and now we’ll remove some of the duds for this wonderfully ironic story about Vanessa Hudgens, who plays Gabriella in Disney’s “high School Musical”
Poor Pang. For our adultery, death sentence, and multiple mitresses story we go to China. These wives seem to have become upset over the death sentences handed their husbands, so they denounced their …concubine keeper? Funny stuff.
in the tawdry affair section….so you’re the defendant…how would you feel if the prosecutor was creating the beast with two backs with the judge? This here is just plain wrong, but apparently they are getting their comeuppance.
In the “I thought I was catholic story we have this scumbag teacher in Ireland cruising kiddie porn…pretty nice international job of punching his sex registry ticket
Sorry, can’t help it. Not my fault sex is so newsworthy. It’s all you voyeurs that can’t seem to quit peeping into the private ives of others. Actually, some of these are kind of public, and at least one or two will just plain make you shake your head.
Here’s a wierd blowjob/insertion story for you. When this guy said there was a new sheriff in town, he meant it. there are a couple of more experienced officers as well. I’m dying to know what the word object refers to here? A buick? a cob of corn? a hamster? what are we talking here, and will it change the severity of the crime?
the number of adult virgins having plummetted to the single digits world wide, this is how deep you need to go to find a hot virgin story.
In the “fat chicks need love. too, section” we have a bit of a freak. Not only does savitri take off with some stud thats new in town and a little bit wild, but apparently this dame left her lesbian lover to do it, breaking her po’ tubby heart. Oh quit whining about the fattie bullshit, and check this out.
This is either our gay sex segment or our” he wanted to do what in the crapper?” segment. Let me explain it to you one more time larry. Barney is a democrat so he can pack all the ass he wants and not lose his job. you are a Republican, and “picking up a piece of paper,” (clever euphemism for “I want you to pound my shitter till I scream for my momma right here in this restroom, cowpoke”), means you have to resign. You can go chase boys in Boise, but you can’t do it here. Yeah, Larry’s pals… a great group of gays….guy’s, I meant guys.
In our “no sex for you” section we have abstinence run amok. Or maybe “run a monk.” If you don’t have sex for years you end up arguing about something stupid written on the internet. To say nothing of night seepage, blue balls, and a disposition like a hophead jonesin for a fix.
Oh man, what a dick. Someone really needs to kick this guys ass. Again. I think it should probably be a weekly event.
you west coasters are pagans or heathens anyway so here’s a bonafide opportunity to get naked and jump in a pile. Nothing like a lunar event.
what kind of an idiot tries to pass off fake bills in a strip club? Like women who get paid via the tried and true methood called “tucking” aren’t going to recognize the feel of fake money?
Hard not to start with this. Actually, some coming later seem worse, but I can’t stomach them right now. 17 pounds of weapons grade uranium s missing in China. apparently, it was passed around by different folks so much it got lost in the shuffle.
after admitting to killing dogs that lost fights or were unworthy, Mr. Vick apologized for poor judgement. what the hell.
I’m not even sure what to say about this….people suck doesn’t quite cover it. How does one ignore cries for help from someone being sexually assaulted? I’m apparently not evolved enough to understand this one.
yaye…i’m happy for em…can we really not talk about wrinkly old people screwing? and the oral sex thing…welll, boys and girls, thats just about the grossest imagery since pinhead.
another food recall. Whats with getting crap on food, and then selling it to people?
Who says sex doesn’t sell? all these stories are from today, and are related to the s-e-x- thing.
Woohoo, a virgin story…looking for work Jessie? You test virgins for Ration Reality so you have experience. Pretty interesting story about how the other half wants to live.
Did you like the virgins? How about a little nudity? Naked women with hammers. Sounds like a party…there is no truth to the rumor that this woman was a Ron Paul supporter still celebrating his 5th place finish.
dwarf penis anyone? This guy goes toe to toe with a vacuum cleaner. Freaking hilarious. Gotta love the Scots. I really liked “in an act that went horribly awry”
whats a sex article without some gay sex? This one isn’t funny. This one is incredible Suck a dick get life in prison? wow… if you check this out read the names of thel inks on the right…a “gay names” list…like a pedophile registry?
Hey, we even got strippers. The strip club From the Sopranos is auctioning off the stripper poles from the show, along with other sundry goodies.
and i was gonna do a story about a lot of people getting fu@ked, but all I could find was this.
I’m going to hell. It’s a sure thing. I’ve failed to ask forgiveness for having premarital sex, and that my friends is a sin. Toss in an almost guaranteed ( I have no absolute proof they were married) tryst or two on the wrong side of the adultery edict, and I’m almost surely headed for an eternal stint in the brimstone conflagration.
At least so say the Christians. The Muslims on the other hand would have already sent me off to my ignominious perpetual damnation beneath a hail of rather hard rocks. They are not quite so enlightened as the just barely fell out of the evolutionary tree god worshipers. They still have the eye for an eye and a rock for a stiff cock theory to overcome, and they’re far to busy trying to blow up Christians to get past it.
The Talmud is much easier on me. thank god for those little Jewish bastards. I’m allowed to hump any woman I want. They could be kind of rough on the woman though. In olden times she was even an adulteress if she had sex with anyone but her husbands brother after he perished. Not the brother you sicko, the husband. One more of those areas of life where you just kinda look to the heavens and be thankful you have that extra appendage.
oh my god…I’m researching this as i go…so that was an earnest oh my god of astonishment right there. These asshole Hindu’s are going to make me come back as a creeping bug, after they make me die early. Fornicating and adultery both fall under the lewdness clause of the holy scriptures ,so Instead of coming back as an inedible cow I get to be a termite. They’re just jealous because they have small Indian penis.
whew, finally…a little relief. The Taoists find my lewd and lascivious activities to be atrocious as well, but they aren’t going to punish me. They are going to lecture me onerously instead. passage after stultifying passage against the anomaly that is lewd behavior.
Is Buddhism really a religion? it looks like just a way for one Buddhist to keep score of how much more perfect he is than another Buddhist…who cares…no punishment for having sex. I am now a Buddhist
So tell me, how did sex get to be so dirty? I don’t think adultery is a bad thing. least if you don’t get caught, or let your guilty conscience talk you into a confession. Of course I’m not married.
It’s sunday again. Time for more random thoughts from the thoughtless. If you are easily offended hit the out button. My blog has been caterized, and I’m decidedly cranky.
1. our schools are in disarray, our infrastructure is crumbling, and we have over 500 varieties of beer to choose from. I don’t see a problem here.
2. I feel that tarring and feathering should be part of the criminal code, and this is when it should be used.
3. Roscoe chewed through the wires on my cable box. This was either a suicide attempt or a murder attempt. Either way it was poorly executed, since we are both still alive.
4. I would like a bagel with everything so i can go put it under the tire of my car and run over it. It’s like hanging someone in effigy. It packs no punch, but you get to feel like an idiot.
5. If whites and blacks can’t agree that dogfighting is bad, what hope have we of agreeing on anything? I think blacks only find dogfighting to be ok when its a famous black person. Kind of like the whole O.J. and murder thing. It kind of bothers me that this has been made racial.
6. Give me a hammer, a paring knife, a roll of duct tape, and a fifth of anything with a spanish sounding name, and I’ll make McGuyver look dull normal.
7. I’m not pleased with the way random thoughts is going today, but at least my Tourettes Syndrome appears to be in remission.
8. 19 million people in Bangladesh and India think Al Gore is a dumbass, and I’m smart as hell…more global wetting issues.
9. sex is overrated and underutilized.
10. that being said, you may disrobe now.
11. While it may seem cute, buying your newborn a shirt that says “now that I’m safe I’m pro-choice” is a fashion no-no.
12. I’m to sexy…well, I’m not but this is:
my son taught me how to do that. It has come to my attention that being blog illiterate is not safe. If only for self defense I need to know how to do more than just type blithering idiocy. That clip was bastardized from the world of warcraft. All I can say is that is not a proper form of birth control, but probably works in the abstinence category. I’ll credit this later…he didn’t get me the URL.
13. Locking your pets out of your room almost gaurantees a decent 3 hours of sleep. At which time they will decide they miss you and start fighting like children. I’m not sure why one of them isn’t already dead. Dog? Rabbit? I want some gotdam blood.
14. Dale Jr. won the pole at pocono, Wisconsin is ranked 7th in the preseason poll, some steroid infused monstrosity hit his 755th home ron, and A-rod got to 500 faster than anyone ever has. Oh, yeah, some hockey for Janie. Edmonton is going to pay Dustin Penner 21.25 million over 5 years. Dustin is a 29 goal scorer. call it 30 and 21 million for argument. Thats $140,000 per goal. 10 dollar hookers definitely got into the wrong line of work.
15. Blogs I read everyday at least once are listed in the blogroll. The one blog I refuse to miss on sunday, is Anita’s. She prays.
16. I’d send y’all over to Ration Reality, but on sunday mornings they read chicken bones, beat up small fur bearing creatures with tire irons, and sacrifice virgins to Loki.
ok, thats enough of this. Hope your weeks went well, and if they didn’t their will be better times than these.
it was a long day. It was a brutal day. It had a lot of downs, and only one up. I was not here when this happened. I have however crossed that bridge hundreds of times, and it kind of bothers me that the end of this article is all about how there is no known link to terrorism. Is that really where we are? Any catastrophic incident has to be looked at in light of a possible terrorist connection? They are now saying up to 50 cars in the river.
Some new exercise guidlelines are out. Basically it says if you have sex five days a week for a half hour, and sprinkle in a little weight lifting you’re good to go. It also says physical activity is about as bad as smoking in regards to morbidity and mortality, so get your lazy asses up and go do some boinking.
In the 70’s I remember this big deal being made about glasses from McDonalds that were made in China had to be thrown away because the paint had to much lead in it. Well, it’s 2007, and American companies are still putting you at risk by merchandising dangerous products bought from Chinese Vendors, Almost a million fisher price toys. Have your kids been putting any of them in their mouths? Isn’t it time free trade with this country be reexamined based on risk to our population.
here’s a good one on health insurance. Did you know that in many states you can make as much as 82K plus a year, and still receive federally funded health insurance? Bet that pisses off those of you making 50K a year and paying for your own. This includes adults with no children, but the program is called SCHIP and is intended for children. I pay for my won and my kids, but I think I’ll go get me some poor people money from the government. what the hell.
Britney Spears is now making death threats. She threatened to kill two photographers. That she intended to do it by making them smell her thong is only a rumor, but I’m pretty sure that would work. Dumb young women are becoming an infestation in the entertainment world. Isn’t there some way we can keep them from procreating?
so now we need more secret wiretapping? The democrats are balking, but how much you bet it goes through, even though their base is dead set against it. Get a clue on the left, you are as marginalized by the people you elected as are the people on the right.
Either Obama has caught a serious case of dumbass disease, or he has decided to move way the hell to the right. Somewhere right of Dick Cheney, actually. He is now threatening to invade Pakistan. Someone needs to tell him to shutup and fast.
Less people get their political news from you tube, myspace, AND blogs than from any other source. Over 60% of Republicans and Democrats say they would consider voting for an Independent candidate, and over 50% of each think an independent would be good for the country. Are you listening Ron Paul? Maybe its time to take down those faded and fake republican colors and run as a libertarian? You say you are one, and the country seems to be ready. Yeah right.
and thats it… i lugged 458 X 80 = 36,640 lbs during todays little 12 hour stint of hell, and my shoulders just now cried nuff.
so many theories, so little time. So many options to choose from. Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong? When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever. As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds. What led me to this conclusion? Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.
Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco. You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start. All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us. I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise. Jesus was gay. Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner. Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here. I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for, but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.
Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky. The rightwingers went berserk. apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;
from the women: “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)
from the men: “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”
from Monica: “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls. Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”
from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”
from Ron Paul: ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”
from Billy Graham: “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone? I want his opinion on this one.”
So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book. He claims to have thirty solid leads. He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex. The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out. Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy. I personally am all for sex. Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them. As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval. If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid? Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not. Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated? If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun. Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport. Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.
About the whole abstinence thing. My parents we’re protestants. Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult. Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up. Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us. If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams. Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram. Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us? My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity. Never have, never will. Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears. Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system. Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?
Ok, thats enough of this. I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational. i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.
1. Doesn’t the latest terrorist failure in the British Isles make you wonder why it is that the mightiest nation on earth can’t whoop the Islamic version of the Keystone Cops?
2. I always loved story problems in math. This one shoud be on the SAT If you leave los Angeles driving east at 65 MPH and another car leaves new york driving west at 65 MPH, how many licks will it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
3. Barack Obama raised over $32 million dollars this quarter. Proving you don’t need experience to run for president. You just need a lot of stupid people with too much money to support you.
4. Republicans won’t reveal their figures until this week. Proving I suppose that The apple is faster than the abacus.
5. these don’t seem random enough
6. David Sedaris is the funniest homo to ever write a book. Is homo still allowed or do I have to say heterosexually challenged individual?
7. It’s unfortunate for Ron Paul that his supporters will not be allowed to vote hundreds of times in the primary. Thats made him all the rage on web-based polls. When the voting is real this guy won’t last through 5 states.
8. In an effort to start feeding the hungry in impoverished areas of the world I intend to start promoting the cat as a viable food source on I can Haz cheeseburger.
9. Hearing about Alli “treatment effects” senior management at Domino’s has begun a recruitment effort for the takers of this pill. I believe its a cost cutting measure. (don’t give me that look…I just got that off the wire…think it’ll change the taste of the pizza?)
10. china” has begun a crackdown on political leaders that have mistresses. Good plan. The intent is to raise morality. I bet it raises the divorce rate, and violence.
11. I wish they made an amnesia pill. I’d take it even if it made you crap your pants.
12. Roscoe can only see sideways. Bet that would make driving a real bear.
13. If your looking for work, The government in India is looking to hire a “condom Man.” I’m not sure if you have to be bald or not.
14. it takes 20 hours to build a camry. 10 hours of that is painting. It takes 164 hours to build a hummer for the military. no painting included.
15. if an ultra liberal and an ultra conservative had sex, what would the kid be? It couldn’t happen. Ultra liberals are all gay, and ultraconservatives don’t have sex. Them not procreating is a good thing for the rest of us. Kill off the “i’m to stupid to listen to reason gene,” maybe.
16. I found a website that claims to contain (I didn’t check) women in my area that wish to have sex. I’m not even going to get into the miracle of a midwestern woman that wants to have sex. I’d just like to point out that this used to be what alcohol and badlines were used for.
17. I just contemplated what my week at work is going to entail. It’s the only thought that ever makes me look lovingly at the strychnine bottle.
18. Based on what she licks my dogs favorite flavors are her butt and my chin.
19. Ever notice that men who have daughters look older than men of comparable age that don’t?
20. The world is an incredilby dangerous place. That said, you are still more likely to die falling down than from all violent means combined. I’m not sure how they score it if you fall down on a car bomb as you’re having your throat cut by a mugger.
Posted by criminyjicket 
because I said so again, why? 
it’s ok…lets talk hookers, religion, politics, and abstinence
July 28, 2007so many theories, so little time. So many options to choose from. Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong? When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever. As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds. What led me to this conclusion? Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.
Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco. You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start. All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us. I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise. Jesus was gay. Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner. Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here. I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for, but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.
Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky. The rightwingers went berserk. apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;
from the women: “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)
from the men: “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”
from Monica: “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls. Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”
from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”
from Ron Paul: ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”
from Billy Graham: “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone? I want his opinion on this one.”
So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book. He claims to have thirty solid leads. He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex. The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out. Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy. I personally am all for sex. Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them. As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval. If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid? Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not. Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated? If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun. Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport. Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.
About the whole abstinence thing. My parents we’re protestants. Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult. Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up. Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us. If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams. Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram. Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us? My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity. Never have, never will. Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears. Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system. Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?
Ok, thats enough of this. I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational. i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.