More Sex in the News

September 8, 2007

  I’m going to lead off with this story because it is hilarious, sinister, and provocative.  Plus, it involves a short skirt and a sleek blonde.

and now we’ll remove some of the duds for this wonderfully ironic story about Vanessa Hudgens, who plays Gabriella in Disney’s “high School Musical”

Poor Pang.  For our adultery, death sentence, and multiple mitresses story we go to China.  These wives seem to have become upset over the death sentences handed their husbands, so they denounced their …concubine keeper?  Funny stuff.

in the tawdry affair section….so you’re the defendant…how would you feel if the prosecutor was creating the beast with two backs with the judge?  This here is just plain wrong, but apparently they are getting their comeuppance.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070908/ap_on_fe_st/courtroom_affair;_ylt=AnVziJyXDTdrlR8lxbDord4Z.3QA

In the “I thought I was catholic story we have this scumbag teacher in Ireland cruising kiddie porn…pretty nice international job of punching his sex registry ticket

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/northern_ireland/6983750.stm

DAMNIT…Britney is going to wear panties…like I care, but some of you might so here’s the scoop on Britney…lingerie model…it’s from pop tarts

if you haven’t figured it out, my link thingie is messin up.

no gay story or animal sex story so I fug this out of the ancient archives…killing to birds with one bone so to speak.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15750604/

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the sex in the news thing….again

September 1, 2007

Sorry, can’t help it.  Not my fault sex is so newsworthy.  It’s all you voyeurs that can’t seem to quit peeping into the private  ives of others.  Actually, some of these are kind of public, and at least one or two will just plain make you shake your head.

     Here’s a wierd blowjob/insertion story for you. When this guy said there was a new sheriff in town, he meant it.  there are a couple of more experienced officers as well.  I’m dying to know what the word object refers to here?  A buick?  a cob of corn? a hamster?  what are we talking here, and will it change the severity of the crime?

the number of adult virgins having plummetted to the single digits world wide, this is how deep you need to go to find a hot virgin story.

    In the “fat chicks need love. too, section” we have a bit of a freak.  Not only does savitri take off with some stud thats new in town and a little bit wild, but apparently this dame left her lesbian lover to do it, breaking her po’ tubby heart.  Oh quit whining about the fattie bullshit, and check this out.

    This is either our gay sex segment or our” he wanted to do what in the crapper?” segment.  Let me explain it to you one more time larry.  Barney is a democrat so he can pack all the ass he wants and not lose his job.  you are a Republican, and “picking up a piece of paper,” (clever euphemism for “I want you to pound my shitter till I scream for my momma right here in this restroom, cowpoke”), means you have to resign.  You can go chase boys in Boise, but you can’t do it here.  Yeah,  Larry’s pals… a great group of gays….guy’s, I meant guys.

  In our “no sex for you” section we have abstinence run amok.  Or maybe “run a monk.”  If you don’t have sex for years you end up arguing about something stupid written on the internet.  To say nothing of night seepage, blue balls, and a disposition like a hophead jonesin for a fix.

Oh man, what a dick.  Someone really needs to kick this guys ass.  Again.  I think it should probably be a weekly event.


more sex in the news

August 28, 2007

you west coasters  are pagans or heathens anyway so here’s a bonafide opportunity to get naked and jump in a pile.  Nothing like a lunar event.

what kind of an idiot tries to pass off fake bills in a strip club?  Like women who get paid via the tried and true methood called “tucking” aren’t going to recognize the feel of fake money?

 ahhhhhh, panda sex…it doesn’t get any better than this.  This girl failed to get another girl panda pregnant…awwww read it…its good stuff.

what would sex in the news be without a large cock?  No not a male chicken you dolt. 

I would suppose that guys coupling would count as gay sex.  Noy as glitzy as brokeback mountain, but interesting. 

cool…CBN brings us how to stay married to that adulterous scum spouse of yours.  Nothing like christians to teach you how to fix your sin filled life.

have fun….if you were looking for porn.  Tough


News that fails to amuse

August 25, 2007

  Hard not to start with this.  Actually, some coming later seem worse, but I can’t stomach them right now.  17 pounds of weapons grade uranium s missing in China.  apparently, it was passed around by different folks so much it got lost in the shuffle.

after admitting to killing dogs that lost fights or were unworthy, Mr. Vick apologized for poor judgement.  what the hell.

I’m not even sure what to say about this….people suck doesn’t quite cover it.  How does one ignore cries for help from someone being sexually assaulted?  I’m apparently not evolved enough to understand this one.

yaye…i’m happy for em…can we really not talk about wrinkly old people screwing? and the oral sex thing…welll, boys and girls, thats just about the grossest imagery since  pinhead.

another food recall.  Whats with getting crap on food, and then selling it to people?


sex in the news

August 22, 2007

  Who says sex doesn’t sell? all these stories are from today, and are related to the s-e-x- thing.

Woohoo, a virgin story…looking for work Jessie?  You test virgins for Ration Reality so you have experience.  Pretty interesting story about how the other half wants to live.

  Did you like the virgins?  How about a little nudity?  Naked women with hammers.  Sounds like a party…there is no truth to the rumor that this woman was a Ron Paul supporter still celebrating his 5th place finish.

dwarf penis anyone?  This guy goes toe to toe with a vacuum cleaner.  Freaking hilarious.   Gotta love the Scots.  I really liked “in an act that went horribly awry” 

whats a sex article without some gay sex?  This one isn’t funny.  This one is incredible  Suck a dick get life in prison?  wow…  if you check this out read the names of thel inks on the right…a “gay names” list…like a pedophile registry?

Hey, we even got strippers.  The strip club From the Sopranos is auctioning off the stripper poles from the show, along with other sundry goodies.

and i was gonna do a story about a lot of people getting fu@ked, but all I could find was this.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6957738.stm


uh oh…a sex post

August 19, 2007

I’m going to hell.  It’s a sure thing.  I’ve failed to ask forgiveness for having premarital sex, and that my friends is a sin.  Toss in an almost guaranteed ( I have no absolute proof they were married)  tryst or two on the wrong side of the adultery edict, and I’m almost surely headed for an eternal stint in the brimstone conflagration.

At least so say the Christians.  The Muslims on the other hand would have already sent me off to my ignominious perpetual damnation beneath a hail of rather hard rocks. They are not quite so enlightened as the just barely fell out of the evolutionary tree god worshipers.  They still have the eye for an eye and a rock for a stiff cock theory to overcome, and they’re far to busy trying to blow up Christians to get past it.

The Talmud is much easier on me.  thank god for those little Jewish bastards.  I’m allowed to hump any woman I want.  They could be kind of rough on the woman though.  In olden times she was even an adulteress if she had sex with anyone but her husbands brother after he perished.  Not the brother you sicko, the husband.  One more of those areas of life where you just kinda look to the heavens and be thankful you have that extra appendage.

oh my god…I’m researching this as i go…so that was an earnest oh my god of astonishment right there.  These asshole Hindu’s are going to make me come back as a creeping bug, after they make me die early.   Fornicating and adultery both fall under the lewdness clause of the holy scriptures ,so Instead of coming back as an inedible cow I get to be a termite.  They’re just jealous because they have small Indian penis.

whew, finally…a little relief.  The Taoists find my lewd and lascivious activities to be atrocious as well, but they aren’t going to punish me. They are going to lecture me onerously instead.  passage after stultifying  passage against the anomaly that is lewd behavior.

Is Buddhism really a religion? it looks like just a way for one Buddhist to keep score of how much more perfect he is than another Buddhist…who cares…no punishment for having sex.  I am now a Buddhist

So tell me, how did sex get to be so dirty?  I don’t think adultery is a bad thing.  least if you don’t get caught, or let your guilty conscience talk you into a confession.  Of course I’m not married.

there…a sex post…blow me.


Sunday is for random thoughts #9

August 5, 2007

It’s sunday again.   Time for more random thoughts from the thoughtless.  If you are easily offended hit the out button.  My blog has been caterized, and I’m decidedly cranky.

1.  our schools are in disarray, our infrastructure is crumbling,  and we have over 500 varieties of beer to choose from.  I don’t see a problem here.

2.  I feel that tarring and feathering should be part of the criminal code, and this is when it should be used.

3.   Roscoe chewed through the wires on my cable box.  This was either a suicide attempt or a murder attempt.  Either way it was poorly executed, since we are both still alive.

4.  I would like a bagel with everything so i can go put it under the tire of my car and run over it.  It’s like hanging someone in effigy.  It packs no punch, but you get to feel like an idiot.

5.  If whites and blacks can’t agree that dogfighting is bad, what hope have we of agreeing on anything?  I think blacks only find dogfighting to be ok when its a famous black person.  Kind of like the whole O.J. and murder thing.   It kind of bothers me that this has been made racial.

6.  Give me a hammer, a paring knife, a roll of duct tape, and a fifth of anything with a spanish sounding name, and I’ll make McGuyver look dull normal.

7.  I’m not pleased with the way random thoughts is going today, but at least my Tourettes Syndrome appears to be in remission.

8.  19 million people in Bangladesh and India think Al Gore is a dumbass, and I’m smart as hell…more global wetting issues.

9.   sex is overrated and underutilized.

10.  that being said, you may disrobe now.

11.  While it may seem cute, buying your newborn a shirt that says “now that I’m safe I’m pro-choice” is a fashion no-no.

12.  I’m to sexy…well, I’m not but this is:

my son taught me how to do that.  It has come to my attention that being blog illiterate is not safe.  If only for self defense I need to know how to do more than just type blithering idiocy.  That clip was bastardized from the world of warcraft.  All I can say is that is not a proper form of birth control, but probably works in the abstinence category.  I’ll credit this later…he didn’t get me the URL.

13.   Locking your pets out of your room almost gaurantees a decent 3 hours of sleep.  At which time they will decide they miss you and start fighting like children.  I’m not sure why one of them isn’t already dead.  Dog? Rabbit?  I want some gotdam blood.

14.  Dale Jr. won the pole at pocono, Wisconsin is ranked 7th in the preseason poll, some steroid infused monstrosity hit his 755th home ron, and A-rod got to 500 faster than anyone ever has.  Oh, yeah, some hockey for Janie. Edmonton is going to pay Dustin Penner 21.25 million over 5 years.  Dustin is a 29 goal scorer.  call it 30 and 21 million for argument.  Thats $140,000 per goal.  10 dollar hookers definitely got into the wrong line of work.   

15.  Blogs I read everyday at least once are listed in the blogroll.  The one blog I refuse to miss on sunday, is Anita’s.  She prays.

16.  I’d send y’all over to Ration Reality, but on sunday mornings they read chicken bones, beat up small fur bearing creatures with tire irons, and sacrifice virgins to Loki.

ok, thats enough of this.  Hope your weeks went well, and if they didn’t their will be better times than these.