I’ve nothing to write about

July 4, 2007

  well, i was going to write, but it just isn’t there.  Big surprise.   My mind is on the coming bar-b-q, drinkathon, fireworks extravaganza, and keeps being invaded by random dumbness.  I have maybe 20 good ideas a day on what to write about, but I only have them when I’m not in the vicinity of anything to write with.  If a tool for communication is present i have all the creative ability of an oyster.  Which is I why I keep dropping all these pearls on the three of you.

    Does Great Britain get pissy and plot revenge on the fourth of July?

    Do liberal females support islamic radicals because Burkha’s look so comfortable?

    I know its not commonly known, but freedom of speech goes hand in hand with the freedom to STFU.

    Do personal attacks bother you?  When someone attacks my person I generally go clip my toenails. 

    Have you ever been in a bar, half drunk and thought “there is no one in this whole place that I’m going to sleep with tonight?”  

    me neither

    when your phone rings do you find yourself sneaking up on it hoping the call isn’t from you know who?

    when you get in your car do you feel sexier, or does that just happen to bald fat middleaged men driving vettes?

    How mad would you be if you found out that vegetables being healthy was just a government disinformation    campaign designed to help out farmers?

    Have you ever been talking to someone, and out of the blue you think “i’ve finally found my soulmate?

    Have you ever been right?   again, me either

     If it wasn’t for my children I would likely be rich, incredibly adventurous, and very unhappy.

     there are exactly 7,436,519 reasons why men and women should not live in the same house.  Yet they still persist in this insanity.

     they keep making gadgets that will make my life easier.  All I want is something that will bend over for me.  that I could use.  Nope, its not a feature on the Iphone so I will never own one.

     If being poor isn’t fun why are so many people poor?

     to my liberal fan base:  If George Bush is so stupid, how did he beat Al Gore and John Kerry?  I mean, if they’re the best and the brightest the liberals have to offer, how did a dumbie get the job meant for them?

      If you ever have a few minutes to kill, and your ignorant about what the fight against islamic fundamentalism is all about…type the words “sharia law” in your browser window.  No, don’t bother.  you’re funner when you don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

      I have ribs marinating, rum and tequila cooling, and my neighbors expecting our attendance at the usual 4th of july get together.  

    Thank god i have rum and tequila cooling.  Inebriation is the only thing that makes neighbors tolerable.

     My son just woke up.  Had I ever slept past noon my father would have…well…it’s why I call him father, and not dad.

    Happy fourth of july.  May the freedom we cherish be recognized as something others fought and died for. 

    

   

    

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Not much to be afraid of

July 2, 2007

     Growing up in rural america in the late 60’s and 70’s (no, wiseacre, not the 1860’s) was a fairly carefree existence.  We had to work and such, but there wasn’t much going on to be afraid of.  Our parents tried to put the fear in us, but lets face it; “the moonies are going to kidnap you if you stay out after dark,” isn’t exactly a terrorizing comment to a kid.  What the hell is a moonie would’ve been the only appropriate response, but responses were passed over in a rush to get out of the house.

    The country is a lot different than the city.  In the city if you wish to go for a swim you go to one of the parks and swim with several hundred other people.  Many of whom are not exactly fastidious about there bathing practices, and I don’t even want to contemplate the whole bodily functions issue.  I lived near a creek.  It was the fun in the sun summer hangout.  Whether it was swimming, fishing, digging for clams, or creative attempts at drowning, thats where the kids went when the thermometer rose.

     The swimming holes were creatively named “the crick” (it was a creek), “big falls” (they were big),  and “killer cliffs” (three kids died there while I was in high school.  The water wasn’t deep enough to handle all of the “hey y’all watch this” moments that occurred there), creativity not being nearly as important as strong backs in those parts. Where you went depended on which locale you were from, and if you had someone to provide transportation.  Yes, mooching rides is a universal teen thing.

    These places were our meeting halls, our ceremonial lodges, and arena’s.  It’s where we learned about such diverse topics as hitting a bong, which girls put out, and which boys were still virgins.   I say diverse because drugs, and sex were about as diverse as it got in the way of entertainment. 

    We used them as places to transmit information about where the party was this Saturday, what happened at the party last Saturday, and who was gonna kick whose ass in the homecoming game.  One of those should probably be “whom,” but we never discussed who and whom in those days.  What we did discuss was so and so’s butt, whether a dodge monaco with a police interceptor engine could beat a 900 kawasaki in the quarter mile (that day it couldn’t, but it saw 160mph), and whether burger kings fries were better than McDonalds.

    The ceremonies held there were generally funerals.  I’m not sure why we had to have our own, but something not in a church, and with no parents just always seemed appropriate.  Oh wait, beer and pot were the reasons.  The four year totals were the three diving deaths, one guy gored to death by a bull, 6 car accidents resulting in 11 deaths (one was a late night chicken event that nobody was chicken in…they never turned on their lights), and two suicides, both female.  Yes, teen pregnancy was an issue even then.  Grief, booze, and weed, don’t really mic so its a wonder that the death toll wasn’t higher as a result of all the impromptu funerals.  17 dead in 4 years.  That seems so unbearable looking back, but at the time maybe because of our youth it was just another fact of daily life.  In order to do anything fun you had to do something stupid, dangerous, or sexual.  Sometimes all three.   

    Most of us were devirginized, experienced our first drunken stupor, and hadfights there.  There was no such thing as that much testosterone, that many girls, and a fight free afternoon.  Sooner or later two shirtless teen gladiators would be slugging it out for the favor of which ever of the young ladies present ws the object of their affections.  These fights often ended with broken bones and blood, but never with gunfire or a knife.  It was a simpler time.

    I think probably the most important thing that happened their on those summer days so long ago were the discussions about what was “out there.”  Many of us had never left the state, but we all intended to.  We talked about far away places and how we would get out.  Most of us that left took the military route.  A few went to college, and the rest may or may not have left.  That part of my life was left behind when I hopped on the plane to go to Marine Corps recruit Depot San Diego.  When I returned from that 4 month trip the quantum leap in the maturity process that had occurred made picking up old friendships impossible, and by the time I returned again the people were lost except for the memories.  the world was rapidly changing everywhere else, but with the exception of the behaviours of the kids, there wasn’t much to be afraid of there.


sunday is for random thoughts #3

June 24, 2007

1.  Imagine my chagrin when I started to listen to classical music and found out it was played on all my favorite cartoons.

2.  Horse tastes a lot like cow.

3.  We should ban all hunting.  it is much more fun to watch animals die of starvation and disease caused by overpopulation.

4.  I wish the government would let me pick what to spend the 1 out of 3 dollars of my earnings that they snatch from me on.  I’d buy a bomb for fallujah.

5.     Droopy, woody woodpecker, and atom ant could so kick sponge bob’s, dexter’s, and chuckie’s asses.

6.    If you treat everyone the way they treat you, you will spend a lot of time alone.

7.  The blog definition of troll is “someone who doesn’t agree with every idiotic thing you think.”

8.  80 American soldiers have died in Iraq in June.  I have no idea how many have died in car accidents, in gun violence, in domestic situations, of diabetes, of cancer, of cirrhosis, of suicide, of drug overdoses, of neglect, of starvation, in work related accidents, or simply by falling.  While all of these are certainly higher numbers, no news organization see’s fit to give me a daily count.

9.    John Stewart and Stephen Colebert have exactly the same reasons to lie to us a Wolf Blitzer and Storm Davis.  They get paid based on popularity.

10.   Cynicism is the commingling of intellect and experience.  If you aren’t cynical you lack one or the other.

11.   Never loan someone money.  If you care enough to loan it to them give it to them.  It saves a lot of frustration.

12.   A loyal dog is a better companion than a disloyal mate.

13.   I’m not sure what that is, but I have an incredible desire to dip my scrotum in it.

14.   If you took the collective good deeds of all the candidates for president and put them in a pile, and then took the net worth of the same group….which would you rather leave to your children?

15.  You have it real good if you’re one of the millions that spend time at work doing non-work oriented things on your computer.  Any reasonable boss would fire you.

16.   You will sometime in the future be lied to by a friend, cheated on by a mate, disrespected by your progeny, or abused or neglected by those who are responsible for your care.  Ain’t life a bitch?

17.   working hard is not half as prosperous as screwing people over, but you can look at yourself in the mirror without saying “damn I’m good.”

18.  Don’t be so angry, so hurt, so despondent.  Doin’t let others change how you see yourself. Don’t join the herd of lemmings you see crossing before you, and never doubt your ability to make a difference.  Now get the hell out of here.  I’m out of random thoughts for today.

postscript:  don’t forget to contact your congresman at  

http://blog.aflcio.org/   Ron Paul and most other conservatives voted against it, meaning it has to be good for working americans.