uh oh…a sex post

I’m going to hell.  It’s a sure thing.  I’ve failed to ask forgiveness for having premarital sex, and that my friends is a sin.  Toss in an almost guaranteed ( I have no absolute proof they were married)  tryst or two on the wrong side of the adultery edict, and I’m almost surely headed for an eternal stint in the brimstone conflagration.

At least so say the Christians.  The Muslims on the other hand would have already sent me off to my ignominious perpetual damnation beneath a hail of rather hard rocks. They are not quite so enlightened as the just barely fell out of the evolutionary tree god worshipers.  They still have the eye for an eye and a rock for a stiff cock theory to overcome, and they’re far to busy trying to blow up Christians to get past it.

The Talmud is much easier on me.  thank god for those little Jewish bastards.  I’m allowed to hump any woman I want.  They could be kind of rough on the woman though.  In olden times she was even an adulteress if she had sex with anyone but her husbands brother after he perished.  Not the brother you sicko, the husband.  One more of those areas of life where you just kinda look to the heavens and be thankful you have that extra appendage.

oh my god…I’m researching this as i go…so that was an earnest oh my god of astonishment right there.  These asshole Hindu’s are going to make me come back as a creeping bug, after they make me die early.   Fornicating and adultery both fall under the lewdness clause of the holy scriptures ,so Instead of coming back as an inedible cow I get to be a termite.  They’re just jealous because they have small Indian penis.

whew, finally…a little relief.  The Taoists find my lewd and lascivious activities to be atrocious as well, but they aren’t going to punish me. They are going to lecture me onerously instead.  passage after stultifying  passage against the anomaly that is lewd behavior.

Is Buddhism really a religion? it looks like just a way for one Buddhist to keep score of how much more perfect he is than another Buddhist…who cares…no punishment for having sex.  I am now a Buddhist

So tell me, how did sex get to be so dirty?  I don’t think adultery is a bad thing.  least if you don’t get caught, or let your guilty conscience talk you into a confession.  Of course I’m not married.

there…a sex post…blow me.

Ain’t We Got Fun?

My, my, my.  Isn’t this just a pickle? I like being right, but there is a limit.I’m here to tell you, I’ve never had this much fun, and I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fucking.  Politics, finance, world order itself hang in the balance, and it gets no better than that.

In just the last month as I reckon it the federal government has injected or is on the verge of injecting over TWO Trillion (that’s trillion with a T) bucks into the financial market.  What comes after trillion? it’s million,billion, trillion….but what comes next?  Whatever it is, we’ve sunk a quarter of one of them into this mess.  In fact, I’m not even counting the fannie and freddie buyout, so probably more like 3 trillion.

Yet, amazingly, no one is to blame.   I keep stopping as I write this.  Laughter overcomes me.  A complete and utter dearth of leadership has created the situation, and suddenly we find that the two candidates aren’t really capable of leading either.  Given an incredibly devastating economic crisis just 2 months prior to the election, and McCain panics whilst Obama cowers.  The cowering isn’t exactly a surprise.  It conforms to both the voting record, and the lack of forthrightness on the part of Barack.  The panic was a little surprising.  I take it that’s what a bonafide hero does when faced with a situation beyond his understanding.  Lacking the tools to capture the essence of the crisis it is better to do be doing something useless than nothing at all.  I remember the mindset clearly from my time in the military.  I believe they teach it at The Basic Officers Course.

So what we have is a candidate willing to trounce longtime friendships as if they mean nothing, and a candidate incapable of dealing with those issues not related to beans, bullets, and bandages.  Let’s look back:

We could’ve had Hillary.  Mitt.  Guiliani.  A host of others.  All uniquely unqualifed, but gifted with the egocentricity needed to believe one capable of performing that job.   Bill probably would be nice to have around right now.  Would be nice if he hadn’t used up his term limits before he achieved wisdom.  Oh well.  What we have are these two knuckleheads.  Both of whom, coincidently, have less executive experience, and less personal appeal than the vice presidential candidate.  The hockey mom.  Not the inveterate liar and longtime defender of current social policy that has us where we are today.  Of course, I’m partial to a well turned calve.  Beats worn out political bullshit everytime.

Anyway.  I just came by to chuckle.  Spending what you don’t have got us here.  Blame whoever you want, but that’s what did it.  Your friends, neighbors, coworkers…maybe you, maybe a little me.  that’s who got us here.  Bad spending, atrocious voting.  Accepting that in a free and democratic society the government should be bailing out private enterprise.  We suck folks, and we just keep sucking.  Come the first Tuesday in November we’re going to suck again.  We chose these two to lead us to the promised land?  We’re we drinking?  Hopped up on speedballs and Latte’?  Whatever the case.  This is frigging hilarious.

awkward conciliatory and encouraging afterward:

If your job is sound, and you aren’t in hock up to your genitalia; if you spend little and conserve copiously you should come through this mess ok.  If not, well, tough shit.  You were warned.

Hey Barack….Can You Spare Some Change?

    So how about that change candidate?   I’m wondering what, other than skin color, the change isalleged to be.   So far, other than his incessant whining now that the press is treating him like everyone else he seems like every other semi-crooked politician to me.   Let’s, just off the top of our heads, look at the record.

   So far he has never won an election for federal office that didn’t include getting reporters to dig through the divorce proceedings of his opponents trying to find some dirt that will stick.  This includes the primary, and one election for federal office.   Slinging dirt doesn’t really allow one to call himself the candidate of change.

   He purchsed a home in which he realized “several hundred dollars worth of savings” in conjunction with a lot purchased by your typical everyday chicago style graft and corruption specialist.  Here again the table was set long ago by those before him and he is merely eating the vittles.

    I suppose when a couple of your top staffers come out and tell people you lied about NAFTA, and getting out of Iraq, and another admits you are not ready to be commander in chief in an interview that could be called change.  Honesty is rare in campaigns, and thiese were the first honest things to come out of his campaign.  Unfortunately, he said the NAFTA conversation didn’t happen when it actually did.  His Iraq stance is also disingenuous on its surface because common sense says if a nuclear device goes off in fallujah we will be there long past 18 months.  So again, his lying and obfuscations make this more of the same…no change here.

     His record…that anemic thing he persistently points to could have been called change had he not followed in the footsteps of JFK and Jimmy Carter.    Neither had a record of international involvement.  One botched the bay of pigs, and the other failed so miserably when the Shah was ousted in Iran that 30 years later we still can’t get that particular burr out of our rump.  Again….no change here.

  So where is the change?  great speaker? so was Reagan.  Innovator? nothing new in any of his policy statements.  Voting record?

Eureka…change…we have found you.  I don’t think we have ever had anyone as liberal as Barack Hussein (yeah…its his middle name but he isn’t a muslim and damn the muslim’s should be pissed that the man won’t even own his moniker because it sounds like an islamic name) Obama run this deep into a campaign.

   You should enjoy this time Barack.  Hillary can only hit you so hard without offending the socialists in her party.  Imagine what happens  when that paragon of togetherness John McCain starts attacking your record of political isolationism.  Do you really think you control the middle?  you can’t control the middle from the far left or the far right, but you might have a shot if you’ve always been there.  John McCain has.  Of course, if he wins we will need to redecorate the oval office.  I recommend putting the button on the top shelf.  He won’t be able to reach it there.

  

Questions on Barack

   I’m not going to make this long because othr than the hyperbolic excellence I’ve been witnessing lately Barack really doesn’t incite my interest.  A question though for all of you that say there isn’t a race issue

Would Barack be where he is if he were White?

If you said yes you are stupid or a liar, which do you prefer?

Some Observations on The Political Front

   Well, Mitt Romney has thrown in the towel.  This probably proves that on the right he was the best candidate for the job.  He knew enough to depart without pissing good money after bad, and that’s a lesson all our politicians would be well advised to partake of.  You kind of had to feel for the guy after West Virginia.  I mean, what was done there was a do over.   Put in football terms, after the Huckabee Patriots got their asses handed to them by the Romney Giant’s, They called the McClain scumsucking lying geriatric fuckwits (kind of lost my football motif their, but you get the idea) and borrowed a couple of linebackers and a running back.  The refs allowed this, and with more men on the field Huckabee beats Romney.  What kind of a halfwitted system is that?  I know in-breeding is common in Appalachia, but I had no idea the incest ran into their politics.

   The biggest problem for conservatives with Romney getting out of the race is simply he had the only chance left of beating McCain.  Romney at least won in states where a Republican could be expected to win.  I’m all but certain McCain isn’t going to win the presidency if he is counting on New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, and California to get him there.  I’d Have to say based on his moribund track record as a conservative a lot of Republicans won’t be wasting much time come November 4th.  They’re already showing this with a poll count tht is less than half that of the democrats.

   Speaking of which.  After years of trying to get out the black vote they have finally accomplished it.  Not only are they voting in droves, they are voting almost in lock step for Obama.  I think this is cool.  Everyone should participate, and all we had to do was make it color coded.  Shoot, an oreo cookie could’ve beat George Bush had we only known.  Scrape off the cream baby, if it ain’t all brown they won’t vote.  Pardon my obvious racism here, but is it unseemly to note that only guys like Hitler, Stalin,  Hussein, and Ahmadinejad enjoy an 88% popularity at the polls with people of their own race?  Before you climb that podium fuckwit, I’m not comparing him to any of them.  He is far less prepared to lead than any of them we’re upon seeking the highest office in their prospective countries.  If you’d like a comparison I’d go with Jimmy Carter.  Nice guy, incredibly intelligent, and so far out of his league that he well might have been the worst president in the 20th century.

   While it may have been her last good night in awhile, Super Tuesday was fun for a couple of reason for Hillary.  Can you imagine the joy at campaign hillary when they won Massachusetts in dare I say it….a landslide?  Apparently Ted’s powerful endorsement wasn’t exactly that.  It’s nice to see him out and about, and so pale he can’t be on the planet much longer.  I don’t mean to walk on his grave or anything, but what a grand day it will be when his expiration date is realized.

   A couple of other notes…wasn’t Missouri awfully close considering again that Barack had all the endorsements that matter their?  Is there any state left that Huckabee can win?  The answer there is decidely and resoundingly no.

   All the rancor and vitriol aside, the democratic race is shaping up to be a real slugfest.  I can’t picture Hillary Going quietly into that good night, and Barack has proven to be an astoundingly successful candidate considering he doesn’t have any experience, and his platform is still incredibly scant on detail.

  I left out Ron Paul.  Reason being is his irrelevence.  Which hasn’t changed since day one, as previously stated to many times to ocunt here.

Two monkeys, a rabbit, and an idiot preserve

    If you’ve been here before you may have already heard the expression “like 2 monkeys fucking a football.”  What it means is there’s a whole lot of activity, and not much accomplishment.  Well, it has defintely been that kind of week.  This may turn into scatalogical drivel in a minute, so you can stop here if you’d like.  You’ve probably learned something already, and the value of that should never be underestimated.

    I missed all but Monday at work.  My daughter’s been running a fever, and gasping, and wheezing, and on our third trip…yep, third, the little shitheel looks up from his stethoscope and proclaims “I think she has pneumonia.”  Now I’m not a physician, but I’m thinking from day one it’s bronchitis or pneumonia, and told him so on the first visit.  This of course has caused a bit of an epiphany.

    I don’t use doctors much.  I find their cost generally outweighs their value, especially since pharmaceuticals are generally readily available on the sidewalk out front.    Having learned over the course of the last couple of months that the system is incredibly rife with profiteering and outright fraud I question the intelligence of getting the government anymore involved.  The hand specialist that has been treating me is raking in (this is an estimate based on actual time spent working on my hand) 18k an hour.  I don’t mind this so much, but had i not had insurance I would’ve stitched the frankenstein finger and let the other bones set on their own.  I doubt I’d be any worse off, though the scarirng may have scared small children; an undervalued gift that.

   Then the pharmacy was the original clusterfuck from hell.  My bad.  I went to walmart.  Generally I find walmart to be sufficient to the need for supplying things like paper, flour, and shampoo.  My experience has been that while semiliterate cretins would serve the rest of us best by being expunged from the gene pool, a decent alternative is putting them to work, and walmart serves this function admirably.  You do not, however, want them filling your prescriptions for you.  I spent an hour trying to assist them in getting it right as they ran hither and yon to no little effect.  I finally just took my prescriptions back, complimented them on their exemplary display of ineptitude, and contemplated as I exited the premises how much I would rather eat shit from the dispenser than go through that again.  I then went to the Walgreens, and for 1.05 more was out the door in 12 minutes.  Another thoroughly satisfied customer.

    The pace de resistance to my week was when I arrived home to find general tso wrapped in the embrace of an entirely to dead Roscoe.  I knew that sooner or later his lechery would be the death of him, but always assumed he would die of a heart attack while pulling his 3 pound furry jackhammer routine on my ankle.  I was a bit put out by it all.  Does this mean that that fucking cat is a better lay than me, or was it a simple case of his number was up?  Whatever the case, I suppose I should be thankful that he gave me something to contemplate other than how deeply I despise the human race at this particular juncture.  I left out politics here, as it would get me back to full roar on the whole despise thing, but I’ll break it out after I chase a couple of rum and cokes with a couple vicodin….kind of a Heath Ledger cocktail.

Because She Said So, Why?

   I’ve long explored on the fantasy level a menage a trois with Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.  Not because I find them to be particularly exciting sexually, rather because damn the conversation would be fun afterwords.  I’m a fan of both though I generally don’t agree totally with either.  In fact, on several issues we are diametrically opposed.

On this though, there can be no doubt.  The woman is spot on.  When she proclaims John McCain to stupid to know he’s been caught lying I get just a little weepy.  It’s nice when someone agrees with you.  Even if you don’t always agree with them.  this is really quite fun….have a look

Al Qaeda: Hiring the Handicapped

  I must preface this with a mild dose of skepticism.  While I’ve little doubt they would be willing to do anything to further their  ambitions (much like our president, both houses of congress, the supreme court, and a lits of churches, industry leaders, and almost  every woman I’ve ever dated), this one seems a bit dubious on the surface.  Read this

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080202/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_080119205359;_ylt=AkEHAJPMqXo0vyOcPVe43ymWwvIE

It seems to me that if this just happened this morning, and assuming that even retards turn to jello when detonated, I find it a little hard to imagine they could already know what they claim to know.    Anyway, it seems that Al Qaeda may have come up with a new special olympics event.

The california democrat debate

   Well that went better.  Absent the murderous glares of the previous evening, and with character assassination experiencing a temporary hiatus a pair of individuals with real ideas showed up in Hollywood tonight.  Bet that’s a first.

   I agree with neither of these people on so many things I wouldn’t know where to start.  That said, I loathe neither which made tonights debate a far mor easier experience.  Not only were they mostly congenial, they both came off as people you wouldn’t mind having for a President.

   I felt Barack should have maybe kept his answers short on healthcare.  He appears far to coached to play with Hillary on a field she knows better than anyone else still in the race. I’ve already stated that I’ve decided to vote for Hillary, but I thought Barack came off very well.  Unfortunately, for a man so bent on looking forward he keeps digging back into the past for his debate points.  His continuous harangue that he has been right on Iraq all along may well be true, but is disingenuous when you really look at it.  I was right on Iraq all along as well, but Barack and I were not faced with all the data that Hillary was.  He didn’t have access to the top sectret reports, and I’m willing to wager that had he been he would have made the same vote Hillary did.

    To his credit, he comes off earnest, and personable.  These may seem mundane, but presidents have been elected on personality before.  I do think he had to knock a couple out of the park to catch Hillary before superTuesday, and barring a John McCain style dirty trick I doubt he will look real well next Wednesday.

    Hillary was on tonight.  She’s a formidable opponent in any setting, but she has seemed to really hit her stride in the debates.  Her obvious desire to keep the gloves on I thought allowed Barack a lot more leeway on Iraq than his record deserves, but other than that She seemed to control the momentum of the debate all evening.  The look on Barack’s face when she used the “it took a Clinton to clean up after BushI, and it looks like it will take a Clinton to clean up after Bush II was absolutely to die for.  He looked like he’d been punched in the gut after a long night of boozin.

   I know my commmentary is a little slender, but they didn’t say much that hasn’t already been said.  Hillary did for the first time explain her healthcare plans mandates in a debate setting.  Other than that there wasn’t anything you haven’t already heard unless you live in a refrigerator box behind Spanky’s Grog Palace in Poughkeepsie New York.

the california republican debate

    Was absolutely unimportant.  Why?  Several reason, not the least of which is that John McCain can’t beat any of the remaining democratic candidates.  For that matter he couldn’t beat Al Franken.  He can’t even beat Al Franken in an honesty challenge.

     I don’t care for McCain.  I have a number of reasons for this.  I suppose #1 is that he represents the worst in what America is. Don’t believe me?  Let me cite a little public record for you.  If you think I’m making any of this up go see for yourself.

    He feels the most important thing he has ever done involved bombing the shit out of some people that at no time in their history ever threatened America.  Not just any people.   Third world people with no ability to defend themselves.  These people had to count on aid from China and the Soviet Union to have any hope against the far superior military technology of the United States.

   I’m not a particular fan of Hanoi Jane, nor having been a member  of the U.S armed forces do I find them reprehensible on any level.  I do however find myself disgusted by someone who failed miserably at his job claiming to be a hero.  Why do I say he failed?    Far less than 1% of sorties flown over North Vietnam ended in the pilot being shot down.  Therefore 99% + of all pilots were better at their jobs than this mullet, and you don’t see them running around begging people to recognize their heroism.  They came home, and with little fanfare went about resuming their lives.

    He’s a liar.  Consistently and on the public record the man lies and obfuscates in the hopes of being seen as better than his fellow man.   He doesn’t just lie, he twists the truth in such a way as to sway public opinion for his own benefit which I find particularly despicable in a public servant.  I think everyone else should lie a lot and with relish.  Want an example?

I’ll paraphrrase here because I’m way to lazy to look up the words of a man who lies consistently and for self aggrandizement.  If we leave Iraq without victory it will make our military look like failures.  Not so Jack…er….John.  It will make our politicians look like failures, and your own little war already proved to the world our politicians really don’t have the stomach for it.

    He’s a perpetual loser.  He has run for president more times than Jesse Jackson, and has never gotten a sniff.  He believes this isn’t because he’s a garrulous petulant little pain in the ass.  He believed so strongly that it was money alone that blocked him that he joined with Russ Feingold to create a finance reform plan that, while unconstitutional, was what he saw as his only hope to compete with people who were given money because people liked them.

He’s an elitist prick.  He smirks at Mitt Romeny for being a successful businessman( and other successful business people by proxy).  Yet at the same time he disdains anyone who isn’t a warmongering sycophant.  If you are not part of the John McCain fanclub you are unworthy to have an opinion, and again tonight he showed his disdain for any viewpoints but his own.  I hate that in a person.  Unless it’s me of course.  that was for you micky, you scumsucking retard.

   I guess probably what I hate most about him is his fossilized ass doesn’t have the grace to retire into obscurity.  He just keeps banging his little war tomtom.  Tonight, when asked why voters should consider him the best man to lead in regards to the economy, he immediately began reciting his war resume.  He claims a level of character he thinks none of us should dare aspire to, while flat out lying about Mitt Romney.  He well may be the most scurrilous politician of our time.

   Now, you wanna here what I like about John McCain?  I like how he is about to get his ass trounced by a girl in the general election.  He has taken advantage of the Republican parties historical “it is now your turn” style of choosing a candidate.  He won’t be able to benefit from that when his lack of ideas that coincide with what the voters want become exposed in the race for president.  Anyone who could start a debate in 2008 with “yes i think the american people are better off than they were 8 years ago” should be beaten with a bat until sanity returns.

   Nothing personal John.  You’re just a petulant little asshole who has been around so long nobody will call you on it.

Mitt:  you just look wrong, dude.  What common guy with a budweiser in his hand and his shrew of a wife cooking dinner barefoot in the kitchen could ever vote for someone with that perpetually pedantic look on their face.? I think you’d blow the rest away on the economy, except Ron Paul.  It’s not your turn Mitt…that’s why republicans keep showing you thier backsides.

Ron Paul:  I’m not sure why he wasn’t there tonight.  He’s the only conservative in the race, and should’ve been at the debate.  Oh, you say he was there?  CNN and Andderson Cooper will disagree with you.

Mike:  God you suck.  Go back to preaching.  The seperation of church and state is supposed to protect us from religious zealotry.  It hasn’t for the last 8 years, but it truly is time for a change.

What it comes down to on the Republican side is do we wish to have a president willing to squander away all this nation has achieved into the moneypit in Iraq or do we want someone who can lead us away from American Imperialism.  As Ron Paul isn’t even recognized, and McCain is being deified, I reckon we have our answer.  For the first time since I started voting I’ll be voting democrat. 

The endorsement waste of time

     The alternator went out on my car the other day.  It’s no big deal.  A couple of bolts, a couple of wires and right on top so I decided to fix it myself.   The weather was a balmy 12 degrees when I rose about 2 p.m. so I headed over to Billy Bob’s Salvage yard and Latex Pecker Emporium to get the part.

    Billy Bob is somewhat of a savant when it comes to American Politics, so when we’d finished the de riguer discussions on String Theory and Occum’s Razor the conversation turned to recent endorsements.  BB keeps up with politics on CNN, FOXNEWS, and MSNBC.  The reason he does this is becuase Billy Bob don’t like to let facts get in the way of his opinion.

    I enquired as to how he thought the latest endorsements were going to affect the campaign.  These are a few of his theories.

  Ted Kennedy’s endorsement:  This is almost sure to land Obama a larger percentage of the lardassed, drunken, white male vote, but is likely to cost him the Mary Jo Kapechne foundation endorsement.  The NEA (the teachers union, not the endowment for the arts) will likely be split since Ted Kennedy killed a teacher, but continues to fester in the no child left behind debate.

Maxine Waters for  Hillary Clinton:  This one surprised Billy Bob.  He can’t seem to understand how a woman that spent more time on her knees in the oval office during the Clinton Administration than Monica Lewinsky could possibly endorse the guys wife.  I spewed a little clarity on the issue when I explained that Maxine probably swung both ways and therefore was expecting to do a little face time when Hillary is president.

Rudy for John McCain:   Billy Bob thinks this will push John McCain to the republican nomination.  He figures McCain has now locked up the crossdressers, the adulterers, and the italian dwarves with one fell swoop.

John Edwards for ?????  :  Whoever gets this endorsements gets all the people too poor to get to the polls,   the narcissists, and the white lawyers.  Add to this allthe special interest money from revlon and Breck, and you have a prettty solid voting block

All things considered  Billy Bob thinks the endorsements are unimportant.  He’s waiting for the candidate that comes out solidly in favor of sex toys, drunken revelry, and misogyny.  White men still outnumber everyone else but white women in his opinion, and they can always kick the shit out of their wives and not let them vote.

Billy bob’s world might be fantasy, but it sure is fun  Oh yeah, the redneck cocksucker sold me the alternator for 60 bucks…fucking pirate.