Ain’t We Got Fun?

My, my, my.  Isn’t this just a pickle? I like being right, but there is a limit.I’m here to tell you, I’ve never had this much fun, and I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fucking.  Politics, finance, world order itself hang in the balance, and it gets no better than that.

In just the last month as I reckon it the federal government has injected or is on the verge of injecting over TWO Trillion (that’s trillion with a T) bucks into the financial market.  What comes after trillion? it’s million,billion, trillion….but what comes next?  Whatever it is, we’ve sunk a quarter of one of them into this mess.  In fact, I’m not even counting the fannie and freddie buyout, so probably more like 3 trillion.

Yet, amazingly, no one is to blame.   I keep stopping as I write this.  Laughter overcomes me.  A complete and utter dearth of leadership has created the situation, and suddenly we find that the two candidates aren’t really capable of leading either.  Given an incredibly devastating economic crisis just 2 months prior to the election, and McCain panics whilst Obama cowers.  The cowering isn’t exactly a surprise.  It conforms to both the voting record, and the lack of forthrightness on the part of Barack.  The panic was a little surprising.  I take it that’s what a bonafide hero does when faced with a situation beyond his understanding.  Lacking the tools to capture the essence of the crisis it is better to do be doing something useless than nothing at all.  I remember the mindset clearly from my time in the military.  I believe they teach it at The Basic Officers Course.

So what we have is a candidate willing to trounce longtime friendships as if they mean nothing, and a candidate incapable of dealing with those issues not related to beans, bullets, and bandages.  Let’s look back:

We could’ve had Hillary.  Mitt.  Guiliani.  A host of others.  All uniquely unqualifed, but gifted with the egocentricity needed to believe one capable of performing that job.   Bill probably would be nice to have around right now.  Would be nice if he hadn’t used up his term limits before he achieved wisdom.  Oh well.  What we have are these two knuckleheads.  Both of whom, coincidently, have less executive experience, and less personal appeal than the vice presidential candidate.  The hockey mom.  Not the inveterate liar and longtime defender of current social policy that has us where we are today.  Of course, I’m partial to a well turned calve.  Beats worn out political bullshit everytime.

Anyway.  I just came by to chuckle.  Spending what you don’t have got us here.  Blame whoever you want, but that’s what did it.  Your friends, neighbors, coworkers…maybe you, maybe a little me.  that’s who got us here.  Bad spending, atrocious voting.  Accepting that in a free and democratic society the government should be bailing out private enterprise.  We suck folks, and we just keep sucking.  Come the first Tuesday in November we’re going to suck again.  We chose these two to lead us to the promised land?  We’re we drinking?  Hopped up on speedballs and Latte’?  Whatever the case.  This is frigging hilarious.

awkward conciliatory and encouraging afterward:

If your job is sound, and you aren’t in hock up to your genitalia; if you spend little and conserve copiously you should come through this mess ok.  If not, well, tough shit.  You were warned.

Some Observations on The Political Front

   Well, Mitt Romney has thrown in the towel.  This probably proves that on the right he was the best candidate for the job.  He knew enough to depart without pissing good money after bad, and that’s a lesson all our politicians would be well advised to partake of.  You kind of had to feel for the guy after West Virginia.  I mean, what was done there was a do over.   Put in football terms, after the Huckabee Patriots got their asses handed to them by the Romney Giant’s, They called the McClain scumsucking lying geriatric fuckwits (kind of lost my football motif their, but you get the idea) and borrowed a couple of linebackers and a running back.  The refs allowed this, and with more men on the field Huckabee beats Romney.  What kind of a halfwitted system is that?  I know in-breeding is common in Appalachia, but I had no idea the incest ran into their politics.

   The biggest problem for conservatives with Romney getting out of the race is simply he had the only chance left of beating McCain.  Romney at least won in states where a Republican could be expected to win.  I’m all but certain McCain isn’t going to win the presidency if he is counting on New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, and California to get him there.  I’d Have to say based on his moribund track record as a conservative a lot of Republicans won’t be wasting much time come November 4th.  They’re already showing this with a poll count tht is less than half that of the democrats.

   Speaking of which.  After years of trying to get out the black vote they have finally accomplished it.  Not only are they voting in droves, they are voting almost in lock step for Obama.  I think this is cool.  Everyone should participate, and all we had to do was make it color coded.  Shoot, an oreo cookie could’ve beat George Bush had we only known.  Scrape off the cream baby, if it ain’t all brown they won’t vote.  Pardon my obvious racism here, but is it unseemly to note that only guys like Hitler, Stalin,  Hussein, and Ahmadinejad enjoy an 88% popularity at the polls with people of their own race?  Before you climb that podium fuckwit, I’m not comparing him to any of them.  He is far less prepared to lead than any of them we’re upon seeking the highest office in their prospective countries.  If you’d like a comparison I’d go with Jimmy Carter.  Nice guy, incredibly intelligent, and so far out of his league that he well might have been the worst president in the 20th century.

   While it may have been her last good night in awhile, Super Tuesday was fun for a couple of reason for Hillary.  Can you imagine the joy at campaign hillary when they won Massachusetts in dare I say it….a landslide?  Apparently Ted’s powerful endorsement wasn’t exactly that.  It’s nice to see him out and about, and so pale he can’t be on the planet much longer.  I don’t mean to walk on his grave or anything, but what a grand day it will be when his expiration date is realized.

   A couple of other notes…wasn’t Missouri awfully close considering again that Barack had all the endorsements that matter their?  Is there any state left that Huckabee can win?  The answer there is decidely and resoundingly no.

   All the rancor and vitriol aside, the democratic race is shaping up to be a real slugfest.  I can’t picture Hillary Going quietly into that good night, and Barack has proven to be an astoundingly successful candidate considering he doesn’t have any experience, and his platform is still incredibly scant on detail.

  I left out Ron Paul.  Reason being is his irrelevence.  Which hasn’t changed since day one, as previously stated to many times to ocunt here.

Two monkeys, a rabbit, and an idiot preserve

    If you’ve been here before you may have already heard the expression “like 2 monkeys fucking a football.”  What it means is there’s a whole lot of activity, and not much accomplishment.  Well, it has defintely been that kind of week.  This may turn into scatalogical drivel in a minute, so you can stop here if you’d like.  You’ve probably learned something already, and the value of that should never be underestimated.

    I missed all but Monday at work.  My daughter’s been running a fever, and gasping, and wheezing, and on our third trip…yep, third, the little shitheel looks up from his stethoscope and proclaims “I think she has pneumonia.”  Now I’m not a physician, but I’m thinking from day one it’s bronchitis or pneumonia, and told him so on the first visit.  This of course has caused a bit of an epiphany.

    I don’t use doctors much.  I find their cost generally outweighs their value, especially since pharmaceuticals are generally readily available on the sidewalk out front.    Having learned over the course of the last couple of months that the system is incredibly rife with profiteering and outright fraud I question the intelligence of getting the government anymore involved.  The hand specialist that has been treating me is raking in (this is an estimate based on actual time spent working on my hand) 18k an hour.  I don’t mind this so much, but had i not had insurance I would’ve stitched the frankenstein finger and let the other bones set on their own.  I doubt I’d be any worse off, though the scarirng may have scared small children; an undervalued gift that.

   Then the pharmacy was the original clusterfuck from hell.  My bad.  I went to walmart.  Generally I find walmart to be sufficient to the need for supplying things like paper, flour, and shampoo.  My experience has been that while semiliterate cretins would serve the rest of us best by being expunged from the gene pool, a decent alternative is putting them to work, and walmart serves this function admirably.  You do not, however, want them filling your prescriptions for you.  I spent an hour trying to assist them in getting it right as they ran hither and yon to no little effect.  I finally just took my prescriptions back, complimented them on their exemplary display of ineptitude, and contemplated as I exited the premises how much I would rather eat shit from the dispenser than go through that again.  I then went to the Walgreens, and for 1.05 more was out the door in 12 minutes.  Another thoroughly satisfied customer.

    The pace de resistance to my week was when I arrived home to find general tso wrapped in the embrace of an entirely to dead Roscoe.  I knew that sooner or later his lechery would be the death of him, but always assumed he would die of a heart attack while pulling his 3 pound furry jackhammer routine on my ankle.  I was a bit put out by it all.  Does this mean that that fucking cat is a better lay than me, or was it a simple case of his number was up?  Whatever the case, I suppose I should be thankful that he gave me something to contemplate other than how deeply I despise the human race at this particular juncture.  I left out politics here, as it would get me back to full roar on the whole despise thing, but I’ll break it out after I chase a couple of rum and cokes with a couple vicodin….kind of a Heath Ledger cocktail.

Because She Said So, Why?

   I’ve long explored on the fantasy level a menage a trois with Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.  Not because I find them to be particularly exciting sexually, rather because damn the conversation would be fun afterwords.  I’m a fan of both though I generally don’t agree totally with either.  In fact, on several issues we are diametrically opposed.

On this though, there can be no doubt.  The woman is spot on.  When she proclaims John McCain to stupid to know he’s been caught lying I get just a little weepy.  It’s nice when someone agrees with you.  Even if you don’t always agree with them.  this is really quite fun….have a look

the california republican debate

    Was absolutely unimportant.  Why?  Several reason, not the least of which is that John McCain can’t beat any of the remaining democratic candidates.  For that matter he couldn’t beat Al Franken.  He can’t even beat Al Franken in an honesty challenge.

     I don’t care for McCain.  I have a number of reasons for this.  I suppose #1 is that he represents the worst in what America is. Don’t believe me?  Let me cite a little public record for you.  If you think I’m making any of this up go see for yourself.

    He feels the most important thing he has ever done involved bombing the shit out of some people that at no time in their history ever threatened America.  Not just any people.   Third world people with no ability to defend themselves.  These people had to count on aid from China and the Soviet Union to have any hope against the far superior military technology of the United States.

   I’m not a particular fan of Hanoi Jane, nor having been a member  of the U.S armed forces do I find them reprehensible on any level.  I do however find myself disgusted by someone who failed miserably at his job claiming to be a hero.  Why do I say he failed?    Far less than 1% of sorties flown over North Vietnam ended in the pilot being shot down.  Therefore 99% + of all pilots were better at their jobs than this mullet, and you don’t see them running around begging people to recognize their heroism.  They came home, and with little fanfare went about resuming their lives.

    He’s a liar.  Consistently and on the public record the man lies and obfuscates in the hopes of being seen as better than his fellow man.   He doesn’t just lie, he twists the truth in such a way as to sway public opinion for his own benefit which I find particularly despicable in a public servant.  I think everyone else should lie a lot and with relish.  Want an example?

I’ll paraphrrase here because I’m way to lazy to look up the words of a man who lies consistently and for self aggrandizement.  If we leave Iraq without victory it will make our military look like failures.  Not so Jack…er….John.  It will make our politicians look like failures, and your own little war already proved to the world our politicians really don’t have the stomach for it.

    He’s a perpetual loser.  He has run for president more times than Jesse Jackson, and has never gotten a sniff.  He believes this isn’t because he’s a garrulous petulant little pain in the ass.  He believed so strongly that it was money alone that blocked him that he joined with Russ Feingold to create a finance reform plan that, while unconstitutional, was what he saw as his only hope to compete with people who were given money because people liked them.

He’s an elitist prick.  He smirks at Mitt Romeny for being a successful businessman( and other successful business people by proxy).  Yet at the same time he disdains anyone who isn’t a warmongering sycophant.  If you are not part of the John McCain fanclub you are unworthy to have an opinion, and again tonight he showed his disdain for any viewpoints but his own.  I hate that in a person.  Unless it’s me of course.  that was for you micky, you scumsucking retard.

   I guess probably what I hate most about him is his fossilized ass doesn’t have the grace to retire into obscurity.  He just keeps banging his little war tomtom.  Tonight, when asked why voters should consider him the best man to lead in regards to the economy, he immediately began reciting his war resume.  He claims a level of character he thinks none of us should dare aspire to, while flat out lying about Mitt Romney.  He well may be the most scurrilous politician of our time.

   Now, you wanna here what I like about John McCain?  I like how he is about to get his ass trounced by a girl in the general election.  He has taken advantage of the Republican parties historical “it is now your turn” style of choosing a candidate.  He won’t be able to benefit from that when his lack of ideas that coincide with what the voters want become exposed in the race for president.  Anyone who could start a debate in 2008 with “yes i think the american people are better off than they were 8 years ago” should be beaten with a bat until sanity returns.

   Nothing personal John.  You’re just a petulant little asshole who has been around so long nobody will call you on it.

Mitt:  you just look wrong, dude.  What common guy with a budweiser in his hand and his shrew of a wife cooking dinner barefoot in the kitchen could ever vote for someone with that perpetually pedantic look on their face.? I think you’d blow the rest away on the economy, except Ron Paul.  It’s not your turn Mitt…that’s why republicans keep showing you thier backsides.

Ron Paul:  I’m not sure why he wasn’t there tonight.  He’s the only conservative in the race, and should’ve been at the debate.  Oh, you say he was there?  CNN and Andderson Cooper will disagree with you.

Mike:  God you suck.  Go back to preaching.  The seperation of church and state is supposed to protect us from religious zealotry.  It hasn’t for the last 8 years, but it truly is time for a change.

What it comes down to on the Republican side is do we wish to have a president willing to squander away all this nation has achieved into the moneypit in Iraq or do we want someone who can lead us away from American Imperialism.  As Ron Paul isn’t even recognized, and McCain is being deified, I reckon we have our answer.  For the first time since I started voting I’ll be voting democrat. 

The endorsement waste of time

     The alternator went out on my car the other day.  It’s no big deal.  A couple of bolts, a couple of wires and right on top so I decided to fix it myself.   The weather was a balmy 12 degrees when I rose about 2 p.m. so I headed over to Billy Bob’s Salvage yard and Latex Pecker Emporium to get the part.

    Billy Bob is somewhat of a savant when it comes to American Politics, so when we’d finished the de riguer discussions on String Theory and Occum’s Razor the conversation turned to recent endorsements.  BB keeps up with politics on CNN, FOXNEWS, and MSNBC.  The reason he does this is becuase Billy Bob don’t like to let facts get in the way of his opinion.

    I enquired as to how he thought the latest endorsements were going to affect the campaign.  These are a few of his theories.

  Ted Kennedy’s endorsement:  This is almost sure to land Obama a larger percentage of the lardassed, drunken, white male vote, but is likely to cost him the Mary Jo Kapechne foundation endorsement.  The NEA (the teachers union, not the endowment for the arts) will likely be split since Ted Kennedy killed a teacher, but continues to fester in the no child left behind debate.

Maxine Waters for  Hillary Clinton:  This one surprised Billy Bob.  He can’t seem to understand how a woman that spent more time on her knees in the oval office during the Clinton Administration than Monica Lewinsky could possibly endorse the guys wife.  I spewed a little clarity on the issue when I explained that Maxine probably swung both ways and therefore was expecting to do a little face time when Hillary is president.

Rudy for John McCain:   Billy Bob thinks this will push John McCain to the republican nomination.  He figures McCain has now locked up the crossdressers, the adulterers, and the italian dwarves with one fell swoop.

John Edwards for ?????  :  Whoever gets this endorsements gets all the people too poor to get to the polls,   the narcissists, and the white lawyers.  Add to this allthe special interest money from revlon and Breck, and you have a prettty solid voting block

All things considered  Billy Bob thinks the endorsements are unimportant.  He’s waiting for the candidate that comes out solidly in favor of sex toys, drunken revelry, and misogyny.  White men still outnumber everyone else but white women in his opinion, and they can always kick the shit out of their wives and not let them vote.

Billy bob’s world might be fantasy, but it sure is fun  Oh yeah, the redneck cocksucker sold me the alternator for 60 bucks…fucking pirate.

what will you do with your tax rebate?

   Well, its apparently an almost done deal that over 100 million Americans are going to get a tax rebate between 300 dollars and 1200 dollars.  In addition, another 300 bucks per kid per family so if you have 1000 children it could really add up.

I’m curious as to what people will do with this cash.  It’s such a stupid Idea I can’t decide whether to cash the check and stuff the money up my ass and shoot myself so I can take it with me; or turn it into pennies and melt them down and make friendship handcuffs out of them.

we hold these truths to be self evident

   I’ve been wandering into Ration Reality  playing pissoff the assclown for the last couple of days.  For those of you who have never been, ‘they’re an eclectic bunch of turtle herders that aren’t real gentle on sacred cows.  When they’re done picking on fat people they start in on whatever else is within striking distance.  If it is likely to offend it is probably there, but the site is more than that.  It’s also gauranteed to make you laugh, cringe, or lose IQ points.  I personally enjoy the hell out of it.

     Pissing off the ass clown was really quite simple on this occassion.   Basically I started with a comment about bitchslapping that garrulous old fuck McCain, and moved on to a quite simple claim that we are making a mistake in the middle east, and a short, basic explanation as to why.  My mirth knew no bounds as this troglodytic miscreant started spewing the bush party line.

   Are there really people left out there that think the war in Iraq serves a valid purpose?  That it makes us stronger freer or safer?  Apparently one, but if there are more of you I’d like to hear what you have to say.  I think you’re a fucking idiot, but I love hearing what people opposed to my opinion are thinking.

while you’re at it, I mentioned about 8 months ago that inflation waso ut of control, recession was just around the bend, and Pakistan was the most important powder keg on the planet when it comes to our security.  Your opposing viewpoint on these issues is also welcome.

  

The politics of nausea

     It’s hard not to get that room spinning stomach churning feeling if you’re paying attention to politics these days.  Particularly if you’re a conservative.   Which I am.  I’m still going to vote for Hillary if she wins the Democratic primaries.  Which makes me a little green around the gills. 

   Why would I do such a thing?  Because to be quite frank I have a one eyed dog that gives me far more confidence than any of the conservative candidates.  Faux heroism, intellect, and morals do not sway me, and none of the Republican candidates have a realistic plan to place America back on a track worthy of the people that reside here.

    Lets start with McCain.  The only thing he has going for him is he was a war hero.  He consistently goes against the will of the people in his policy ideals, and like it or not that makes him a very bad employee.  The heroism thing is even a huge stretch to a thinking person.  Lets face it; the man volunteered to drop bombs on civilians in a soveriegn nation.  He was shot down during this criminal endeavor, and granted was treated horrendously during his captivity.  News flash….drop a bomb on my kids and see if you’re asking me to pass the canapes when I catch your sorry ass.  Like it or not, the true heroes of Vietnam were the conscripts that went and fought a war for no other reason than their government told them to.  Or even my personal favorite, Muhammad Ali, who faced prison rather than to go against his beliefs.  McCain was no hero.  He merely persevered through trying times that his own actions set in motion.

    Mighty Mike Huckabee.  I know this will offend some of you, but I believe his god is a case of mythology run amok.  I believe in him the same way I believe in Prometheus and Thor.    I do not want to be led by a man who bases his decisions on a god that has no more connection to reality than do Hercules and Hermes. 

   Giuliani and Romney….I put these two together because they are both the same sort of individual.  They have proven to say whatever they need to in order to get what they are after.  Puissant pandering does not a president make, and while they have both had limited experience making things function at the state and local level, neither has any proven ability to lead a nation in a world that is somewhat more complicated than running the olympics or taking credit for the hard work of others after what has been dubbed a national (an incredibly localized I might add) tragedy.

   Then there is of course Ron Paul.  I I’d like to vote for him.  I’d also like to ravage the swedish bikini team in a large vat of vanilla bean ice cream slathered in chocolate syrup.  Fantasy is cool, but hardly intelligent when it comes to casting your vote.   The man has never built a coalition in his entire congressional career.  Not a track record for change.

   So I’m left with Hillary.  Barack has the least experience of any candidate.  Voting for Barack is sort of like hiring a dishwasher to change your head gasket.  I can’t see it.  About the only thing he seems to have going for him is his tint.   Hillary on the other hand was intimately involved with an administration that balanced the budget,  increased the net worth of each American family, and managed to enact legislation that produced the strongest economy America has experienced in decades.  Her husband has been labelled a racist by Obama because Obama needs Bill to be a racist.  All the facts show that he isn’t, and that his administration fought for minorities and made their lives better.  This even though he was saddled with a congress dominated by the Republican party through most of his administration.

    So there you have it.  I’m voting for the girl with the big butt.   It’s not an easy thing to do, but based on history she is the only one that has any knowledge of how to build a coalition that is capable of changing the course this country is on.

so, anyway

  I’m not going to finish my conversation with Smiley right now.  It involves the contemplation of the last week, and having lived it I couldn’t possibly more disinterested in the travesty of reason I’ve engaged myself in.  I do however have a few comments about things that havbve no fucking affect on me whatever.

You have to admire the ruthlessness required to kill buddhist monks.   Well, I do anyway.  I also admire the courage of the monks.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Blackwater for bringing to light the plight of mercenaries everywhere.  I would also like to express the opinion that if they were less successful at protecting diplomats this war might already be over.

The annual early October retchfest has occurred.  I think cleaning up barf is gods punishment for those of us who procreate.

Has anyone copped to the fact that we will be in Iraq longer if the Democrats win than if the Republicans do?  When was the last time a democrat got us OUT of a war?

I haven’t really checked the blog spin machine yet, but is it really a good thing that Ron Paul raised $3 million?  Thats like what? 3 nationwide television ads?

I was going to go back and read all the wonderful things on the blogs that I’ve missed, but y’all are far to prolific.  I’m going to just pick up from your last post.  If there is a problem with that send me a memo telling me which missed posts are must reads, and I’ll ignore them just for you.

 I rue the day I decided beating my children was counterproductive.

I’m supposed to be at an Alzheimers fundraiser but I forget where its at.

I like Hillary’s laugh.  She should have practiced more since she hasn’t done it in 40 years.

I got a call from one of my exes at 3 a.m.   She wasn’t drunk.  It reminded me of a line I heard once where an executive said his employees could drink anything they like at lunch except Vodka, because he would prefer his clients think them drunk rather than stupid.  I should point out that my ex isn’t stupid either.  Psychotic.  self absorbed.  megalomaniacal but not stupid.

Hello anti, Max, anita, bagel, kaleidoscope, bagel, conundrum, et al.

Breaks over.  I think i’ll go kill something.