the book report

The assignment:  Give a two minute presentation on The Giver by Louis Lowry.

The instructions:  Explain why you liked the book, and reasons others your age would like the book.

The questions my daughter asked:  What if I didn’t like the book?  What if the book has no redeeming social value?

The directive:  Well then just make something up.   (Allegedly with a threatening tone).

The decision (as it was put to me):   I’m going to say what I really thought of the book.

My response:   Take something good to read in in school suspension. (smiling, and with just a hint of defeatism).

the book report:  a scathing 2:00 rebuke of a book that ended “but others might like it.”

The question:  Was there anything about the book that you liked?  (Allegedly with a hint of malice.)

The response:  It was short.

   good kid

author’s note:  all errors in this communication related to punctuation, grammar and sentence structure are mine.  The content is as close to exact as I can make it, having had the story related to me by my daughter.

The retardation conflagration

  I haven’t been here much this week.  It’s been a bear, and we’ll leave that right there.

I’m a little curious as to how it is that the only thing  CNN and FOXNEWS can agree on is that one sad, closeted, gay senior citizen Senator should resign.  I’ll grant that it kind of gives me the willies that he felt a mens room was the place to look for sex, but if blowjobs from an employee (unpaid) in the oval office are ok, I’m not sure I find playing footsie with an undercover cop all that vile. 

   Oh my god.  The U>N> has weapons of mass destruction.  I think that we should perform a preemptive strike against the bastards.  We could call it shock and awe, and everyone could stay up to the wee hours of the morning cheering as we bomb the dogshit out of new york. 

author’s note:  I said that in jest, but the more I think about it the more I like the idea.

Now Silicone Valley has decided that unemployed American workers are so en vogue that they are going to ship manufacturing jobs overseas.  I wonder if these assclowns have stopped to consider that once all our jobs are over there, we won’t have any money to buy the substandard products they are pushing over here.

  A Colorado school has banned tag on its playgrounds because of student complaints of harassment.  About the only kind thing I can say about how we as a society are raising our snotnosed, whineassed,  pussified children is that I’m glad I’ll be dead before they are old enough to become good little muslims.

   Fred thompson has decided to finally show his ass, I meant cards, and enter the fray.  I’m not sure if he is entering because the opposition seems so weak, or if he really thinks he can win, but let’s get real.  The electorate is as smart as a house plant, and you know what that means.  Ron Paul baby…he’s the man.  I’m thinking about coming out with my endorsement of the Ron Paul insanity…er I mean campaign soon.

   What’s with  all the feigned surprise?  The chinese own more of the Democratic party than they do the island of Hawaii.  They’ve been buying the Clinton’s for so long the only question seems to be why don’t they stay bought?  Face it, if it would get her elected Hillary would hit her knees in the middle of Tianamen Square and wouldn’t get up until the last Wang was pleasured.

    Ron Paul had about 1500 people at his come one come all birthday Bar-b-q, incest fest, and Militia sign up.  We get that many at our block parties, and all we promise is free booze.  I guess promising freedom isn’t exactly the same as granting it.

  ok, that’ll do.  I left out the Austrian teen trying long pig, the mother who gave birth at McDonalds and trying to flush the baby down the toilet, the mathematical explanation for Jessica Alba’s sexiness, and the two Corey’s, because I fear actual medical conditions are apparent.

“we’re out of gas”

  Thats what he said.  Actually, what he said in its entirity was “hey dad we were on the way to this party and were out of gas can you bring us some.”

So, he needs gas to convey himself to a party that he never would’ve bothered mentioning to me if he had not run out of gas.

so i took him some gas.  Him is my son, btw.  and his hippie buddy will.  Upon further conversing, I learn that this is a girls birthday party and there won’t be any drinking or dope smoking.  Of course.  There was never any drinking or dope smoking at the parties I went to at his age.  It did bother me though that he offered the information.  I noticed he didn’t say there wouldn’t be any heroin shooting, coke freebasing, or animal sacrificing.

I’m old and therefore stupid so I wasn’t surprised when he came to borrow money from me because they were going to play poker.  thats a clever euphemism for “I need to buy a dime” I think. Puff puff pass, buttmunch….er…check check fold. Whatever.

   It doesn’t bother me that they think I’m stupid, but the fact they think i was born 45 years old is a bit of a bummer.  I thought I taught them better than that.  Never underestimate anyone. 

I gave him the ten bucks on the off chance it wasn’t for dope.  Besides, he’d of fronted the shit and had Bruno the killer pot dealer chasing him if it was and i didn’t give him the loot.

Teenagers suck.

Ron Paul Rising and other news

  I’ve been wondering around checking out The Ron Paul reaction.  What I’m not seeing is anyone saying he has no hope anymore.  The word longshot comes up a lot, but in the National journals poll he has risen to 6th, and if anyone really believes that Sam Brownback has a better shot of winning this thing than Ron Paul, they must have strong Christian Coalition connections.  He still has that 2% albatross around his neck, and he doesn’t get considered in any of the big polls.

woohoo…the Oprah marriage questionnaire….you can tell around 12 or so they said, hey this is all about money…lets add something about kids and friends so they don’t think we’re republicans.

Diet foods are making our kids fat says this study.  I say bo-lo-nee.  X-Box, nintendo, television, and laziness is what makes kids fat.  Don’t believe me? hoist that behemoth off the couch and pry the joystick from his hand.  Put him to work and see if he don’t shape up.

Well, this makes sense.  The only thing better than 12 million illegal immigrants, is 12 million unemployed illegal immigrants

The nice thing about politicians being honest, is it shows us how stupid they are.  While I agree with the theory that no one should join the military if they don’t wish, saying that his children are helping America by trying to get him elected might well be the dumbest thing Mitt has said all week.  This of course leaves him far behind Barack “dubya” Obama.

This is a great article.  60 years since Great Britain unceremoniously succumbed to the demands of Mahatma Gandhi and left India, the strife continues.  Pakistan and India…kind of a larger israel/palestinian thing.  Weren’t the Brits involved there as well.  We talk partitioning in Iraq.  Read this if you think its a good idea.

evolution has changed its story again.  Thats the beauty of science.  It just changes things as it goes along.  More skuls, more indecision.  Evolution is correct, the tree just has more branches than we thought.  Not in kentucky it doesn’t

the day in pictures

ha ha sucker, you got as much chance of viewing a picture here as you do of finding a winning lotto ticket in your pocket while you’re getting a blowjob from she-ra the warrior princess.  You can, however, should you choose to waste the next several moments of your life enjoy what I like to think of as the least common denominator in faux literature.

   The day began with a Roscoe.  It always does.  You know the old saw about teaching kids to walk and talk and then telling them to sit down and shut up?  That’s what my rescue of Roscoe is beginning to be.   He went from being the rabbit version of being a clam, to being the bruce willis in die hard version of being a rabbit.  Tile no longer limits his range, but for whatever reason makes him crap.  I mean all over.  Little bunny balls needing to be swept up every three to five minutes so the kitchen table doesn’t disappear.  He’s like a never ending bag of rabbit poo.  I now sleep with a shovel so I can navigate the hallway when I awaken without smelling like an excerpt from mutual of omaha’s wild kingdom.

   He has also taken to bullying Mollie.  I mean bullying in the Ole’ sense.  He will build up a full head of bull rabbit steam and slam into her.  Mollie is mostly fur,  but roscoe is a midget, and the affect of his new ramming technique on Mollie is to make her aware that he is present.  Roscoe on the other hand spends three to four minutes roaming around the living room like  Dean Martin after a weekend in vegas.  When the concussion subsides, he proves that bunny memories are short by slamming into her again.  This goes on for as long as it takes mollie to decide she is tired of the game. 

   So that’s how the morning starts.  This morning also included a beautiful sunrise, the picture of which you can find here.  It made hateful hard until I remembered we were dismantling the slag caster today.  We didn’t though.  It was delayed a day I know not why.  The sum total of my involvement in this project is going to be cutting the molds off the chain, stacking them on pallets, and then returning them to be mounted on the new chain. 

    Instead me and Forrest Gump (I know it’s supposed to be Forrest Gump and I, so lick ass) painted the baghouse.  Thats the new nickname of my forgetful young protege.  He doesn’t seem to like it much which makes it all the better.  Due to safety concerns I am required to be with him anytime he’s on plant property (to head off some dumbass, no, not in the bathroom), and he keeps forgetting things.  Which means I have to walk extra steps, which vexes the hell out of me.  Maybe the new moniker will encourage him.   The problem is it may encourage him to throw me off the baghouse.  I’ll chance it…tormenting the young is fun as hell.

So as I’m driving home my daughter calls and informs me that after I give her some money her and her friend are going to the movies and she’ll be home sometime next tuesday.  That’s how she does me.  I figured what the hell, I’ll stop and get some food at the deli.  Cooking for one is just stupid.  I order my victuals (thats vittles spelled right you chitlin eating rednecks), and the young lady behind the counter says “you don’t remember me do you?”  All the alarms start sounding in my head, and I’m scrambling like hell trying to figure out what the hell I had done to this one.  She appeared to young for me to have taken carnal liberties with her, so I assumed she was pissed at me for dumping her shrew mother or some such.  I couldn’t place her so I said, “well, you’re obviously not one of the hateful old fat heifers that normally gaurd the fried chicken.”  She said “oh, you know my coworkers.” I’m still searching my brain.  I never forget anything, and I can not place this woman for shit.   It turns out that she used to hang out with this gal that used to live next door to me.   I even babysat her kids once.  I remember her as a typical hotter than hell party girl, and not much else.   She no longer looks like she did.  In fact, she is no longer recognizeable, and I said so.  Tact and diplomacy are not a dish that I partake of.  It occurred to me after I said it that she probably took this harsher than it was meant.  She is not an unattractive woman, but her hot chick party days are behind her.  To me she is more attractive now, but I’d be willing to bet based on what I’ve been reading about women and mirrors she looks in hers with a bit of angst.  Maybe I’m wrong.  It seems 6 years changes the young more than the middle aged.  She recognized me instantly.  Then again, when you look like a cross between quasimodo and homer simpson, you’re a little hard to forget.

that was mostly the day.  Rotten kids, rotten pets, rotten coworkers.  A nice good morning, and a chance meeting of an old acquaintance.  I’ve had worse days.

let’s schmooze the news

Haven’t done this in a week or so.  I’ve been to busy writing about inane crap to contemplate writing about the truly banal baloney…

well the iraqi parliament is leaving on their August hiatus.   Like our congress, their vacation is far more important to them than their people are.  What I really like is the almost afterthought at the bottom.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070730/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_070717170945;_ylt=As1_FH88czmBIiJTb0db0qEL1vAI

So much for honor amongst thieves.  Michael Vicks co-conspirator is singing like a canary.  It looks bad for Michael, but we shouldn’t rush to judgement.  We should casually walk to it, as casually as he abused these dogs.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070730/ap_on_sp_fo_ne/fbn_vick_co_defendant_13;_ylt=AlEhndC_3dAjmmzF21oPQmsL1vAI

The Elect Billary campaign is insulted by the fashion article about ms. hillary’s cleavage.  Like its a bad thing.  Trust me hillary, you want me looking at your breasts and not listening to your words. Oh who am i kidding…I’m a nancy’s jugs guy anyway.  Hillary couldn’t get my vote if she did a cirque du soleil act naked with the swedish bikini team.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070730/od_nm/usa_politics_clinton1_dc_1;_ylt=AmXrK7.vCfiU5OVwy8saCTcL1vAI

There is a wind blowing in from Iowa, and it’s going to save us all.  Smells like asswind to me, but if the DOW hits 17,000 like they suggest they need to turn their attention to a problem with global ramifications…roscoe’s attitude.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070730/od_nm/stocks1_dc_1;_ylt=AjmBUZPXC5AmeeLzH.QwWKYL1vAI

your asshole is on my facebook.  Just go read it.  sexual predators are to easy a target, and I’m not in the mood for ez.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20041040/

Well grease me up with butter and beat me with a horsewhip…a feel good news story on criminyjickets.  This one just made me smile.  No clues for you.  duh, look at the link before you go if you’re that curious.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/30/lawmaker.raid.ap/index.html

I bet it doesn’t pass, but here’s another honest government bill.  The only thing I don’t like is it doesn’t say the lawmakers name will be publicized with his earmark, and I think that would be a deterrant.  It does make it tougher to keep an unrelated earmark in a bill though.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,291429,00.html

You go Rosie.  I still think you’re a pig, but this was class all the way.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,291363,00.html

HoBama?  I like it.  Their little fued is going to distance them from the rest of the candidates, and just a coupleweeks after I said they would be the ticket for the dems, Newt Gingrich agreed.  We should maybe do the butter/horsewhip thing again here.

http://www.update08.foxnews.com/

ok, that doesn’t even scratch the surface, but I’m hiking slagcaster moulds up steps tomorrow, and I wish to go lie down and hate the idea of that for awhile.  I didn’t mention the depths of human depravity stories I found.  Lots of murder and death today.   lot of  dead children.  Sorta ruins the mood.

sunday is for random thoughts 8.5

1. The only thing you can’t find on youtube is a republican debate

2. whether you’re a professor or a gardener, I think letting your kid get cooked in a car is a bad thing, and probably should be punished

3.  I’ve never met a stripper I didn’t like, but I don’t loan them money

4.  Leonard Nimoy is going to play spock again.  I think thats cool.  An old really strange guy not working as a walmart greeter.

5.   a coelacanth won’t do anything but swim in a brook, he can’t write his name or read a book… would you like to swing on a star would’ve been a much different song had it been written 360 million years ago

hell its a Bing song, and i’m bored…here you go…gratuitously stolen from some other website…What that is called boys and girls is confessing to a crime.

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule

A mule is an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny but his brain is weak
he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
and by the way if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig

Oh would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish

A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook
he can’t write his name or read a book
to fool the people is his only thought
and though he’s slippery he still gets caught
but if then that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish
(music)
a new kind of jumped up slippery fish

And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo
everyday you see quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you,
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star

5.  You bone strokers better read that.  I could be incarcerated for it.

6.  Dogs are way better than cats.  Why?  It’s simple really.  Because I said so.

7.  I feed my pets.  My children have to fend for themselves.  Thats what opposable thumbs will get you.

8.  speaking of opposable thumbs…can I trade mine for a prehensile tail? It looks funner

9.  Roscoe has overcome his aversion to tile floors.  It is funnier than hell to see a rabbit walking like a cat, but not so funny to feel his furry little ass scootching across my feet as I’m shaving in the morning.

10.  We are going to have a democratic president.  This president will be a woman.   I’m ok with it.  Let a woman screw things up for awhile.  They lie better, and I’m far to jaded to fall for just any old bullshit.

11.   glass is a solid.  I just said that because one group of people I’m almost certain I’ve never pissed off is the “glass is a liquid” crowd.  This is what 44 years of pissing people off will get you. 

12.  Male praying mantids don’t masturbate.  You see what it gets them?  For those of you who don’t know the female praying mantis tends to chow on the male after sex.  The human version of this is called “alimony.”

13.  I am in pool number 20 of jurors for marion superior court.  I think the best way for me to get out of it is to have them punch up criminyjicket on their computers.  I’m not trying to evade my civic duty, although I have no idea why they call it that…a civic is a honda right?  What I’m trying to do is make sure some poor schmo doesn’t get the chair for jaywalking.  i can be persuasive when I want to be.

14.  I don’t care what else you do this millenia, but at some point you should go check out Anita’s sunday prayers.  She is probably the only thing keeping god from tormenting me 24/7.

15.  I am now going to bed…no…you may not come along…I am tired, and explaining the birds and the bees to you is beyond my ability at this time…enjoy your week…or not…as you see fit…being pissy about everything causes hair to grow on your toenails, and nobody wants to hang out with a hobbit

it’s ok…lets talk hookers, religion, politics, and abstinence

so many theories, so little time.  So many options to choose from.  Is this right, is that wrong, and if this IS right, then will someone please explain to me why THAT is wrong?  When I was younger I thought there was an outside possibility that I was out of my mind, because what had everyone else in such a quandrary made no difference to me whatsoever.  As I passed through middleage and started working on senility I realized it wasn’t me….it was all of you other folks that had lost your minds.  What led me to this conclusion?  Shoot, it was a simple preponderance of the evidence.

   Right now a big web thing is the whole last supper fresco.   You have to go check it out yourself because I make it a hard and fast rule not to argue myth and misconception unless I’m aroused, and I am decidedly not this morning. My aim this morning is to clarify some things, and the christian religion seems to me a good place to start.  All the myth, legend, and misinformation can not possibly lead us away from the inevitable conclusion that the bible and other religious dogma has laid before us.  I’ll try to explain this in three sentences or less so there is no misconceptions as to my premise.  Jesus was gay.  Anyone that spent all their time with matthew mark luke and john, when a hooker named mary was making herself available defies definition in any other manner.  Jesus the homo, and god save the queen, I believe we have found a logical explanation here.  I do think hanging someone from an old rugged cross on golgotha was a bit of an extreme reaction, especially since homophobia was not something the roman pervo masses were known for,  but then jewish pansies were not all that commmon, and maybe it was more about his beliefs than his proclivities.

  Lets stick to whores, trollops, hookers, and strumpets for a little longer, shall we? Several years ago Bill Clinton got his weasel popped in the oval office by Monica Lewinsky.  The rightwingers went berserk.  apparently they figured it was the first heterosexual act in said locale, and that it somehow defiled the office of the presidency. Interestingly enough, amongst the populace the most common reactions I heard we’re;

from the women:  “I’d blow his hillbilly ass in the mens room at the Shell station” (I paraphrased)

from the men:  “oh cool, blow jobs aren’t cheating, the president said so”

from Monica:  “thats how to get rich sucking a dick girls.  Sure beats 10 bucks a throw down at the truck stop”

from Hillary: “Damn Bill, I said I didn’t care if you got a blow job, but I meant within the species, you asshole”

from Ron Paul:  ” That would get my vote, but it’s not in the constitution”

from Billy Graham:  “when you’re done sucking on that, could you get ORAL Roberts on the phone?  I want his opinion on this one.”

   So now Larry Flynt is offering millions for you to bust out anyone in the D.C. madam book.  He claims to have thirty solid leads.  He is willing to pay millions because in our puritanical society nothing tars a man like paying for some sex.  The beauty of this is that those who came out staunchly in favor of extramarital sexual activity, a known sin to the christian religion (see the ten commandments), are now waiting on the edge of their over tittilated seats for the names to come out.  Which proves what we do well in America is hypocrisy.  I personally am all for sex.  Don’t care who you do or how much you pay them.  As long as its consenting adults if you like being slathered in whipped cream and then being beaten with briars by a herd of rampaging eunuchs you have more than my blessing, you have my wholehearted approval.  If you have a problem with our leaders having sex with hookers, please explain to me how else they are going to get laid?  Would you bang any of them for free? I thought not.  Do you really want leaders who are sexually frustrated?  If you do you’ve never been beaten by a nun.  Christ, if Ted Kennedy isn’t getting his shorty stiffened now and again he’s going to start advocating nuking Kennebunkport.  Which probably isn’t a bad thing if you don’t live in Kennnebunkport.

   About the whole abstinence thing.  My parents we’re protestants.  Lutheran to be exact, then somewhere along the trail decided to become members of the pentecostal cult.  Abstinence was sex education in my home growing up.  Outside of my home sex education was whichever fetching young lass I could talk out of her britches, or talked me out of mine. I do remember the principal in sixth grade taking all the boys into one class, and the female teacher that had never had sex taking the girls to the other and discussing sex with us.  If I recall right it involved Grey’s anatomy diagrams.  Whats funny, is the boys were only shown the boy diagram, and the girls only the female diagram.  Do you think our little public school was trying to dictate homosexual behavior to us?  My point is, abstinence and same sex diagrams do not trump raging hormones and curiosity.  Never have, never will.  Arm your children with knowledge, not with your fears.  Also, don’t dump this responsibility on the public school system.  Those nitwits can’t teach the three R’s,(reading riting, and rithmetic…see what i mean) do you really want them explaining sex to your children?

   Ok, thats enough of this.  I haven’t had sex in like forever, and I’m starting to feel irrational.  i think I’ll go beat up my neighbor.

Rite of Passage

   Well, it’s official.  My son has decided to become a Marine.  The papers are signed, no turning back now.  I’m not the happiest parent in the world right now.  His grades would’ve gotten him into college, but peer pressure is unbelievable.  The number of kids listening to the bugle amazes me.

   There is a certain amount of pride.  You can’t raise children to be independent , and then not be proud of them when they are.   He listened while I explained the negatives.  Then he expressed his positives to me.  They aren’t bad.  He seems to have thought it through.  Having been one I know that being a marine is going to profoundly impact the rest of his life.  The decisions he makes are going to determine whether in a good way or bad.

   I would have to say this is the first truly adult decision I’ve ever seen him make.  He took a couple of months with it, and we talked about it more than any other topic, with the exception maybe of his decision to become Catholic.  I felt that one was pretty important as well.  It was inspired by a girl though, so I kind of felt the motivation was wrong.He doesn’t always agree with my viewpoint, and I’m thankful for that.

   I only have to do this “this one is a grown up now” two more times, then I can take my old rickety ass to Hawaii and live on Mahi Mahi and Mai Tai’s.

todays events

  These are not necessarily in any order.  Order is the ruination of mankind, and any little thing I can do in my own personal existence to advance the cause of chaos I do.  in other words I’m to lazy to put them in order.

1.  My daughter returned from her trip to the amusement park with her friends.  She brought me a gorilla.  it is 6″ high.  She said as she gave it to me.  Here’s your $100.00 gorilla.  Now I don’t owe you anything.  I call that daughter math.

2.  I have returned roscoes sheila to its rightful owner.  Mollie is upset from hell, but Roscoe seems to be taking it just fine.  Apparently he’s one of those “i got mine” fella’s.  Anyway, we’re going to get him a permanent mate this weekend since he didn’t eat this one.

3.  diet soda appears to be a stronger issue than i thought it would be.  At least to some people who obviously have dead taste buds, and a lack of full length mirrors.

4.  a buddy from work brought me a whole sack of homegrown tomatoes.  My yard does not face the right direction to plant them.  Is there anything better than a nice beefsteak tomato, thin sliced purple onion, and mayo sandwich on 12 grain bread?  Washed down with anything but a diet soda?

5.  It’s payday.  I only vote for Ron Paul on wednesday.  I like to imagine what my tax dollars are spent on.  This week I’m buying new knobs for the ladies senatorial washroom doors.  I hope them skanks wash their hands after.  The remainder of it Nancy Pelosi is going to siphon into a private slush fund and buy a half a bra with it.

6.  Khaled Abdul-Fattah Dawoud Mahmoud al-Mashhadani is really tom johnson, a truck driver from des moines.  he has no links to al qaeda but was arrested on July 4th .  It took two weeks for the Bush administration to beat him into agreeing to say he was khaled so that they can continue to link al qaeda to the war in Iraq. *my conspiracy theory for the day.

7.  I had to cut and paste that name…can you imagine having to spell that in kindergarten?  It’s no wonder these clowns grow up to be terrorists.  No, not Tom Johnson. you must be a pauliac.

8.   I filled the car with petrol.  I could’ve bought a hooker and a bag of weed.  Life blows.

9.  My boss was in a mood.  When I asked him what he would like me to accomplish today he said” go see how many more people you can piss off enough that they call me and complain about you.”  I got to 7 before he asked me nicely to cease and desist.

10.  on the way to work i saw one of those morris the cat looking cats that had been smooshed by a car…beside it was a sign that said I can beez cheeseburger.  (this was for the mullets that keep coming here from the i canhazcheeseburger schlepfest.  Never let it be said that I don’t try to please my readers.  

11.  Here are some things you should never do on a blog.  Talk politics. Talk religion. Talk diet soda. Talk cats. Talk animal sex.  Poke fun of stuff.

12.  If those are true this blog doesn’t exist, and you have been drinking way to much if you think you are reading this.

13.  My son has decided to joiin the Marines.  My first instinct having been one was to yell “I forbid it.”  “What came out of my mouth was “don’t sign anything unless I am there.”  Being a dad can suck sometimes.

14.  I finally asked you know who to marry me.

15.  Ok, that last one was hilarious.