some other website…What that is called boys and girls is confessing to a crime.

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule

A mule is an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny but his brain is weak
he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
and by the way if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish

A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook
he can’t write his name or read a book
to fool the people is his only thought
and though he’s slippery he still gets caught
but if then that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish
(music)
a new kind of jumped up slippery fish

And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo
everyday you see quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you,
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star

5.  You bone strokers better read that.  I could be incarcerated for it.

6.  Dogs are way better than cats.  Why?  It’s simple really.  Because I said so.

7.  I feed my pets.  My children have to fend for themselves.  Thats what opposable thumbs will get you.

8.  speaking of opposable thumbs…can I trade mine for a prehensile tail? It looks funner

9.  Roscoe has overcome his aversion to tile floors.  It is funnier than hell to see a rabbit walking like a cat, but not so funny to feel his furry little ass scootching across my feet as I’m shaving in the morning.

10.  We are going to have a democratic president.  This president will be a woman.   I’m ok with it.  Let a woman screw things up for awhile.  They lie better, and I’m far to jaded to fall for just any old bullshit.

11.   glass is a solid.  I just said that because one group of people I’m almost certain I’ve never pissed off is the “glass is a liquid” crowd.  This is what 44 years of pissing people off will get you. 

12.  Male praying mantids don’t masturbate.  You see what it gets them?  For those of you who don’t know the female praying mantis tends to chow on the male after sex.  The human version of this is called “alimony.”

13.  I am in pool number 20 of jurors for marion superior court.  I think the best way for me to get out of it is to have them punch up criminyjicket on their computers.  I’m not trying to evade my civic duty, although I have no idea why they call it that…a civic is a honda right?  What I’m trying to do is make sure some poor schmo doesn’t get the chair for jaywalking.  i can be persuasive when I want to be.

14.  I don’t care what else you do this millenia, but at some point you should go check out Anita’s sunday prayers.  She is probably the only thing keeping god from tormenting me 24/7.

15.  I am now going to bed…no…you may not come along…I am tired, and explaining the birds and the bees to you is beyond my ability at this time…enjoy your week…or not…as you see fit…being pissy about everything causes hair to grow on your toenails, and nobody wants to hang out with a hobbit