more search engine terms.

August 24, 2007

  Haven’t done these in awhile.  Not for any reason, but I figure you deserve to know how people get here.  You read this schlock, now its time to find out which paths brought you to Criminies house of inane.

1.  what is a spooge monkey  –  Believe me when i tell you had I seen this one before I started the whole post would’ve been about it.

2.  Max Adams  –  proving that Max is more famous than I.  I get a Max Adams hit every day or so.  I think they’re looking for her ghost story, which I just linked you with part 2 of.  Yes, I could have linked you to part 1, but I’m not in the mood to make anything easy for anyone right now.

3.  He can convince anyone of anything  –  which links you directly to me…how cool is that?

4.  how to masturbate without touching  –  I’m virtually certain that though I am the worlds foremost authority on touchless masturbation  I have never written about it here. 

5.  abstinence diagram  –  I didn’t even know there was such a thing…a diagram for how not to do it…handy that.

6.  pendulous jugs   –   Bet they were upset when they got here instead of   I should do more nancy pelosi’s one quality feature posts i reckon.

7.   thongs of interest  –  I do one story about octogenarians wearing thongs and I’ll never live it down.

8.  how to pee  –  this goes in “I’d never think someone would need a search engine for this.”

9.  is obama part of skull and bones  –  He went to college? get outta town.

10.  hookers sucking dick  –  Swear to god, all you have to do is mention hookersi n one post and dick cheney in another, and voila…you get this stuff.

11.  because I said so lingerie  –  obviously looking for my retail site…you never looked so good as you would wearing your with footies criminy jicket teddy.

12.  rabbit lust  –  i get a lot of these…i know not why, but Roscoe is pushing for royalties.

13.  nuclear device advice  –  someone is obviously trying to get the feds to notice me…fuckers.

i left out most of the lust stuff…this isn’t a porn blog, and i left out most of the political ones, just cuz.

how you got here

August 1, 2007


the way you get here tends to amuse me no end.  I’ve written one of these before, and I’ll try like hell not to repeat myself.  The day was heinously long, and greviously malignant, so if I do…tough shit.

many of you have suddenly been renamed wordpress dashboard.  Lets just deal with the search engine hits

1.  rabbit penis picture –  yup.  not kidding.  Roscoe’s member has been googled.  I’m trying to visualize the human behind the keyboard.  No,  really thats the last thing I want to see.

2.  chancre mouth –  these things are uncanny.  I hate to be doing the equivalent of a country boy in the city staring at the tall buildings, but I usaed those words in the same sentence once at least two weeks ago.

3. horses that are lame but don’t know y! – gotta be someone trying to figure out whats up with the Ron Paul campaign

4. retards made to wear a diaper again – I’m not certain, but this may have to do with the folks at White Noise Insanity

5. ron paul waste vote nader – sorry…this just tickles me..wonder who the poli-sci major is that typed that

6. india + dancing + bear + urban + legend  – yep…thats verbatim…it almost makes me want to go tpye it in myself, but if it comes up with only me I’ll freak out and throw the computer away

7. michael moore rush limbaugh whale blubber – who says i don’t have a varied audience

8. alli weight depends diapers stock buy – now this is one of those fools that read me and didn’t instantly add me to their favorites.  They then spent weeks trying to find me again, finally mamaging to come up with the proper sequence of words.

9. mother lust stories –  I know this is a repeat, but i gotta tell yuh, I get hit with it almost daily….sick fux

10. where can I watch the full version of the –  so they sent him here?  What in jehovah the reprobates name could he watch here in its entirity?  The death of literacy?

11.  boy badly pee pee-  let this be a lesson to you….never write anything with the word pee in it.

12  eat my ass biscuits criminy jicket – fine…whoever you are…you obviously wanted mention so here you are, being incredibly not famous on my blog.

my favorite search engine hits

July 6, 2007

  That little box on the left on the dashboard is just full of insight into the things people look at on the web.  Anyone who reads here knows whats here, and  for the most part it is  run of the mill stuff.   The search engines manage to categorize things in such a way that it really doesn’t matter what you write about, you’ll get found by someone that doesn’t want to find you. Here’s my top ten “how the hell did you get here” search terms, in no particular order

1.  mother’s lust stories – this is wrong on so many levels that until I get my prescriptions refilled I can’t even contemplate it

2.  roman candle jousting – ok, I did talk about it, but someone aactually sat down and typed that in their browser?

3.  how mush waght can i lose – I know what they meant was “much weight,” but how the hell did the search engine know?  It’s a little creepy to me that they interpret mispelled words.

4. cigar birgins legend  – again i did say it, but  i spelled virgins correctly.

5.  i just want to die – random chance? or is criminy’s little house of pathos not recognized for its incredible wit and timeliness?  “hey mac, we got another death wish”  “send em to criminy’s…that oughtta do it”  another thing that concerns me is was this on page one, or am I #367,821 on the list and this tortured soul came here anyway?

6. hairstyles – its not funny.  It’s just strange.  I’ve never mentioned hair in my life.  i have only two styles…too long, and cut off.

7. dog sex rabbit – Roscoe is now famous, but which sick bastard searches for that?

8.  crapping pants voices – wonder if this was an alli fan, or just someone that knew verbal defecation was available somewhere on line, and hit the jackpot

9.  jesus christian religion – ahem…talk about disappointment.

10.  girls night out – what better to do than swing by criminy’s? the only one that makes any sense at all to me.

   I think i’m getting a lot of hits from perverts.   which seems a little bit odd because roscoe is the only one ever has sex here.