the week sans pictures

   Well, my daughter came home from Brown county.  They went horseback riding, and she greeted me with “dad you just have to get me that horse.”  When I responded that their was no way in hell I was getting a horse she said “well Kelsey’s cat had kittens….can I have one of those?”  Girls think they are so smart, but following on the heels of the $100 gorilla trick I wasn’t falling for it.  NO CATS.  Unless they are on a plate smothered in hollandaise sauce is a hard and fast rule in my house.

   I have decided on a Toyota Carolla as my car of the future, and the future is now.  My reasoning is its relatively inexpensive, has four doors, and  should last at least twenty years. By which time I have every intention of being part of the bar at O’malleys.

   Mollie and I dined on tostitos and cheese sauce with jalapenos and Rotel.  In a few short hours we should be lying in virtual agony staring miserably at each other.  I will teach her to quit eating my food even if it kills me.  What kind of friggin dog eats dried, rolled, pressed, salted corn for christsake?

i found some funny stuff.  In fact this one had me rollin.  I’ve been to the blog before, and it tends to be quite amusing.  This one was absolutely delightful though.

and then there is this one.  I like her wit, sarcasm, and wry biting editorializing on all things human.  Some very funny real life kinda stuff here.

   I see pakistan is making the news regularly now.  Wolf “asswind” Blitzer was trying to goad their foreign minister into saying something bad about the relationship with the U.S. Government.  He failed, mainly because the foreign minister blamed our media for the relationship problem.  It was pretty funny.  Wolf Blitzer couldn’t get a 6 year old to say “I want ice cream.”  He then tried to hammer on the Iraqi Deputy prime minister about their parliament going on break.  The DPM patiently explained to the nimrod that their parliament is kind of like our congress and does whatever idiotic thing pops into their collective ADD hampered brains.  I saw it live, but you can probably find the clips by typing “Hippo assfeathers and other idiotic things” into your browser window.  If that doesn’t work try “shitferbrains” or “CNN’s talking sphincter muscle.” 

I’m sure these will work because someone got to Criminy’s house of inanity by typing in “the journey of a tampon.”  Other great or near great search engine hits this week are “penguin javelin” (i think they were looking for D. Peace), gump &co khomeini (no idea), i have to pee so so badly ( i know why, i just don’t understand WHY?), and this just in “diet tampons.” Try one…wash it down with a diet soda for the apex in culinary disgust.

  I wrote a post on how Ron Paul could become President.  It included likely things like him taking barack Obama as a running mate.  The pauliacs seemed to think it all made sense, which pleased me because I thought I had at least two bats loose from the belfry whilst I wrote it.  To prove my theory was utterly preposterous, Ron came in with another rousing 2% poll number today.  I swear, that campaign is on fire.  He’s no John McCain, but maybe if they toss some petrochemicals on it they can be.  BTW, they crowed about how much better than McCain (who IS virtually dead) Dr. Paul was doing….McCain got 20 %.  Which means you won’t hear about this poll anywhere but here, because they only report well fabricated good news.

   I wonder if i can get the Toyota in a nice periwinkle?  Laugh trogs, I have a purple beretta.  Anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Contrary to what you are reading all over the blog, President dipshits latest executive orders don’t mean any more than the others.  You can protest the war, they’ll torture whoever they damn well feel like, and people in topeka will continue to dream about living someplace nice like Guam.  These were not earth shattering changes in policy.  They were legalistic manifesto’s with maybe some historical significance.  Hard to blame him.  How would you like to be him in a history book 20 years from now.

In sports the National Felony League continues its meteoric rise to the top of the sports infamy list with that humane society poster child Mikey Vick.  He’s like the 40th football player arrested this year.  My only problem with the hue and cry on this is that people seem surprised.  People are being payed millions to play a game, are spoiled rotten, worshipped by agents, fans, and sport monkeys on ESPN, and then we wonder why they act like a bunch of rotten kids.

  In the NBA, an official has been caught betting on games he refereed.  Like a true American instead of taking his lumps he is talking about naming names.  Like the whole world doesn’t know organized professional athletics aren’t crooked as hell?  This doesn’t even belong on the news.  I want the names from the hooker book…Larry Flynt says he may release all 30 at once, and we’ll be stunned.  Yeah, I’m gonna be stunned because some pathetically disgusting politician is getting his crotch rocket juiced by a hooker.  That’ll happen. 

   Last but not least, for the last time Dick Cheney is not satan.  Satan is a girl scout compared to this guy.  I kind of like   him.  He’s like the chancre sore you appreciate when your great aunt edna the mouth kisser visits.

No problems here

    I keep hearing about government violating peoples rights.  It seems a bit overmuch to me that a few terrorists get their doors kicked in, and all of a sudden I should fear a gestapo attack on my neighborhood.  Not one of my neighbors (scumbags though many of them are) have been accosted by the thought police and dunked in a tub of water to find out what connections they have to osama, woody woodpecker, or the Hee Haw gang.  In light of all the privacy we willingly give up by sitting at our computers and pounding our thoughts out for the state department to sift through I don’t see what all the fuss is about.  Don’t act like you don’t know they do it.  If your intelligent, don’t act like you haven’t always known they’ve done it.   The information age is upon you, and reciting fatuous dogma isn’t going to change it, and trying to downplay terrorism as a stringent form of civil disobedience doesn’t fly either. 

   It would be nice to live in a perfect world.  in my perfect world I shall never have an islamic doctor while travelling in Britian.   I shall not hear one more story about a sex offender (ray gomez) committing his fourth offense.  I’ll never here of a second sexual offense against a child, because in my perfect little world people will find such a thing so reprehensible that they will not tolerate the individual ever seeing the light of day without a crosshatching of steelwire to look through.  Terrorists will fear being caught more than anything else because they will know deep in their little psychotic hearts that it will be beyond bad for them.  No loud music and reicitations of anti-islamic literature in my perfect world.  Nope.  psychotics would beg to be sent to abu ghraib.   I’m all for freedom of speech, but I think that freedom ends when you start killing the innocent.  BTW, Kudos to the brits.  Nice job on the turnaround time on the info.  You folks know your work.

    I know, I know  split the hare and talk about the innocents we kill. I have news for you cowpoke.  I’ve never killed an innocent in my life.  Hence my complete and utter lack of fear that government sanctioned jackboot thugs will ever kick in my door.  I think it would be really nice if the well intentioned nitwits that defend these misbegotten psychopaths were to sit and contemplate one question.  “how would I feel if my child, or wife, or husband were killed because my government didn’t try hard enough to stop these bastards?”  George,  I think you’re a chump on most issues, but thank you for taking it to these freaks.  Those who trade freedom for safety deserve niether.  I know I’ll here that from someone.  An eye for an eye you islamic freakazoid apologist.

news, the troops, Ron Paul, and money

   Hey scooter…no walls for you, brother.  George came through in a pinch, and despite the political ramifications.  you have to love the gnashing of teeth from the liberal side.  Can’t wait for a trip by white noise insanity.   For a little reality check…whens the last time some washington hotshot was guilty of perjury and obstructing justice?  was it Bill Clinton?  I think it might have been.  Further, what sort of vendetta did the judge have against scooter?  When’s the last time a washington D. C. type white collar criminal get ordered to jail before the appeal?  Scooter still has a lot of punishment for the next year or so, but just to spread joy to my liberal fans, remember, the last month George will do what Bill did, and the commuting will become the pardoning.

   Ever look around at work and see all the people that are whining?  What percentage do you think have an honest ill will about the way things are done?  So Isn’t it incredibly impressive the very low number of G.I.’s who come home from Iraq, and complain about their lot in life?  What a courageous bunch these people are.  A bunch of kids who probably didn’t know what they were getting into, and a pack of middle aged reservists that probably thought they’d never do anything tougher again than a round of golf.  I was a marine, and I’m not easily impressed.  These folks get my undying respect.  For those  that want to hide behind “I’m against this war so I’m going to run.”  You knew that you didn’t get to choose when you signed the contract.  The word is coward.  At least own it.

    8 people arrested already in the London/Glasgow terrorist attacks.  Its nice to actually catch them alive.  How do you suppose MI5 got the answers out of these guys so quick?  Bad tea?  Loud music?  I’m betting it was a hell of a lot more coercive than that, and while its hard to support torture, In a case like this I think its right to do whatever you have to do to get the information that may save lives.

Wow is Barack having a great week.  Not only did he receive the most funds, but 1/3 of them came through online donations..thats likely voters folks.  I’m pretty sure everyone but Hillary and Barack are all but dead in that horse race.  Watch for at least 3 of them to fold within 10 days.  Barack is looking good right now, but they’ll hit him hard on issues he may not be equipped to deal with.  His experience is meager, but then George Bush has a lot of experience with illegal immigration being from texas, and look at the hatchet job he’s done with that.

On the conservative side, McCain and Brownback are dead.  I think Ron Paul will hang in because his support base is online and it isn’t expensive to reach them.  The problem is they can’t get him elected.  Like I said yesterday, only one vote apiece when it counts. So you’ll have Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney, and Fred Thompson duking it out on the right.  Who orgasms at the thought of a Ron Paul/Barack Obama slugfest?