more sex in the news

you west coasters  are pagans or heathens anyway so here’s a bonafide opportunity to get naked and jump in a pile.  Nothing like a lunar event.

what kind of an idiot tries to pass off fake bills in a strip club?  Like women who get paid via the tried and true methood called “tucking” aren’t going to recognize the feel of fake money?

 ahhhhhh, panda sex…it doesn’t get any better than this.  This girl failed to get another girl panda pregnant…awwww read it…its good stuff.

what would sex in the news be without a large cock?  No not a male chicken you dolt. 

I would suppose that guys coupling would count as gay sex.  Noy as glitzy as brokeback mountain, but interesting. 

cool…CBN brings us how to stay married to that adulterous scum spouse of yours.  Nothing like christians to teach you how to fix your sin filled life.

have fun….if you were looking for porn.  Tough

sex in the news

  Who says sex doesn’t sell? all these stories are from today, and are related to the s-e-x- thing.

Woohoo, a virgin story…looking for work Jessie?  You test virgins for Ration Reality so you have experience.  Pretty interesting story about how the other half wants to live.

  Did you like the virgins?  How about a little nudity?  Naked women with hammers.  Sounds like a party…there is no truth to the rumor that this woman was a Ron Paul supporter still celebrating his 5th place finish.

dwarf penis anyone?  This guy goes toe to toe with a vacuum cleaner.  Freaking hilarious.   Gotta love the Scots.  I really liked “in an act that went horribly awry” 

whats a sex article without some gay sex?  This one isn’t funny.  This one is incredible  Suck a dick get life in prison?  wow…  if you check this out read the names of thel inks on the right…a “gay names” list…like a pedophile registry?

Hey, we even got strippers.  The strip club From the Sopranos is auctioning off the stripper poles from the show, along with other sundry goodies.

and i was gonna do a story about a lot of people getting fu@ked, but all I could find was this.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6957738.stm

sunday is for random thoughts 8.5

1. The only thing you can’t find on youtube is a republican debate

2. whether you’re a professor or a gardener, I think letting your kid get cooked in a car is a bad thing, and probably should be punished

3.  I’ve never met a stripper I didn’t like, but I don’t loan them money

4.  Leonard Nimoy is going to play spock again.  I think thats cool.  An old really strange guy not working as a walmart greeter.

5.   a coelacanth won’t do anything but swim in a brook, he can’t write his name or read a book… would you like to swing on a star would’ve been a much different song had it been written 360 million years ago

hell its a Bing song, and i’m bored…here you go…gratuitously stolen from some other website…What that is called boys and girls is confessing to a crime.

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule

A mule is an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny but his brain is weak
he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
and by the way if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish

A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook
he can’t write his name or read a book
to fool the people is his only thought
and though he’s slippery he still gets caught
but if then that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish
(music)
a new kind of jumped up slippery fish

And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo
everyday you see quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you,
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star

5.  You bone strokers better read that.  I could be incarcerated for it.

6.  Dogs are way better than cats.  Why?  It’s simple really.  Because I said so.

7.  I feed my pets.  My children have to fend for themselves.  Thats what opposable thumbs will get you.

8.  speaking of opposable thumbs…can I trade mine for a prehensile tail? It looks funner

9.  Roscoe has overcome his aversion to tile floors.  It is funnier than hell to see a rabbit walking like a cat, but not so funny to feel his furry little ass scootching across my feet as I’m shaving in the morning.

10.  We are going to have a democratic president.  This president will be a woman.   I’m ok with it.  Let a woman screw things up for awhile.  They lie better, and I’m far to jaded to fall for just any old bullshit.

11.   glass is a solid.  I just said that because one group of people I’m almost certain I’ve never pissed off is the “glass is a liquid” crowd.  This is what 44 years of pissing people off will get you. 

12.  Male praying mantids don’t masturbate.  You see what it gets them?  For those of you who don’t know the female praying mantis tends to chow on the male after sex.  The human version of this is called “alimony.”

13.  I am in pool number 20 of jurors for marion superior court.  I think the best way for me to get out of it is to have them punch up criminyjicket on their computers.  I’m not trying to evade my civic duty, although I have no idea why they call it that…a civic is a honda right?  What I’m trying to do is make sure some poor schmo doesn’t get the chair for jaywalking.  i can be persuasive when I want to be.

14.  I don’t care what else you do this millenia, but at some point you should go check out Anita’s sunday prayers.  She is probably the only thing keeping god from tormenting me 24/7.

15.  I am now going to bed…no…you may not come along…I am tired, and explaining the birds and the bees to you is beyond my ability at this time…enjoy your week…or not…as you see fit…being pissy about everything causes hair to grow on your toenails, and nobody wants to hang out with a hobbit