todays events

  These are not necessarily in any order.  Order is the ruination of mankind, and any little thing I can do in my own personal existence to advance the cause of chaos I do.  in other words I’m to lazy to put them in order.

1.  My daughter returned from her trip to the amusement park with her friends.  She brought me a gorilla.  it is 6″ high.  She said as she gave it to me.  Here’s your $100.00 gorilla.  Now I don’t owe you anything.  I call that daughter math.

2.  I have returned roscoes sheila to its rightful owner.  Mollie is upset from hell, but Roscoe seems to be taking it just fine.  Apparently he’s one of those “i got mine” fella’s.  Anyway, we’re going to get him a permanent mate this weekend since he didn’t eat this one.

3.  diet soda appears to be a stronger issue than i thought it would be.  At least to some people who obviously have dead taste buds, and a lack of full length mirrors.

4.  a buddy from work brought me a whole sack of homegrown tomatoes.  My yard does not face the right direction to plant them.  Is there anything better than a nice beefsteak tomato, thin sliced purple onion, and mayo sandwich on 12 grain bread?  Washed down with anything but a diet soda?

5.  It’s payday.  I only vote for Ron Paul on wednesday.  I like to imagine what my tax dollars are spent on.  This week I’m buying new knobs for the ladies senatorial washroom doors.  I hope them skanks wash their hands after.  The remainder of it Nancy Pelosi is going to siphon into a private slush fund and buy a half a bra with it.

6.  Khaled Abdul-Fattah Dawoud Mahmoud al-Mashhadani is really tom johnson, a truck driver from des moines.  he has no links to al qaeda but was arrested on July 4th .  It took two weeks for the Bush administration to beat him into agreeing to say he was khaled so that they can continue to link al qaeda to the war in Iraq. *my conspiracy theory for the day.

7.  I had to cut and paste that name…can you imagine having to spell that in kindergarten?  It’s no wonder these clowns grow up to be terrorists.  No, not Tom Johnson. you must be a pauliac.

8.   I filled the car with petrol.  I could’ve bought a hooker and a bag of weed.  Life blows.

9.  My boss was in a mood.  When I asked him what he would like me to accomplish today he said” go see how many more people you can piss off enough that they call me and complain about you.”  I got to 7 before he asked me nicely to cease and desist.

10.  on the way to work i saw one of those morris the cat looking cats that had been smooshed by a car…beside it was a sign that said I can beez cheeseburger.  (this was for the mullets that keep coming here from the i canhazcheeseburger schlepfest.  Never let it be said that I don’t try to please my readers.  

11.  Here are some things you should never do on a blog.  Talk politics. Talk religion. Talk diet soda. Talk cats. Talk animal sex.  Poke fun of stuff.

12.  If those are true this blog doesn’t exist, and you have been drinking way to much if you think you are reading this.

13.  My son has decided to joiin the Marines.  My first instinct having been one was to yell “I forbid it.”  “What came out of my mouth was “don’t sign anything unless I am there.”  Being a dad can suck sometimes.

14.  I finally asked you know who to marry me.

15.  Ok, that last one was hilarious.