time to schmooze the news (the blog effect)

  Well, it has finally come to pass that the largest special interest group in the country has a chance to take a stand against the federal government.  The Fiasco in Florida has again reared its ugly head in the news, and the polydactyl purrers at Hemingway House are again being threatened by that ever popular government Leviathan, the USDA.  Don’t these guys have beef to inspect? Why the hell are they messing with Snowball’s Descendants.  It’s time for the AARP…no, not that special interest group, dummie, the ICHC (i can haz cheeseburger) members to step up to the plate and let the government know where they stand.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070718/od_nm/usa_hemingway_cats_dc_1;_ylt=AqeAoF10R8BllG6xhSIYQUoL1vAI

 I’ve talked about this whole deal before.  Why is it okay to steal someone else’s work and post it on the net?  Worse, why do mainstream media outlets feel its okay?  I haven’t peeked, because I already know I’m right, but it is reprehensible that what this lady has worked so long on has been stolen by a couple of jerk off bloggers and posted on the web. These two clowns are why the phrase Spare the rod and spoil the child used to hold sway  on parenting methods.  The reviewers should have been fired, not published.  By the way, Harry Potter does not get swallowed by a giant white whale while smuggling hashish out of turkey.

http://www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=fa85329c-22d2-401d-8625-b526f2ead532&entry=index&sid=rss_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories

who hasn’t felt like doing that.  I like to think of this story as the criminy effect.  If you’ve never thought of doing this I’ll send you a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant.  I will need affidavits from at least 231 close friends or reletives that can verify your claim.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070717/od_nm/germany_computer1_dc_1;_ylt=AqpXqizjXLFVXEViUUghUPAL1vAI

so lets tax smokers only to pay for childrens health care.  Hey, great Idea, and then we’ll tax fags to pay for M-16s, and women to pay for hooker testing in Vegas, and blacks to pay for slavery reperations.  What a government we have…what annoys me about this one is many of you are saying “let’s do it, I don’t smoke”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19827784/

  File this one under the internet should not be regulated.  Of course sexual predators give that comment 100% support, but maybe parents won’t after reading this story.  Child exploitation is big business on the web, and actually going after the kids is getting even bigger.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/19/sexual.photos.ap/index.html

  I bet Fox News hated reporting this one, but the left has to be feeling pretty froggie.   It claims that Hillary and Barack beat every republican candidate.  Sorry pauliacs, if Ron can’t beat Hillary he should go back to texas.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,289970,00.html

and thats the news from me.    Pakistan is doing what I said it would.  So is Iraq, so is pretty much everything else.  The news continues to be morbid on the domestic violence front.  I leave it alone because I like to joke, and there just isn’t anything funny about it.  We teach children to keep their hands to themselves, but apparently its a lesson to soon forgotten by adults.

lets do the news

  first the really important story…It’s a human interest story from the Grape Gazette.

Roscoe, fluffy and mollie seem to be hitting it off.  In fact I’m almost certain there may be a little inter-species lesbian thing going on if you know what I mean.  Roscoe is happy because someone speaks his language, mollie is happy because she has someone to snuggle with, and If I’m not mistaken the two of them being happy means FLUFFY IS A FREAK.

Maybe the rat bastards won’t kill me and grill me after all.

   the new intelligence estimate is out.  I’m willing to bet half of the readers here could’ve done as well.  Why do they always play politics with our security?  you would think on this at least they would all speak with one voice.  they can’t though.  You can’t be the most important if you agree with someone else.   Here’s the link…you shouldn’t bother…nothing new here

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_terror_threat_39;_ylt=AjjTS5Ima.DS.aCafPZKAGsL1vAI

  Pakistan is trying to take the lead in the death by suicide bombing category from Iraq.  Man what a mess they are, and our assistant secretary of state is calling for more military action from Pervez .  Man, we do have some seriously militaristic type s running our country.  Unfortunately, the ruling party in the congress (the democrats) have no balls, so it will continue.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_re_as/pakistan_74;_ylt=AjbIywqw550DxJcms7ct2jyWwvIE

I don’t know about you, but I love poker.  I’m a huge 7 card stud fan, but the game of choice has become texas hold ’em.  Probably because any idiot can figure it out.  It’s preschool poker, but its big time money.  The world series of poker main event final table is playing, and the winner is going home over $8M richer.  Only Lee Watkinsoon is recognizeable, and the players come from all over the globe.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19777938/

Harry Potter book available in its entirity online.  ok, this is really cool.   First….read the blue box on the left with the guys picture on it.  Then read the story.  Then go, well what the hell does that ….

http://redtape.msnbc.com/2007/07/pirates-say-the.html

In keeping with the Bush Administrations policy of attacking anyone anytime, parachutists jumped on the fremont prison in colorado.  I think its about time we attacked colorado.  whats interesting is these guys, when asked for identification gave the guards a paper that said they were defense department employees…that may not seem like much to you civilians, buut any former military man or woman reading this is going HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,289551,00.html

A pro wrestling story just for MDVP..its the chris benoit thing, and it lays out a pretty good run on how it all went down…Yes, he had steroids in his system

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/17/wrestler.murder/index.html

  I told you text messaging was from hell.  This story is one you gotta see…then tell your kids to watch it.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/07/17/snow.texting.and.driving.cnn

Obama girl vs. giuliani girl…this is pretty dumb, but I’ve never linked to booty on my blog so here yuh go

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/07/16/moos.obama.rudy.affl

maybe the first step toward proving me right, Iran and the U.s will hold direct talks about Iraq in Baghdad.  The pauliacs will hate this, and Ron Paul must be shuffking his scare mongering feet a little too.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/17/us.iran.iraq.ap/index.html

ok, that does it for the news…lots of murders, a dude burned his wife to death, Michael Vick indicted for dog fighting (what an asswit he is), those nurses accused of spreading HIV in children in libya are getting their death sentences commuted to life in prison, etc. etc.  It just oges on.  I think next time I do the news I’ll only do the good stuff.  Which means this post would’ve been one paragraph long

Why there aren’t more anti- Ron Paul blogs

   Man, I want to make this a humor peice because so few of the pauliacs have any sense of humor, but it deserves to be handled with some degree of decorum.  I saw the above title on one of my search engine hits, and gave it a little thought.  With a brain the size of a frogs, you can’t give much more than a little thought to something without forgetting to breathe.  I started turning blue so I stopped thinking, and started typing.

   Why aren’t there?  I can come up with several reasons.  Let’s start with the one that will cause a pauliac smooch fest on my blog.  There just isn’t that much wrong with the guy.  I mean, not much that they can’t justify with that ever credible phrase “it’s not in the constitution, so I voted against it.”  It’s incredibly good cover.   There are flaws to the reasoning, and I’ve discussed them here before.  I was a little vilified for being a non believer, but i don’t believe in astrology, tarot, and George Bush either, so it bothered me not.

  Another good explanation is that the best way to bring attention to someone is to criticize them.  Ron Paul is the Mike Gravel of the republican candidates.  Did you watch Mike Gravel chew up and spit out the other democrats on the debate? they didn’t argue with him.  They folded their hands and smiled no matter how he attacked their records.  Why?  For the same reason girls ignore you guys when you walk up to them, and start talking to them in a bar.  Because if you ignore someone they may go away.  Those competing with Ron don’t want him getting noticed.  All publicity is good publicity for Ron.  Even me.

   another good bet is that the blog world appears to be either apathetic or liberal for the most part.  So, they either don’t care, or they don’t dislike him.  Ron Paul is someone the democrats think they can beat handily because they think he is about a turnip shy of a truckload.  They don’t blog against him because they don’t know he hates them.

   My last plausible cause for the lack of anti Paul blogs  is they require work.  I write about Paul maybe one post out of five on the average.  There just isn’t that much out there that you don’t have to work to find.  He only releases the feel good Ron Paul is the messiah crap on his blog, and the news organizations say as little as possible about him.  People are lazy.  You want an easy cheesy punching bag you nail Clinton or Romney.  They have plenty of history to attack, and all Ron has is his whole anti-government thing.

   Well, you can zap his followers pretty good.  Most of them appear to be thumbsuckers, and mouth breathers, with the occassional thumbsucking, mouth breathing militiamen thrown in.  Although I did meet an anti-zionist (self proclaimed) muslim who loves the guy.  His blog is at ahmed Ismael I believe…check out oldephartintraining if you want to find ahmed. 

the anti-Ron Paul conspiracy

   Well, it finally happened.  You managed to get me irritated enough to go look around and see what I could make of the whole “ignore ron” myth.  It is.  A myth I mean, smart one.  I’ll grant that he isn’t front page news on every news site, but neither are the candidates ranked 3 or 4 above him either.

   I’ll try to type slowly so you can keep up.  Major news organizations are almost all publically held companies that have a responsibility to their share holders.  The way they live up to this responsibility is to report the things people wish to hear about.  Are you with me so far? good.  Sit still, you’re very distracting.  So if say, Paris Hilton’s phone number is given to some unsuspecting college student, and Ron Paul comes up with a cure for the common cold, you will just have to understand that Paris’s old phone number is more newsworthy, and therefore more important.

    What I recommend to you then is this.  Will you all please take your hands off the safeties of your Uzi’s?  Thank you.  What you can do since you are Ron Paul followers, and as such very adept at manipulating your trigger happy fingers across a keyboard, is go to one of the major News sites.  On the home page there will be a rectangular box (iIknow this because I went and checked so that I could ABC this for you) where you can type in what you wish to search for.  When you have finished typing in Charlton Heston, Ruby Ridge, and Waco, enter Ron Paul’s name in the little box.  Thats R-o-n P-a-u-l. No you don’t have to capitalize, I was just being anal.

   Once you have placed his name in the little box click on the little square box to the right of the rectangular box.  A list will magically appear in front of you.  No, its not like Harry Houdini, it’s more like Bullwinkle Moose.  The paragraphs that you see before you will either talk about Ron Paul or about Ron johnson and Paul Martin.  I only had this problem on MSNBC.  the rest were all Ron Paul.  just click on the underlined words and again you will magically see a story appear.  Yes, its still a story even though it doesn’t begin “once upon a time.”  My favorite was Ron Paul one of only two congressman to vote against money to try civil rights cases.  Stop your cheering.

 Do we have any questions.  Good.  Then quit your damn whining and go read.  Yes, its okay to move your lips and sound out large words.

   Incidentally, CNN says he only raised about 1.5 million projected for the quarter.  They’ve dropped him down the toilet folks.

just some Ideas

1  Now that she’s free, Paris Hilton should announce on Larry King Live that she will follow in the footsteps of Mother Teresa, but with a twist.  Her mission shall be to give driving lessons to itinerant millionaires.

2.  Rosie O’donnel should sign with MSNBC.   She should host a talk show on conservative christian values that could compete with the 700 club on daytime TV.  I’ll be at work.

3.   Now that a massive forest fire is threatening the ritzy Lake Tahoe area, I think they should start talking about how forest fires are natural and healthy for the environment more.  Let this one burn for awhile.  The area has an infestation of multimillion dollar homes that need to be removed anyway.

4.  As much as I hate to agree with the militiamen…Ron Paul IS being ignored by the media.  He would get more press if he’d just listen to me and get a boobjob.

5.  Anyone notice how there have been an awful lot of riots in Europe over the last few years?  If thats what being more civilized is all about I’ll pass.  They should act more like us.

6.  In telling the tale of Roscoe’s love affair with my foot I received several anecdotes from others that lead me to believe that not only are rabbits liberals, but they are Bill Clinton liberals.

7.  Tom Cruise wants to make a movie about Adolf Hitler.  Now, considering he is a scientologist, I think he should attend the premiere.  Maybe in Jerusalem? or Tel Aviv?

8.  I think someone should slip Alli into the next congressional luncheons main course.  It may turn the Potomac orange, but I think it would be worth it when you consider all the useless crap it would purge.

author’s note:  This is a work of at best dubious humor.  I do not now, nor have I ever advocated committing felonies against the leadership of the united states.

I’ve recommended they be exiled, but that’s as far as I go.  I’m not a Ron Paul follower for gosh sakes.

9.  While I hate to pile on, Dick Cheney should get off the high horse he is on, and obey the presidential directive.  Instead he is accusing the democrats of playing politics, and they are.  Just once Dickhead, er, I mean Dickless, no thats not it either.  Uh just plain dick…just once, be the bigger buttmunch, and cave.

10.  I need Ted Kennedy to tell me what the right thing to do is?  Get outta town.  We Talking Ted, I got drunk and drove my car into the water at Chappaquiddick killing a young woman, and have never had to pay any price for this crime Ted Kennedy?  Why the hell do those Idiots in massachusetts vote for this murderer?  He is the proof beyond any other except that rascist former KKK clown Robert Byrd that our system is fatally flawed.  Both democrats.  A racist and a drunken murderer…and they call conservatives bad people.  thats nervy.