random thoughts # I forget

1.  It is easier to make a case for post birth abortion.

2.  I knew a kid that had sex with a pony when I was growing up.  He wasn’t real popular, but I’m not sure how the horses felt about him.

3.    When football season starts this blogging on sunday shit is over.

4.   I like greg the robber better than jerry the killer, but haven’t spoken to either in years.

5.    It only seems like I don’t care about anything.  It’s just that I care about so many things I can only care about each a little.

6.  Yeah, i like that one.

7.  I went to the love tag again.  When I need amusement I always end up there.  I have a tip for them.  If you REALLY love someone, you don’t stop.  It sucks, but there it is. 

8.  If you filled Yankee stadium, and then took an ax, a bat, a gun, a knife, a plastic baggie or a stale cheeto to each and every one of them rendering them into nothing more than organic matter; it would be equivalent to the number of people that will be murdered in America this year. (approx.)

9.  ex’s are like this really bad dream with creepy music and dour looking spinsters wearing long  sleeved dresses with cameo clasps occassionally stopping as they wander the incredibly white halls of the sanitarium to scream filth laced obscenities at invisible demons.

10.  Well, mine are.  Kind of.  they never shutup and they won’t go completely away, and its just creepy.  Ok, I’m done with that, but my head won’t stop moving side to side with my lips etching an overdone grimace across my visage.

11.  If your children tell you they hate you they mean it.  This is good.  You are doing your job, and with any luck they will keep hating you, and move away so you can move somewhere fun like Maui.

12.  Civility is not dead.  It is however undergoing defibrillation and has been treated for shock.

13.  Ron Paul is the new Charlie Waddell who once explained libertarianism as  “people who want government to ruin your life, but not theirs.”  May he rest in pieces.  Charlie had an unfortunate accident while working on a saw mill in South Dakota.

14.  For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I’m glad I’m not in Jamaica.

15.  Artificial life is likely just over the horizon.  I think if they have intellect they will find a way to kill us all…and I can’t say as I blame them.

16.  The fed has sent relief to Texas in hopes of getting a jump on Dean.  If it misses they’ll be blamed for wasting money.

thats it for this.  Have good weeks, be kind to your fellow homo sapiens, and if you can’t do that at least amuse yourself while tormenting them.

Take 2 Minutes To See How Wrong You Are

  Yes, you the incredibly bright American people are wrong.   All of you anti-war types, and bring home the war types have no idea what you are talking about.  You think the administration is stupid for walking into this mess without a plan.  I say, “yeah right”

They had a plan, because they knew exactly what we were facing, and what the outcome would be if we took down Saddam Hussein.  They knew we’d be in it up to our ears for years, and would be virtually alone in the endeavor.  they knew every pitfall and pratfall on the road to a democratic Iraq, and Dick Cheney at least has known since 1994.

So why really, if what he says here he knew all this time, did he recommend the current course of action?  What possible reason could there be for him to advocate opening the Pandora’s box that is Iraq?  Don’t say oil or money.  He needs neither, and they don’t make sense.  Thats just easy leftie answers.

Sunday is for random thoughts #10

1. Someone once said that integrity is what you do when no one else is looking.  What in the hell does masturbating have to do with integrity?

2.  I am not anti-religion.  I am anti-stupid.  It is unfortunate, but not of my doing,  that the two look so much alike.

3.  If neither a borrower nor a lender be had been adhered to, we wouldn’t be facing a recession, and so many of you wouldn’t be losing your homes.  Pardon me while I chuckle.

4.  Based on news reports the thing average Americans do best is kill other average Americans.

5.  I love good poetry.  I think most poets should be beaten viciously and regularly to dissuade them from the art.

6.  Rudyard Kipling did more to bring about the end of the British Empire than anyone save Mahatma Gandhi.

7.  The far right advocates a social structure that almost exactly mirrors that envisioned by the Koran.

8.  The far left advocates a social structure that almost exactly mirrors Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

9.  The centrist advocate a social structure that …well, I don’t know.  they’re too chickenshit to forward an agenda.

10.  I advocate disorderly conduct in almost all social situations.  I’m also good with temperate use of almost all drugs and alcohol.  Reality should be rationed(smirk) and overuse should be severely punished.

11.  I used to believe that most people were just stupid, and that it was ok, as long as I didn’t have to listen to them.  All blogging has accomplished is to provide empirical evidence supporting my assertions.

12.   no chain is so easy to jerk as that of a zealot.

13.    I gave up booze, drugs, and a life of crime for my children.  You’d think they could moderate their taste in shoes.

14.  Not only is Barack black enough, he is ignorant enough, duplicitous enough, and egotistical enough to become George Bush….er…president.

15.   Without a ballot being cast the Ron Paul faithful cried foul in court.  I hope he does really well, and they feel really stupid.

oh, quit sucking up

  I made the mistake of hitting the love tag.  Yeah, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking either.  I thought maybe a good article on tennis or some such.  What I got was an article about the beauty of women…well…i think that’s what it was about.  Aw hell, no I don’t.  This geek was trying to get chicksies to pay attention to him.  It worked to.  I now know exactly which line of bullshit to present when I wish to fake the babes out of their knickers.

Enough about asswind.  I’ve found through trial and error…and error…and error…that the only way I can deal with the female of the species is to treat them like anyone else.  Sure, they have breasts, but if you take away that one overriding and significant benefit they aren’t much different than any other human.   Don’t get me wrong.  Romance and all the fluffy shit that goes with it is alright, but you should never underestimate them.  i have some simple rules to live by when it comes to women.

1.  Get it yourself.  For whatever reason they assume that being your servant isn’t what they signed on for, and that gooey thing you just swallowed with your first sip of that beer could be anything.

2.  Don’t mistake kindness for weakness.  In fact, if you are getting kindness, and the situation does not merit it, find an exit, and evacuate as quickly as humanly possible.

3.  Never go to sleep before a mad woman.  I could regale you with oodles of good stories on how I came to live by this rule, but I’m going to let John Wayne Bobbitt do a guest blog to explain it.

4.  Don’t touch their diet coke…ever…i mean…EVER.  I don’t know.  I have it on good authority that it’s a no no.

5.  Expect the unexpected.  If their is one thing that you can be sure of it’s that your dumbass has no idea what she is thinking until she tells you.  Never say “what are you thinking.”  You will either be told if she wanted you to know she would be talking, or you will spend the next several hours wishing you had heeded my advice.

6.   Never talk about the relationship.  Take that in.  Ruminate on it.  now take several deep breaths, and take it in again.  This one is incredibly important.  Talking about your relationship is the death knell of it.  Fine, think you’re one of them enlightened guys like numbnuts I just read.  What you know about your relationship with her is as a tea cup next to an ocean by comparison to what she knows about her relationship with you. 

7. Allow her to pass through the kitchen, but otherwise make that your space.  If you do not you will end up eating all kinds of shit she found in a recipe book, and its bad for you.  Food is meant to be tossed together, spiced all to hell, and eaten.  If your plate has more than four colors on it you let her in the kitchen.

8.  Never ask her if it was good for her.  You might just have an honest woman laying there, and the answer could trouble you for years.  In this one instance, be introspective.  Figure out if it was good for you as you drift off to sleep.  No Talking.  It only leads to bad things.

9.  She is tougher, meaner, and smarter.  I don’t know why.  You’ve been reading this, you think I suddenly became Dr. Ruth since number 8?  All I know is that in matters of your relationship she is, and you might as well accept it.  Go golfing.  Arm wrestle over beers at O’malley’s.  I know your ego just took a hit but you’ll survive it.  Underestimate her once and your friends will be luaghing at you or pitying you for months.

10.  Don’t listen to me.  I don’t.  I can fuck up a relationship just by showing up.  Still, all ten of these will keep you from ending up like shit for brains.

Sunday is for random thoughts #9

It’s sunday again.   Time for more random thoughts from the thoughtless.  If you are easily offended hit the out button.  My blog has been caterized, and I’m decidedly cranky.

1.  our schools are in disarray, our infrastructure is crumbling,  and we have over 500 varieties of beer to choose from.  I don’t see a problem here.

2.  I feel that tarring and feathering should be part of the criminal code, and this is when it should be used.

3.   Roscoe chewed through the wires on my cable box.  This was either a suicide attempt or a murder attempt.  Either way it was poorly executed, since we are both still alive.

4.  I would like a bagel with everything so i can go put it under the tire of my car and run over it.  It’s like hanging someone in effigy.  It packs no punch, but you get to feel like an idiot.

5.  If whites and blacks can’t agree that dogfighting is bad, what hope have we of agreeing on anything?  I think blacks only find dogfighting to be ok when its a famous black person.  Kind of like the whole O.J. and murder thing.   It kind of bothers me that this has been made racial.

6.  Give me a hammer, a paring knife, a roll of duct tape, and a fifth of anything with a spanish sounding name, and I’ll make McGuyver look dull normal.

7.  I’m not pleased with the way random thoughts is going today, but at least my Tourettes Syndrome appears to be in remission.

8.  19 million people in Bangladesh and India think Al Gore is a dumbass, and I’m smart as hell…more global wetting issues.

9.   sex is overrated and underutilized.

10.  that being said, you may disrobe now.

11.  While it may seem cute, buying your newborn a shirt that says “now that I’m safe I’m pro-choice” is a fashion no-no.

12.  I’m to sexy…well, I’m not but this is:

my son taught me how to do that.  It has come to my attention that being blog illiterate is not safe.  If only for self defense I need to know how to do more than just type blithering idiocy.  That clip was bastardized from the world of warcraft.  All I can say is that is not a proper form of birth control, but probably works in the abstinence category.  I’ll credit this later…he didn’t get me the URL.

13.   Locking your pets out of your room almost gaurantees a decent 3 hours of sleep.  At which time they will decide they miss you and start fighting like children.  I’m not sure why one of them isn’t already dead.  Dog? Rabbit?  I want some gotdam blood.

14.  Dale Jr. won the pole at pocono, Wisconsin is ranked 7th in the preseason poll, some steroid infused monstrosity hit his 755th home ron, and A-rod got to 500 faster than anyone ever has.  Oh, yeah, some hockey for Janie. Edmonton is going to pay Dustin Penner 21.25 million over 5 years.  Dustin is a 29 goal scorer.  call it 30 and 21 million for argument.  Thats $140,000 per goal.  10 dollar hookers definitely got into the wrong line of work.   

15.  Blogs I read everyday at least once are listed in the blogroll.  The one blog I refuse to miss on sunday, is Anita’s.  She prays.

16.  I’d send y’all over to Ration Reality, but on sunday mornings they read chicken bones, beat up small fur bearing creatures with tire irons, and sacrifice virgins to Loki.

ok, thats enough of this.  Hope your weeks went well, and if they didn’t their will be better times than these.

  

defending the indefensible #1

   I was thinking today how often we just attack those that we don’t care for, and then ignore them altogether when we tire of it..  We seldom take the time to see things from their perspective, or try to understand what it is that makes them so repugnant to us.  Today I thought I’d give it a shot.  Defending them I mean.  I’m not that much into attacking people.  Lets start with a toughie

George Bush –   Can you imagine growing up the son of a famous and powerful right wing conservative in the state of Texas?  Can you even begin to contemplate the extra level of hell that would add to being a teenager?  Especially in Texas.  All the funner parts of being a teen in Texas would be off limits.  No ungulate sex, no target practice on the Rio Grande, no brokeback mountain moments at summer camp?  Poor kid would’ve been better off in Arkansas, where at least the animal sex isn’t frowned upon.  

George also had to live with the perpetual realization that mom and dad really did like Jeb better.  C’mon, you got one kid that passes for retarded in social settings, is wrong most of the time and never admits(or realizes it), and walks around with a “dummer’n a stump but I can out smirk you” look on his face: and then you have a kid who is bright, articulate, charismatic, and reasonable.  Which do you like better? Yeah, whatever…tell yourself that.

   Is it really so hard to understand that a George just starting to find acceptance in a world full of  Visigoths and Stoners(yeah, Yale…what did you think I was talking about?), would leap at the chance to join an all male secret society?  Thats like being invited to play in the treehouse when you’re an outcast kid.  Of course he joined, and wore his underwear backwards for easy access just like the rule book says.  George was metastisizing from “Thats George we don’t really like him”  To “That’s George, we don’t like him at all, but we can maybe use him in the future.”  Being used is better than no acceptance at all so George was happy to take a seat on the bench where the smart boys played.

    It served him well to later on, but not before a nice long haitus into the world of sowing his wild oats.  Hell, who wouldn’t.  You get tired of being in the shadow I would suppose, and George decided a little hard drinking, whoring, and an occassional coke  binge would help level him mentally.  Now I ask, in all seriousness, who hasn’t felt the need to do this once or twice in  a lifetime?  I know the everybody else does it excuse is weak, but everybody else uses it, and if everybody else uses it then, it’s ok by George.

   So George meets god, finds girl, and becomes preesident.  Almost as simple as that.  A couple of stints as a wildly popular and successful governor of the great northern territory of Mexico (Texas) and it was off to the White House.  Dick Cheney and Karl Rove as caretakers have been in attendance ever since, and poor old George isn’t even allowed to touch the Porridge if it is to hot.

     Here’s the thing.  Other than a rich daddy this guy was an average  no plans for the future, waste of life thirty year old guy.   And in the span of 25 years he became the President of the United States.  Without any particularly amazing skills as a diplomat, no overamped intellect, no credible history of leadership ability.  He was Re-elected as a governor, he was re-elected as the president, and he has, for better or worse, controlled the agenda for almost a decade in american politics.

   I know that the man has a lot of smart people around him making him what he is, for better or worse.  He still is the one who is in the bullseye, and has handled it quite effectively (this does not imply that I feel he did so successfully, just effectively) for going on two decades in the Texas State house and the White House.  He has done so in the face of a withering storm of livid commentary, with a level of aplomb that is kind of admirable.   He has suffered some of the lowest levels of popularity in presidential history, and still has outscored the congress over the same time period.

   He does it because he believes exactly what he is saying, or being told to say.  He doesn’t doubt that his chosen course in regards to the middle east is the right thing to be doing.  I and a lot of folks disagree, but he hasn’t equivocated in his desire or his efforts to forward his agenda.  His administration has altered (again, for better or worse) the course of American politics.  They have changed the way seperation of powers work, and in fact several articles of the constitution.  His war on terror has forever altered the landscape of American life, and our position in the global world.  May god have mercy on his soul.

Point being, if he’s such a pathetic cretin, what’s your story?  What have you done since you were thirty?

I was going to write something

    but decided against it.  Instead, Mollie and I enjoyed a baconnator and fries and a quiet evening of talking shit in the driveway with the neighbor and his extensive circle of ne’er-do-wells.  The precocious little nitwit at Wendy’s couldn’t quite comprehend that a #4 was in fact a baconnator, and I was therefore forced to call the god of all cholesterol bombs by its full name.   I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure, but a baconnator is available at all your local Wendy’s fast food locations, and includes 2 slices of cheese, two 1/4 pound beef patties, and 6 strips of bacon slathered all over with mayo, and lodged between two slabs of bread that they cleverly call a bun.  Just one of these monuments to dietary suicide can easily double your cholesterol count.  Mine hovers in the low 4 digits so I’m not particularly worried about it, and damn was it good.   I washed it down with a quart of dead animal fat, and am feeling much better now thank you.

   Rebuild hell is almost over.  Tomorrow we will place the molds back in the slagcaster chain.  I have learned much to my chagrin that my young protege is my perfect cliche young American, meaning he borders on worthless when you ask him to do anything that involves physical labor.  On the bright side, while he doesn’t get a lot done he is amusing as hell to watch, which helps speed the day along.  Yesterday about 9 a.m. I explained the proper use of a hammer to him, and god bless his soul he ignored me until I gave him the class again about 2 p. m. after he was thoroughly worn out, and everyone in the shop had wandered by and asked me why exactly I hadn’t taught him not to swing a hammer like that.  The beauty of our mentoring program is that no one else interferes in it, instead they go to the mentor for all things dealing with the mentee? mental?  The new stupid person? yeah, that works.  Because of this, rather than repeating myself or having someone interfere, I was allowed to spend roughly 5 hours watching him ignore my well intended and somewhat sage advice.

    I’m not as evil as that may have sounded.  I did the hard part so he wouldn’t have too, and when advice is ignored its best to just watch and see how that works out.  In our case it resulted in him having the arm strength of a 5 year old girl half through the day.  When I regave my “how to work a tool with no moving parts” class at 2 p.m., he was  more receptive to my advice, and managed to make it until 4 pm.  At that time he had achieved that near nirvana state of total worthlessness, and was allowed to leave.  I did both of our jobs the last 4 hours of the day. 

   His father was one of the driveway reprobates this evening and I had the opportunity to ask him how the damn kid got to 20 without learning to use a hammer.  His dad is a tough old bastard, and was delighted by the tale I told.  His only response was if I had managed to teach him anything I was a better teacher than he.  The kids alright, and I’m afraid tomorrow might kill him.

     I generally don’t attend the driveway fests, but when I do go they are always informative.  Tonights discussion covered everything from how big a flathead catfish has to be for you to get both your hands into its mouth (45 pounds), which pain killers are the most effective (hydrocodone was the drug of choice, with a smattering of support for oxycontin), and the best way to fool a DOT drug test(that should build your confidence as that semi goes smoking past you during tomorrows rush hour), what to do if you’re carjacked (our august panel of heathens have decided that lodging your handgun under the chin and pulling the trigger is more effective than just letting them have your car), the Harlan County war (they hail from hazzard county Kentucky), and local matters of politics that included a rope, a pickup, and a lot of beer.

   The guy who advocated putting a bullet through the head of a carjacker did 6 years for doing a density test on a thugs skull with a .40 calibre, and the lady that does drug testing for the DOT was very informative.  Lynching the mayor was discussed, but I think it was all hot air.  We’ll see.  If he gets hung I know who did it.  If you ever catch a catfish big enough to stick both your hands in its mouth I recommend not eating it, and the harlan county war wasn’t much like the movie.  They downplayed the hell out of the violence if the old feller I talked to is to be believed.  I didn’t argue with him.  He run about 6’5″ and weighed about 350.  He was damn near big enough to make me lay off the Kentucky jokes for the evening, but I did tell my buddy who is going to his family reunion in Hazzard next week to try and score him a wife.

you folks have a good night.

   

the day in pictures

ha ha sucker, you got as much chance of viewing a picture here as you do of finding a winning lotto ticket in your pocket while you’re getting a blowjob from she-ra the warrior princess.  You can, however, should you choose to waste the next several moments of your life enjoy what I like to think of as the least common denominator in faux literature.

   The day began with a Roscoe.  It always does.  You know the old saw about teaching kids to walk and talk and then telling them to sit down and shut up?  That’s what my rescue of Roscoe is beginning to be.   He went from being the rabbit version of being a clam, to being the bruce willis in die hard version of being a rabbit.  Tile no longer limits his range, but for whatever reason makes him crap.  I mean all over.  Little bunny balls needing to be swept up every three to five minutes so the kitchen table doesn’t disappear.  He’s like a never ending bag of rabbit poo.  I now sleep with a shovel so I can navigate the hallway when I awaken without smelling like an excerpt from mutual of omaha’s wild kingdom.

   He has also taken to bullying Mollie.  I mean bullying in the Ole’ sense.  He will build up a full head of bull rabbit steam and slam into her.  Mollie is mostly fur,  but roscoe is a midget, and the affect of his new ramming technique on Mollie is to make her aware that he is present.  Roscoe on the other hand spends three to four minutes roaming around the living room like  Dean Martin after a weekend in vegas.  When the concussion subsides, he proves that bunny memories are short by slamming into her again.  This goes on for as long as it takes mollie to decide she is tired of the game. 

   So that’s how the morning starts.  This morning also included a beautiful sunrise, the picture of which you can find here.  It made hateful hard until I remembered we were dismantling the slag caster today.  We didn’t though.  It was delayed a day I know not why.  The sum total of my involvement in this project is going to be cutting the molds off the chain, stacking them on pallets, and then returning them to be mounted on the new chain. 

    Instead me and Forrest Gump (I know it’s supposed to be Forrest Gump and I, so lick ass) painted the baghouse.  Thats the new nickname of my forgetful young protege.  He doesn’t seem to like it much which makes it all the better.  Due to safety concerns I am required to be with him anytime he’s on plant property (to head off some dumbass, no, not in the bathroom), and he keeps forgetting things.  Which means I have to walk extra steps, which vexes the hell out of me.  Maybe the new moniker will encourage him.   The problem is it may encourage him to throw me off the baghouse.  I’ll chance it…tormenting the young is fun as hell.

So as I’m driving home my daughter calls and informs me that after I give her some money her and her friend are going to the movies and she’ll be home sometime next tuesday.  That’s how she does me.  I figured what the hell, I’ll stop and get some food at the deli.  Cooking for one is just stupid.  I order my victuals (thats vittles spelled right you chitlin eating rednecks), and the young lady behind the counter says “you don’t remember me do you?”  All the alarms start sounding in my head, and I’m scrambling like hell trying to figure out what the hell I had done to this one.  She appeared to young for me to have taken carnal liberties with her, so I assumed she was pissed at me for dumping her shrew mother or some such.  I couldn’t place her so I said, “well, you’re obviously not one of the hateful old fat heifers that normally gaurd the fried chicken.”  She said “oh, you know my coworkers.” I’m still searching my brain.  I never forget anything, and I can not place this woman for shit.   It turns out that she used to hang out with this gal that used to live next door to me.   I even babysat her kids once.  I remember her as a typical hotter than hell party girl, and not much else.   She no longer looks like she did.  In fact, she is no longer recognizeable, and I said so.  Tact and diplomacy are not a dish that I partake of.  It occurred to me after I said it that she probably took this harsher than it was meant.  She is not an unattractive woman, but her hot chick party days are behind her.  To me she is more attractive now, but I’d be willing to bet based on what I’ve been reading about women and mirrors she looks in hers with a bit of angst.  Maybe I’m wrong.  It seems 6 years changes the young more than the middle aged.  She recognized me instantly.  Then again, when you look like a cross between quasimodo and homer simpson, you’re a little hard to forget.

that was mostly the day.  Rotten kids, rotten pets, rotten coworkers.  A nice good morning, and a chance meeting of an old acquaintance.  I’ve had worse days.

this week, the blog review, and sunday is for random thoughts #8

  Yeah were combining all these this weeek because I’m lazy, and have to go to work at 4 a. m.  Trust me when I tell you reading me then would not be half as pleasant as this will be, and I’m not counting on this being no tip toe through the tulips trip for you anyway.

   I had a bad week.  I failed to beat the crap out of my fellow commuter, and I’ve regretted it ever since.  Somehow mercy leaped to the aid of the little poindexter driving the G35, and I for one am worse for its presence.  It makes me feel llike I’m getting old.

The massive zit rising out of my forehead like a Vesuvias eruption on the other hand doesn’t make me feel young.  I haven’t had a zit in 20 years, and I of course blame the blogosphere.  This being the pimple on the ass of all things literary, I fear its attemting to subjugate my brain.  That or my horns are finally growing in, and according to the quiz over at Empress Max’s blog that may be the case.  I drew the devil card, but it’s erroneous I’m sure.  They come no more mild mannered and pacifistic than I.

      I have also found some new spice for the blogroll, and it is a devilishly funny place to visit.  I should probably warn you that some of the stuff might make you laugh.  Some of the things are not funny stuff, but the take they have on it can leave you shaking your head.  If you go there be sure to find out what a CILF is.  I found it to be a rousing good read, and I’m sure when they are playing in their own little hell we at O’malley’s pub and eatery will be worse for their absence.  Don’t go here if you are a lemming.  It’s not your thing.

Soldier of Truth manages to talk about a lot of issues that generally make you think boring, but he does it in a way that isn’t.  Some of his stuff is downright hilarious, and he pisses off ron paul fans so he’s cool with me.

   The blog is doing alright.  I”m not changing the world, but I beat CNN and the other news orgs. to the punch quite a bit.  I’m not sure if that’s really a good thing since if they think it’s worth talking about I almost asuredly do not.  I have more people reading my semi-literate efforts at cretinism than I would’ve thought would be the case 2 months ago when I started this, but when I compare readership to total number of humans on the planet it keeps my ego in check.

I refuse to post about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage as long as Nancy Pelosi’s monumental fat orbs are dangling in the halls of Congress.

For all you Dick Cheney fans, he just got a new defibrillator installed (thats sort of a high tech oil change).  If you really don’t like him go microwave him some popcorn.

Darwinism seems wrong until you go to walmart.

my neighbor has a cat that thinks my house is his home.  I think he intends to eat Roscoe.  My next post is likely to start My neighbor HAD a cat.

I have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow.  If I say that once more I’m whining.  To put some perspective to how I feel about that, let me just point out that I would rather be ass-raped by a wandering band of hyenas.

Do you think the romans feeding christians to the lions made the lions dumber?  You are what you eat.

Bitching whining and complaining doesn’t change anything.  automatic weapons do though.

since my lobotomy doesn’t seem to be taking I’m going to end this.  You folks have good weeks, and piss someone off.  It’s good for the soul

it’s ok…lets talk hookers, religion, politics, and abstinence

so many theories, so little time.  So many options to choose from.  Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong?  When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever.  As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds.  What led me to this conclusion?  Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.

   Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco.   You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start.  All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us.  I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise.  Jesus was gay.  Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner.  Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here.  I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for,  but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.

  Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky.  The rightwingers went berserk.  apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;

from the women:  “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)

from the men:  “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”

from Monica:  “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls.  Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”

from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”

from Ron Paul:  ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”

from Billy Graham:  “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone?  I want his opinion on this one.”

   So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book.  He claims to have thirty solid leads.  He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex.  The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out.  Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy.  I personally am all for sex.  Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them.  As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval.  If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid?  Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not.  Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated?  If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun.  Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport.  Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.

   About the whole abstinence thing.  My parents we’re protestants.  Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult.  Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up.  Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us.  If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams.  Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram.  Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us?  My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity.  Never have, never will.  Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears.  Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system.  Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?

   Ok, thats enough of this.  I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational.  i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.