cynicism is the mixture of intellect and experience.  i am a cynic.  Not a particularly intelligent one, but one that knows squarely where he fits in the greater scheme of things.  I’m a single father of three, and write mainly because I can.  I can also pick my nose with my feet, but that particular hobby has hygiene issues.  I like politics, and reading, pets and my kids.  Everything else is liked or disliked on a case by case basis.  Happiness beats misery, and it pays the same, so laugh it off.

since I never do posts involving the word random except on sunday, thursday is now sunday.  I have spoken, so let it be done.

random schtuff

1.I am left handed, but incredibly I am not left footed.

2.   I grew up in a junkyard.

3.  I am younger than methuselah, but older than Linsey Lohan.

4.  I am virtually impossible to startle, this being true, people are constantly trying to scare the shit out of me.

5.  i refuse to beat my kids.  I think wrestling is just as efficient, as is throwing hard heavy objects at them

6.  I have 3 of them.  I did not name them Larry, Curly and Moe.  It just seemed wrong to name them after the seven dwarf’s.

7.  I like to fly, but landing is an experience I would prefer to leave to people afraid of parachutes.

8.  I have never eaten wallaby testicles.  (adds this to things possible for a middle aged male to accomplish prior to death)

9.  Love dogs, think cats sail nice when you kick them.

10.  If given the choice between picking on liberals or having sex with someone  the liberals should commence being pissy.

11.  I am only omnivorous because if I don’t eat any vegerables my defecation looks like I’ve overdosed on Alli.

12.  I have never been in a car accident that was my fault.  Its hard to pin the blame on someone that was asleep.

13.  I’m the third of 7 children.  I talk to them during weddings funerals and holidays.

14.  If you think everything tastes like chicken you should try cunnilingus.

15.  I’ve had my nose broken 7 times.  This may haver something to do with having a big mouth and the common sense of a blue bottle housefly.

16.  I have a casual at best relationship with sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.  Other than that I don’t write worth a shit.

17.  I have never paid more than $300.00 for a bowl of soup. (don’t ask)

18.  the longest relationship with a woman I have ever been in was 11 years.  The last 5 of which the word Bitch appeared over her head in neon everytime I looked at her.

19.  I have a pair of shoes that I have had a relationship with longer than that.

20.   I am incredibly easy to amuse.

21.  I have never been pissed off at someone online.  Just can’t work up the emotion to be mad at someone who I have never met, and whose opinion means nothing to me.  THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE.  CHRIST YOU PEOPLE ARE COMPETITIVE.

22.  My I don’t give a fuck glands are huge.

23.   Jeans and a T-shirt, unless coerced.

24.  orange

25.  No matter how often I claim otherwise I have never had sex with another species.  i know.  i’m boring. Tough shit.

26.  I piss people off.  A lot.  I’m good with it.

as far as what this blog is about? whatever interests me then.  If its fun I’ll point you toward it.  The world needs more fun.  If its stupid, I’ll make fun of it, and if its creative I’ll rave about it.  There will be a lot of things that will not intereest you.  With any luck I will still make you chuckle, or some variation thereof.  Time to time I’ll dribble fiction, occassionally I’ll take non=fiction issues seriously.  Mostly, I’ll just do what I do.  which is ramble.

36 Responses to About

  1. Cliff Burns says:

    Thanks for the kind words, the support is welcome. Some people don’t get the difference between hyperbole and reality, irony and ironclad stupidity.
    Hope you’ll continue to tune in to future posts. I’ll check yours out too.

  2. you are a good read…what people think doesn’t matter…you KNOW you are a good read.

  3. Cliff Burns says:

    Anything that veers off the path of cuddly-feeling writing, anything that challenges the status quo, any display of satire, barbs and arrows slung at sacred cows will be met with outcries and abuse. It’s an important lesson to learn. Keep your site safe, hold no strong views and you’ll be fine. That’s kind of a depressing notion, isn’t it? No wonder so much writing and commentary (on and off-line) is so bland and undistinguished (and indistinguishable).

  4. Stranger says:

    I’m half tempted to try my best at 21, but that wouldn’t be any fun.

  5. i thought it was the nose broke post. i tend to only get upset with people really close to me…seems backwards but there you have it

  6. Stranger says:

    Hmm, interesting. I only break the noses of those close to me.

    My reach isn’t that great.

  7. thank god…the only thing i can smell now is my ear. It’s only been broke once by a girl…my daughter smacked me with a hairbrush when she was three. It’s still her proudest moment.

  8. Stranger says:

    Heh. There are worse things you could be stuck smelling.

  9. does it taste like chicken?

  10. Stranger says:

    Doesn’t everything?

  11. you must of missed number 14. I once had alligator…it decidedly does not taste like chicken. it tastes like a rubber fish

  12. Stranger says:

    No, I read 14 at least twice.

    Eating alligators.. that sounds like a story.

    The only things I’ve eaten that tasted like chicken were chicken and frog legs (but only once).

  13. i woorked in a 5 starr restaurant…not much of a story…sorry for the let down

    rattlesnake also tastess like chicken

  14. Stranger says:

    Is that where the $300 soup comes into play?

  15. nope…the soup…thats the story….oh man…thats a story…i’ll write it one day soon

  16. Stranger says:

    I’m on the edge of my seat 🙂

  17. yaye…the pressure is now on and if i write something atrocious; which based on my history happens 9 times out of 10, you will be thoroughly underwhelmed. Aw hell, its a tale from my misspent youth…gotta be good.

  18. Stranger says:

    Hey, no pressure! Nope, none at all. *grin*

    The best stories always come out of misspent youth. It’s bound to be a classic, dude.

  19. thats probably true. Mine needs to hurry up and end…i’m getting to old for the whole unruly youth thing. Even geritol don’t help

  20. Stranger says:

    Isn’t Geritol supposed to help with joints or memory enhancement? I’m only guessing, but at the rate I’m aging I’ll need some sooner than later.

  21. ummmmm ginko biloba for memory, and fish oil or shark cartiledge for joints i think….i’m not really sure what geritol is used for….i only pretend to be really old on line….i’m 44ish…well…almost 45

  22. Stranger says:

    Heh. You know, I was thinking you’d be late 30s-40s. Your old fart trick needs some work.

  23. that or you are astute, and wise to the ways of boloknee

  24. Stranger says:

    Well, I can be pretty clever sometimes.

  25. clever is a knife that can cut both ways…you seem the good clever

  26. Stranger says:

    Aww, that’s sweet of you to say, but I know you’re emphasizing “seem” with an unsaid, “so far”.

  27. naw, I’ve seen you out and about. You’ve a well developed sense of wit

  28. Stranger says:

    Hey, likewise 🙂

  29. mine’s alzheimer’s.

  30. mdvp says:

    Hey, love the blog. I would have commented before, but all the posts are either equally funny, which made me indecisive about where to comment first, made me get off the blog as quickly as possible, which prevented me from commenting at all, or a both amusing and repelling mix of both sorts, so I put this here. I’ll definitely be back.

  31. thanks for coming by…i’m not sure which pleases me more, the funny or the repelling.

  32. Awesome “About” page. Having a strange day and finding this blog right before I went to sleep seemed absolutely perfect. Disagree about cats sailing nicely, though. Mine hates to sail. Strap a parachute on her back and toss her off a bridge, though, and she’s in Heaven. Just wish I could teach her how to pull the ripcord. Still, she’s got five lives left so no complaints.


  33. glad you like it….thanks for coming by

  34. cowgalutah says:

    I personally think the neighborhood cats sail quite well where I’m from, but I’m not opposed to the whole parachute thing.
    Great page!

  35. hi cowgalutah….thanks for stopping by *s*

  36. […] of disenfranchised misfits. The only problem is they tend to be berzerker antisemites, 40-year old anti-global anarchists and other assorted nutjob troublemakers. To snag the key voting bloc in this election, you need to […]

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